by Gerri Hill
And she also knew, if they were alone, if Lee should try to kiss her, Kate would not protest.
That’s what scared her the most. She was powerless.
“I just think you need more sex.”
“It’s not a sex book. It’s not even a romance. It’s a murder mystery.”
“Readers have been waiting through six books for Jennifer to fall in love. Finally, she does. And I, as a reader, want to know about it.”
Kate blushed. “I can’t write sex.”
“Oh, darling, I don’t mean details. We straight women aren’t going to want details. But you’ve hardly given us anything! They kiss, then wake up in bed together? Please! Give us a little something!”
Kate shook her head. “I don’t know how. I told you, I’m just not good at writing this romance stuff. I think the whole thing is silly, anyway.”
“Silly?”
“Yes, silly. It’s all just made-up crap. Things like that don’t happen in real life. Romance is so . . . so artificial.”
Brenda frowned. “Artificial?”
Kate paced. “Fake. Made-up. A pretense.”
“Kate, darling, what are you talking about?”
Kate met her eyes. “You were right. There was no romance with Robin. In fact, I have a hard time recalling the first time we kissed, the first time we slept together. It just happened. It was just another step.” She turned and leaned on the railing of the deck, staring out toward the cliffs. “There were no fireworks. There was never an ache to be with her.”
“Yet, what? You’re together, you live together, you have a life together.”
“Exactly. Like Jennifer was with Paul. There were no fireworks. She was just there. That I could write. But now, now she’s met Jordan. She’s attracted to Jordan. She feels things when she’s around Jordan. Things she doesn’t quite know what to do with.” Kate turned. “Things I don’t know what to do with. How am I supposed to write this, Brenda?”
“Are you asking for Jennifer? Or are you asking for yourself?” she asked gently.
Kate held her eyes for a second longer, then looked away. “I curse myself, Brenda. I told myself she didn’t affect me. I told myself I didn’t really even like her.” She shook her head. “But I’m no different than any other living, breathing woman. If she asked, I couldn’t say no.”
Brenda stood and moved closer, wrapping one arm around Kate.
“Lee has a way about her that is hard to resist.”
Kate shook her head. “It shouldn’t even be an issue. I mean, technically, I’m involved with someone. And you know my rules, Brenda.”
“I won’t get into your relationship with Robin. You know my feelings on that. But, has Lee done something, darling? I mean, has she . . . tried something?”
“No.” She smiled. “Actually, we were becoming friends. But something changed.” Kate moved away, pacing again. “You remember the night she took me to the cliffs, the coyote sky?”
“Yes.”
Kate met her eyes. “It was . . . it was romantic. We danced.”
“Danced where?”
“Up there,” Kate said, looking toward the cliffs. “She said the coyotes were singing.”
Brenda smiled. “And then?”
“Then nothing. It was like we both realized what we were doing at the same time. We pulled apart. Started talking. I told her that Robin was coming. Then, after that, everything changed. She wanted to come back down. And then she just disappeared. When I saw her again, it was at the party here. And all we did was argue.”
“In the kitchen. Yes, I remember.”
“She kissed me.”
“What? Oh, my, darling.”
Kate met her eyes. “I kissed her back.”
“I see.”
“But I freaked. I mean, Robin was there. Robin is my girlfriend.”
“And so the next time you saw each other, at Harmony’s, you did nothing but bicker.”
“Right.”
Brenda smiled, then laughed. “I finally see it, darling.”
“See what?”
“The correlation between you and Jennifer. This Jordan woman you’ve created. She’s a little bit on the naughty side, she has a little bit of a past. She could be dangerous. Yet Jennifer is attracted to that. Just as you are attracted to Lee.”
Kate grabbed the bridge of her nose, rubbing lightly. “I don’t want to be attracted to Lee. I’m in a relationship.”
Brenda smiled. “No, you’re in a pickle, darling.”
“You’re not being much help.”
“Well, I thought I was trying to help with Jennifer’s relationship. I had no idea we had to deal with you as well.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kate sat quietly on Brenda’s rock, watching as the sun faded behind the cliffs. Her laptop lay unopened on her chaise lounge. She’d tried four times to write the love scene between Jennifer and Jordan. And four times she’d deleted it without daring to let Brenda see it. Each time, it either turned out cold, calculated, clinical. There was no flow, no emotion.
And there must be emotion.
After the fourth try, it dawned on her that she was writing her own story.
How depressing is that? “Very,” she said out loud.
But she refused to think about Lee. She refused to think about their dance and how her heart pounded. And she certainly refused to think about the stolen kiss in the kitchen.
Lee had been conspicuously absent. Or perhaps it was Kate who was absent. She’d not attended the last two dinners. She’d stayed home. She was writing. And she dutifully called Robin three times a week. And none of that changed the fact that she couldn’t get Lee out of her mind.
“Am I interrupting?”
Kate jumped, nearly falling from the rock. Lee stood at the edge of the deck, watching her.
“You scared the crap out of me,” she said.
Lee shrugged. “Sorry.” Then she nervously shoved her hands in her pockets. She cleared her throat, then looked at Kate, the evening shadows making it hard to read her eyes. “It’s a coyote sky tonight. Come with me to the cliffs.”
As their eyes held, Kate slowly shook her head. “I don’t . . . I don’t think so.”
“Please?”
“Lee, no.”
Lee walked closer. “Why not?” she asked quietly.
“You know why.”
Lee shook her head. “No.” She held out her hand. “Come on, Kate. We’ll talk.”
Kate knew she shouldn’t go. She knew it. But the truth was, she wanted to go. She’d missed Lee. She’d missed being around her.
“Please come with me.”
She held Lee’s eyes in the shadows, conscious of her heart that pounded just a little too fast.
They were both quiet as Lee drove them higher. The blood-red moon was just beginning to turn, the colors fading as it drifted higher in the sky. But it wasn’t the moon that Lee came to see.
She’d skipped Harmony’s dinner two weeks ago because she was afraid to be around Kate. She was afraid she’d do something stupid again. But when she found out that Kate hadn’t gone either, she felt foolish. So, last week, she showed up, alone, hoping to get a chance to talk to Kate. But again Kate didn’t show. Brenda said she’d been working.
Now, three weeks since they’d seen each other, Lee thought they could talk. She would apologize again. Hopefully, they could go back to the way they were—friends.
But damn, all it took was one look and she forgot all about apologizing, she forgot all about being friends. She didn’t know what it was, she couldn’t even begin to explain it, but she was insanely attracted to Kate. The fact that she thought about her constantly should have been a clue. The only thing that made her feel slightly better was that she knew Kate was fighting her own attraction. That one, brief kiss they’d shared was intense enough to tell her that. Kate denied it, but Lee distinctly remembered Kate’s mouth opening, remembered the tiny moan Kate had tried to hide. And she remembered the way Kate’
s hips had pressed hard against her own.
“I’d forgotten how red it got,” Kate said when they parked. It was the first words spoken between them.
“Yeah. But we’re a little later than last time. The colors are starting to fade.”
Kate jumped as the howl of a coyote startled her. “And I’d forgotten how close they sound up here.”
Lee hadn’t thought to bring the blanket, so they leaned against the Jeep, watching the colorful glow of the cliffs as the moonlight bounced off them.
Again, a chorus of howls surrounded them. Kate inched closer, her eyes darting back and forth, trying to see into the darkness.
“It’s okay. They’re not that close. And even if they were, they would never attack or anything. They’re more scared of us than we are of them.”
Kate smiled. “Speak for yourself.” She sighed as she stared at the moon. “It’s so beautiful. I wish you’d reminded me to bring my camera.”
“Sorry. I wasn’t thinking of that. I was too shocked that you’d agreed to come up here with me.”
Kate turned. “We both know I shouldn’t have, Lee.”
“Do we?”
Kate met her eyes. “Don’t we?”
“I . . . I kinda missed you,” Lee said quietly. Then she smiled. “No one to argue with.”
Kate closed her eyes. “I missed you being around too,” she admitted.
“So, you’re not still mad at me?”
Kate leaned back against the Jeep. “Was I mad? I don’t remember.” Mad wasn’t really the right word. She’d been upset, sure. But she no longer knew if she was upset because Lee kissed her or upset because she’d responded to her.
“And Robin, everything’s okay with you guys?”
Kate shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about Robin tonight,” she said quietly.
Lee nodded. “Okay.”
They were quiet, watching the moon reflecting off the cliff, listening to the occasional howl of the coyotes. It was nice. It was . . . companionable.
Then a sharp, high-pitched scream right behind them brought
Kate nearly into Lee’s arms.
“Holy shit! What the hell was that?”
“Mountain lion,” Lee said calmly.
“Mountain lion?”
“He was pretty close. He’s probably in the trees over there across the road.”
“Should we leave?”
“No. He’ll take off when he gets our scent.”
Kate looked nervously over her shoulder, too afraid to move away from Lee. But standing there next to her, feeling her warmth on this cool summer evening, she was too afraid to stay where she was.
“Listen,” Lee whispered near her ear.
Kate stilled, her shoulder still pressed against Lee. Then the chorus began, first down below in the canyons, then all around them. The coyotes were singing.
“I swear, it’s as pretty as any symphony,” Lee murmured.
Kate nodded silently, her heart drumming to life at Lee’s nearness. She should move, she knew. She was too close, Lee was too close. And if she didn’t move soon, she would do something stupid.
“Kate,” Lee whispered.
Kate was aware of the rise and fall of her chest as she tried to catch her breath, tried to breathe normally.
“Kate . . .”
She knew it was a mistake the second she turned toward the voice. Their eyes met in the moonlight. Lee’s normal hazel eyes were dark, hinting at desire . . . and Kate was afraid of what Lee saw in her own. Lee moved, standing in front of her, blocking her view of the cliffs. She had no choice but to look at Lee. Involuntarily, her hands came out, resting on Lee’s forearms. Just to keep her away, nothing more.
“Don’t,” Kate whispered.
Lee stood there, her glance dropping to Kate’s mouth, then back again to meet her eyes.
Kate shook her head, aware that she was pulling Lee closer to her. “Don’t you dare kiss me,” she murmured.
“How can I not?”
Kate let her arms slide around Lee’s shoulders, her eyes closing. “Don’t,” she whispered again as her mouth opened to Lee.
Lee’s kiss was soft, light upon her lips. Kate couldn’t contain the quiet moan that escaped. She pulled Lee closer, her mouth opening, her tongue slowly, deliberately battling with Lee’s. She knew she should stop, she knew she should pull away . . . but she couldn’t. Her heart had never pounded like this from a woman’s kiss. Her body had never melted before, just from the closeness of a woman. And she was certain her mouth had never been so thoroughly kissed before.
But still, the kisses she could have controlled. She could stop and walk away at any moment, she was certain. Her mistake was moving closer, her mistake was parting her thighs, letting Lee’s strong leg move between them. A flood of wetness soaked her jeans and she realized she’d lost the battle. Had she even been fighting? She moaned, feeling Lee’s hand shyly stroke her breast. She leaned her head back, loving the feel of Lee’s lips as they moved across her neck to the hollow of her throat.
Without thinking, without even knowing what she was doing, she took Lee’s hand from her breast, sliding it between their bodies. She groaned as she pressed Lee’s fingers against her aching clit. She heard Lee’s answering moan as Lee felt her wetness through her jeans.
Lee pulled back, her eyes searching Kate’s. She shook her head, intending to pull away, but Kate held her hand tight against her.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Lee closed her eyes, fighting with herself, knowing she should stop, knowing she should pull away. Tomorrow, Kate would be angry. Tomorrow, Kate most likely wouldn’t even speak to her. But tonight, right now, Kate wanted her. And as Lee’s fingers felt the wetness that soaked Kate’s jeans, all she could think about was being inside her.
Without another thought, expert hands unbuttoned jeans and slid the zipper down in one motion. Her mouth captured Kate’s again as her hand slipped inside her jeans. There, against the Jeep, with the coyotes singing around them, Lee’s fingers glided easily into her wetness. Kate’s thighs parted farther, her tongue pushing into Lee’s mouth the instant Lee’s fingers slid inside her.
Kate’s eyes slammed shut as Lee entered her. She threw her head back, her mouth falling open as her hips rocked with Lee. Delirious, nearly overcome with pleasure, she had no coherent thoughts as she held on to Lee. Then Lee’s fingers slipped out of her, moving instead to her swollen clit. She stroked her, her fingers moving with lightning quickness. Panting, not caring that she was moaning loudly with each stroke, she felt her orgasm build. As the coyotes howled louder, Kate’s mouth opened, her nearly primal scream mixing with the sounds of the coyotes as she came. She clutched Lee, spasms shaking her body, her legs threatening to give way. Never in her life had she screamed out like that. Never in her life had she climaxed so easily.
And never in her life had she felt so incredibly cheap. Standing there against the Jeep, her jeans pushed down to her thighs, the smell of sex ripe in the air.
Oh my God. What have you done?
A lone tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away, embarrassed. Hurriedly, she pulled up her jeans, turning away from Lee as she righted her clothes.
“Cheap,” she whispered. “Just a cheap fuck. Just like all the others.”
“Oh, God. No, Kate. No. It’s not like that, I swear,” Lee said. She grabbed Kate’s arm, trying to turn her around but Kate wouldn’t look at her.
Kate jerked her arm away, shaking her head. “Please don’t. Just take me back. Please.”
“Kate, no. This wasn’t just my doing and you know it.”
“Please, Lee. Just take me back. I can’t talk about it now.”
Silence smothered the trip down from the upper cliffs. Once at Brenda’s, Kate jumped out before Lee had barely stopped. She fled into the house without a word. Lee sat there for a moment longer, then quietly backed up and pulled away. There was nothing else she could do.
Chapter Twenty-Three
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br /> The hot shower did little to wash away her guilt. In fact, her body was still tingling. She washed herself, her hand moving between her legs, everything still sensitive from Lee’s touch.
Lee’s touch.
She put one hand on the shower wall to steady herself. She couldn’t believe what had happened, what she allowed to happen.
“She’s right,” she whispered. “It wasn’t just her doing.”
It was mostly your doing.
In fact, Lee had wanted to stop. And for a moment, Kate had been terrified that Lee would stop.
And now, she was just one more in a very long line. Cheap. She never would have thought she’d stoop so low. Attracted to her, yes. But that didn’t mean it had to lead to sex.
But Kate couldn’t stop. She just couldn’t. Lee gave her an out, she knew. But she didn’t take it. She’d practically begged Lee to touch her. And she had. God, had she.
Kate turned off the hot water, forcing herself to stand in the cold blast, hoping it would erase what had just happened.
It didn’t.
“Kate, darling, are you okay?” Brenda called from outside the door.
Kate turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, looking at the closed door.
“I’m fine.”
“I was worried when I got home and you weren’t here.”
Kate bit her lip. “I . . . I was with Lee,” she finally said.
“Oh?”
“She took me up to the cliffs.”
“Oh, full moon again.” Then Brenda laughed. “Bet it was romantic,” she called as she walked away.
Kate grabbed the towel and covered her face, thankful she’d locked the bathroom door. No doubt Brenda would already be inside, asking a hundred questions. Questions Kate was not prepared to answer.
Lee sat in the dark, the hammock nearly motionless. Occasionally she’d shake the ice in her glass, the sangria long gone.
“Incredible,” she murmured.
It was a word she’d said over and over since she’d dropped Kate off. Incredible that they’d even kissed. Incredible that she’d touched Kate, been inside Kate. Brought Kate to orgasm. Absolutely incredible.