Caught in the Flames

by Kacey Shea

  Words stick in my throat and thankfully Ash answers for us both.

  “Sure, as long as you follow sorting protocol. This will go faster with more hands.”

  Chase looks back over his shoulder. “Pants, Chavez, Butters, get your lazy asses in here.”

  Ash gives out directions and I keep working, head down and focused at the task on hand. With the music loud and so many bodies in the space, there’s no opportunity for conversation. Once we have the room sorted, Ash brings in the smaller food boxes and the guys assemble the flattened cardboard. I set up an assembly line and we have all fifty boxes filled by the time people start trickling in from the different organizations that will hand these boxes out to families in the coming week.

  The guys go back to work and Ash and I help carry the boxes out to cars. It’s amazing, talking with these people who volunteer with different non-profits. Hearing the stories of the families who will receive the generosity of our community makes me proud to live here and be involved today.

  “Last two boxes,” I say to Ash.

  “Yeah, and I just saw Mr. Peterson pull up in his truck. I’ll carry these out if you wanna stay here.”

  “Sure. I’ll just clean up,” I say and Ash raises his brow. Okay, so I’ve been tidying up the entire day, but there are still a few extra boxes to break down.

  “’Kay, and maybe we can grab lunch before I take you home? I’m starving.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Ash leaves and I sit down on the floor because my feet ache from standing all day. I reach over, flip one box onto my lap, and rip the tape off the bottom. The soft click of the door interrupts my actions. “Well, that was fast—” I stumble over my words when I realize it’s not Ash. Chase purses his lips, his gaze intense and chocolatey, as he rocks on his heels. I scramble to stand.

  “Hey, Callie.” His voice throws me off kilter.

  “Chase.” I nod and he doesn’t say anything else, just stares his unnerving stare. I don’t know what he wants, what he needs, but I can’t help but ask. “Chase, what’s going on? Did you need something?”

  “Callie.” He steps forward but stops a few feet from me. “Callie, we need to talk.”

  My eyes dart around the room, looking for an escape. He wants to talk. Now? I battle inside between the need to hear him out and the desire to tell him to fuck off.

  “Callie?” he pleads with that melted chocolate stare and I know I’m about to give in to what he wants.

  “Okay. Ten minutes,” I say, stronger than I feel.

  I hate that I’m doing this.

  But I want—no, I need to hear whatever it is Chase has to say. Even if it hurts. Even if it sets me back. I need to move on from him and I’m so fucking close. I can feel it every day, in the lightness of my step, the joy in my life, I’m becoming more of me, the Callie I want to be.

  “Callie, I made a giant fucking mistake.” He gazes into my eyes and holds my hands in his. His words are raw, honest, and all I ever wanted to hear. “Probably the worst day of my life was the day I let you walk out of my life. I’ve tried living without you these past months and I can’t. You’re everything I want in my life.”

  “What?” I croak. His words hit like an uppercut to the ribcage. I don’t see them coming and though I will them not to, tears leak from the corners of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I can’t believe he’s saying this. Why now? Now I’m so confused. He cheated on me. He fucked this up. He fucked with my mind. My confidence. My happiness. Can I let someone like him back into my life? After the hurt he caused?

  “I want you, Callie Gordon. Can you forgive me? Give us another chance?” His eyes burn with such passion I have to drop my gaze. I can’t look at him and not be transported to the time when we were together. When everything was perfect. When he was mine.

  “Fuck!” He drops my hands and takes a step away. The space he allows brings my gaze back to his face. Chase pulls his ball cap off and runs his hand through his hair. “Please tell me I didn’t fuck this up so much that you won’t give what we had another shot. Remember how good we were together?” He reaches out to run his rough fingertips down my left arm. I step out of his touch, where he can’t reach me. I wrap my arms protectively across my chest because if he pushes this I’ll be tempted to wrap them around him instead.

  “Why?” My voice breaks. “Why, Chase? Why now?”

  “What the fuck?” Ash’s low growl is full of anger and disdain. He steps close behind. I sense his presence, but my eyes are locked with Chase’s and I can’t seem to tear them away. “Haven’t you done enough damage? Come on, Callie, I’ll walk you out.”

  “She doesn’t want to leave.” Chase says.

  Ash scoffs and his strong hands are steady and gentle at my arms. I glance to my side to meet his kind eyes and lean into him.

  “She can speak for herself,” Ash says. His gaze flicks to Chase and his entire demeanor changes. I’ve never been scared of Ash. And sure, he’s not a teddy bear, but the glare he directs at Chase has me gripping his arm. It wouldn’t take much for Ash to attack and beat the shit out of Chase. “She’s not here for you,” Ash says.

  Chase laughs and that cocky know-it-all grin fills his face. “Isn’t she, though?” He pins me with his stare. “Just think about what I said, okay? I’ll see you around.” He struts out of the room.

  And just like that, he’s done it again. Taken the pieces of my life, put them in a box, flipped it upside down, and shaken the mother fucking hell out of me. The pieces of my heart that I’d carefully glued back together are now a clusterfuck.

  I sniff back the snot that threatens to leak out of my nostrils and wipe the tears from my eyes, cheeks, and neck with the sleeves of my hoodie. Real attractive Callie. God, I’m a mess.

  “Please tell me you’re not considering going back to him.” Ash’s jaw clenches and his words are harsh. Great! On top of all of this, Ash is pissed.

  “I don’t know what to think right now,” I admit and blow out a breath. My gaze finds his eyes hard and cold. My friend, the man who’s quickly become my best of friends glares at me as though I’ve lost my mind.

  “How can you even say that? Shit, Callie! He’s an asshole. He doesn’t deserve you. He hasn’t earned one ounce of your love. Do you get that? Do you see he’s a selfish fucking prick?” Ash yells and I shake my head and step away. He’s never spoken like this, at least not to me.

  “You don’t know, Ash. You weren’t there. You didn’t see us together. How good we were, how much I loved him.”

  Now he shakes his head. “No! Fuck that! I was there. I was there to pick up after the fucking mess he left behind. I was there when you were the shell of the woman you are today. Because of him. Because of how much he didn’t respect you.” He paces back and forth in front of me. His anger radiates off his body and it’s so strong I can’t help but think about what he could do when put to the test.

  “But he’s sorry, Ash. It was written all over his face. What am I supposed to do? Tell him no?” Because I’m not sure I can ever tell Chase no. This scares me. After months, he still has the same hold over me.

  “Yes. That’s exactly what you do.”

  “But what if I can’t?” The words leave my lips a whisper. My hand goes to my chest and rubs at my heart. The spot where it hurts when I think about Chase. Tears fall from my face of their own accord.

  “Fuck!” Ash turns and shoves at the first thing he sees. It happens to be the now empty folding table, the one he set up earlier to hold my organization OCD. The table flips and crashes into the wall with a clatter, knocking a few empty boxes over as well.

  “Ashley!”

  His chest heaves with short breaths and his gaze snaps to mine. I step close, timid and steady. Not because I’m scared he’ll hurt me—something inside knows this man would never do so. But he’s obviously really upset and I’d hate to see him lose his job over this outburst. Over me. More like over my defense. I reach out to touch his arm and he stills.


  He exhales and his muscles loosen just slightly. “I won’t wait in the space between you and him. And I won’t stand by and watch him tear you apart all over again. You can’t go back to him. Tell me you won’t.” His words dig at the cracks in my armor.

  “I don’t know,” I admit.

  “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

  “I don’t know, okay? What we had . . . I loved him, Ash.” He cringes at my words and steps out of my reach.

  “Loved. As in past tense.” It’s a statement but the way the words tumble from his lips reveals the question within. I tilt my head and study his face. Our eyes lock and I feel an honesty, a connection between us that I’ve never considered before.

  “It’s not so easy to erase those feelings simply because I want to. You don’t understand.” There aren’t words to explain.

  His Adam’s apple works a few times and he swallows before he finally answers. “I understand better than you think.” He stares a long moment. His eyes, it’s as if they’re begging for something but I don’t know what. “Me or him, Callie.”

  I shake my head. “Don’t make me choose. Why do I have to pick?” Ash is my best friend. But Chase? Chase is the man I dreamed I’d marry.

  “If you go back to him, I can’t . . . No, I won’t watch and pretend I’m okay with it.” He laughs humorlessly and his eyes convey disappointment. “You don’t get it.”

  I shake my head because I really don’t. I know Ash doesn’t want to see me hurt again, that he’s protective, but I’m an adult, my own woman. He can’t tell me who I can and can’t date. “What don’t I get? Explain it to me.”

  A top forty song fills the room. The muted conversation down the hall is an inaudible backdrop to the glare Ash throws my way. He steps forward and I hold my stance, not willing to back down from him, no matter how intimidating he is in this moment.

  “Okay, Callie.” His voice is low, soft, melted chocolate sauce. “I can’t be your friend if you go back to Chase because I will lose my job.”

  “How will you lose your job?” Now I’m really confused. He steps forward again and leaves only a few inches between us. I lift my chin to meet his stare. His hands skim up my arms and stop at my shoulders. His fingers dig into my skin, rub over my tense muscles. I have to bite my lip to hold back the moan. God, that feels amazing.

  “Because just thinking about you being with that d-bag has me wanting to punch that fucking smirk off his cocky pretty boy face. And he’s my boss. And I’m already on probation.”

  “But the last time was different, Ash. That was your fiancée. And your best friend. You don’t have to go to bat for me.” His hands still and he steps away.

  “You think that’s why I want to hurt him? In your defense? God, I wish I were so noble!” He heaves a breath, takes his cap off with one hand and runs the other over his head. His arms drop and his eyes almost burn, their reflection is so intense. “I want to hurt him because of me. Because I can’t stand the thought of him with you.” What the—

  “Fuck, the thought of anyone else with you drives me insane! But you don’t feel the same. It’s all over your beautiful face.”

  I blink rapidly and attempt to wrap my mind around his words, to process what he just gave me. But if he— “Ash, what are you saying?”

  “If you don’t know, it doesn’t matter.” He slaps his hat back on his head and nods at the door. “Come on, I need to drop you back to Kiki’s.”

  “Ash—”

  “Not now. Let’s go.” He turns and walks out the door without a backward glance. I don’t know what to think, but I don’t want to be left here. I grab my purse from the corner of the room and jog to catch up.

  I hate silent treatment.

  Ash pulls his Prius alongside the curb at Kiki’s and shoves the gear in park. He hasn’t said a word. Hasn’t looked at me. Nothing, nada, and the short ride from the station to Kiki’s seemed miles longer than it actually is. I’m waiting him out, attempting to respect his wish to not hash this out right now. But my stomach twists with fear because I can’t imagine a life where I don’t have Ash’s friendship.

  “Did you want to get lunch? Or come in?” I break the silence with the hope he’s ready to talk.

  Eyes trained on the road, he shakes his head. “No. I’m going to drive up and visit my dad tonight. I’ll just grab something on the way.”

  “Oh. Okay.” He never mentioned he was leaving. Shit. He doesn’t even want to be near me right now. “When will you be back?”

  “Maybe tomorrow, maybe Monday morning, I’m not sure.” His words are clipped and he still won’t meet my gaze.

  I open my mouth to ask another question.

  “Look, I really need to get going.” His thumb taps at the wheel. “Thanks for your help today.”

  So, basically he’s kicking me out of his car. That’s cool. I’m trying to be patient but my feelings are hurt. He’s never this closed off. In fact, Ash is always so open and honest, and the fact he isn’t acting himself hurts more than him needing to leave. I open the door and step outside. Even though I’m frustrated that he’s doesn’t want to talk, I don’t want him to leave with any animosity.

  “Okay. Have a safe trip. I’ll talk to you soon?” I duck my head into the car and finally Ash lifts his chin. His eyes show a fracture in the stone wall of his emotions. A chill works its way up my spine, and I’m not sure if it’s from the gust of wind outside or Ash.

  “Yep. I really need to get going.” His voice is rough and low, his eyes almost plead with mine. Well, fine. I slam his door shut and turn on my heel to march up Kiki’s drive. I don’t look back. I don’t even know if he’s driven off because his fucking car doesn’t have an exhaust! I slide my key into the front door lock and swing it open to step inside. What the—?

  An old sheet covers the coffee table and atop it dries about a dozen wet painted canvases. They’re all about the size that’d fit in a small picture frame. Music blares from the kitchen and Kiki’s voice croons along with Elvis. I’ve never seen her paint before. I’m curious what she’s up to as well as what sparked her creativity.

  Dropping my purse inside the kitchen, I appraise her while she works. She doesn’t see me and sings along, hips swinging, paint brush in hand as she adds color to the pretty blooming pink flower attached to the easel. Holy—!

  “Kiki . . .” I step closer and her head snaps up.

  “Callie, dear! Look at me go!” she shouts over the music with a giant grin. She scoots over and turns the radio down so we can speak plainly.

  “Are you drinking?” I say, my eyes transfixed on the painting.

  “It’s the weekend. You know I am.” She cackles. “What do you think?” She steps to my side and takes my arm, dragging me up close and personal with her artwork. Her very erotic artwork.

  “It’s beautiful. But, Kiki, that looks like a—er—a . . .”

  “Vagina. Yes, dear. But don’t you love how I disguised it as a flower?”

  Disguised? Maybe to a child. I can’t help but let loose a giggle. “You’re clever. What are these for?”

  “Oh I signed up for a booth at the holiday bazaar next weekend.”

  “You’re planning to sell these!” I point where another five dry on the table.

  “Of course! Why wouldn’t I? Besides, what do I need with a whole collection of pussy?”

  That’s it. I lose it. Laughter spills from my lips, slowly at first and then to the point I have to pull out a chair and sit down because I can’t stop. Kiki glances down at me, hands on hips, with a deep scowl across her features.

  “Now, what exactly is so damn funny?”

  “I’m so—” I can’t even get words out. Giggles fill the room and tears leak from the corners of my eyes. Kiki’s lips twitch. “It’s just—” Oh. My. God. I can’t even. I just picture her sitting in her booth of painted porn amongst knitted doilies, wooden children’s toys, and hand crafted Christmas decor. ’Tis the season.

  I wipe the tears from
my face and compose myself with a deep inhalation. “God, I love you, Kiki.” I smile and she pats my face.

  “I love you, too, dear. Now . . .” She pulls out the chair to my right and takes a seat. “How did today go?” Her eyes are all knowing and I almost wonder if she’s acquired an insane sixth sense or installed hidden cameras at the station. I wouldn’t put either past her.

  “Not good.” I shake my head. “Chase wants me to give him another chance.”

  “Of course he does. He’s realized what an idiot he was to ever let you go.”

  “Yeah, and Ash interrupted our conversation and went all caveman protector, which I appreciated, but now he’s pissed off at me for considering a redo with Chase.”

  “I’m sure he is!” Kiki exclaims.

  “It’s not his decision, though. I get that he wants to keep me from getting hurt again, but that’s my choice.”

  Kiki takes my hand and pins me with a look of disappointment. She accentuates her opinion by a slow shake of her head.

  “What? Just say it. I know you want to.”

  “Our boy Ashley is in love with you.”

  What? No. I shake my head vehemently and my curls escape from my hair tie. The paint fumes have gone to Kiki’s head. Ash likes me, or at least he did before this afternoon, but there’s no way he loves me, not in the way she implies. “I don’t think so.”

  “You’re more foolish than I thought.” She raises her brows with a pointed stare. “That boy doesn’t love yard work any more than my late husband did.”

  “I don’t know about that.” And I don’t. Ash has a kind heart. It’s why he came back even after I was snarky; it’s why he’s been so good to Kiki; why he’s been so generous to me. And we understand each other. It’s a strong friendship and I get how she’s interpreted our relationship to be more. I’m sure it appears that way, but Ash isn’t in love with me.

  “You should consider it though. Love doesn’t have to be an explosion of attraction, most times it’s like a snake in the lawn, sneaking through the tall grass and you don’t even realize it’s there until you’ve stepped on the damn thing and it’s bitten you good.”