Texas on My Mind

by Delores Fossen

  Except for Riley.

  She was the one who’d invited him in to her head and bed, and Claire had known right from the start that this day would come. Riley wanted to be back in uniform, and he would be. That would leave her to pick up the pieces of her heart—something she would do.

  Somehow.

  And that somehow was coming sooner rather than later, she realized, when she saw Riley’s car coming up the road to her house. Claire put the box she’d been carrying on the curb and watched him as he got closer and closer. One look at his face, and she knew the physical hadn’t gone as he’d wanted.

  He parked, got out and walked to her. Without saying a word, he slipped his arm around her waist and got her moving back into the house.

  “They want me to retrain into a different career field or become an instructor,” he said, looking her straight in the eyes. “Or get out.” He paused, his jaw muscles stirring. “I have until tomorrow to make a decision.”

  Claire only saw this playing out one way. Just one. “You’ve already made your decision.”

  He didn’t look surprised. Didn’t argue. Because it was true. One of the first two things would happen—he’d stay in uniform and become something else. But he wouldn’t get out. And that meant he’d be leaving.

  Soon.

  Riley pulled her closer, brushed a chaste kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry.”

  Claire did know he was sorry—for hurting her. But not for the decision he’d made.

  “You were up-front with me and everyone else right from the start,” she reminded him. “I knew this day would come.”

  She just hadn’t known that it would hurt this much. God, someone had clamped a fist around her heart and wouldn’t let go. Still, she had only a matter of hours to spend with Riley, and she didn’t want to be crying, moping and aching from the heart crushing.

  That would come later. And possibly last a really long time.

  “Is Ethan still at Livvy’s?” he asked.

  Claire nodded. She’d considered having Livvy bring him and Gogh back, but Claire figured if she was going to have a breakdown, she didn’t want anyone around to witness it. Or say I told you so. Livvy wouldn’t have actually said the words, but it would have been in her friend’s eyes.

  “Can you stay for a while?” she asked. “Or do you need to tell your family?”

  “Lucky knows. He’ll tell the others. I have until morning.” He gave her another chaste kiss. “But I didn’t come here for this to be a drive-by sex call.”

  Claire tried to be brave. Not that she had an alternative other than that. If she fell apart, Riley would leave knowing he’d done that to her. She preferred him leaving with much better memories. Which meant she’d have some memories to hold on to, as well.

  She locked the door. Forced a smile. “Too bad. I’ve never had a drive-by sex call and was looking forward to it.”

  Riley shook his head, no doubt ready to tell her that this didn’t feel right. Or some other such nonsense. Of course, it didn’t feel right. But it soon would. Sex with Riley could make everything feel all right. For a while anyway.

  Before he could say anything, Claire slid her hand around his neck and pulled him to her for a kiss. One touch of his mouth, and things were instantly better. A little better anyway. So she kept kissing him until she felt the stiffness ease from his muscles. Until she felt some of her own dark thoughts turn warm and dreamy.

  Riley could do that. With just some kisses.

  Heck, he could do that by breathing.

  She felt the exact moment that he surrendered. Mainly because he took charge of the kissing. He snapped her to him, deepening the kiss until Claire almost expected him to lower her to the floor again.

  He didn’t.

  She and Riley stood there while he lowered the kisses to her neck. Oh, yes. To that spot that made her crazy. Maybe that’s why he’d put a love bite on it, so he wouldn’t have any trouble finding it again.

  No more just warm and dreamy. Claire wanted him in her bed. Maybe she even said it aloud because Riley picked her up, and without breaking the neck-kissing assault, he headed there.

  “You’re sure?” he asked, easing her onto the mattress.

  She took out the deluxe box of condoms and slapped them on the nightstand. “I’m sure.”

  It got the exact reaction she wanted. A smile. Perhaps a little fear.

  Claire could have relieved that possible fear by telling him she didn’t expect them to go through the whole box, but he kissed her again, and she was beyond something as complex as human speech. The only thing she could do was feel.

  And Riley made sure she did plenty of feeling.

  This was their fourth time together, and he’d learned all her good spots, not just the one on her neck. He kissed her in each one of them until she could take no more. She almost hated the frenzy inside her as much as she loved it because the frenzy—the need—made her want to rip off their clothes and end this all too fast. Of course, anything, even a snail’s pace, would have been too fast.

  Because it was the last.

  Claire pushed that dismal thought aside. It wasn’t hard to do because Riley took off her top and delivered some of those kisses to the very spots he’d kissed seconds earlier through her clothes.

  Without the clothes, it was better.

  But it built more of that frenzy until Claire couldn’t help herself. She got rid of his shirt. Went after his jeans, too, and through it all she tried to grasp on to each memory. The way he looked.

  Amazing, by the way.

  The way he felt in her arms. His taste. Amazing, too.

  She wanted to keep all of that, but at the same time her body was begging for release.

  Riley knew what to do about that release thing. He got her naked. One of Claire’s favorite parts, and despite what had to be a frenzy in him, too, he slowed down, sliding off her jeans inch by inch, and admiring the view along the way.

  Maybe he was trying to hang on to this, as well.

  And drive her insane.

  Because despite the jumbo box of condoms, he pushed her legs apart and kissed her in the very spot that would indeed make this end too soon. He flicked his tongue in her, causing Claire to curse him. Pull her hair. And try to hold on for the ride. Just when she thought he would finish her this way, Riley surprised her again by stopping and getting one of those condoms.

  Thankfully, he was fast at putting it on because Claire no longer wanted to hang on. Or so she thought. When he pushed inside her, she changed her mind for just a second. She did want it to last for more than the couple of seconds that her body was urging her to last. Too bad she couldn’t bottle this sensation and then she could walk around with a goofy look on her face all the time.

  Too bad she couldn’t bottle Riley.

  He kissed her when he moved inside her. Slowly at first. No urgency. As if they had years to finish this. Of course, slow was still effective, and the urgency came. Riley made sure of that with those maddening strokes, his erection hitting her in the exact spot she needed to fly.

  So that’s what she did.

  Claire tried to cling to it. Failed. But instead she held on to Riley. For now, she was his, and he was hers.

  For now.

  And that’s when she allowed herself to admit something she’d known for most of her life.

  That she was in love with the man who’d just given her that orgasm.

  * * *

  RILEY KNEW IT was time for him to go. Claire was already up, fixing him breakfast. And Livvy was on the way to drop off Ethan before she started work for the day. He didn’t want Ethan to find him naked in his mommy’s bed, so Riley used that to get him up and start gathering his clothes.

  He tried not to think of each step as the last time. The last time
he’d be naked in Claire’s bed. The last time he’d get dressed here at her house. Or have a love bite that she’d put on his chest near his scar. He was going to have fun explaining that to the physical therapist.

  Was going to have fun remembering it, too.

  But in the back of his mind he couldn’t help wondering if he should have just turned down this sex pact. It would have certainly made this goodbye a whole lot easier. Then again, Riley had never chosen the easy path.

  And he wouldn’t now.

  He’d say goodbye to Claire and Ethan. Kiss them. And report to the base to begin the process for his retraining. It wasn’t the job he wanted, not by a long shot, but it’s the job he’d take to keep him in uniform. There was even a small consolation prize. Even though he could no longer be a CRO, he could always wear the badge on his uniform since he’d earned it.

  That gave him an uneasy jolt.

  It was sort of like those has-been high school football stars who continued to wear their letter jackets.

  With that gloomy thought on his mind, he took a quick shower, dressed and went into the kitchen. The smell of coffee lured him there, and while he was desperate for a cup, he took a moment to admire the view.

  Claire wearing those cutoff shorts. Maybe the same ones she’d worn the morning after he’d first arrived home with his bum shoulder, full of flashbacks and a bad attitude. The flashbacks were gone. The shoulder, not so bum. The attitude, not so bad. But he didn’t get that giddy feeling this time when he saw her hips swaying as she scrambled some eggs.

  Hell.

  This was hard.

  She turned, looking at him over her shoulder. Smiling. It didn’t look like a fake smile, either, but Riley bet she had to remind herself to do it. He sure had. He went to her, kissed her. Not one of those deep French kinds that was the start of foreplay. A morning kiss.

  “Hungry?” she asked.

  “Starved,” he lied.

  He helped himself to a cup of coffee as she dished up a plate of eggs. She didn’t pause even a second when she put the plate on the table. Claire headed to the fridge and took out the OJ.

  That’s when Riley stopped her by taking hold of her arms.

  That’s when he made another mistake, too. He kissed her. Really kissed her. Not one of those morning deals, either. This one had goodbye written all over it, and Claire knew it, too, because when Riley finally pulled away from her, he saw the tears in her eyes.

  “I’m not gonna cry,” she insisted. Maybe trying to convince him. Or convince herself.

  Her attempt to blink back those tears would have likely failed if she hadn’t heard the quick knock on the front door, followed by someone opening it. Followed then by Ethan’s giggle and hurried footsteps. Ethan bolted into the kitchen—where did the kid get all that energy this time of morning?—and he made a beeline for Claire.

  She scooped him up and showered some kisses on his smiling face. Riley was betting Ethan hadn’t had to remind himself to smile because it was the real deal.

  The moment Claire set him down, Ethan ran to Riley, and the whole process repeated itself. Riley got some kisses, too, and a big hug from Ethan.

  Something he definitely wouldn’t be getting from Livvy.

  Livvy came into the kitchen, and she volleyed some uneasy glances between all three of them. Maybe Claire had already told her friend that he was leaving, or perhaps Livvy just picked up on the vibe in the room. Either way, she gave Riley a scowl, and he looked to make sure she didn’t have those rusty pliers in her hand.

  “Sorry, but I gotta run,” Livvy said. “Got an appointment in under an hour. But I can come back later if you want.”

  “I’ll be fine,” Claire assured her. She put Ethan at the table, busied herself with dishing him up some eggs. “Really,” she added when Livvy didn’t budge.

  “I’ll come back later,” Livvy insisted, giving Riley another glare. That glare was the last he saw of her as Livvy left.

  Ethan gave them some uneasy glances, too, even after Claire set the plate of eggs in front of him. The kid was only two, but Riley figured there was a lot going on in that little head.

  “It’s okay if you don’t eat,” Claire said, and it took Riley a moment to realize she was talking to him not Ethan. Probably because Riley hadn’t even picked up his fork.

  He did eat some, but not too much since anything, including the coffee, was causing his stomach to churn.

  “You need to say goodbye to Riley,” Claire prompted Ethan. She turned back toward the stove, and Riley hoped she wasn’t crying. He already felt like an asshole, and tears would only make him feel worse.

  But Ethan didn’t say goodbye. He bolted from the chair, heading toward the living room, and a few seconds later, he came back with a toy. It was another of those defender action figures. This one looked a little like Cher on steroids.

  “For you,” Ethan said. Or rather he said something similar to that.

  Riley considered telling him to keep it, especially since it was a toy that Ethan played with often. But Riley wanted it. He wanted to be able to look at it and think of Ethan. Not that he didn’t already have enough memories in his head.

  Enough memories of Claire, too.

  “And I have something for you, as well,” Claire said. She handed him a five-by-seven envelope. “Don’t open it yet. Go through it in a day or two.”

  When he’d be gone from Spring Hill.

  Riley nodded. Since it was probably a goodbye letter, he wasn’t sure he wanted to read it just yet anyway.

  “It’s the day for gifts, I guess,” Riley told her. “Well, it’s not really a gift, more like a project. But it’s not ready yet. Summer Starkley will be bringing it by when it’s finished.”

  Maybe the project/gift would cause Claire to smile. A real one.

  He kissed the top of Ethan’s head. Kissed Claire one more time because he couldn’t stop himself. And before Riley could say or do something that would only make this worse, he headed for the door.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  RILEY FINISHED DRESSING and checked himself in the mirror. It’d been a while since he had worn his full dress blues, but he was glad he’d brought them with him. Everything fit and was aligned the way they should be. All his medals, his Combat Rescue Officer badge and his name tag.

  This one didn’t have his blood type on it. Only his last name.

  That would have to be enough.

  He checked the time. Nearly noon. He’d already said all his goodbyes so there was no reason to hang around the house. Lucky had already left for Abilene. Logan was at the office. Claire and Ethan were at their place. Della and Stella were around, but they were so accustomed to saying goodbye to him that they weren’t even upset. Ditto for Logan and Lucky.

  Even though he’d already done it once—okay, twice—he went through his duffel again to make sure he had everything. He did. Including the envelope that Claire had given him. The one she’d said not to open for a day or two. Vague instructions for something that might not be so vague because it was almost certainly a goodbye letter. Maybe one where she poured out her heart. Or maybe she would just let him know that it was all right for him to head out again.

  It was probably the latter, he decided.

  Claire wouldn’t make this harder on him even if in doing so, it made it harder on herself.

  Riley opened it.

  And a picture fell out.

  Not a recent one, either. This was a shot of Claire, him and his parents on a fishing trip. Lucky was behind Claire and had lifted up her ponytail so that it looked like a blond palm tree on her head. However, Claire wasn’t paying any attention to Lucky. She was looking at Riley. All four of them were smiling. And it made Riley smile, too.

  So did the next one. It was a shot of Daniel, Claire and him at a
picnic. She was looking at him in that picture, too. And smiling. They must have been ten or so, long before she’d chosen Daniel and set that man-rule into motion. Long before Riley had had sex with her and broken her heart.

  Since that was such an unsettling thought, he moved on to the final thing in the envelope. Not another photo but rather another envelope.

  One that he recognized.

  Because it was the one he’d sent Claire’s Gran more than two decades ago.

  Of course, Claire had said she’d found it, but they hadn’t discussed it. Probably because there hadn’t been anything to discuss. Heck, it was possible that she’d been disappointed when she had finally found it because Claire had believed it would be from her father or mother. Not from some ten-year-old kid with a silly notion of how to make her happy.

  Riley turned the envelope to open it and saw that Claire had written something on the back.

  Thank you for sharing your family with me.

  Maybe she hadn’t been completely disappointed after all.

  He opened it, though, like the contents of his duffel, Riley already knew what was inside. It had taken him nearly a week to write and rewrite that letter, and the words were permanently stuck in his head. Still, he groaned when he saw what his ten-year-old self had produced.

  Not his best effort.

  So, I talked to my mom and dad, and we all think they could be Claire’s mom and dad too. If you don’t mind and if you think Claire would like that, I want her to be part of my family. What do you think? Check yes or no.

  Below the letter were the boxes for everyone to check yes or no. Not exactly original, but he saw some new additions to the letter. Her gran had checked the yes box.

  And so had Claire.

  It was just a little check mark, like the others. His, his parents’, her gran’s and now hers. Riley had to smile. Then shrug. Since his parents were long gone, he hadn’t expected her to check no.

  Actually, he hadn’t expected her to check anything.

  He looked through the letter again, wishing that Claire had added a note here instead of just on the envelope. Something he could read and reread when he started missing her.