“I don’t mind.”
She had him dazzled and he couldn’t wait for dinner to be over, he wanted to get her alone. Kiss her properly this time. He was stunned by the instant attraction to her and how comfortable he felt in her presence. Was this what the love at first sight cliché actually referred to?
He took her hand again as they strolled home and she invited him in for a drink. They were seated on the couch together again, however, this time she wasn’t jiggling with nerves and he was disappointed he didn’t have a reason to touch her leg.
More lovely curls had escaped and he wanted to tear away the remainder of the bindings and watch it tumble around her face. Instead he touched her cheek.
“This is going to sound really corny,” he began. “But you ... are amazing. I’ve never felt such ... I can’t even explain it.”
“My parents were murdered.”
For a moment he stared into her eyes which were full of grief and sadness. Without thought he removed the bindings from her hair and caressed it softly as she told him the whole ghastly story.
“I want to help ease your pain,” he said quietly. “I want to be here for you.”
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
He didn’t need to be asked twice.
His sleeping form lay beside Carrie, aghast and exhilaration surged through her veins all at once. Here was this beautiful man in her bed, kind, considerate and so gorgeous, she couldn’t have been happier. But she was also appalled at her lack of patience and the simple fact that she’d jumped into bed with him on their first date. What would he think of her? Would she see him again?
The fears dissipated a little as she remembered their evening together and believed it was inevitable that they’d end up exactly where they were. Their connection and attraction was undeniably strong and neither could refuse. She merely hoped in the cold light of day that he wouldn’t disappear into a puff of smoke. He was too good to be true. She shook her head, it sounded like a fairy tale.
He stirred and in a reflex action, she covered herself with the sheet. His eyes opened and he gazed at her, a mixture of desire and something else she couldn’t identify could be found within the light blue pools.
“Good morning,” he said sleepily. He lifted his hand to touch her face then pulled back the sheet. “That’s better. You don’t have to hide from me.” He smiled and dazzled her again.
“I ... don’t ... I hope you don’t think badly of me.”
“What? Are you kidding? You’re incredible. I want to love, protect and ... I want it all.”
“You hardly know me.”
“I know enough, Carrie. The moment I saw that fiery hair of yours I had to talk to you. When Dad gave me your number I was ... stoked. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you. I know it’s corny.”
“No, it’s wonderful. Thank you for coming into my life when I needed it. It’s has been so hard and Lucas, he took it really badly.”
“Well it can’t have been pleasant, seeing them like that.”
“Enough of that.” She said before leaning over to kiss him and all was forgotten for those splendid moments.
7
Acceptance
Four impatient weeks passed for Lucas without a word. He was thankful he hadn’t received a negative response but he craved to have something to do with his idle time. He needed to join the force, begin a new life and have something to focus on.
Millie, true to her word, had left no strings attached and he hadn’t seen or heard from her again. This concept was appealing, sex with no ties. A relationship with anyone, apart from Carrie, was to be discouraged. The agony and grief of losing his parents was something he never wanted to relive again. No relationship, no death, no loss, no pain. Gym and the force, when he got in, would become his life.
He’d noticed a change in Carrie lately and wondered what was happening in her life. The salon would be giving her newfound joy, a challenge and a way to keep busy so this could be the contributing factor. There was something else though. He had a sneaking suspicion she’d met someone. He would be happy for her if she had. Carrie deserved to be loved. Lucas knew he’d pushed her away, but at the moment he selfishly had nothing to give. He hoped she would forgive him one day. Many people experienced similar tragedies; the loss of a parent or child but Lucas’s tender heart could not comprehend the vicious, senselessness he’d experienced that night. He missed his mother with a vengeance.
It was four weeks and four days after his birthday when he found the envelope in the mail he’d longed to see. Now he held it in his hands, he couldn’t open it. It was thick. That was a good sign, right?
Nerves overcame him as he slowly opened the envelope and read its contents. Jubilation, the first he’d experienced since his night with Stacy, engulfed him and he smiled. Acceptance, what a wonderful word! He now waited anxiously for Carrie to arrive home. The hard part was to come. The minutes ticked by and when he heard the front door, he raced out to greet her.
“Hey,” he said when he met her at the door. “I have some news.”
“Hey yourself, you look ... happy.”
“I am.”
“That’s good, me too. I sort of have news for you too.” He followed her as she placed her handbag on the dining table and removed her shoes.
“You first.” Nothing was going to burst his bubble.
“I met someone and he wants to meet you. I’ve seen him every day since our first date two weeks ago. I really like him.” Her face lit up warming his heart.
“That’s great, Carrie. I’m glad you’re happy and I want to meet him too.”
“He’s waiting outside, but first, you’re news.”
“I hope you’ll be as happy for me as I am for you.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You mightn’t approve.”
“Lucas, what is it?” She gripped one of the dining chairs till her knuckles were white and her brow furrowed in concern.
“I’ve been accepted into the police force.”
Shock registered on her face as it paled. He waited for her to speak. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
“It’s so dangerous, and after what happened to Mum and Dad, how could you do this?”
“It’s because of what happened to them, Carrie. It made me realise what I want to do.”
“I don’t like it, Lucky.”
“It doesn’t matter if you do or not. This is what I want, and don’t call me Lucky!” He pounded his fist on the table.
“Is everything okay in here?” A blonde head on a tall frame poked around the door.
“Yes!” said Lucas.
“No!” said Carrie.
“Who are you?” Lucas barked.
“This is Nathan Montgomery, who I was telling you about.”
“Your lawyer?”
“His son actually,” Nathan replied. He stuck out his hand and Lucas shook it reluctantly. “I’m sorry for interrupting. I heard yelling and wanted to see if everything was alright.”
“Carrie isn’t happy with my career choice.” Lucas glared at her.
“That’s an understatement,” she mumbled.
“Oh, and what would that be?” Nathan asked.
“I got into the force.”
“Well, as a future prosecutor I believe it's an important aspect of law enforcement—“
“You would defend him,” Carrie cut him off.
“Carrie, honey, I don’t understand.” Nathan placed a comforting arm on her shoulder. Lucas would have been pleased to see this if he wasn’t so annoyed.
“I can’t lose him too!”
“Glad you have so much confidence in my ability, Carrie,” Lucas mumbled in disdain.
“Carrie,” Nathan began and turned her to face him. “The likelihood of a police officer losing his life is lower than you or I or anyone else in other ways. From what you told me Lucas is exactly the type of person the
law needs.”
Lucas was surprised and also endeared to Carrie’s Nathan and believed he had found an advocate. Knowing his sister had found the right man for her by the way he looked at her now, with love and adoration, was enough for him and he became overwhelmed with relief suddenly. Nathan wasn’t going anywhere.
“I hope you know what you’re doing?” She turned her focus back to him.
“I do, Carrie, please; this has been the only thing I have cared about since ...”
“Well, perhaps a celebration is in order then,” Nathan declared. “Dinner’s on me.”
Carrie appeared to have calmed with Nathan’s encouragement and Lucas was determined to welcome the man so important to his sister.
Dinner contained three people feeling completely different emotions. Lucas was looking forward, towards the future, for the first time in months and began to feel a renewed vigour. He noted Carrie was sullen, sulking almost and this detracted a little from his elation. He would have to repair this. She was the only person of importance in his barely functioning existence. Nathan appeared captivated by his sister whilst also appearing compassionate and jocular. Lucas liked him instantly. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to let one more person in his life. Nathan was everything Carrie needed; kind, sincere and besotted with her.
When they returned home, Nathan discreetly excused himself to Carrie’s room sensing there was much to be said between the siblings. Carrie stared sullenly at Lucas, waiting for him to explain as they sat side by side on the couch.
“Carrie, as I said, this is the first thing I've been enthusiastic about since ... anyway, I really want this. Besides you heard Nathan, the chances of anything happening are low.”
“Yes but the more you put yourself in front of danger ... why put yourself there?” Her worried eyes tugged at his heart but he wasn’t going to change his mind. He needed this but he also needed to alleviate her concern. He didn’t like bringing her any unnecessary angst.
“I might be increasing my chances of getting hurt but I will also be able to protect myself too. It will be alright. I’ve been getting fit and bulking up so I would be better prepared.”
“I've noticed. I just thought you went to escape or something. I had no idea you were preparing for this. I thought you wanted to be an engineer.”
“I wanted a lot of things before.”
He watched as her expression softened. She wouldn’t refuse the chance of his happiness returning.
“Please promise me one thing.” Carrie took his hands in hers.
“Anything.”
“Make sure you keep being lucky.” He smiled though the pain of the endearment. Carrie’s acceptance meant everything to him. “So, um, what do you think about Nathan?”
“He’s great. He makes you happy and that’s all that matters to me.”
“I really like him. I know this is trite but I think it was love at first sight. I know you probably don’t believe in it ... but I do.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe in it, Carrie, I’m sure it happens. It just won’t be happening to me. You, and now the force, will be my life now.”
“Are you still having bad dreams?”
“Not as many.” He studied their clasped hands, not wanting Carrie to see the hurt which would be evident in his eyes.
“I wish I could help.”
“You will by giving me your blessing. I need to do this.”
“Then you have it. Nathan is my solace now, you need one too.”
Carrie disappeared into her room and Lucas needed to distract his mind, so it wouldn’t stray to the activities that could be occurring just one wall away. There were many reasons why he didn’t want to know about that. Pulling out his journal, he added the next entry as today was the first day of his new life, time to bury his memories.
22nd July
Today is the first day I feel renewed. My acceptance for the force came today and I can’t wait to get started. Although it took a bit of convincing I have Carrie’s blessing and it means a lot to me to have her behind me, she is all I have now. There may also be someone else now though too, Nathan. My sister looks happy and this helps me to feel better. At least I don’t have to worry about her anymore. My dreams aren’t getting better and they aren’t going away. Vivid dreams of sticky blood on my shoes, holding my feet fast to the floor so I can’t go to them. Gapping necks that almost grin and mock me are the worst ones. Then there are the times I dream about them alive before they suddenly become dead again before my eyes. I don’t know how long I can have these nightmares and keep my sanity. All I can hope is that the force will help. Helping people might help me.
I’m determined to try and get on with my life, even if I do it alone and my desire to explore the unknown future holds some appeal, as does the no strings attached life of a bachelor. I may be young and inexperienced but I plan to change that. Just because I don’t want to get attached, shouldn’t mean I miss out on sex. There have to be more girls out there like Millie who are willing to have some no strings fun. I plan to find them. A guy has needs after all. Maybe this will help with the dreams too, something else to fill my thoughts.
As Lucas put the journal back into his bedside drawer his mind suddenly returned to the shop, writing about it prompted memories. Their gapping throats, and the blood, so much blood, he’d never known there could be so much. Memories of trying frantically to wash it from his hands, his body and hair, but the smell and the stickiness had stained his skin and he couldn’t rinse it away. He lay back on his bed and closed his eyes, trying to block out the images in his mind. Lucas let fatigue overwhelm and consume him; take him away from his wayward thoughts.
The black bags containing their bodies were being wheeled away and he tried to chase them, call out to them but they faded in the distance. His mother’s voice was clear and strong, urging him forward. “Don’t leave me, Lucky, you’re my special boy”.
Lucas sat up with a start, bathed in sweat and tears stinging his eyes. Would he ever be free?
8
The Rookie
The months at the academy were tough but he was prepared. Exhaustion was his friend every night and his dreams began to fade. Lucas didn’t dream when he was fatigued so he pushed himself to the limit every day. Relieved he’d found his niche in life, he threw himself headlong into studies and training. He aced his exams. His preparation and reading during the past months had served him well.
Time passed quickly. Carrie turned twenty two, Lucas and Nathan spoiling her with dinner, presents and affection. The change in Carrie since meeting Nathan lightened his heart, but did little to encourage him to partake in anything long term. Another trainee warmed his bed during their weekends off, but he kept her at arm’s length. Allegra was cute, sweet and fantastic between the sheets, but his lack of interest in anything more serious was a disappointment to her.
When she’d asked him to meet her parents, he politely declined and then turned her down as gently as he could. She hadn’t taken it well and it’d been messy for a while but she took up with someone else and moved on. More where she came from as far as he was concerned.
With only weeks left of his training he was excited about graduation and beginning his war against crime. His main objective within the force, besides putting low lives behind bars, was to find the callous punks who had killed his parents. He hoped to rise in the ranks, become a detective and investigate murder. Maybe his namesake would prove fruitful and he would get lucky. Not only did he want justice for himself and Carrie, but also for other innocent victims of crime. This was his purpose in life. He would do whatever it took to reach his goal. This detail regarding his ambition he kept to himself as Carrie would be saddened by Lucas’s drive to find retribution. She wished him happiness, despite their grief and heartbreak. She probably believed the change in him lately was because he was moving on and he didn’t want her to think or know any different. Let her believe this was the reason for his renewed vigour.
Graduatio
n occurred a month before his nineteenth birthday. Strong and lean, he was ready to take on the world. He finished top in his class and was highly ranked using firearms. Grit determination and a desire to take down his parent’s killers were his driving force.
His first assignment was night shift desk duty. In his opinion it was simply a paper pushing job, taking reports, answering phone calls and dispatching officers on patrol. More than aware he had to start at the bottom, boredom nevertheless set in. Six months would have to pass before he was reassigned. This time to traffic patrol. Traffic infringement and control, were the main tasks. The tougher calls and other patrol positions needed to be earned. You had to serve your time first. Night after night he went to work and slept during the daylight hours. Dreams seemed to be less frequent when slumbering during the day, Lucas was thankful for this at least.
Carrie and Nathan grew closer and he suspected Nathan was close to proposing. He’d recently finished his final year at law school and had obtained a position in the prosecutor’s office as an assistant after passing the bar. At almost twenty five, he was green but eager to begin his quest within the law enforcement system.
Lucas’ nineteenth birthday came and went uneventfully, he wanted no fuss. A few month before his twentieth birthday, he was assigned to patrol. He’d worked hard at the mundane and it had paid off, he was given a senior officer as a partner and he would begin to attend to calls that he considered real police work. His rookie apprenticeship had been served behind a desk, doing paperwork and handing out traffic infringements however, in his second year on the force, he was a rookie on patrol.
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