by Lola James
She glanced up at me making eye contact. Her knees dropped down, her ankles crossed, and her back stiffened as she reached out for it.
“What is it?” Her eyes searched the leather and she ran her fingers over the strap before she looked at me again.
“It’s my account from when I turned, just a few, short years ago,” I said sarcastically, my gaze holding hers. “It might help you with—“
“My decision?” She rolled her eyes and placed my journal on the nightstand.
“No, I was going to say with the change from human to vampire.” A cleansing breath escaped my lips as I said the words.
“Oh?” The sound of her statement sounded more like a question. She turned, looking at the book on her nightstand. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. I am part of the reason that you are like this, but I feel like I need to make it up to you.” Plus, this would be the perfect opportunity to show her that I am the man for her—not Hades. His name tasted bad in my thoughts and I could only imagine how it would have sounded if I had said it out loud.
“Ben, really, it’s fine.” I moved in closer and took one of her hands in mine.
“I want to take you on a date, if you will let me.” Her wide-eyed blank stare wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for. I thought she would gladly accept my proposal. Maybe I was wrong about the whole idea of us being together. Maybe she truly loves Hades.
“Date?” She responded, after a long awkward moment of silence. She narrowed her eyes and frowned like the idea repulsed her. Turn it around Ben.
“Yes, I want to show you another side of me, since I want you to spend eternity with me.” Her raised eyebrow and averted eyes told me she was thinking about the last time I told her that. The night at the arboretum. “It will be fun, you’ll see.”
I hoped she would say yes. I needed to do something to prove that I wanted to be with her and not just sexually. I mean, the sex was hot; but I truly do care for her. Since the day we met, I knew she was the girl for me; but maybe it’s not about my wants/needs/desire.
“Ok, but I don’t want you planning a night that will end with sex. Just a night of fun.” Her smile touched me and I felt good about this. Her emotional roller coaster of feelings changed from human to vampire, not to mention the blood lust. When thirsting for blood or after you have had a meal, the vampire mind is immediately drawn to the passion inside and that ultimately leads to sex.
“Great, so I’ll leave you to sleep.” I stood up and backed into the wall knocking a picture off. “I mean, I know that you probably need to rest.” I fumbled over my words, happy that she said yes. The innocence in her smile made me feel like a grade school kid with a crush.
“Sleep well, Ben,” She said as I entered the hallway. I closed the door and cringed at our exchange. In a flash, I was in my room. I was happy she said yes, but mad at myself for looking and feeling like a fool.
I leaped into the bed began to plan the date.
Now what am I going to do? I sat pondering the thought for what felt like hours. I replayed our first date in my head. Her giggle when I dipped her during our dance lesson. The perfect moonlight kiss we shared. I shook my head to clear the thoughts. Everything had to be perfect. I can’t fuck this up.
I’d taken her to the arboretum, which I enjoyed, and afterward, well, it’s how she ended now being a vampire. I guess my enjoyment saved her life, but that is not what I need, this time. For this date, I need to do something that will make her forget about Hades completely, and make her feel human again.
I have to get Dawn to help me with this. She’ll know what will make Toni happy. I looked over at the clock. Maybe I should wait to call. A 5:30 am phone call might not be received with the highest regards.
I got comfortable in my bed and lay back on the pillow. I stared at the ceiling and imagined our lives together. Even though we know very little of each other, I fell for her pretty fast. I wasn’t expecting to ever love again after Catherine; but the day my eyes met hers, I knew she was all I would ever need for an eternity. I could picture our lives together, showing her where I grew up and all the places I have traveled. I would let her decide where we would live. Our lives would be filled with the great passion that burns between us when we are together. On that happy thought, I finally fell asleep.
***
I looked at the clock; it was almost four in the afternoon when I woke up. I just hoped Dawn would answer my call.
I grabbed my cell phone from my nightstand and dialed her number. As it rang, my mind raced with the possibilities of her reaction to helping me win Toni’s heart.
“Ben, is everything alright with Toni? She left yesterday and I don’t know where she went.” Her quick leap to an illogical conclusion was laced in the pitch in her voice.
“Yes, she’s fine. She actually came here in search of blood.” I chuckled at the urgency in her voice. “But I called to ask for your help,” I spoke in a calm voice and shifted the conversation to the reason for my phone call.
“My help? What do you want me to do? I’m not procuring anyone for anybody.” I heard her voice crack through the phone. I couldn’t hold back the laughter any longer. The thought of Dawn harvesting humans to become our blood donors was downright hilarious to me.
“Not at all Dawn. I have the blood situation under control,” I said, between laughs.
“I’m just saying.” She was serious and that’s what made it so funny.
“Well, I want to take Toni out on a romantic date. To help with her choice.” I was trying to be discreet because I knew that Toni was just down the hallway and could very well hear everything that I was saying. “And you, Madam Demi-god, can help in that area.”
“I knew you were a romantic, Ben. Just tell me what you need me to do. I need her to pick you over that philandering jerk, Hades.” Dawn’s words were very straightforward and she didn’t take a breath when she spoke. “I mean, why she would even like him? He’s a married, evil jerk and comes from a family of assholes. I mean Zeus.” I wasn’t sure if her long exaggerated sigh was good or bad. “I don’t even know where to begin on him. He’s a piece of work. Then there’s Hermes. He’s—” she sing-sang his name. “He’s the best.” I really liked Dawn and she was quite intelligent, but at times, she had the attention span of a gnat.
“I just need to know what she would like to do. I really don’t know her likes and dislikes as well as I should. And what is there she likes to do, here in San Francisco? We obviously can’t eat so having dinner is out and I am a little stumped.” I cleared my throat to smooth past the uncomfortable subject of eating again. I had lived in San Francisco years ago with Catherine, but things change and there is so much more to do than when we together. And besides, Toni was different. She was adventurous. She rode a motorcycle, like I did, and her affinity for caring for others was just one of the character traits that I loved about her.
“She loved your first date, Ben. It was incredibly dreamy and unique.” Dawn’s sunny smile beamed through the phone. I knew she was just as excited to help me plan. Toni was lucky to have so many people in her life that loved her, even if I was battling with one for her eternal affection.
“Do something with her that a vampire would appreciate.” Dawn’s suggestion was smart, but the only thing that that most vampires want to do is drink blood. I want her to feel human and not stuck to the shadows and darkness.
“That’s the thing… most vampires are hunters and they just hunt prey; that’s not what I had in mind for romance.” We both let out a frustrated sigh. “I am more of the outdoorsy type and I’d love to do something outside. So there has to be a place that she loves or a hobby that she has?”
“Oh, yes there is a place she likes it’s called the Grand View Park. On her days off, she would go hiking there. There’s a great view of the Golden Gate Bridge and she said that she would go there to think. As for hobbies, the only thing I’ve ever heard her mention was photography. She had some vintage cameras and would
take pictures to develop at the college she attended.”
“The Grand View Park, I think I know where that is.” I pondered my options and ways that I could surprise Antonia and use the photography angle, as well. I think I remembered seeing a camera when she moved in here. I always wondered if it actually worked or was just for nostalgia.
“Thank you, Dawn, you have helped me more than you know.” It’s good to have someone who knows the person that you love better than you do. Since I loved Toni from first sight I never took the time to know her, I just fell hard and fast. But I plan on our lives together to learn more about her than she knows about herself. There is no high or low or in between that, I wouldn’t do for her.
“You know, I can use a little magic, if needed,” She muttered in the phone.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I chuckled.
We ended the call and I got ready to go to my office to look up some things on the computer. I didn’t want to use Dawn’s magic, but I just might need it to make the impossible, possible.
It hit me that Dawn could help. She could put a day spell on Toni so that she could walk in the day like I can. I could take her to watch the sunset off the bay. I picked up the phone to redial Dawn when a soft knock stopped my call and broke my thought. She’s awake and probably hungry.
Antonia eased the door open slowly.
“Hi,” She said standing in the doorway. Even fully dressed with her hair tossed about, she is still lovely. I could wake up to her beauty forever, and I planned on it.
“Good afternoon, did you sleep well?” I stood up and stretched out my arms and shaking of any nerves.
“Yes, I thought I heard you talking and laughing.” She looked around the room like I had someone in here.
“Oh, yes, Dawn wanted to know if you were alright. She said when you left yesterday she didn’t know where you went and that your phone is going straight to voicemail.”
“Oh.” relief washed over her face. “Yes, my bag with my phone is in here. I came to get it.” She walked in the room and headed to the side of the bedroom that she once occupied, before the days of our ex-lovers coming back into our lives. I looked at the pillow and her side of the bed. She should have slept here with me last night.
“I think I want to go back to work,” She announced, after she grabbed her bag. I attempted to keep a neutral facial expression, even though I felt like I had just been sucker punched. She was a new vampire and could barely maintain her bloodlust around me. How in the world did she think she would be able to do that with a hospital full of people who were bleeding?
“What? Why? What about our date?” I couldn’t even form a complete thought.
“I know it sound crazy, but I need to be able to kick this blood thing. Plus, I don’t want to just sit around all night staring at the walls of this house.” Her reasoning seemed logical, but she didn’t mention the date in her reasoning. I didn’t want to discourage her, so I guess my plan would just have to wait until our next day off. I just hoped Hades didn’t decide to show up, with some grand gesture, to steal her away from me before we could have our date.
I cleared my throat of my dubious thoughts. “Great. That’s perfect; I’ll be there with you every step of the way.” I hoped my ambivalence didn’t stand out.
“Thank you, Ben, but I do think I need to eat before we leave and maybe stock up in a thermos.” She waited for my acknowledgment. I just nodded my head.
“Good.” She started down the hallway, back to the white room and closed the door behind her.
I didn’t understand what had just happened. She had come in here and completely threw me off.
One thing is for sure, I will not take advantage of her during her bloodlust moments. If I do, she will definitely hate me and think that all I want is her, sexually. I wouldn’t let that happen because I need her like oxygen, and losing her would be like trying to live in a world with no air. I need her to know that she completes me and that I have completely fallen for her in just the short time that I’ve known her. A single touch from her can make my non-beating heart flutter. I know what I must say and do to spend infinity with her.
Seven
Antonia
We rode in our bikes together to work. I walked into the locker room with my helmet under my arm and my bag crisscrossed over my shoulder. I found my bag in the spot I left it in at Ben’s house before Catherine gave me back to Hades. I was happy she was one person I didn’t have to worry about since Kevin staked her.
It felt good to be back at the hospital with my mind off the two men that I want. I called to see if Dawn was coming into work and she was, of course. She wanted to escape her sister, Amy, whom she had showed around the city, all day. Dawn was forcing Amy to go back home since she works during the night and usually sleeps during the day. I didn’t get why she wanted her to leave, she seemed nice. Maybe Dawn has something to hide and worried that Amy might spill it. I’d have to talk to her about that sometime during the night. I wish I could have stayed and talked more, but in just those few minutes I was around her, I started craving her blood. I must kick this bloodlust habit.
Ben decided to join us in going back to work. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been here, but I knew it had been awhile and it was embarrassing. I saw the looks. I knew I looked different to them and the episode of hurling in front of everyone loomed.
I’d had an eerie feeling since we left Ben’s house, but it wasn’t enough to make me want to stay there. I just hoped that I would be ok since most, if not all; my patients will likely be bleeding.
Ben had given me a couple of cups of blood and told me to keep a mask nearby, in my pocket or around my neck, to block the smell of blood if it became too strong. Plus, my fangs might pop out and God knows I didn’t want that to happen.
Dawn was in her typical spot in front of her locker in a yoga position.
“Toni!” She shrieked, jumping up from her seated position
I walked over her way as Ben headed to his locker.
“How do you feel? Hungry?” Dawn asked with a concerned look on her face. I knew that she was deep down frightened that I would snap and kill everyone in the hospital. I hadn’t been a vampire that long and that was a possibility.
I giggled, “No I’m fine.” Her wide eyes relaxed and she pulled me into a hug as I dropped my helmet on the floor.
“I am so glad. I have so much to tell you,” she blurted.
“Yeah, like what’s up with your sister Amy?” She pushed back from the hug.
“Shhh don’t say that too loud.” Dawn looked around to see if anyone was listening.
“Oh, shit,” Dawn, squealed.
The door to the locker room opened and the last person I had expected to see walked in. Kevin.
“Kevin,” I mouthed and I was by his side in a nano-second.
“You might want to be careful with the use of your speed, Toni.” I nodded at him.
“When did you get back?” I didn’t think he would return. Seeing that his curse was still on and he could be whoever, wherever.
His green eyes glistened as he looked down at me. All the love and adoration was gone from his eyes and all that remained was a glassiness that covered the pain I knew I had caused.
“Yesterday. I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t expect to see you at all. I thought you might be with Hades, but it seems the vampire has won.” His words were sarcastic and almost mean. He was still mad and who could blame him. I couldn’t help that I wasn’t attracted to him and only loved him, platonically.
He started toward his locker when I grabbed his arm tighter than I intended.
“Markos.” I thought by calling him by his real name it would touch him and let him know that I still cared. He looked down at my hand then met my pleading eyes. He didn’t look forgiving, or acknowledge that the name had affected him at all.
“I still care about you and I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me.” I was truly sincere.
“
Funny thing is that I would have believed you a week ago; but now I think you are trying to manipulate me because you feel guilty.” His words cut deeper than a knife to the chest, because I did feel guilty but you can’t make your heart love someone that you only care for as a friend.
“Why?” Was all I could stifle out.
“This was a bad idea. You and the vampire can have the hospital. I’ll find a new life somewhere else.” He turned on his heels and was out the door in vampire speed.
My heart hurt because I never meant to wound him as badly as it seemed I had. The love he once had for me had now turned to anger and that was dangerous. An angry ex-lover was worse than a terrorist.
I placed my hand over the place my heart used to beat. It pained me to see him like this. I thought we were in a good place the last time I saw him, in Hades’ temple in Greece. How could I hurt the man who had taken care of me for years? Centuries even?
“Toni, are you ok?” Dawn’s warm hand touched my shoulder. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I hated myself for how everything happened with him.
“I’m fine. Mad at myself, but fine.” I felt Ben at my side. I turned and looked up in his dazzling black eyes. He cupped my face in his cool hands. I searched his features, trying to figure out what he was going to say to comfort me, when his lips met mine.
My temperature rose as his hand slid back to my hair softly grabbing it, sending chills down my spine. Our tongues played with each other in the unexpected kiss. I didn’t even want to fight the kiss or Ben. I was surprised that I wasn’t turned on by the kiss, but instead, comforted. My hands rubbed his side and pulled him in close to me for a hug.
When our lips broke apart, our gaze held and everything and everyone melted into nothing. I needed that kiss. It took my mind off Kevin and reminded me that I loved the way that Ben made me feel safe.
He wrapped me in his arms and we stood frozen in the moment. Who cares that we were in the middle of the staff locker room and who cared that everyone saw? I enjoyed that moment in love with the vampire that saved my life and loved me no matter who I had become.