by Lola James
I’m home. Being on my own bed never felt so good. There was something about coming home to your own place that makes you feel comforted, no matter how big or small it is. I rolled over; looking at the ceiling and my mind went to the two men and the decision that was tormenting me.
“How can I make this decision?” I said out loud to myself. “Both men love me and I love them as well, just differently.” I sat up and grabbed my bag. I needed to write this out. I searched the bottomless messenger bag until I located my favorite pen. I found a water bill that was probably past due by now but otherwise came up empty when it came to paper. I had taken it all to Ben’s and that’s the last place I want to go. Plus, the sun was coming up.
“I’ll just borrow some” and I was out the door and across the hall with my hand to the door ready to knock. Thankfully, I stopped myself. It was only 6:00 am and I couldn’t possibly wake my neighbor so early in the morning.
I leaned in close and listened for a heartbeat. As I listened in closer, I heard movement in the house; so my frozen hand touched the wood door with a soft knock.
I waited only seconds before my gray haired neighbor, Evelyn, answered the door, clutching her robe tight with her narrow eyes fixed on me.
“Yes, may I help you?” Her voice was soft but fear was at the core.
“I am sorry to disturb you this early in the morning.” I put my hand to my heart to show my apology. “I don’t seem to have any paper in my house.”
“Toni, is that you? I thought you had moved out.” She put the glasses on that hung around her neck and blinked to get a clearer view of me.
“Yes, it’s me, Ms. Evelyn.” I smiled warmly at her.
“Oh, come in, honey.” She waved me in as she turned to go find me some paper. Her apartment was the same size as mine, but it had so much stuff crammed into it. She made her way to a wooden desk.
“What type of paper do you need? Is it for a grocery list, letter, or—”
“Yep, both of those,” I said cutting her off.
“I have the perfect paper for you.” She opened the drawer and pulled out a few pieces of yellow paper and a matching envelope. Turning to hand them to me, she said. “This is the best paper for letters. The words will just flow and find themselves on the page.” Her words were encouraging. I hoped it was that easy.
“Thank you.” I started backing out of the apartment. “I need to write the list, then sleep.”
“Of course, honey. Come by for coffee sometime before one of your shifts,” She said, making her way to the door.
“Definitely. Have a great day, Ms. Evelyn.” I smiled graciously and turned toward my apartment, looking over my shoulder to see her watching me.
I walked into the apartment, closed the door and crossed the room back to my bed. It was astonishing that I had my apartment back. I set the paper down and retrieved the blanket I took from Ben’s putting it on the bed. The journal fell out and opened on the date November 2, 1908.
I walked towards the bed reading about Ben’s journey.
November 2, 1908
Chicago, Illinois
I’ve been this way for 67 years, now. Levi is convinced that once I turn 100 I will appreciate life more; but I’m not so certain. I have learned to take only the amount of blood that is needed to satisfy my thirst. I’ve killed hundreds to get to this point, so this is a celebration in itself. I am lonely even though I have Levi. He is a great friend, but I need a companion and love that will accept me for the blood sucking leech that I am. One day I hope to find a love of my own.
I closed the journal and moved the items from the bed before spreading the cover on it. I gathered the pen and paper and sat down, determined.
From that entry, he always wanted love. This is going to be tough.
She had given me three sheets of paper and one envelope. It was time for me to write down the pros and cons on both Ben and Hades and to make this dreadful decision.
Do I choose the man from my past who has a psycho wife who wants to kill me? Will I always be his mistress? Or do I choose the new love that makes me feel so safe?
How did I get into this mess?
Nine
Ben
“Toni, I’m here and I’ve brought some blood with me to quench your thirst.” Nothing stirred when I walked in the door or called out her name. My mind immediately went to the worst. Someone had taken her, again. I rubbed the back of my neck and my whole body went ridged.
I raced up the stairs and into her room finding nothing. I sped down the hall and into my room to find nothing, again. I made my way back to the room she called hers and found an empty glass of blood. I quickly whipped out my phone and dialed her cell number. As it rang, I hoped she would answer; but feared she wouldn’t. I hoped this didn’t mean she had picked Hades.
“Hello?” Her voice was groggy, but it was her. She was sleeping? But where?
“Antonia, are you alright? I came home and you were gone.” I sat on her bed closing my eyes.
“I’m fine. I’m back at my old apartment,” She replied, nonchalantly through the phone. A slow smile crept on my face. She must have compelled her way in. Clever girl. But it dawned on me that she was gone.
“But how and why?” I demanded.
“Hades gave it back. I’m tired, can we have this conversation later?” She almost begged.
“Yes, well, I have blood. I can be there in the evening, before work.”
“Oh, I don’t think I want to go to work for a while. I need to get my bloodlust under control.” She reasoned.
“I understand.” I had an idea. “I want us to go on our date this evening, since you aren’t going to work.”
“But aren’t you going?”
“No, my responsibility is to you, Antonia. You are my first priority.” I hoped that didn’t come across too needy.
“Thank you, Ben. That works because I wanted to talk to you, too.” Her voice perked up. She sounded delighted to want to talk.
“About?” I was hoping that she had made a decision in my favor.
“We’ll talk tonight.” She sounded reassuring and I felt her smile through the phone.
“Sleep well, Antonia, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She said as she ended the call.
That phone call was hopeful; but why did she move out? And how did Hades get her apartment back? I know he’s a god, but still. He’s tricky. He wanted her away from me and he succeeded by giving her back her apartment. Well played, Hades well played.
I will wait for Dawn to put the day spell on Antonia. Then I’ll surprise her with the date to the Grand View Park.
I looked at the time. I should rest before we go out on our date.
I lay back in the bed, thinking about my life with Antonia. She had to choose me. I had so much of our world to show her. I just needed her to understand my love for her. Her love is all I need in my life in order to survive. I’d give everything away to have her in my life, forever.
The delight in her voice was what I need to hear—the bubble in her giggle and the love. She said she loved me. That sneaky bastard, Hades, may have given her the opportunity to think about picking me.
I adore everything about her, from the chipped nail polish on her toenails to the way her eyes twinkle when she smiles. I have to be the one.
Ten
Antonia
“Dawn, what you are doing here?” I asked, waking up to Dawn’s angelic face. She sat near me on my bed. Her new favorite color must be white. Every time I see her, she has something on in that color.
“I came to see you.” She sounded overly chipper.
“What time is it and why?” I sat up and saw a spec of light from outside beaming in. Thank goodness my blackout curtains were still up.
“I am here to put a day spell on you so that you can walk in the sun.” She said it so simply, but I just couldn’t comprehend with the burning in my throat outweighing everything else.
“Did Ben put you up to this?” I
looked at her with narrow eyes. I wish I could compel her or that I even knew how. She didn’t say much; but she didn’t have to, her eyes always give her away.
“No, I mean yes, but you need it.” How else will you enjoy your life forever? In the shadows and at night?” I rolled my eyes at her simple reasoning. She was right. I did need to get out in the day for some things. I had only become a night person because of the hours at the hospital and now because I’m a vampire.
“What do you need me to do?” I asked, with a beaming smile.
“Nothing, just sit back and let the magic do its work.” She stood up facing me.
“What happened to Amy?” Dawn sat back down letting out an exaggerated sigh.
“I told her to go home.” I gave her a pointed look. “What? There is a lot you don’t know about my relationship with my sisters.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Her raised eyebrow and folded arms said otherwise.
“I wasn’t “Southern Belle” enough for my step-mother and now I know why.” Dawn fell back on the bed. “I was never like her girls. But she still loved me.”
“Amy didn’t seem so bad.” I tried to comfort her during our impromptu counseling session. I was just glad she wasn’t asking me who I was going to pick or preaching her “team Ben” theories to me.
“She’s not bad. But my other sister, Amanda, she’s the one I steer clear of. Amy is just concerned.” Dawn stared at the ceiling like she was in a trance. “But anyway, I am here for you and your day spell. You think you’re slick.” She sat up straighter and faced me; then her hand began to glow a bright white. She touched my hand, sending warmth through my body. I felt like I was standing in the sunlight on a spring day and more alive than ever. I glanced over at my hand where she touched me. It seemed to be on fire, but no flames came from it. Then, suddenly, it was gone. I was cold again, and back to just me. The glow disappeared and only Dawn’s blue eyes shone.
“Come here,” She said with a giggle. She leaped off the bed, pulled back my blackout curtains and raised the blinds letting the sunbeam directly on me.
I shrieked and hid my face, but nothing happened. I uncovered my face and let the sun beat down on me. I was afraid her magic wouldn’t work and I’d turn into some form of the Crypt keeper.
“You did it!” I exclaimed.
“You doubted me?” Her sarcastic reply was exactly what I expected from Dawn.
“Never.” I smiled before pulling her into a hug. “Now, this date, or whatever it is with Ben, what do you know?”
She pulled back from the hug and looked startled. “Nothing, just that I was to put a day spell on you.” I knew she was lying. Dawn always looked like a deer in the headlights when she lied.
I rolled my eyes and walked over to my dresser. “Will you see Hermes anytime soon?”
“I hope so. I want to see him tonight,” She gleefully said.
“But what about work?” I questioned, concerned that the three of us would be gone and the hospital would be under staffed, again.
“It’s hard not to use magic at the hospital. I tried, but it’s so easy for me to think stop bleeding and heal. But then Zeus would come kick my ass if he found out I was using my magic on humans.” She sighed.
I turned and looked at her trying to come up with the right words to say. “I have witch problems and magic isn’t one of them.” We both fell out in a roar of laughter. “So are you excited about tonight?”
I knew this was coming. “Uh huh.” I didn’t want to talk about my choice, my options or anything in between.
“I get it. Just leave your best friend out of the loop.” She frowned and I felt bad about not including her in my decision making process, but ultimately it was mine to make.
“But, I do need your help.” I waited for the perfect moment to ask her for a favor and I hoped she would say yes without much debate. I moved across the room and tapped my fingers on the tall dresser that held something more valuable than the name of this year’s Oscar winner.
“When you see Hermes, can you have him deliver this to Hades for me?” I held the sealed yellow envelope out for her.
Her wide eyes fixed on the letter. I felt like she was using x-ray vision to read its contents.
“What’s that?” She quizzed, narrowing her eyes on it.
“It’s a letter.” My response was short and to the point.
“Duh, but what does it say?” Her eyes moved from my hand to meet my eyes.
“Dawn, it’s just a letter that I need him to have.” I sat back down on the bed.
“It’s a break-up letter, huh? Why did you seal it? I want to read it.” Why would she want to read it? Knowing how close she was to Ben, I would never let her do that.
“Dawn, seriously, just make sure that Hermes delivers it tonight. I needed for him to get this letter the same time I talk with Ben; so they will know at the same time.”
“Wait, you made THE decision and it’s in this letter?” I should have never said anything.
“I need to take a shower and get dressed to go.” It was my way of saying, “ok you can leave now”. I was pretty pissed and hurt at her assumption.
“I can help with that.”
“What? I don’t want you to help me take a shower. I’m not that kind of girl.” I joked.
Dawn didn’t crack a smile, she simply closed her eyes as a dress began to form on my body and flats on my feet.
“Not bad,” She said, as she gave me the once over.
I looked down at the royal blue dress that clung to the curves of my body, hung off my shoulders and hit just above my knees. The shoes were flats with a slight heel. The perfect black ballet styled shoe to complete the outfit.
“Thank you, Dawn, but don’t you think this is a little much.” It was crazy how I went from being irritated with Dawn to being so happy I could hug her in mere seconds.
I walked into my bathroom and looked in the mirror to find my brown mane in a perfect bun at the top of my head. I missed the red hair I used to have, that hung longer that my natural, curly hair. This was the best look with my brown hair, yet.
A closer look revealed my make-up was done and my wide, thick Greek eyebrows had been plucked. Dawn had given me an extreme makeover in 30 seconds flat. Where had she been on those bad hair days? I was stunned. I didn’t look like myself.
“Ok, let me go.” I turned around as Dawn put the letter to her chest and blew me an air kiss. “I hope you have fun tonight, Toni.” She disappeared with her words. I made a mental note to get an invisible doorbell for all of the guests who could appear out of thin air.
I didn’t know what to think about tonight. One man would be heartbroken and the other will love me forever, I hoped.
My mind began racing. Dawn leaving with the letter made everything real. I clenched my stomach suddenly feeling sick. I didn’t want to hurt either of them. Things turned out with Kevin bad enough that way. I couldn’t live in a world knowing that Hades or Ben hated me the way Kevin did.
I walked over to the dresser that held my pros and cons list. I looked it over again. Both of their names and the descriptive adjectives that described each of them. Words like love and safe haven stood out on the list. I had to get rid of this paper before Ben came over; he’s very perceptive. It held thoughts that no one should ever lay eyes on. I shredded the paper into pieces before making my way to the bathroom. I tossed the paper like confetti into the toilet. It would be destroyed, forever.
As I watched the yellow paper cyclone go down the drain, I took a deep breath, holding back tears. My body was weak and my heart hurt. I backed out the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Life is not fair. Most people go their whole life looking for love in the wrong places, and here I have two men who love me. I don’t deserve it, but it’s safe to say that the man I chose has adoration for me beyond my dreams. You may have an idea in your head of how love should be, but your heart knows the truth.
A knock sounded on my door and broke my thought. It’s t
ime.
The sun was still up; so that could’ve been anyone; but I had a sneaking suspicion that it was Ben.
I made my way to the door and looked out of the peephole. It’s not that I was scared of anyone anymore... well maybe Persephone, but I didn’t want any more surprises.
I found a dapper Ben dressed casually at the door holding flowers in his hand with something under his arm. I swung the door open and smiled at the gorgeous vampire who stood in front of me. His black eyes glistened as he gave me a loving once over.
“Antonia, you look—” He stopped as though he was at a loss for words. “Amazing.” He finished his sentence with a sigh, like he had been holding it in the whole time.
“You look pretty handsome, yourself.” He looked more than handsome, more like delectable.
“I bought these for you.” He handed me a bundle of soft, pink Peonies. His thoughtfulness touched me and I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my face or the slight blush in my cheeks.
“And, I have this for you, too.” He handed me a small cosmetic bag that I looked at with wonder. As I unzipped it, I noticed the blood bags inside. He knew I would be struggling with this thirst. I had been a vampire all of four days and I still craved blood all times of the day and night. I wonder would that would ever go away. I just didn’t like the sexual feelings that came with the bloodlust.
“Thank you. Come in, please.” I moved out of the way for him to come in and he walked past me, smelling better than he looked. I wanted to sink my teeth into him and drink from him, but I washed those thoughts out of my head.
I diverted my eyes back to the blood bags situated in the cosmetic purse. My mouth began to salivate while looking at them.
“Where did you get the furniture?” Ben looked around the apartment puzzled. The sound of his voice broke the concentration on my hunger.
I shrugged, “It was like this when I came. I was just happy I didn’t have to sleep on the floor.” I walked over to the refrigerator to put one of the bags inside for later. I quickly moved to the cabinet that housed my alumni mug. I ripped open the bag and carefully poured out the contents. As the last drop fell into the cup, I gulped it down.