Broken Lives

by Brenda Kennedy

  “No, stay,” he holds his hands up as to surrender. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

  True to his word, he behaves the rest of the meeting. When the last guest speaker sits down, he stands up and walks to the podium.

  “Hi, Adam McDaniel here. Thank you all for coming, and thank you guys for sharing your stories with us. It’s not easy coming up here and sharing your personal and private life with others; however, it is very therapeutic. Everyone in this room has been through or is going through a very difficult situation. Reach out and lean on one another. I haven’t met one person who could do this alone.” He looks around the room and locks eyes with mine. “Here are my business cards; call me anytime you need me, or if you just want to talk. I am a great listener.” He places a stack of his cards out on the table and says, “Thanks for coming, and I’ll see you all on Tuesday.”

  I watch as he shakes hands with others in the meeting. Many people stand and take his business card before leaving.

  While he is busy talking, I sneak out the back door before he sees me. A few cars have left, but the parking lot still looks pretty full. I almost make it to my car when someone calls my name: “Molly, hold up.”

  I don’t answer, I already know who it is without looking. I walk faster to my car without looking back. When I hear someone running to try to catch up with me, I finally turn around.

  “You didn’t hear me calling for you?” Adam says, when he catches up to me.

  “No, I didn’t,” I lie. “Did I forget something in there?” I am not really sure what he wants with me.

  “No, I don’t think so.” He asks, “Do you still have my business card?”

  I have to think about that. I put it in my purse and I haven’t taken it out. “Yes, I still have it.” I watch as several cars pull out of the parking lot. “Is that why you came out here? To give me your business card?”

  He looks around and smiles, “No, I used that as a lame excuse to talk to you.” He runs his hands up and down his scruffy cheek. He hasn’t shaved in a few days, and it looks good on him.

  I look at him with a raised brow. “Talk to me about what?”

  “Molly, would you have a cup of coffee with me?”

  “Adam, thank you, but I can’t.”

  “It’s just coffee and it’s within walking distance. There’s a 24-hour diner right over there and I hear they have great day-old coffee.” He smiles and I can see the kindness in his eyes.

  I look away and say, “Adam, I’m a mess, you really should just walk away from me and be grateful you did.”

  “Molly, it’s just coffee … and dinner, if you’re hungry.”

  I look at him and I have to smile. “Just coffee.”

  He takes my hand and we walk to the small diner on the other side of the parking lot. He holds the door open for me and greets the hostess like they are old friends. “Hi, Rosemary, do you have something in the back corner?”

  “Away from the restrooms?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “I sure do, follow me,” she says, as she picks up two large plastic menus.

  We follow her to the back table and he explains he cannot stand to eat near a restroom. I listen to him and I have to agree with him.

  He holds my chair out for me and I look back over my shoulder at him.

  He says, “Just because I am a recovering drug addict doesn’t mean I wasn’t raised right.”

  “I didn’t say anything.” I scoot my chair in and watch him take the seat across from me.

  “You didn’t have to. I have seen that look before.”

  “Your server will be right over,” the hostess says as she walks away from the table.

  “Thank you, Rosemary.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to judge you. It’s just been awhile since someone opened the door for me or even pulled my chair out for me.”

  “It’s ok. I’d like to think even when I was on drugs I was a gentlemen.”

  The server comes over and takes our drink order. Adam looks at me to order first before he orders. He really is a gentleman.

  “Are you hungry, Molly?” he asks, while looking over the menu. “They have really good pancakes here.”

  I look over my menu and see the large stack of buttermilk pancakes. “Yes, I guess I am.”

  “Good, I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I was afraid I would have to fill up on coffee. Actually, the coffee is really good, too, as long as you want real coffee and not something that tastes like dessert. And it is not day old.”

  I laugh and smile at the same time. He is charming and cute.

  He says, “You have a beautiful smile; you should wear it more often.”

  “Thank you.”

  The waitress comes back and we both order breakfast for dinner. He does most of the talking and I am relieved he does. I learn he was born and raised in Florida, he is the middle of three brothers, and he was raised in an upscale neighborhood. He admits to getting hooked on Xanax while in college. He tells me his roommate would take them to ease the anxiety of exams and soon he was taking them, too. One thing led to another and soon he was taking more than he needed; he got kicked out of school and was forced to come crawling back home.

  The server brings our food, and Adam continues to talk while we eat. He tells me his parents gave him two choices: to get help or to walk away and never come back. He says that if he wasn’t sober that day he never would have gotten the help he needed. He said he will never forget the pain in his mother’s eyes and will never forget knowing that he was the one to put it there. He looks away and I can see the moisture in his eyes.

  I admit to him that I lost everything: a husband, a daughter, and a career. I also add that I still use, although I am fighting it desperately every day. I tell him I want to be clean so at least I can see my daughter again. I admit the detox symptoms are the worst part and that I use now only to take the edge off.

  He pays the bill and holds my hand as he walks me through the now almost dark parking lot to my car. “Thank you for having dinner with me, Molly. I really do hate eating alone.”

  “Thank you, Adam. It was nice talking to someone without feeling like they were judging me.”

  “Who am I to judge? Call me if you need to talk or if you want me to talk. Sometimes it helps to just listen to others ramble on.”

  “Thank you; maybe I will.” I smile and get into my car.

  “Drive safely and I’ll see you on Tuesday.” He shuts my door and walks away.

  I drive to the hotel feeling determined to not use anymore. I’m going to ask Bobby if he wants to come with me to the next meeting.

  Emma

  Alec calls me and asks me if I can pick up the kids from school. He said that he has something important he has to do and that he is on a deadline. I don’t question him, and I don’t need a reason to pick up the kids from school. I call mom and dad to see if they want to meet us at a restaurant for dinner and mom says they are both tied up. Next, I call Cheryl and Danny and they also have plans for the evening. Lastly, I call Brooke and learn that Brice is working late and she would love to go have dinner with us. My best friend is almost always available when I want to do something.

  We have pizza and salads with the kids and chat about Brice and his job. Brooke tells me he has been so busy that he is looking to hire additional help.

  “That’s great news, right? More business means more money.”

  “It is great news, but it also means more paperwork.”

  “You do the billing yourself, right?” I ask, taking a sip of my sweet tea.

  “I do, but I have never done payroll before and we’ll have to interview some guys to work with him. I don’t know how to do that.”

  “Maybe there is an online class to teach you how to do payroll and you might want to have his mom and dad come down to help out with the interviews. His dad ran a successful business for years.”

  “That is a great idea. His mom did the payroll for the company, too. I’ll sti
ll need to learn the tax laws for Florida.”

  “Momma, can we go play the games now?” James asks.

  I look over at their plates and see that they ate most of their salads and all of their pizza. “Good job, drink your milk and then you can.” After they drink their milk, I reach in my purse and hand them each two dollars. Brooke also gives them each two dollars. Each kid now has four dollars. All four kids excitedly take off for the small game room in the back of the pizza shop. Raelynn skips behind the boys, and I have to smile.

  We pull up at the house just as Alec pulls in. I look at the clock in the car; I am surprised he is just now getting in. He opens my door for me and then he opens the kids’ door for them. Brooke is already out of the car and unbuckling her boys from the seatbelt.

  “Did you get everything that you needed done?” I ask, looking at him.

  “No, not yet.” He leans down and hugs James and Raelynn. “I missed you guys; did you already eat?”

  “Yes, daddy, we had pizza and a salad for dinner.”

  “And we had a bunch of money to play games with,” James adds.

  “You did? That sounds like fun.”

  He leans in and kisses me before asking, “How much is a bunch of money?”

  “Four dollars,” Briley yells as he runs past the car towards his house.

  “Good night, you guys, and thanks, Emma, for dinner,” Brooke says, holding Braden’s hand as she walks him past the car.

  We say, “Good night,” and walk up to the house where the kids are sitting on the steps.

  “Did you have a good night?” Alec asks, looking over at me as he unlocks the door.

  “We did. I brought you home leftover pizza.” I smile. “I know it’s not much. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s all right, I love cold pizza.”

  We tuck the kids in bed; every night that we do this together, we switch kids. Tonight I get Raelynn, and Alec gets James to tuck in.

  “Emma, thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

  “Raelynn, you are more than welcome. Good night, Pretty Girl, I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” She hugs me and says, “Good night, Emma, and daddy.”

  Alec kisses and hugs Rae as I kiss and hug James. We turn off the light and leave the door cracked for them, as we leave their room. They still sleep in the same bedroom although we have an empty spare room. When we mentioned it to them, they didn’t want to be separated. Not just yet anyway; a time will come when they won’t be able to stand to be in the same room with each other. Until then, I don’t mind that they share a bedroom.

  Alec showers before bed. I am reading Honey Badger Goes to Hell — and Heaven by Martina Donna Ramone and David Bruce — a book not everyone will like — when Alec walks into the bedroom wearing a pair of pajama bottoms.

  I place the paperback book on the nightstand and sit up straighter in bed.

  “Do we have any plans for tomorrow?” Alec asks as he climbs in the bed.

  “No, not that I can remember.”

  “I was thinking about taking you and the kids to a new restaurant that opened up; it’s just on the outskirts of town. How does that sound?”

  “Sounds good; what time do you want to go?”

  “What about if we go around 5:00 and maybe take a ride out in the country? We can even stop off and have ice cream at one of the old-fashioned ice cream parlors.”

  “I think it sounds like a great idea.”

  When I wake up, Alec is already out of bed. I smell bacon and I know it’s the weekend. Alec always cooks a big breakfast on the weekends. I hear the kids laughing, and it makes me smile.

  When I walk out in the living room, I am surprised to see that James, Raelynn, and Alec are already dressed for the day. “Do you guys think you have school today?” I ask, looking at each of them.

  “No, momma, it’s Saturday,” James says, rolling his car over Raelynn’s Barbie doll.

  “Did I sleep in today?” I ask, looking at the clock on the stove.

  “Nope, daddy woke us up early so we could go shopping!” Raelynn says, excitedly.

  Alec is standing at the stove with his back to me. “Alec, what are you going shopping for? We don’t need anything, do we?”

  “Milk, we need milk and bread,” he stutters.

  “I just bought some the other day; are you sure we are out already?” I stand up and walk to the refrigerator. “We have milk, see.”

  Alec walks over to me and takes it from my hands before he empties the entire container down the sink. “It’s spoiled, I meant to throw it out earlier.” He takes the now empty milk jug and places it with the recyclables.

  “I know I checked the date on that when I bought it. Are you sure it was bad?”

  “It’s time to eat. Emma, do you want toast with your eggs?” Alec asks as he places the bacon, eggs, and toast on the plates.

  “Yes, please.”

  After breakfast, Alec takes the kids to the store to get milk. I offered to go with them, but he wanted to take the kids alone. I’ll do the dishes, clean up, and shower while they’re gone. Being home alone for a change feels kind of nice. I play some Nickelback’s album Silver Side Up, which includes “How You Remind Me,” and start to make the beds.

  Nickelback is a Canadian rock group that almost everyone pretends to hate. The 30 million albums that Nickelback has sold shows that in reality almost everyone secretly loves them.

  I dust the living room and admire the family portraits of us throughout the house. I quickly do the dishes and take a hot bubble bath before Alec and the kids get home. I do my hair, apply my makeup, and get dressed in a white and pale blue sundress. When they still aren’t home, I become worried. I send Alec a text.

  Emma: Where are you?

  Alec: Still at the store; sorry, it’s taking longer than I thought.

  Emma: That’s all right. I was just worried.

  Alec: We’ll be home soon.

  I make some sweet tea in my very clean kitchen, change the music in the CD player to Keith Urban and sit on the front porch and wait for my family to get home. I wave to Brooke, Brice, and the boys as they pull out of their driveway.

  When my tea is gone, I walk back into the house. I have no idea what to do in this house alone. I walk room to room looking for something to clean. I run to the door when I hear the car door close.

  I wait on the front porch and watch as Raelynn then James get out of the backseat of the car. Alec looks up at me and smiles. Raelynn and James run up to the porch, and Alec walks slowly behind them. I bend down and hug Rae and then James.

  “You look stunning today,” Alec says, bending down to kiss me.

  “Thank you; do you need help carrying in the groceries?”

  “I’m sorry, what?” he asks, looking at me like he has no idea what I’m talking about.

  “The groceries, do you need help carrying them into the house?”

  “No, we couldn’t decide what to buy. I need to get a shower before we leave for dinner.”

  I watch him walk down the hallway towards the bedroom. “Did you at least buy some milk?”

  “No, they were out of milk,” he yells before he disappears into the bedroom and shuts the door behind him.

  I walk into the bedroom, and Raelynn and James are looking under the bed for something. “Hi, can I help you find something.”

  “I’m looking for my lucky rock,” James says, but doesn’t look up at me.

  “James, you have your lucky rocks up here on your bookshelf.”

  “No, Emma, he’s looking for his luckiest rock,” Raelynn says, seriously.

  “The one daddy gave to me.”

  I immediately know what rock he is talking about. I open James’ top drawer to his dresser and lift up the smooth turquois-colored rock. “James, is this the one you are looking for?”

  He and Rae poke their heads out from under the bed, and he quickly stands up. “Thank you. I thought I lost it.” He takes the rock from me and places it in h
is pocket.

  “We should get you kids changed into something appropriate for dinner tonight. What would you like to wear tonight?”

  “I want to wear a dress tonight, Emma,” Raelynn says, walking to the closet and going through her side of the clothes.

  “Ok, is there a special dress you want to wear?”

  “Let me look. I want something special.”

  I look at James and ask, “Do you want to wear your Batman shirt tonight?”

  “No, momma, I want to wear something nice, too,” James says.

  “Here, Emma, I want to wear this dress.”

  I look at Rae and she is holding up a very pretty floral sundress. “I think this is perfect.”

  “What can I wear, momma?”

  “Let’s see, James.” I look in his closet and find a nice pair of khakis and a blue button-up shirt. “How about these?” I ask, holding up the outfit for him to see.

  “Good.” he says, stepping out of his jean shorts.

  Once both kids are dressed, we wait for Alec to get ready. I watch as James places his lucky rock in his front pocket of his pants. I smile as I think about it being his lucky rock. My boy and his rocks.

  Alec walks into the living room wearing a pair of khakis, a white button-up shirt, and a pair of tan Sperrys.

  “Are we ready to go?” he asks, smiling, and the kids jump up. “Wow, Raelynn, you look very pretty tonight.”

  “Thank you, daddy,” she says, as she skips past him.

  “James, you look very handsome, too,” he says.

  “Thank you, Alec.”

  Chapter Eight: Is It the Beginning or is It the End?

  Alec

  We take the back roads and stop at a small restaurant just on the outskirts of town. I say, “It isn’t anything fancy, but I hear they have good food.”

  “Do they have grilled cheese, Daddy?”

  Emma looks up at the restaurant and says, “It looks like a place that has grilled cheese, Raelynn.” I look at her and smile. “I think we may be a little overdressed,” she adds.

  “Come on, how bad can it be?”

  I open Emma’s, Raelynn’s, and then James’ door. Emma and I walk behind the kids through the dirt parking lot.