A Heavenly Kind of Love

by Lexi Ostrow

  “Wait, angels can remove cancer?”

  “We can intervene, but it is rare.”

  “So I’ll be free?”

  A tear slipped down his face, and she sank down, laying back in the bed.

  “I’m going to die.”

  He shook his head fiercely and climbed into the bed beside her. “They will not save you, but that does not mean you cannot save yourself. That is what we will do. Together.”

  She went to speak, but sound would not come out. Her voice was lodged in her throat. She wanted to believe him but was so certain she was still dreaming.

  “How bad is it?”

  “As an Angel, I see the aura following you. It’s so dense and dark I can scarcely see you even though I’m staring right at you.”

  Warm tears raced down her face, and she felt her cheeks quiver. A dream would not be this cruel. “I’m not okay?”

  He curled her against him and kissed the top of her head. “No, but you will be. You will fight to be.”

  Her breath got stuck in her throat and swallowed again. “I believe you. I don’t understand why or how, but I love you, and I’m so damn glad you aren’t someone terrible.” She gasped. “Oh my gosh, I can’t say that, can I?”

  “No god, you can say whatever you wish. You believe me?”

  “If a man who is claiming to be a Guardian Angel is going to fight to save my life and loves me as much as I love him, I am not going to turn that away.”

  He kissed her. A gentle caress that heated her body. Turning into his embrace, she kissed him, lost herself in him. Every stroke of his tongue against hers was more than it had been before. She had more energy as well.

  “I cannot thank you enough.” She breathed when they broke their kiss.

  “Fight. That is how you can thank me.” He lay beside her. “And promise to love me once my wings are gone.”

  “Yes. To both.” She kissed him again. “This is absolutely insane.” She lay next to him, her hand brushing against something fuzzy and she grabbed it between her fingers. “Oh, Gabe.”

  “I feel it. My wings are fading. This happened before—when I failed to be a proper Battle Angel and my golden wings melted to white.” His tone hushed. “Only this time they’ll just be gone.”

  “I love you. I don’t understand how I could deserve this sacrifice, but I will make certain every day we have left is the best it can be.”

  “Shh, just say every day, please. We’ll beat this. But for now, I think I’m going to need you to take care of me for just a little.”

  Pushing up, she saw the sheen of sweat on his brow. “Anything.”

  She was going to care for the most amazing man she’d ever met as he gave up the most incredible gift that she apparently truly believed in because according to his words, he would fall once she accepted his tale.

  Oh my god, I’m in love with an angel.

  Twenty-Five

  “So this is chemo?” Gabe asked with a sideways smile as he squeezed her hand.

  “This is chemo.” She leaned in as close as she could. “Probably pretty boring for an ex-warrior angel.”

  “Battle.” He corrected with a grin. “And yes, it really is. I can’t believe we’re up to two hours and forty-five minutes.”

  Scoffing, she pulled her hand from his, cringing at the friction from such a small movement. “You are supposed to tell me that any time spent with me is not boring.”

  “So you want me to start lying to you . . . again?”

  “Ooh, you are infuriating. How did I not know this about you?”

  He chuckled. “I am mostly the same person I was a few days ago. You just have the added benefit of knowing I’m a lot older than a look.”

  “And still somehow able to make me feel so much better.” Cassandra looked around, surprised none of the nurses had come to check on her. “You don’t think they think it’s strange that I’m not getting sick this time, do you?”

  “Would you rather that?”

  “God no!” His healing touch had not left when his wings had melted away. It wasn’t as potent as that first night, but it still worked wonders. “This is the last session, and the first one I haven’t wanted banish food from my sight.”

  “Well then, if I’m doing such a good job, that must mean you’ll be up for a little something more . . . aerobic in a day or so.”

  Her mind immediately began to fantasize about seeing him naked, crawling up her bed to make love to her.

  “I can’t read your thoughts, but I have a damn good idea of what you might be thinking.”

  “I’m thinking had you made me feel better all those other times we could have enjoyed a lot more.”

  “I was human before, you experienced residual powers. Now I’m a Fallen Angel. I lost my wings, but I’m still an angel my genetics. My healing and calming abilities don’t go as far as they once did, but I’m going to do whatever it takes, no matter how many times, to make certain you are comfortable every damn second of the day.”

  She wanted to lean over and kiss him, but again, didn’t want the doctors and nurses on staff to think she was taking some severe drug cocktail to be in such good condition.

  For the past three days she had locked herself away in the tiny apartment with Gabe. The first few moments after his wings slipped away were hard. He explained his small angel assets, and she’d picked a fight that he could make her feel better, but not heal her. She’d been furious a healing gift came with limits. Once she’d calmed down and remembered he gave up everything to save her, did she realize she was acting horribly.

  Night and day had blended together as she alternated from questioning him and sleeping. She’d asked so much she didn’t know why he hadn’t walked out in annoyance. Likely because he no longer had a place to live, a source of income or a car.

  “I was thinking, and I won’t be offended either way, but you have nowhere to live now.”

  “I don’t?” He raised a brow. “And here I thought the woman who loved me wanted to keep me close.”

  Laughing, she winced as pain sliced through her from the IV needle since Gabe wasn’t touching her. “I was actually going to suggest you move in.”

  “Well, I’d love too.” He glanced around the room. “Is it always this empty? I would think that makes it harder to cope with.”

  “No, but it does vary. My first session I took the last bed. The second it was empty like this too.” She shivered as memories from just a month ago already haunted her. “This could really be the last one with the damn red devil thanks to the Herceptin.” Cassandra wanted to smile, but she knew it wasn’t going to be the end, maybe just the end of this round.

  No doctor needed to tell her the cancer wasn’t gone. If not for Gabe’s . . . interesting skills . . . she would barely be able to move some days. Thanks to him, she’d had an almost boring few days. Only the quick way she tired out could not be helped.

  “You don’t look happy.”

  “I know it’s not the last. I know my cancer isn’t gone.”

  “We don’t know for certain.”

  “Less than a week ago the blackness was so intrusive you claimed you couldn’t see me through it.”

  “And in that week I’ve healed your pain frequently. Just because the angels say we cannot cure illness with our powers doesn’t mean it’s true.” The whispered words did nothing to assure her. “Would this be the wrong time to bring up that from all the reading I did, your body handled the chemo well?”

  “Yes, it would.” She’d only lost eight pounds, but she could see it when she looked in the mirror, and it upset her. Her hands were still a horrible yellow color, and occasionally the skin peeled back. Her feet too. All that hadn’t truly been taken by the chemo was her hair. It was thinner, but hadn’t actually fallen out.

  “What about what Shay said yesterday in group?”

  “Don’t try to make me feel better.”

  “You heard her, she’s jealous of the beautiful way your hair has only lost its shi
ne. Take that.”

  “A lot of it has thinned out.” She saw his scowl and acknowledged her negativity level was a bit high. “You’re right. Thank you for reminding me. I guess I’m still upset I got worse - that I’m not done like I thought I would be after two months. In fact, this was easy compared to what comes next.”

  “Sorry to butt in.” Greg walked, cutting the conversation short. “How does it feel to be all done with the initial round of treatment?”

  “Like I’m ready for the intake procedure in two weeks.”

  “That’s the attitude! Most patients are a bit hesitant to come for any chemo treatments that force them to stay, but it’s for the best. You’ll meet with Doctor Dresdell in about three days.”

  “What for?”

  He pulled a vial from his pocket. “To go over the latest blood results.” Just like always, the needle was inserted into the IV line right after it was removed. “She might still need a scan, so don’t be surprised if you get a call to schedule one.”

  Her eyes were on Gabe’s, not the vial, as it filled with her blood. He was staring back at her as well. “Just a few more seconds.”

  “Exactly.” Greg released the vial. “It’s nice to see her have someone back here. Always makes the time pass so much faster.”

  “I’ll be with her during visiting hours after the new year as well.”

  Greg’s smile was genuine, and Cassandra recognized why she liked him more than Lucy, he was a bit more down to earth. “You guys have a great New Year’s Eve.”

  Gabe jerked his head as she tried to get out of the bed without assistance. Heeding his warning, she put her hand in his and let him help her off.

  “Are you certain I can’t get you a wheelchair? It’s standard at this point in most people’s treatments.”

  “I think I’m all right.” Bile rose in her throat. I’m cheating. She didn’t turn to look at Gabe but spoke to him softly. “I need to talk to you when we get outside.”

  He nodded, placed his hand on her back, and they took slow, deliberate steps. She smiled at Shelby, the woman who checked her in, and nodded to Tammy—the woman she’d met at her first treatment.

  It wasn’t until the door to the office clicked closed behind her, and they were in the hall that she spoke.

  “I need you to stop making me feel better.”

  Gabe twitched, and his face scrunched up. “I’m sorry?”

  “There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of people suffering from cancer right now. I can’t take the easy way out because an angel fell in love with me.” I sound insane.

  They walked, continuing their conversation in hushed tones down the hall and onto the elevator.

  “You’re not thinking this through.”

  “No. I am. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for all you’ve done for me, for these past few days. But I can’t do this the easy way. I need to listen to my body. If you’re constantly making me feel better, I can’t do that.”

  The elevator door opened a floor early, and a doctor stepped on, silencing their conversation. The silence was palpable and the sixteen seconds until the door opened again might have been the longest of her life.

  “So what you’re telling me is my comforting you is making you feel guilty.”

  “Yes, but also, think about it. If you’d been making me comfortable before my nose might not have bled and I wouldn’t have known the cancer was spreading. I might be dead now if we hadn’t changed my treatment plan so quickly.”

  Gabe said nothing. He didn’t have to. The emotions crossing over his face were clear as day. The anger which had set his mouth and eyebrows in firm, straight lines, subtly softened. His lips parted, almost to an “o” shape and tears shimmered in his eyes.

  “You’re right.”

  She smiled, and a tear slipped out of her right eye. You’re giving up comfort in what could be your final days in order to help make them not be your final days. It will be okay.

  “Remember I told you your soul is one of the brightest I’ve ever seen?”

  She nodded.

  “This is one of those reasons. Your guilt at feeling better is the only reason you even thought of the potential dangers. Dangers I should have thought of, but didn’t. Dangers I almost failed to protect you from.”

  Squeezing his hand, she smiled at him. “This is pretty uncharted territory. I went from fighting alone to fighting with the man I love . . . who happens to be more than a normal man.”

  He pushed open the door and held it. The night was cold, but the Uber he’d set up was waiting.

  “Come on. I want to go home and take a shower. It’s been forever since I could tolerate the prick of water against my skin. This is probably the last time I will . . . at least until the nerve endings grow back when the chemo is over.”

  “You have so much hope.” Gabe leaned down and kissed her before ushering her up to the car. “Don’t ever lose that.”

  “Kind of hard now that I know who I have fighting on my side.”

  “Come on then, let’s get you the best shower ever.”

  * * *

  Cassandra’s body quaked as she stared, mouth agape, at the white towel she pulled off her head. Chunks of black hair lined the folds in swirls.

  “No,” her gaze lifted to the mirror as tears slid down her cheeks. “I’m not ready. I thought I escaped this.” Her hands instinctively reached up to her head and ran through her hair.

  Her cry was sharp as her hands came away from her head with tangles of black hair caught around them. Every inch of her body shook as she stepped backward, shaking her head. “No. No.” Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as her back crashed into the bathroom wall. Cassandra skidded down it.

  She’d been warned. She knew it all anyway. She’d thought the doctor had been wrong, that she would be spared this.

  Nothing had prepared her to see her hair fall out.

  Her breath constricted in her chest as the panic set in. The side effects were plentiful: pain, tiredness, weight loss. Cassandra had prepared for those, hadn’t even cried over her sallow, tired appearance. Her hair wasn’t supposed to fall out, not after so many treatments. You didn’t avoid anything.

  “I thought I would get better before it got this far.” Her nose burned as she tried to force back more tears. She was alive, her hair loss wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

  Yet, it felt like it.

  With her eyes squeezed shut, Cassandra tried to rid her mind of the horrid image. Bile churned in her stomach and all she could see was her fingers covered in strands of hair.

  “Cass?” Gabe’s voice came softly through the bathroom door.

  Her foot darted out, slamming against the door. “I’m fine. Don’t come in!” Her voice trembled, betraying her words.

  “That’s not how this works.” Gabe’s voice was gruff just before he put pressure on the door.

  Strength was hard to come by thanks to the chemo, but Cassandra fought to keep her foot on the door. A fight that lasted less than a minute.

  “What’s -” Gabe’s voice cut out, and she felt the flow of air as he dropped to a squat in front of her and put his hands on her knees. “Just breathe.” He gave a gentle squeeze before his fingers lifted her chin.

  She stared into his vibrant green eyes and saw herself. Fear and sorrow reflected back at her.

  Hers.

  “Please don’t look at me,” her request was barely more than a whispered plea.

  “I’m never going to stop looking at you. You’re beautiful, Cassandra Marks. This does not define you.” He put his hand over her heart. “This does.”

  A shudder tore through her, cracking her back into the wall. “Gabe -”

  His hands cupped her face, pulling her closer to him. The kiss he placed on her forehead was warm and enveloped her in comfort. Her heartbeat slowed, and the image she pictured of herself with bald patches vanished.

  “I didn’t know you could do that too, make thoughts vanish.” She didn’t move off the
wall, she wasn’t ready to see what she looked like.

  “Guardian Angels, even fallen ones, can do a number of things besides make pain go away.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. “That, however, was because I love you.”

  His words echoed through her mind, but she didn’t want to believe them. He was simply trying to calm her down. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  “I believe this is the moment you’re supposed to say it back, like every other time.”

  With her heart pounding in her chest she finally spoke. “I will not let you say those words to me anymore, I can’t. You are a magnificent creature, and that’s why it’s not a possibility. Thank you for being with me through all of this.” Her hair falling out, combined with the knowledge of what was to come was too much to ignore. She’d make him find a way to get his wings in case she passed.

  His lips descended on hers, capturing her in a searing kiss that moved through her entire body. It rushed over her, like warm waves crashing over her feet on a bright sunny day at the beach. The smell of the water filled her senses.

  “You’re doing that too? Making me think comforting thoughts?”

  “Mhm.” Gabe’s body crowded against her, but his hands were tender as he pulled her towel off, untucking it from under her arms. His touch was feather light, something that rarely anything was thanks to the dead nerve endings from chemo.

  Her body quickened in a way she hadn’t believed possible any longer, but it did thanks to his touch. Sliding her arms around his neck, she pressed her body into his. He was warm, solid, and there.

  So very there.

  Gabe trailed his lips down her neck in a loving path before his hands cupped her breasts. She gasped, not from pain, but pleasure.

  When he pulled back from the kiss, they both took panted breaths. Slowly, Cassandra opened her eyes and found herself looking into Gabe’s once more. She didn’t see herself this time, she saw desire. It shone from the center of his eye and nearly encompassed her.

  “Not like this,” his words were rasped out as he lifted her off the tile floor.

  His steps vibrated through her, each one causing her to take a deep breath and ground herself. She was going to have sex with an honest to goodness angel.