Rush (The Beat and The Pulse #9)

by Amity Cross

  “I’m tempted,” Margaret said, searching for her phone in her Hermès Birkin handbag. “He’s really hot…and he practically propositioned me on the spot. I admit…I was turned on.”

  “Did he see your ring?” I drawled, earning myself a scathing look from Heather. “Divorces are more costly than engagements.”

  “You wouldn’t!” Belinda exclaimed, completely ignoring me.

  “You would cheat on Justin?” Heather asked, looking aghast. It paralleled what I was feeling inside, and I restrained the urge to throw down then and there. Of all the insensitive bitches…

  Zoning out before I did something that would get me thrown out of yet another hotel, I thought about Ryan. I wondered what he was doing now. If he’d already moved on, if he’d gotten his fight yet, and if he’d been thinking about me. It was completely selfish to hope he was still interested after I’d blatantly used him like I had, but I still hoped.

  The entire point about the bucket list week was growing as a person through the experiences I’d never had, right? I was more than my job and my relationship, and underneath all of the shallow bullshit I’d naively bought into, there was someone worth knowing. Right?

  My life had turned to complete shit, and it had to be for a reason. The universe couldn’t be that cruel, could it? This was my chance to be a better person. If I could learn and grow, then maybe Ryan would take me back. If he could see, then maybe things would turn out okay…but would he even listen?

  “See?” Margaret declared, turning her phone around. “Isn’t he just…completely fuckable?”

  Completely bored with her latest attempt at having an open relationship with her wet dishrag of a husband, I glanced at her phone. I kind of had to since it was shoved right into my face, and I wouldn’t get out of here alive until I gave her the reaction she was looking for, but when I saw the picture, I blanched, almost throwing up the bright pink macaroon I’d shoved into my mouth earlier.

  It was a selfie she took, and in the foreground, she was wearing her gym clothes, looking beautiful and not in the least bit sweaty. Over her shoulder was a face I knew all too well. I remembered the rise and fall of his cheekbones, the angle of his jaw, the taste of his lips… Ryan Harper stood with Margaret—one of my oldest friends, who’d somehow become my mortal enemy for reasons unknown—looking…well, I could neither confirm nor deny his enthusiasm levels, and that was what threw me the most.

  Margaret smirked triumphantly. I’d given her the exact reaction she’d been looking for. Horror.

  “That’s Ryan Harper,” Belinda exclaimed. “That kid from high school that used to crash all our parties. It’s him, right?”

  “He got…ripped,” Heather said, snatching the phone so she could zoom in.

  “Didn’t he used to be hot for Jade?” Belinda went on. “He was always hanging around her.”

  “She’s sitting right here,” I declared.

  “Oh, don’t be so melodramatic, Jade,” Margaret said, flicking her hair. “Just because he’s no longer interested in you, doesn’t mean he can’t be interested in me.”

  Her words slapped me around the face, and I was left stunned. Would he sleep with her to get back at me? Margaret Anastas, megabitch? She was married, but then again, she seemed to get off on the fact Hunter had cheated on me for months while she’d known the entire time. Friends were meant to help one another, not tear them down and taunt them with their heartache.

  I was stuck, and she didn’t even know how cornered she had me. Poor, homeless, unemployed, heartbroken, and betrayed. If I didn’t have Margaret, Belinda, and Heather, then I had no one. I should’ve walked away right then and there, but my ass was glued to the chair, fear and humiliation welding me in place.

  No one liked to be a target. I suppose that was why I never stood up to her bullying and why I was still letting her walk all over me. I wasn’t strong enough to fight anymore. There was no way I could survive losing everything. This poor excuse for a friendship was the last thing I had.

  So I sat there and took the beating…and Margaret loved me for it.

  Outside, the sun was shining, but inside, my heart reminded me of the Bog of Eternal Stench from the movie Labyrinth.

  I was so completely lost.

  There was no moving forward. There was just floating.

  Walking along the promenade next to the Yarra River, I skirted the Arts Center, crossed St. Kilda Road, and disappeared into the Queen Victoria Gardens. Here, among all the greenery, I was well enough alone other than a few families and other people enjoying the parkland, though the hum of the city was ever-present.

  Sitting under the shade of a tree, I studied the floral clock on the lawn, my head spinning. I’d never been to the botanical gardens before, and all it reminded me of was Ryan. Taking out the bucket list from my bag, I found my pen and added a new item to the list. Visit the Botanical Gardens.

  “Check,” I whispered.

  Staring at number five and its question marks, tears began to well. Reaching for my phone, I unlocked the screen and scrolled through my contacts. When I reached Ryan’s name, my finger hovered, poised on the precipice.

  I was waiting for my Pretty Woman moment where Ryan would roll on by in a stretch limousine, emerge from the skylight in the roof, and shower me with dozens of red roses…but he never did. He was probably too busy fucking Margaret to punish me.

  Ryan fucking Margaret. Oh, God.

  Finally, I sighed and scrolled back up to Hunter’s number and pressed the screen. The call rang and rang, then went to voicemail.

  “Hello. You’ve reached the voicemail of Hunter Ballinger. I’m currently unavailable. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a short message after the beep, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.”

  “Hunter, it’s Jade…” I sighed not even knowing what to say. “Listen, I’m just calling to… Actually, I’m not sure why I’m calling. I’ve had a lot of time to think and I, um… I know I spent more time thinking about work than I did you, but if you had a problem with it, you should’ve said something. I could’ve been a better girlfriend.” I watched a young family walk past and narrowed my eyes. That could’ve been Hunter and me in a few years. Baby and all. “Would you have said anything if I hadn’t caught you? I’m not really sure anymore… Maybe we were never meant to get married… Maybe this whole mess was unavoidable. Who knows? I sure as fuck don’t know who I am anymore.” I snorted, glancing at my lap. “Listen, Hunter. I need my money. I don’t have anything. I lost my job, Margaret wouldn’t help me even if I asked, and I don’t want to burden my parents with this mess. I’m a few days away from being out on the street with zero to my name. If you could just have your assistant or whoever transfer my money into my new account…that’s all I’m asking. I don’t need an explanation or an apology or whatever. I just need my money. And…let me know where you want me to send the ring, and I’ll, uh… Okay. I, uh… Bye.”

  It was cold after all the years we’d been together, but I wasn’t sure I should’ve acted any different.

  I hung up the call, humiliation and despair washing over me. Admitting that I was falling apart to the man I was supposed to marry felt like I was betraying the person I was supposed to be. I was meant to be strong, empowered, and ballsy enough to deal with this shit. Wasn’t I?

  Letting my phone fall into my handbag, I picked up the bucket list and crumpled it in my hand.

  My entire life had been a sham.

  22

  Ryan

  No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jade.

  Her claws had sunk into my heart and hadn’t let go, which was a clear indicator of how much she’d come to mean to me…and how she’d never left. All those years had passed, and I hadn’t let go of the fantasy.

  Sitting on the couch she’d slept on for a solid week and the couch where we’d fucked, I shoved my hand down my shorts and grasped my cock. I couldn’t get rid of her, no matter how hard I tried. She was just…all arou
nd me.

  Stroking my shaft, I realized I would have to move. I would have to find another place to live because every time I opened my eyes, she was there. She was everywhere.

  When I’d finally claimed her body—my cock sliding through her wetness—I’d thought I’d finally made it. She saw in me the things I saw in her. Had I seen them, or was it all part of the dream?

  Pulling my erection out, I sat there and began stroking. My palm squeezed as I moved up and down, my other hand massaging my balls. In my fantasy, Jade straddled me, guiding my cock to her opening. Then she lowered herself, taking me deep before riding me. My hands would grasp her waist and move her as I thrust upward. She liked it hard and a little rough, and the faster I pounded against her clit, the more she begged. The exact moment she lost it was intoxicating, and her moans…they were the best drug.

  Ripping off my T-shirt, I leaned forward and pumped harder, needing to come and come until she was out of my system. She had to get the fuck out of my head so I could stop feeling so empty.

  Outside of Pulse and fighting, I was alone. I would’ve given her it all. I had given her everything, but she squashed it down and treated it like it was bargain basement. A twenty-thousand-dollar ring meant more to her than my unconditional love. For a man like me admitting that shit? She should be so fucking lucky.

  I came, my come bursting from the tip of my cock and landing over my abs. Grunting, I squeezed my balls before stroking my shaft, milking the last of my orgasm. Imagining her tongue lapping at my crown, I rubbed my fingers over myself, spreading the last beads of my release across my tight skin.

  When I was finally spent, I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling, my fantasy dissolving into darkness.

  Would I ever be rid of her ghost?

  After another hard day of training, I spent the walk home attempting to keep my mind on the comings and goings of the AUFC.

  Hopefully, by next week, I would have word of a fight. Then all of the false starts and empty leads would finally amount to something. Twenty-eight was a little late for me to start, but it was better than nothing. Ash had torn Cole and me from the butt crack of the fighting world and trained us to climb to the top, and fucked if I was letting him down. I couldn’t let a little heartache get in the way of my big break.

  “Hey.”

  Turning, my gaze collided with none other than Margaret Anastas, and my heart sank like a ton of bricks. I almost thought it was Jade, but she’d disappeared after I’d kicked her out. She hadn’t even tried, and I wasn’t sure what I thought about that. I was the one who told her to get the fuck out of my apartment and never come back. She was just honoring my wishes. Who could be pissed at that?

  Narrowing my eyes at Margaret, I willed her to go away. I wasn’t in the mood for whatever cat and mouse game she was attempting to play.

  “How did you even know where I live?” I asked, scowling. She opened her mouth, but I said, “Don’t answer that.” Money talked if you knew the right people to throw it at.

  “I was tired of waiting,” she said with a pout.

  Slapping her hand on the door, she sauntered right in. Rolling my eyes, I decided to play along and see where this was going. I could have a decent stab at it, but underneath her obvious proposition for sex, something else was in play, and I didn’t like it.

  Margaret had always been the master manipulator, twisting and embellishing the truth until she got what she wanted, feelings and decency be damned. Leaving high school hadn’t seemed to have changed her, neither had getting married. The only thing that had changed was her playground was that much bigger…and she didn’t seem so prudish about spreading her legs in pursuit of a scheme.

  She followed me upstairs and into my apartment where I immediately ignored her. Either I was too polite for my own good or I was so horny for a woman who’d broken my heart I would fuck just about anything to get over her.

  “Sit,” Margaret murmured. “Let me show you what you’re missing.”

  Sitting on the couch, I watched her with a scowl as she stood before me. Any second now, she would realize I wasn’t interested and her supposed open marriage lie would come back and bite her in the ass. She would turn tail and walk out…but she didn’t. The moment she took her top and skirt off and stood in front of me in nothing but her lacy blue underwear, I realized she was serious. She was prepared to go all the way with her scheme. A scheme she’d likely set up to get at Jade.

  Margaret climbed onto my lap and placed her hands on my shoulders, her fingers stroking the nape of my neck. She rubbed her pussy against my crotch, and nothing happened. She seemed to be enjoying herself, moaning and purring while she brushed her fake tits against my face. She felt like a plastic porn star, overcompensating and overperforming. It was empty, and not even the temptation of meaningless sex excited me. A guaranteed no-strings fuck sat in my lap, and my cock was limp. How…unexpected.

  “Get off,” I snapped, pushing her away from my face.

  “Why?” She palmed her lace-covered breasts and squished them together. “Don’t you want to fuck my tits? I’ll let you come on them.”

  “You’re married, Margaret,” I said, looking her in the eye. “I’m not going to be your bit on the side. I’ve never bought into your open marriage bullshit.”

  “You’ve never fantasized about fucking a married woman?” she said seductively. “Jerked off at the thought of fucking hard in another man’s bed and the thrill of doing something illicit and dangerous…”

  “Like Hunter did to Jade, you mean?”

  “This isn’t about Jade,” she replied, her eyes narrowing.

  “But you fucked Hunter behind her back, right?” Her eyes bulged, and I knew my wild guess was right. “Did you let him fuck your tits, too?”

  Margaret pouted and undid the clasp on the back of her bra, exposing her breasts in a last-ditch attempt. “I like filthy sex, so what? Even the rich like cock in their mouths, Ryan. What a shock. I like it up the ass, too.”

  I snorted, not in the least bit interested in looking at her boob job. “You’re only looking at me now because I have something you want. It’s not about who I am. Not to you.”

  “Yeah, I want to deep throat you, so what? We both get something out of it.”

  “You’re using me to get to Jade, that much is perfectly clear,” I said angrily. “And I’m not the kind of person who gets used. I doubt you understand what real friendship and love are about, the way you surround yourself with ass-licking rich bitches. If you don’t think you’ll end up exactly like one of your victims one day, you’re fucking dreaming. It’s only a matter of time before someone knocks you off your pedestal. You’re already alone like the manipulative bully you are. Now get the fuck out of my face, go home to your husband, and never come back.”

  “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” She looked genuinely shocked that people could actually love someone other than her. “You’re, like, actually in love with her.”

  “Unless it’s something you can buy, I doubt you would understand.”

  “Fuck you,” she snapped, climbing off my lap. “You’ll regret this. I guarantee it.”

  “I’m pretty sure I won’t. You know why?” I gestured to my dick. “You never even got me hard.”

  She scoffed and picked up her clothes, hastily attempting to dress as she made for the exit. Snorting as she finally left, slamming the door behind her, I ran my hand over my face.

  What sweet kind of hell was this? These were the kind of people Jade surrounded herself with? Her best friend was trying to destroy her after screwing her fiancé behind her back, and she thought she was nothing without her fancy job and overtime. What was the point of all this shit? Her world was totally insane.

  If I learned only one thing from this fucking mess, it was that I was never going to be anyone’s second choice. Not anymore.

  23

  Jade

  A week after I’d called Hunter, money appeared in my bank account along with a m
essage from his assistant.

  Hello, Jade, I’ve transferred a sum of money to you as per your request. I’ve made arrangements for you to leave the ring at the Melbourne Tiffany & Co store. They are expecting you. Mary Dean, assistant to Hunter Ballinger LLM.

  I didn’t hear a single peep out of Hunter, but I wasn’t expecting a miracle. He’d cut all ties and severed me out of his life, and now it was like I’d never been a part of it at all. A relationship we’d been in and out of since we were fifteen—twelve years of our lives—was just…gone. It was all wrapped up with a little bow on top…put there by his assistant.

  My entire existence was erased, and the only thing I had left was the poisonous friendship of Margaret Anastas and her posse.

  Another Saturday meant another brunch at the Langham. Sitting next to Margaret at the table, I peered at Belinda and Heather before filling my cup with tea. No one had said anything to me yet, which hopefully meant no one knew about my current lack of employment. It was only a matter of time, but I didn’t want it to be today. Not when talk about Margaret’s conquest of Ryan was imminent.

  We went through the motions, which meant I sat back silently as Margaret ripped through the latest roundup of local gossip with Belinda and Heather throwing in their own snide observations. It seemed they were over the swimwear debacle and had moved on to some screenshot from someone’s private Facebook message that was full of some duplicitous scandal.

  I should’ve left ages ago, and I wasn’t referring to today’s brunch. I was referring to our collective friendship. I should’ve just faded away into the background.

  Turning to me, Margaret smiled, her eyes flashing with a malicious gleam. “Jade, when were you going to tell us you were fired from Slattery?”

  I stared at her, my embarrassment and humiliation heating my cheeks. What was I saying about fading into the background before it was too late? Yeah…too late.