Tell Me, Darling

by Kate le Roux

  “Please, sit,” said Sadie. “Joe’s fine; he’s just feeling really awful right now. The medication he’s on is very strong and making him feel sick. He’ll feel more up to talking tomorrow.”

  “He said you were a nurse,” said Eleanor. “Have you been looking after him?”

  “No,” said Sadie. “I don’t work in this ward. But … I’ve been trying to help.” It was hard to explain. She felt as if she had been bumped sideways, as if her position as the one taking care of Joe had suddenly been usurped by the arrival of his mother. Where did she fit in now that his mother was here?

  “We haven’t seen the doctor,” said Eleanor. “Joe says he’s going to be fine but I would prefer to hear it from the doctor.”

  “The surgeon who operated on him is a friend of mine,” said Sadie. “I spoke to him this morning. He says he’s confident that Joe will make a full recovery. He was lucky.”

  “He certainly was,” said Eleanor, putting her hand up to pat her hair into place. Sadie saw her hand was shaking a little and suddenly felt a more sympathetic – after all, of all the people in the world, except for her perhaps, Eleanor loved him the most. It must have been a huge shock to hear he’d been shot. She stepped forward and sat down in the chair next to her. “He’s going to be fine.”

  Eleanor looked up. Sadie wasn’t sure what she saw there – hesitation, definitely. Suspicion – perhaps.

  “If you like I can drive you to my house to fetch the car. It’s very easy to find Joe’s flat from there. I’ll even drive in front of you so you don’t get lost.”

  “Maybe we should just find an hotel,” said Robert. “His flat might not be … suitable.”

  Gosh, thought Sadie. “An” hotel? Who still says that? “It should be fine for you,” she said. “It’s fully kitted out with bedding and everything. There’s a big double bed.”

  Eleanor looked at Sadie and raised her eyebrows. “You sound very familiar with my son’s living arrangements,” said Eleanor. She didn’t say it in a nasty way, but Sadie blushed deeply.

  “Joe and I are friends,” she said, for the second time that day. She wasn’t going to let Eleanor assume things that Joe would have to explain later. “We met in England, years ago. And I am not in the least bit familiar with his bed, if that’s what you are asking.”

  Eleanor couldn’t have looked more shocked if she had said the opposite. “That’s very straightforward,” she said. “But I suppose it helps to know how the land lies. He didn’t mention a girlfriend.”

  Sadie felt a little bad. “He doesn’t have a girlfriend,” she said. Yet, she wanted to add. Not yet.

  “No,” said Eleanor, sitting up straight. “He would have told me. We accept your offer, thank you. But perhaps I should stay with him a little longer.” She looked at the watch on her wrist, and then up at Robert, who still stood with his arms folded.

  “I think it’s best to leave him to rest now,” said Sadie. “He’s not feeling good at all.”

  “If you say so,” said Eleanor. “When the nurse is finished I’ll go and say good night. If you think he can manage that.”

  Sadie decided to be gracious. “Of course,” she said. “I’ll go and see how it’s going.”

  She got up and went into the ward. The curtain around his bed was still drawn.

  “Rose?” she said.

  “All done, love,” called Rose, pulling the curtain open. “Shame,” she whispered, as she walked past the end of the bed. “He’s not feeling too good.”

  Sadie nodded. Joe’s eyes were closed, but he opened them and looked at her.

  “I’ll take them back now,” she said, softly. “Your mom just wants to come and say good night.”

  “Thank you, Sadie,” he said again. “Will you come back afterwards?”

  “You need to sleep,” she said, although she wanted to come back.

  “I really want you to,” he said. “Don’t tell Mum though.”

  She nodded. “All right. I’ll be back later.”

  She drove Eleanor and Robert to fetch the car, trying to make small talk on the way. She thought they might be interested in their surroundings, seeing that they had never been to South Africa before, but they just seemed intent on getting to the flat. She did feel sorry for them, but as she drove away after leading them to the parking lot and showing them how to get inside the building, all she really wanted was to get back to Joe. He wanted her with him, when even his mother wouldn’t do.

  Chapter 43

  Eleanor was looking refreshed and determined when Sadie walked into Joe’s ward the next day. It was late morning – Sadie had stayed away on purpose, wanting to give Joe some space with his family. He was looking much better and had even stood up earlier.

  “Did it hurt?” Sadie asked, sitting in a chair at the end of the bed. Eleanor had claimed the other one, the chair she sat in when Eleanor wasn’t there.

  “A lot,” he said. “But it’s not too bad now.”

  “We met the doctor,” said Eleanor. “Very nice young man. I couldn’t find your contact solution in your bathroom, Joe. You’ll just have to wear your glasses for now.”

  “I like the glasses,” said Sadie. Eleanor gave her a look – a look that questioned the relevance of her opinion on the subject. Sadie dropped her eyes, wishing she hadn’t said it. But she did like his glasses.

  Joe shifted in his bed. “Glasses are fine for now,” he said. “Easier, with all the napping I seem to be doing.”

  After half an hour Sadie realised that there was not much point in staying. Eleanor had no intention of leaving, and Joe seemed resigned to it.

  “So,” said Eleanor, after she had arranged the contents of Joe’s bedside table and sorted out the clothes in the cupboard. “Sadie – you’re not working today?”

  “I have a shift tonight,” she said.

  “Sadie delivers babies,” said Joe.

  “Wonderful,” said Eleanor.

  “If you’d like to get out for a bit later, I could take you for a drive,” said Sadie. “I could show you some of the sights.”

  “I didn’t come to see the sights,” said Eleanor. “I came to take care of my son who got shot trying to help the people of this country. I’m not in a hurry to go out there, thank you.”

  “Mum,” said Joe. “You don’t need to be afraid. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And around here – it’s nothing like Hanover Park.”

  “I am not afraid,” she said. “I’m just not a tourist.”

  “I wouldn’t mind,” said Robert. “We should go out to lunch somewhere, love. We can’t stay in the hospital all the time. I doubt Joe wants us to.”

  Eleanor shook her head. “I don’t want to go out for lunch when Joe is lying in a hospital bed with a bullet in his leg.”

  Joe laughed. “Mum,” he said. “I don’t have a bullet in my leg. I’m going to be fine.” He sat forward and put his hand on her shoulder. Eleanor made a funny sound and Sadie realised she was crying. She slipped out, briefly waving to Joe from the door. He looked up, gave her a quick smile, and then looked down again, his hand still patting his mother’s arm as she sat with her hands over her face.

  Later she sent Joe a message. Offer still open to take your folks somewhere later.

  He replied almost immediately. You don’t have to be a saint. Robert convinced her to get out and they have gone to the Waterfront and the Aquarium. She’ll cheer up, I’m sure. She loves penguins. But thanks for the offer.

  No problem, she replied. I should rest before night shift anyway.

  We still haven’t had a chance to talk, he said. Tomorrow?

  Her heart warmed at that. He hadn’t forgotten. I’ll come around after my shift in the morning, but I’ll probably feel like a zombie. Maybe tomorrow evening?

  All right. I need to talk to you. Sorry about my mum.

  She reassured him that she understood and he signed off. She wondered, for the thousandth time, what he was wanting to talk about. She hoped of course that he w
anted to tell her how he felt about her, but she couldn’t be sure. She thought about what Linda had said, how maybe Joe did like her but couldn’t see a way for it to work. Having his mother here had made her wonder about that too. It was a reminder of their different lives, on different continents. She set an alarm and lay down on her bed. It was probably a good idea to do what she had said, and rest before work that night. But she couldn’t shake off a feeling of doom – a premonition that whatever Joe had to say to her was going to change everything, and she wasn’t confident that it was going to be in a good way.

  Night shift was busy that night. When Sadie arrived at seven, there were three women in labour already, and another arriving for an early morning induction. One of the babies was in distress as he was born and there were some tense moments before the paediatrician arrived and he was taken to the NICU. One of the obstetricians who had to come in at 2am to deliver a baby arrived in a foul mood and made everyone tense. She spent almost two hours walking a very miserable day-old baby around the nursery so his exhausted mother could sleep, and had to deal with one of the ward nurses who she found sleeping in a bathroom. When morning came and the handover was done, she was so tired she didn’t even change out of her green uniform before going to see Joe, as she had planned to. She just wanted to go and see him for a little while, and then get home to her bed. She hoped that it was still early enough that Eleanor and Robert wouldn’t be there yet.

  No such luck. She could hear Eleanor’s voice before she even got to the ward. When she walked in, the first thing she noticed was that Joe was looking tired again. He had dark circles under his eyes.

  “Morning, Sadie,” said Eleanor. “You’re up early!”

  “No,” said Sadie. “I’ve been working all night actually. You’re the ones who are up early.” She tried to smile at Eleanor, but Joe’s mother wasn’t even looking at her. She was looking at her phone, poking at the screen as if it was a typewriter. Sadie smiled to herself. Her mom did that too, sometimes.

  “They just got here a few minutes ago,” said Joe to Sadie. He didn’t sound very enthusiastic about it. He sat up a little, and Sadie noticed that he was moving more comfortably than he had been the previous day.

  “How are you?” asked Sadie, wishing she could go right up to his side. But Eleanor was in her chair again.

  “Feeling less sore,” he said. “But very tired. Maybe not as tired as you look, though.”

  “I was thinking that I’ll get on the phone to the insurance company and the airlines today, Joe,” said Eleanor, not looking up from her phone. “We need to get you home as soon as possible.”

  Sadie felt as if her heart was going to stop beating. She had known in the back of her mind that this had to happen at some point, but not yet – please, not yet. She wasn’t ready to let him go; there was still hope, wasn’t there? But then it hit her – this had to be what he wanted to tell her. He was going home, away from this country where you could get shot just visiting a clinic, away from her.

  For a few seconds Joe didn’t answer his mother. He looked at her, and then at Sadie, who looked down, not wanting Joe to see whatever expression was on her face.

  “Mum,” he said. “We don’t have to talk about that now.”

  “It needs to happen at some point,” said Eleanor. “You can’t stay here. You can’t go back to that little flat and take care of yourself when you’re discharged – you won’t be able to drive. You can come back and stay with us. I’m sure your organisation can find you something quiet to do from there while you get back to full strength. You might not even have to come back. Be realistic, Joe.”

  Joe was quiet. Sadie kept her head down. She willed the tears not to come, but she didn’t have the strength for that. Not now, not when she was so tired. She was so tired of hoping, of longing, of wishing for something that remained so stubbornly out of reach. Maybe it was time, to say good bye to Joe for good and move on somehow. A tear ran down her cheek and dripped off her nose, and she took a tissue out of her pocket to wipe it away. Keep it together, Sadie, she told herself. Just suck it up and get out of here, then you can go home and cry as much as you want. But Eleanor was talking on and on.

  “The doctor said you should be able to fly next week, as long as you can sit in first class and have space to keep your leg raised. The insurance should pay for that – I’ll need to find out. I can help you pack up your flat while I’m still here.”

  “It’s all a bit sudden, Mum,” said Joe. “I haven’t really thought that far yet.”

  Sadie wiped her eyes and stood up. “I’m going to go,” she said, knowing that they would probably see her tears but feeling that she was beyond minding very much. “I’m really exhausted. I’ll come by again tomorrow.”

  “Wait!” Joe’s voice was firm. For a moment she was reminded of camp, of Joe pacing up and down on the grass in the middle of the night when the fire alarm had gone off, ordering the kids to be quiet. She looked at him, and he was looking straight at her, the familiar frown on his face. He turned to his parents. “Mum, Robert – can I ask you to give me a moment with Sadie? I need to talk to her. In private.”

  Eleanor and Robert didn’t respond at first, surprised at Joe’s tone. “All right,” said Robert. “Come, darling. We’ll go and get some coffee.” He led Eleanor out by the elbow and in a few moments, they were gone, and Sadie and Joe were alone.

  Joe sat up straighter on his bed. “Sadie,” he said. “Will you close the curtain? Please.”

  She got up and closed the curtain, even though the only other occupant of the ward right now was an elderly man who seemed fast asleep. She turned to face him and he held out his hand. “Please, Sadie,” he said. She took a step towards the bed and took his hand. He gently pulled her down until she was sitting on the bed beside him. “Will you tell me why you’re crying?” he asked.

  She lifted her face and took a breath. She knew this was it. This was where the path diverged – this odd friendship they had couldn’t carry on any longer, and she was too tired to care about making a fool of herself. “Because you are going away, Joe. I don’t want you to go away.”

  “Sadie,” he said. “I don’t want to go away.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No. I want to stay here. I want to stay here with you.”

  Sadie looked down at her hand in Joe’s. “You want to stay here with me?”

  “Wherever you are,” he said. “I want to be wherever you are.”

  Sadie felt as if she was breathing freely for the first time in months, as if there was too much oxygen in the room. She could look at Joe now and not try to hide what might be behind her eyes. Right now – that was relief, and joy. “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “Anywhere. Even on a ship in the middle of nowhere. And I’m thinking that it’s probably a good sign that you’re not letting go of my hand or telling me you just want to be friends.”

  “Yes,” she laughed. “All good signs, Joe!”

  “So that means … that it’s all right?”

  “That what’s all right?”

  “That I love you? Is it really all right with you?”

  Sadie laughed again and shook her head. Only Joe could make a confession like that so gloriously clumsy and so completely romantic at the same time.

  “I am perfectly happy with that, Joe. And I love you too.”

  “You do?”

  “It took you so long, Joe,” she said, sighing with the utter relief of it all, and not caring any more about holding back the tears. “Why did you wait so long? I had almost given up hope.”

  Joe’s eyes widened. “Sadie – I really am stupid at these things. I had no idea what you would say – I almost said something a few times. I just didn’t know. I was afraid of looking like an idiot and ruining everything. And I couldn’t figure out how it could work, you and me, even if you did want me – I didn’t sleep last night, trying to work it out.”

  “Oh Joe,” said Sadie. “That’s why you look so tired this
morning?”

  He nodded. Then he smiled, moved forward, took off his glasses and put his face so close to hers that she could feel his breath. “Is this all right too?” he whispered.

  Sadie nodded. Of course it was. She closed her eyes, completely incredulous. The moment that she had daydreamed about for years was real and it was a million times more wonderful than she had imagined. It was impossible to believe – that Joe’s hands were on her face, and that he was kissing her as if the world was about to end. He was kissing her as if he didn’t intend to come up for air any time soon, and in fact after a while she had to pull away, reluctantly, just to breathe.

  “Joe!” she gasped, adjusting her glasses which had been knocked sideways.

  Joe’s face was so happy she hardly recognised him. They stared at each other for a while, and he moved his hand to touch her hair. “I started off last night thinking I had maybe a fifty per cent chance. By this morning I had got myself down to about point zero one. I feel as if I just won the lottery.”

  “Oh Joe, you silly man,” said Sadie, putting her hand on his cheek. “You won me long ago. Since camp – I was crazy about you, and you had no idea.”

  “Not no idea,” he said and shook his head. “But I’ve always been an idiot when it comes to these things. Seriously romantically challenged.”

  “You are a bit challenged,” she said. “But I forgive you. And I love you for it.”

  They heard voices outside and pulled apart quickly. “I hate to say it but maybe you should go,” he said softly. “I’ll talk to Mum and Robert. Then you can go home and get some sleep and come and see me as soon as you can. We have so much to talk about.”

  Sadie smiled as she gave his hand one last squeeze and stood up. “Why is this curtain …” she heard, as Eleanor whipped it open and came inside with a paper cup in her hand, stopping abruptly as she caught the tail end of the hand squeeze. Sadie made her apologies and left, wanting very much to laugh at the confused look on Eleanor’s face when she saw Joe’s, lit up with joy where a few moments before it had been so tired and pale. As she walked down the passage and out to her car, she held her hand to her lips, hardly believing that a minute ago she had been kissing Joe. At last – he had spoken at last, and just in time. Thank you, Lord, she prayed. Thank you for perfect timing. And thank you for Joe.