His voice dropped low. “We were happy. I know what I lost. Don’t you get it?”
Suzie did. Looking at him she finally understood what he was feeling, what he was struggling with. Tears blinded her as she reached out to touch him.
He yanked away. “I want to go home,” he snapped. He jerked on the door handle then thrust open the door. Before Suzie could find her voice he had flung himself from the car and charged across the street. He disappeared within seconds.
Chapter Ten
“This way.” Tucker directed the dangerously inebriated man through the side door of the jailhouse. Handcuffed as he was, the man was in danger of stumbling and sprawling onto the concrete floor with no way to break his fall. Tucker had a firm grip on the foul-smelling, somewhat subdued man, not wanting to have to spend the rest of what had turned out to be a miserable day in the emergency room because of this yahoo.
“Whoa,” Cody said, swinging his boots off the desk where he’d had them crossed while reclining in his seat. “I can smell him from here.”
Tucker frowned. “Well, it’s about to get worse. He’s all yours. Watch out for his right hook.”
The drunk ran off a string of slurred words that Tucker didn’t even try to decipher. He was just glad he’d pulled him over when he did, or someone might have been hurt or killed.
“Thanks for the heads-up. Okay, that is just wrong,” Cody said, leaning back as he got a whiff up close.
Tucker headed straight for the sink by the coffeepot in the corner and washed his hands.
The door of the office opened, and he turned to see Suzie, pale and teary-eyed, rush inside.
“Suzie, what’s going on?”
“It’s Abe. He’s run off.”
“At the ranch?”
She shook her head, swiping her eyes with her fingertips. “Just now.”
He grabbed a tissue from the box on the sidebar and handed it to her. “Here? Tell me what’s happened.”
“Just a few minutes ago. He ran off. He wanted to ride into town with me and was upset. Tucker, part of what happened between him and Jake was he said some terrible things to Jake about how bad his life had been, and that Jake didn’t understand how good Abe’s had been. He doesn’t want to fit in here. He wants his old life back—his life with me and Gordon in San Antonio.”
Poor kid. And Suzie, Tucker had to fight not to pull her close and wipe her tears away. “Let’s go find him,” he said. He took a second to stick his head through the door to the back of the jail and tell Cory he was going out. “He can’t have gone far,” he said, reassuring Suzie as he took her arm and led her onto the deserted street. Dew Drop wasn’t the busiest place after stores closed down at five. People were in and out of the Spotted Cow Café, but the stores on the square were pretty much shut down.
Suzie had stopped crying now; he was glad. He wasn’t real comfortable with tears. Growing up with all guys and then joining the marines didn’t give him a lot of experience with tears. And Suzie’s tears cut straight to his heart.
“Thanks for helping me. He ran across the street, toward the inn, but I didn’t see which street he went down.”
Tucker’s office was on a side street just off the square. “We’d better take the SUV. We can make better time than on foot.” He led her around the corner of the building to where his vehicle was parked. Within moments they were driving across town.
“Let’s go down the alley beside the Dew Drop Inn first and then we’ll start the backstreets. He’ll turn up.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “Our streets are about as safe as you can get. So that’s a positive.”
“That’s what I keep telling myself. I know he’s safe. He’s just so upset.”
Tucker was scanning the backs of the buildings as he drove down the road that cut behind the buildings on that side of town. Suzie was doing the same.
“Tucker, I have to find a way to help Abe be stronger. I don’t want this to make him grow up feeling sorry for himself. Which is what I think is happening. Does that make sense? Or does that sound terrible on my part? It’s been two years. And I’m afraid I may have contributed to this without realizing it.”
“It makes sense. You want him to be a survivor and take control, not let the loss of his dad be something that ruins his life. I’m not sure what you mean about your contributing to it, though.”
She looked at him. “He knows how I’ve held this grudge against you. He’s seen the anger in me. The problem I’ve had blaming you for Gordon’s death. I’m sorry about that, Tucker. I’ve realized I was wrong.”
He’d stopped at a stop sign and stared straight ahead as he took in her words. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
She reached across the space between them, placing her hand on his forearm. “No—I do. Gordon was a U.S. marine. A marine. You know more than anyone what that means. You know what that commitment is. Gordon was a hero. He made choices that were true to the man he was. I accept that. I should have done that before now. I let my anger and...some self-pitying attitude overpower my thoughts.”
What did he say to that? She didn’t give him a chance to figure it out as she continued.
“You were the one that pointed out that Gordon led by example. And you’re right. He did.” She smiled. “I’ve spent two years stealing that from him. His son should have been taught to be proud of what his dad did. But no, I overshadowed his bravery and his sacrifice by putting blame on you. I’ve led by example, and it was a bad example.”
Tucker’s heart was thundering in his chest from the touch of her hands and the sincerity in her eyes. Her words didn’t take away the guilt he felt toward himself for being alive while Gordon was dead. But it made him proud of Suzie. “That means a great deal to me. Gordon deserves that respect. It’s going to be all right. Abe’s stronger than he thinks.”
“Yes, he is.”
Tucker drove across the street and began scanning the area again. The elementary school was on this side of town. On a hunch Tucker hung a left and drove toward the back of the school. And there was Abe. He had climbed to the top of the nine-foot slide and was sitting with his feet on the ladder. He looked about as alone as a kid could be.
“There he is.” He pointed, drawing Suzie’s gaze from where she’d been scanning the houses across the road.
“Praise the Lord,” she said, softly.
Tucker pulled into the empty parking space on the street and they walked across the playground. Abe watched them. The sun was starting to lower in the sky. Purple and blue streaks glowed behind Abe on the slide.
Tucker started praying as they walked. Suzie was right. Abe was going to have to get stronger. Something bad had happened in his life. He’d lost a parent and it was a wrong and terrible thing to happen to a kid. Tucker knew from experience. But he and his brothers had each gone through their own mourning period and then they’d moved on. They’d grown from it and used it to become the adults they knew would have pleased their mother. But they’d each had a rough go of it.
Abe would have to find that within himself, and the truth was that only Abe could do it. Abe would have to make the choice of how he would let, not only his father’s death, but his life and sacrifice, affect him. Just as Tucker and Suzie were having to do.
Life went on. No matter what, the wheels of life stopped for no one. Tucker prayed for strength for Abe. And peace.
He prayed for the same for Suzie.
But for himself—until Suzie and Abe were okay, there would be no peace.
* * *
Abe looked sullen and Suzie could tell by the redness around his eyes that he’d been crying. Her mind was whirling—what did she need to say to him?
Instead of glaring at her he stared down at her with zero emotion. His face was lax and his eyes dull as if he’d been so furious moments ago t
hat he’d exhausted everything he had.
“Abe, are you okay?” No, it was clear to see that he wasn’t okay, and yet a mother had to ask.
“What do you think?” he said, dully.
I know what I lost. His earlier words echoed through her heart. “I think we have to find a way to deal with this,” she said, holding her voice steady. Falling apart wouldn’t help anyone. Her child needed her to lead.
“I want to go back home.”
She knew he was talking about San Antonio. “Abe, that isn’t an option. Our life is here now. Our...our life...” She fought the hard lump of emotions. She glanced at Tucker. He didn’t say anything, but the edges of his eyes softened and he gave a slight nod of encouragement. She drew strength from his support. Momentarily she wished...what? “Our life will never be the same as it was. But it can be good again. God— Oh, Abe, God does have a plan—”
“Yeah, whatever.” Abe stood up abruptly on the top rung of the ladder, cutting off her words. He stomped down the rungs. “Let’s just go back. No one understands.”
“Give it some time. Give the guys a chance. They’re a great bunch and they like you.”
“Fine, I guess I’m like them, after all.” He looked so lost it hurt. “Dad loved the marines more than me, anyway. I’ll meet you at the shop.”
“Abe, that’s not true.”
“Your dad loved you very much, Abe,” Tucker spoke up as Abe stalked past him.
“Whatever,” Abe said again and kept walking. “It is what it is.”
Suzie felt weak watching him go. “How has this happened?” she asked Tucker. “He seemed better, and suddenly he’s angrier than ever.”
“Grief comes in waves, Suzie, you know that. You’ve experienced it, I’m sure. But he’s really angry at Gordon. And now the boys.”
“I know....” She rubbed her forehead, a pain throbbing there. “This seems so raw. So new.”
“Has he been angry at Gordon all this time?”
They started walking toward the SUV as Abe disappeared around the edge of the school, heading up the sidewalk. At the rate he was walking, it would take him thirty minutes to make the two blocks to the shop.
“Subconsciously, yes. Me, too. I think— Do you think this could be his hurt coming to the surface finally?” She stopped and turned toward Tucker, raking a hand through her hair in frustration. “The boys of Sunrise Ranch have been abandoned by their families. And I’ve felt deep down that Abe has felt abandoned by Gordon—though he might not have voiced it in any way but through anger.” She paused, the realization coming full force. “I believe being here among them has made him feel like one of them. And he doesn’t want to feel like one of them.”
“He’s fighting it even though he feels that in his heart,” Tucker finished for her.
“Does that make sense?” She started walking again, knowing they were on to something. Feeling it deep down.
“Yes, it does.” They’d reached the vehicle and he opened the door for her. “How about you, do you feel that way? Do you feel like Gordon abandoned you? Because he didn’t. He loved you too much.”
And there it was. “I did. But not now. The emotions are so convoluted. In a situation like this, I guess they all rise to the top.”
“I think so. I can give you a counselor’s name. She’s good and a Christian. This may be something deeper than we can help him with.”
“I’ll try to talk him into it.”
“Y’all will get through this.”
“We have to, Tucker. There is no other option.”
And there wasn’t. Nothing else except Abe getting better was acceptable.
* * *
Tucker sat on his porch that night, thinking about Suzie and what she was going through. He’d wanted to take her in his arms and just hold her, she’d looked so alone. As alone as Abe had looked sitting at the top of that slide.
But, as much as he’d wanted to wrap his arms around her, he knew he couldn’t. The best thing he could do to offer comfort to Suzie was to help Abe. He’d been surprised at the revelation that the kid was angry with Gordon. Suzie’s anger had been at him, not Gordon, and that was what he’d expected from Abe. The abandonment issue had taken him completely by surprise. And that was directly linked to the choice Gordon had made when he took the bullets meant for him.
He felt nauseated thinking about that. Sick in his heart, too.
And all the more certain that he had to fix this.
He’d never backed away from a challenge in his life or a man in need of his help. And he didn’t plan on doing it now.
Grief was hard. His mother’s death lived with him and always would, but time had helped ease the loss, though he hadn’t believed it would as a child. He hadn’t bottled it up like Abe. Hadn’t had the same issues.
He’d kept silent at the slide that afternoon, letting Suzie take point. But when the time was right he would talk to Abe. He would wait for God to present the right opportunity.
Tucker just needed to be prayed up and ready when that time came. As for Suzie...she’d turned a corner in their relationship by not holding him responsible for Gordon’s death. But he needed to remember that there was no room for a relationship between them. He was here to offer help and support where Abe was concerned. Holding her, comforting her, was off-limits. Something between them would only complicate matters and they were already complicated enough.
Still, it was just getting harder and harder to maintain and believe when every fiber in his body wanted something different.
Chapter Eleven
“Stick with the plan.”
Suzie said the words out loud as she left for work on Friday morning. She’d come to Dew Drop to start a new life for her and Abe and that was what she planned to do. Being at Sunrise Ranch made more sense to her now than ever.
She needed everyone’s support.
“Abe needs it, too,” she told herself firmly, her hands tightening on the steering wheel as she gave herself a pep talk. “Staying at the ranch or at least in Dew Drop is for his own good.”
Before leaving for work, she’d gone to the classroom to see Jolie, while the boys finished breakfast. Suzie explained what had happened the day before so Jolie would be aware of what was going on with Abe. Strong and encouraging, Jolie had assured Suzie she would watch out for him and call immediately if something went wrong. And then she’d asked Suzie if they could pray together.
Suzie had needed that connection so much and agreed wholeheartedly. Jolie reaching out to her with prayer lifted Suzie’s spirits and was affirmation from God that He was listening. And that she was right where she needed to be, surrounded by an amazing support group.
With her spirits renewed, she walked into her shop and went straight to the phone and called the counselor Tucker had suggested to her. She made herself an appointment. Before she made Abe an appointment, she wanted the doctor’s advice.
That done, she got busy.
Today was a full day, with work and then the wedding rehearsal that night. Though she wasn’t in the wedding party, Lucy had asked her to be in charge of the wedding book and involved her with the decorating, and so Lucy had insisted she come to the rehearsal dinner.
When she finished work, Suzie would see how Abe’s day had gone and decide if she could make the dinner or not.
She felt energized as she worked on the wedding flowers. They had to be extra special for Rowdy and Lucy, and it was a blessing to be busy. As she worked, her thoughts kept going to Abe.
And to Tucker.
He amazed her. That he would continue to stand by her in the face of all the anger she’d harbored toward him spoke of the man he was.
He was strong of character. A man she could lean on, and there had been moments when she’d longed to lean her head against his chest.<
br />
Those thoughts she didn’t dwell on.... In fact, she moved past them forcibly.
Her life was complicated enough, as it was. She was staying in Dew Drop but Abe was her only concern right now.
* * *
Tucker wasn’t himself as he headed toward the ranch. He’d missed the wedding rehearsal but knew everyone was eating at the ranch and decorating the barn for the reception.
His day had been a full one. He’d had to go before the monthly grand jury meeting and present several cases. Since the cases were pretty cut-and-dried he felt as though the grand jury would make the indictments so trial dates could be set. One of the cases he’d presented was the wife-abusing tree climber, and Tucker was very proud of the wife for following through with the charges. Sure enough, the jury had indicted the husband.
He’d been on his way back to Dew Drop from the county seat when one of the officers from a nearby community radioed in for backup. Tucker had been close and responded. A situation had evolved into a car chase down a country road with bullets being fired. It’d been dicey there, for a while, but no one was injured.
They could have been, though.
Tucker hadn’t had that much action since the marines. He hadn’t been prepared for the aftermath...for the flashbacks that had hit him during the gunfire.
Pulling up in front of the barn, he pushed the memories from his mind and exited the truck. Laughter and music filled the air as he approached. In the dusk the glow from the lit-up interior was welcoming. Though he’d really wanted to go home and be alone, he’d known that he needed to show up for Rowdy and Lucy.
Boys were everywhere. Joseph and Wes had a trailer loaded with square hay bales backed to the rear of the building, and they were tossing bales down to the boys, who were stacking them around the barn. Nana was directing them where and how to stack them for seating arrangements and decorations.
At a table in the center of the room stood a group of ladies: Mabel, Ms. Jo, Jolie and Suzie.
With turmoil roiling inside of him, he walked over to say hello and see what he could do to help.
Her Unlikely Cowboy Page 10