by Trish Loye
He stopped and faced her. “It wasn’t right. I know that. I am more sorry than I can say for that bad decision, but I need you to know that if I’d even remotely suspected that Rose had been mine? I never would have walked away. Even if you didn’t want me anymore. I would have fought to be a part of that little girl’s life.”
A great ache welled up inside Cassie and tears pricked her eyes at all the lost years between them. All the time Rose had been without a true father. All because of two stubborn people.
“I was a coward too,” she said. “I should have told you right away when we met nine years ago. I should have trusted you.”
“Don’t blame yourself. You had no reason to trust me.” He tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “We’re taught never to leave anyone behind. But I left you behind…you and Rose.”
“You didn’t leave us. You didn’t even know about Rose.” She shook her head. “God, we’re a pair, aren’t we?”
His hand touched her cheek. “That we are.” He leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead. A weight seemed to lift from inside her where it’d been manacling her heart.
“We should get moving,” he said. They walked in a comfortable silence for a while.
“So tell me about Rose growing up,” he said.
“What do you want to hear?”
“Everything.” Yearning wove through his voice.
And for the second time, she found herself telling stories of her daughter to a man who’d missed out on family. This time it wasn’t to keep fear at bay, but to mend a bridge with the man she hoped would want to become a permanent part of her daughter’s life.
19
Derrick sighed with relief when the lights of the small fishing town, in Orang county, came in sight. For the last couple of hours, they’d been coming down from the higher range and just a short while ago had to cross the only major road in the area. It’d been dark, so the crossing hadn’t been an issue. The issue was the weather. It had started raining in the late afternoon and now the wind shrieked at them and tried to rip their wet clothes from their bodies.
He glanced at Cassie. She looked like a child in his Gore-Tex jacket, hugging herself, but it didn’t stop the shivers racking her body. He needed to find her shelter.
Soon.
His team had hit the new exfil location forty klicks south of them. They’d exfil by bird within the hour. He had a different plan for him and Cassie. A rumble in the distance told him that he might have to delay his plans.
The trees had been thinning for a while. Roughly cut stumps told of a once full forest. Ahead of them, the trees thinned even more. Lights fractured the pouring rain. They walked to the ragged edge of the tree line and looked down the final slope into Orang.
The small town was divided into what looked like two parts. One was filled with simple houses and concrete buildings surrounding a large square dock that protected a sizable number of simple fishing boats. The other part was filled with more houses and buildings beyond square fields of rice. He squinted. It looked like a train station was in the distance. He estimated about three thousand people lived there, from the number of the houses and the tied-up boats. Thankfully they wouldn’t be stealing a car, considering there weren’t many to choose from, and they’d definitely be conspicuous on the single road leading out of town.
“What do we do now that we’re here?” Rain dripped off her eyelashes and down her cheeks.
“Why don’t you rest here? It’s safe, if wet,” he said. “I’ll scout the town and come back for you.”
She crossed her arms. “That doesn’t make sense. I’m too far if something happens to you.”
“Cass, you’re barely able to stand because you’re shivering so bad. What could you do to help me?”
“I can speak Korean and I can blend in.” She crossed her arms. “More than you can.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. She made sense, but he didn’t like her coming into the town until he’d assessed the danger.
Lightning shot across the sky and for an instant, everything lit up with silver-edged clarity before being doused in darkness once again. The boom of thunder echoed. Cassie waited a beat and then touched his arm. “I’m tired, Derrick, but I can do this.”
He’d take her at her word. “Fine. We’ll head in together and scout for shelter until this storm passes.”
“And then?”
“Then we go night fishing.”
She snorted. “I hope you know how to drive a boat.”
He just looked at her and she threw up her hands. “Of course you know how to drive a boat. You’re a super-secret soldier.”
“Super-secret sexy soldier.” He winked and then laughed at her exasperated look. At least she wasn’t as scared anymore, though he knew it lay just beneath the surface and would for a long time to come.
They stuck to the edge of town, moving toward the docks. He wanted something close to the forest and yet close enough to the docks. The buildings here were more warehouses from what he could tell. Most were dark and they looked deserted, but he couldn’t tell about security until he inspected closer. He veered toward one such building when Cassie tugged on his arm.
She pointed to a sign. “That’s the shipyard office and maintenance building. They’ll likely have someone on duty there.”
“Thanks.” He scanned the area. Closer to the docks, eight small houses, not much bigger than a single-car garage, stood in a neat row. A concrete building with high, open-air windows at the end of the row stood on the edge of the razed forest. The wind blew the scent of shit past them. The communal toilets. He motioned to the houses. “What do you think?”
“Probably for the fishermen and their families.”
He studied the houses. Small squat bungalows in varying states of disrepair, all of them colorless in the storm. A small vegetable garden sat in front of each, some more well-tended than others, according to the weeds growing in them.
Hardly anyone could afford a pet outside the capital of Pyongyang, so he wasn’t worried about a dog giving them away in this poor section of town. Each house in front of them looked the same, but subtly different. A few nearer the docks had flickering lights. Probably an oil lamp or candles. He didn’t think these structures had electricity. One in the middle had a ball by the front steps. The houses deteriorated the closer they were to the forest. He squinted. It looked like the one at the end even had a hole in its roof. Too obvious for them. The third from the end had a cracked front window and no lights. Perfect.
He turned to Cassie, but she spoke first. “Those three are empty.” She pointed to the houses closest to the forest. “The gardens aren’t tended and there aren’t curtains in the windows.”
He smiled. For some reason, pride at her logic unfurled in him. “Good catch. Let’s go.” He moved to the house he’d chosen, which did indeed have no curtains. It was time to get out of the storm.
Cassie stood behind Derrick while he broke into the small house they’d chosen for shelter. They’d done a quick tour around the house and hadn’t seen any signs of life, but Derrick had wanted to be sure. He’d peeked in each tiny window with his NVGs and seemed happy. And so was she. She desperately wanted out of the cold, driving rain. She’d been colder and in worse situations so far, but her aching, tired body demanded a break. She shivered and hugged herself, putting her back to the wind. No one was out and in the time they’d lurked around the houses, all the lights had gone out in this little section.
Derrick opened the door and stalked inside, his rifle up. She followed quickly and shut the door on the wind and rain. It was a simple house: One open room, with a counter and sink on one side and a wood stove sitting on the floor. A stained mat lay in the far corner. There was no bedroom or bathroom.
She didn’t care. She was exhausted and cold, but that didn’t matter. They were close to leaving this country and that burgeoning excitement kept her from minding her circumstances. Derrick dropped his pack and pulled a tarp from it. He was c
overing the only window when he glanced at her. “Get out of your wet clothes. I’ll give you something dry to wear.”
She snorted. “And what do you have that’s dry?”
“Socks.”
Socks? She’d take socks. Her feet were blocks of ice. She took off Derrick’s jacket that he’d lent her hours ago, shook off as much of the wet as she could and then hung it from the door handle. It had kept her upper half dry, but her pants were soaked. She sat on the floor, ignoring the dust, and took off her wet runners, peeled off her socks and grimaced at her white, pruned toes, rubbing them to get the circulation back.
It was dark inside the house but she could see the dim outline of Derrick against the window. He finished covering it and then proceeded to dig in his pack again. A moment later, something snapped and dim green light let her see again. Derrick had broken a couple of chem lights and their greenish glow made her relax. She hadn’t been looking forward to spending time in a small, dark room.
Derrick pulled socks from a little baggie and chucked a pair at her. He placed his little stove and a food packet on the counter. His long-sleeved shirt stuck to him, as well as his pants.
“You should take off your shirt,” she said. He quirked an eyebrow at her. “I mean because it’s wet.”
“Well then, you should take off your pants.” His voice was low and laced with humor and something that warmed her insides.
She looked at her soaked pants. What would she wear then? She couldn’t imagine prancing around in her underwear. What if the soldiers found them? “Ummmm…”
Derrick laughed. “I’m kidding.” He dug in his pack and handed her a lightweight, camouflaged thermal blanket. “Wrap this around you. Keep your pants on. Your body heat will eventually dry out your pants as long as they’re not cotton.”
“What about you?”
“I’m fine.” He turned back to the stove. Light flared and he had the stove going. Thunder boomed outside as he poured water into the little pot and set it on the stove.
“I guess being wet and cold is standard for super-secret soldiers,” she said.
“Don’t forget hungry, tired, and covered in dirt.”
She laughed. “You must really love it.”
“Yes. You have to, to survive.” He poured boiling water into a food packet and stirred it. “Just like you love your job.”
She thought about that. She had put herself through miserable conditions to do her job. And not just for this story. There had been others over the years. “But it’s not just a job for either of us,” she said. “We’re either dedicated or stupid.”
“Let’s call it dedicated.” He brought the food pouch to her and plopped down beside her. “Eat.”
She opened her blanket so they could wrap it around both of them. “What about you?”
“I’ll have the bottom half.”
She could live with that. Spaghetti with meat sauce. Hot and delicious as any five-star restaurant. “I must be really hungry if this tastes so good.”
“Don’t think about it,” he said. “Just eat.”
It was comfortable sitting shoulder to shoulder with him, sharing the blanket for warmth. She could almost pretend they were camping and not running for their lives. The warmth from Derrick had the same effect as a campfire, keeping her cozy and toasty but without the smoke. He leaned back against the wall and she did the same, the blanket snugged around them.
“Should we be worried about soldiers?” She glanced at the door.
“I didn’t see any signs of them on our way in. My team made enough noise farther south that I think we can rest here until the storm lets up.” At that moment, as if to emphasize his words, thunder crashed outside, making her jump.
She laughed a little at herself.
“I missed your smile,” he said quietly, but there was a touch of sadness in his eyes that spoke to her.
“We missed a lot of things.”
“Tell me about him,” he said. “About your ex-husband.”
She let her head drop back against the wall. “Nigel?” She closed her eyes. “That buffoon was a complete mistake.” She opened her eyes to see him wiping a smile off his face. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I hate that he caused you pain, but…” The smile crept back. “I’m glad you thought he was a mistake.”
She shrugged. “He was. I was young, stupid…and scared.”
“Scared?”
She looked at him, knowing her next words would hurt him, but she had to tell him the truth, to let him know what she’d gone through. “I was a young, single mom. It was hard to raise Rose alone. I struggled to make things work with my job.” She huffed a breath. “I tried to do it without help and when Nigel came along…” She shrugged. “He was handsome, charming…and so, so shallow. Not that I knew that at the time. He was a wanna-be anchorman for the network and he thought having an insta-family would make him look better for the job. He wanted us to show up for functions, looking pretty and perfect. And I used him back. I needed support. But the longer we were together, the less he helped out. I think the novelty of Rose wore off.” She sighed. “It was over before it started. He’s not in our lives at all anymore. Last I heard, he was doing the news in Vancouver.”
She fingered her necklace. Dragging the memories of that desperate time up hurt. She’d really wanted Derrick, and Nigel hadn’t even come close.
Derrick’s hand touched hers. “Is this…?” Her hand dropped when he bent his head to inspect the wolf pendant. “This is the necklace I gave you the summer we first met? You still have it?”
Heat flooded her face. Would he think she was some weak woman who’d pined after him? She should laugh it off, or deny that it meant anything to her. Her heart thudded in her ears as she stared into his eyes.
Maybe it was time to own up to her feelings.
“I never take it off,” she said. “I like it. It reminds me…” Of you. But no, she couldn’t say that. Not yet. “It reminds me of the person I want to be. That young girl who thirsted for the truth.” And she smiled as she said this, because it was true. It did anchor her when life spiraled out of control.
But something else too. It reminded her of that young girl who’d first entranced a special ops soldier. A girl who wouldn’t have hesitated to speak the truth. “And it reminds me of you,” she whispered.
His fingers left the pendant and grazed the skin of her neck. The slight touch electrified her.
“What about you?” she asked, her voice breathless. “Do you have anyone in your life?”
He gave a one shouldered shrug. “No one serious.”
“Not in all this time?”
“Not since you.” His fingers traced her jawline. “And you? Anyone since the buffoon?”
She tilted her head into his touch, seeking more of it. “I’m a single, working mother. When do I have time to date?”
He pulled back slightly. “You’re a beautiful, smart, amazing woman. You don’t have to have time. Men will find and pursue you.” He studied her. “You’ve said no to everyone… Why?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me,” he said so softly that it was little more than a breath against her cheek and she fought not to shiver. “Why haven’t you dated anyone else?”
She firmed her lips, not willing to open herself all the way. She was too raw.
Both his large hands cradled her face and the intensity of his gaze made her breath catch. “Tell me why.”
She sighed out the last of her resistance. “Because…” She stared into his eyes and threw caution and her fears to the storm outside. “Because they weren’t you.”
He kissed her then. Soft and gentle. It both soothed the rawness inside her and coaxed a simmering response. And then the kiss grew. It grew fierce as the storm outside—dominant, passionate, all-consuming. Heat whipped through her, leaving her skin hypersensitive to his touch. He pulled her closer and kissed his way down her neck, the blanket falling off her shoulders to her wa
ist. Her head fell back, the sensations overwhelming her, and she moaned.
Joy speared her. So intense because it had been missing from her life. This was Derrick, keeping her safe, caring for her, kissing her senseless. One of his hands touched the bare skin under her shirt and moved to her breasts even as he found her lips again. He lowered her to the blanket without breaking the kiss. His hand cupped her breast through her sports bra and she arched, trying to get more of the touch. He pushed her bra up and his fingers found one nipple, touching it, first lightly and then harder. Lightning shot through her. She gasped and clutched at his shoulders. He kept kissing her even as his hand traveled lower. Her core clenched as his fingers traveled the band of her underwear before slipping inside.
His fingers stroked through her folds, slick with wetness, finding that nub, rubbing it. She moaned and arched into his hand.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered against her ear, even as his skillful fingers continued to play. He slid one and then two fingers inside her. She couldn’t do anything but react to the pleasure coursing through her, panting and clutching at him. His thumb continued to rub her clit while his fingers moved in and out of her.
She surged higher and higher, closer and closer to that peak. Her insides clenched on his fingers and her nails dug into his skin.
“Come for me, Cassie,” he said.
A final surge and she broke apart as a star burst behind her eyes and pleasure overwhelmed her senses.
When she finally drifted back to herself, Derrick lay beside her, smiling down on her. “Fucking beautiful.”
She flushed. And then glanced down at the obvious sign of his arousal pressing against his pants. She reached for him and he caught her hand before she could touch him. Her eyes snapped to his. “Don’t you…?”
He kissed her hand. “There’s nothing I want more,” he said. “But I can wait. Now isn’t the time for me to lose control.” He gave a slow, wicked grin. “But we’ll have our time together. Soon.”