by Abella Ward
Behind the table with the masks was a small storage space filled with chemicals and sewing supplies. Hidden amongst the needles and thread and cleansers were the containers where my alcohol sat and fermented. I got to work, mixing sugar and water and heating them up. It was all done by rote memory. We used to make it all the time back at the garrison for the cooks and the doctors. For a long time, I used to do nothing but make alcohol. I hated it then, but I appreciated the skill now.
There was nothing to do but watch it slowly boil and wait. I pressed a hand to my stomach, pressing down and feeling the small swell of my pregnancy. I wondered how far along I was. Detro had been sent away fifty-nine days ago, so I was at least three months along, if not more.
I wondered if it was a boy or a girl. I had never actually seen a human-Goseb hybrid before, although Detro had. He said they had pale skin tinged with green, the hair color was always the Detro black, but the eyes were human in color, brown or blue, depending on the human.
If he didn’t come back before the baby was born, what would I do? Would I have to birth it by myself and then keep it secret and hidden away? But how long could such a thing last? I lived in a tent with people all around me. They would hear the cry of the baby. They would rat me out for favors from the Gosebs and then they would take the baby from me and...
I couldn’t go down that path. There was no happy ending there. All I could do was wait and pray that the gods brought Detro to me.
Not knowing was the worst part. What if he was dead already? What if I was hoping and praying for nothing? There had been no word from him. There was no gossip in the camp. Everyone wondered what had happened to their previous benevolent Goseb Commander, but no one had any clue where he might actually be.
I spent the afternoon in the small, cramped closet, packaging up my goods. I slipped a bit of copper into Marge’s hand on my way out. Once outside, I turned to my left and headed towards the tent where the medical supplies were kept.
When Detro was in charge, the medical tent was always fully stocked. Most common medicines, pain killers and disinfectants could easily be made on the large orbiting ship and then delivered to the planet. It made sense, Detro used to say, for the Gosebs to keep their workers healthy.
Things had changed. There were no lines outside the tent and I walked right in. It looked barren and empty. There were tall shelves in the room, but they were almost totally empty. A lone human medic sat on a table, his legs hanging over the side. He was staring off into space when I entered, and I cleared my throat to get his attention.
“Mereen, I was waiting for you,” Timon said. He was tall and thin, with long, shaggy, brown hair and perpetual sunburn on his nose and cheeks.
“Am I late?” I asked.
He shrugged, “I don’t even bother keeping track of the time anymore. Ever since the regime change there’s not much reason for me to be here.”
“Well, I appreciate it,” I said.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Nauseous and tired, but nothing too out of the ordinary.”
“Good,” he responded. “Have you reported it yet?” he asked.
I shook my head. Timon didn’t know that the baby was half Goseb. No one could know that.
“Well, you can get away with hiding it until you’re clearly showing. Some women wait until the seventh month to report it.”
I nodded, feeling the small packets of alcohol and copper in my pocket. He stood up and walked over to the opening in the tent, making sure no one was around. “Looks like a storm is brewing,” he said, as he came back in. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small packet that contained a week’s worth of prenatal vitamins. We traded four alcohol packets and three ounces of copper for one week of pills. It was a high markup, but it wasn’t like I had anything else to spend my money on.
“You should head home now, to beat the storm,” Timon said.
“Has there been any word of Detro?” I asked quietly.
“None that I’ve heard,” Timon replied. As the medic, Timon had the best access to the Gosebs. Sometimes he overheard things.
“You’ll tell me if you hear anything, right?” I asked. He nodded and then held open the door to his tent and I stepped out into a threatening sky.
A dust storm was forming. The sky had turned a grayish green and the wind whipped my shawl from around my shoulders. I grabbed it before it escaped and wrapped it more securely around my head. Squinting against the wind, I struggled to find my tent. I had just managed to get inside and secure the flaps when the storm began to really rage.
The wind howled and above me I heard a sharp crack of thunder. The sides of my tent were whipped around as wind and sand and silt seeped inside. There was nothing to do in a storm but wait it out. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too bad. Hopefully, it wouldn’t wipe the entire camp from the face of the planet.
I shuddered from the cold and wrapped myself up in my blanket as I watched silt enter and settle in my tent. I didn’t know why I bothered to remove it. It always came back. But I hated having that layer of filth over what I had come to consider my home.
Think of better times. But the howling wind and the whipping tent flaps kept interrupting my memories.
“You shouldn’t think of past happiness, but dream of future bliss.” Detro had told me that. I closed my eyes and imagined the Sanctuary. I didn't believe in it, of course, but Detro did. A place where human and Gosebs lived in peace as equals. He had been so sure it existed. Back then his confidence had been infectious. We used to lie in bed together and dream of going there. But now that I was alone it seemed more of a fantasy than ever.
Chapter Five
Detro peppered me with questions every time I brought him a meal. Why did humans have different hair and eye colors? Were some colors preferred to others? What kind of foods did humans enjoy eating? Would I rather be too hot or too cold?
At first, I was flustered by his questions. I was more interested in keeping him happy than giving him information. But he saw right through that.
“How many times must I tell you not to fear me? I want honest answers. I want to help the humans below us and the ones on this ship, including you.”
“What if I give you an answer you don’t like?” I asked.
“No harm will come to you,” he said.
“What if I don’t know the answer?” I said. “I don’t know why humans have different hair colors and I don’t know if I would rather be too hot or too cold. It would depend on where I was.”
He nodded and smiled at me. “That was perfect, exactly what I was looking for. Come, sit with me.”
I moved carefully to a chair next to his desk. I sat down, perched on the edge in case I needed to get up suddenly to do something for him.
“Do you like basda?” he asked.
I nodded. It was a rare treat I had only tasted a handful of times. He poured me a heavy cupful and handed it to me. The hot cup warmed my hands and I breathed in the nutty scent of it and then took a careful sip. It warmed me from head to toe and after a few more sips I could feel my heart start to race from the caffeine.
“Go easy on that,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s pretty strong.”
I nodded and put the cup down and then, emboldened by the caffeine, I spoke quickly, “I’m afraid I’m not the right human for this job. I’ve never even seen Earth. The only humans I know are people like me, who have spent their entire lives in servitude. I don’t know what normal humans like or do. I’m not normal.” I regretted the words the moment I spoke them. This could drive me away from the one Goseb who had ever been nice to me. But that was the problem. He was nice. I didn’t want to lie or deceive or trick him.
“Come,” he said, and to my surprise he held out his hand to me. His ungloved green hand. It was so rare for a Goseb to be without his armor, but Detro looked so comfortable out of it. It was starting to feel normal to see him so unguarded.
He walked to the screen and focused in on the hu
man camp. The long lines of white tents shuddered in the wind.
“What is a normal human?” he asked me. “The Goseb invasion took place over eighty years ago. Other than a few scattered groups of human rebels, all of you live under our dominion. Most of you have never known a life without the Gosebs. You are a normal human, Mereen. This is what normality is for humans now. We can never go back; we can only press forward. Humans and Gosebs are intertwined and we can never be separated. We must accept this new normal and push forward into it.”
I couldn’t understand this Goseb in front of me. He and his people had all of the power. We were their prisoners. We worked without pay. Our lives were owned by them. They could do anything with us. Yet, here Detro was talking about peace and prosperity and kindness. I had never heard a Goseb speak like this before. I had never been treated with respect. I had never been listened to.
I thought about Detro all the time. I wanted to do well at this task he had given me. I watched my fellow humans. I listened to their complaints, logging them away for later. I gathered knowledge for him. I hoarded it and, the moment I saw him, I gave it all to him.
I slowly grew more comfortable around him. It was no longer strange when he offered me a glass of basda or welcomed me to sit down and speak with him. He was still intimidating, he still held my life in his hands, but I trusted him with my life. I knew he wouldn’t abuse it or throw it away. He valued me. He was the first Goseb who ever did.
“I was reading a report about humans before the invasion,” Detro said. He was lounging in his bed reading off a pad as I set his lunch up around him. “Most humans lived in family units. One mother, one father, multiple children and often a larger set of relatives - aunts, uncles, grandparents - to help with raising the children.
“It’s so different from the Goseb way. The moment our children are old enough to talk they are sent to the training academies. There they learn to read, do math, fight. The young ones are watched. Some are better at fighting, others are good with machines. The trainers then decide what that young student is best suited for and the focus of their education tightens. We are not close to our parents on the Goseb home world. We are much closer to the students we attend the academies with.
“But the humans are devastated when they are separated from their children. Quite often the mothers never recover. There has been some talk about improving the education centers for humans, but I fear separating children and their parents might not be the best way to go with your people. What do you think?”
“I think of my mother,” I said. I couldn’t look at him anymore. Instead, I stared at the orange planet on the screen. A huge dust storm was developing in the south. I could see the heavy clouds marring the planet's surface.
“She was a cook at the garrison. She worked all day, rising early in the morning and working straight through into the night. But she still found time for me. I would hide under the tables during the day, watching the feet of the humans as they worked. They used to slip scraps down to me, little sweets. My mother used to check on me. I can still remember it so clearly. I knew what her feet looked like. I would see her coming and then she would lean over and look at me under the table, and she would smile or make a funny face and then go back to work.
“She must have been so tired, but she still found time for me. She would sit up with me when I was sick. She would stay up late into the night to teach me how to read and write. I can still remember her smell, the way she hugged me. But it wasn’t just her taking care of me. I think I helped to take care of her. She told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her.”
I had lost myself in my memories. I forgot where I was and who I was talking to. I put away all the pretensions I normally wore around the Gosebs. As I spoke I walked towards the screen and looked down at the planet with my back to Detro.
“Where is she now?” He asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. When I was fourteen a Goseb commander at the garrison was promoted. He was allowed to choose which prisoners he wanted to take and he chose my mother. For a while we managed to communicate with each other, passing messages between humans travelling between the two camps. But after a while I stopped receiving messages from her and I didn’t know where to send mine. I haven't spoke to her in over ten years.”
“What was the commander's name?” Detro asked.
“Winsam,” I answered, still feeling far away and distant. Still remembering my mother’s smile, the feel of her hair, the way she used to talk in her sleep. “I think it is very cruel to separate families. We humans already have so little. It’s such an easy thing to let us stay together for at least a little while.”
I turned to face him. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and he nodded wordlessly at me.
“And what about marriage?” he asked. “Is that still a custom humans have?”
I nodded.
“Have you ever been married?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Why not?” he asked. “You are beautiful by any measure.”
“It’s not for me,” I said, with a shake of my head, still staring at X29. “My life is already hard enough. I never have any time to myself. Adding someone else just makes everything so complicated. Besides, what if I really loved someone and then they were reassigned and ripped away from me? I already lost my mother. I don’t think I could survive another separation.”
Chapter Six
I had been working for Detro for several months when news arrived that a delegation would be arriving from the home world. Detro had slowly started instituting his less strict measures and they had started to pay off. On X29 productivity was up and executions were down. It was working, and Gosebs from the home world were coming to see for themselves.
They would, of course, not spend any time in the human work camp. That was far too unpleasant for them. Instead, there would be a hunting expedition on the one place on the planet that actually had foliage, the small jungle in the southern hemisphere. Detro wanted a human servant to come along and cook and clean for him at the camp, and I was chosen.
The jungle was hot and wet. Walking through the tall trees and hanging vines, the air was so thick with moisture that it felt like walking through water. I stepped off the ship and took a deep breath of the wet air. I could smell the trees, the flowers, the dirt underneath my feet. After spending all that time on the sterile ship it felt wonderful to be back on a planet.
The other Gosebs had their own human prisoners, so I only had to work for Detro and it was easy enough to keep him happy. I set up his camp exactly as I knew he would like it. He came in as I was working and walked over and sat behind the small desk I had set up for him.
There was no need for me to kneel when he entered or even stop my work. Instead, we both just went about our tasks. Occasionally we would have to move around each other in the small tent, but it was like a dance. We knew each other well enough that we knew what the other would do.
When another Goseb entered, everything changed.
“It is a fine morning, Detro,” a Goseb commander said, as he marched into the tent. I dropped to my knees and kept my eyes downcast.
“A fine morning for a hunt,” Detro agreed. I glanced up and saw this commander staring at Detro, and then his eyes glanced down to me and a hard frown appeared on his face. It took me a moment to realize where the anger was coming from. The Goseb commander was wearing his black mask, but Detro still did not have his on.
The tension in the tent changed, and I knew it was because of me. According to Goseb custom, Detro should always have his mask on when a human was in the room.
“Go and find some occupation,” the commander spit at me, and I quickly sprang up to my feet and hurried out of the tent. I stopped the moment I was outside, breathing heavily. Things on Detro’s ship had been so relaxed, and it was startling to have to go back to the world where I was nothing.
They left for the hunt and were gone all day. The other humans were kept
separate from me and so, for the first time in a long time, I was alone. I walked around the camp. The jungle here was intense. Everything seemed so big. The leaves on the hanging vines were the size of my head. The bugs were the size of my hand. Birds flew above me screeching and calling out, their cries echoing around the jungle.
The hunters came back successful, their kills carried by their humans: large wild beasts with cloven hooves, long tails and bright plumage. They were cleaned and drained and then roasted over the fire, sending a mouthwatering scent over the camp.
Discretely, I watched Detro as he moved about his fellows. He was younger than most of them, yet he walked with a regal bearing and seemed to command respect. But his ideas were met with scoffs. The commanders didn’t seem that interested in Detro’s ideas about kindness. Even though output had improved impressively on the planet, they thought it was a fluke, something that would pass eventually.
They ate and drank long into the night. I sat on the ground near Detro’s tent, struggling to keep my eyes open as the cackle of Goseb laughter passed over me. At some point in time I must have drifted off, because when I opened my eyes it was dark and I could only see a lone fire in the distance.
Someone had my arm and was pulling me to my feet. I struggled in the darkness to see who had me. Whoever it was held my arm tightly and pulled me away from the camp and towards the woods.
“Detro?” I whispered, but a hand was clamped over my mouth. It wasn’t Detro. It couldn’t be. I didn’t know who was hiding under the mask, but Detro would never be so rough with me. I struggled, but the hand holding me only gripped tighter.
I was moving away from the camp. This was bad. I didn’t want to be away from the safety and warmth of the fire. Panic flooded my veins. My struggle did nothing; my tears did nothing. I fought and pulled, trying to get back to Detro, but it was like trying to swim upstream. No matter how hard I fought, I made no progress.
Suddenly, I was pushed against a rough tree and I felt hands on my hips, and then they were moving over my body.