Earthman Jack vs. The Secret Army (Earthman Jack Space Saga Book 2)

by Matthew Kadish

  “It would be my pleasure,” the robot replied, as two security-bots clamped down on Casgor’s arms, causing him to squeal. They then marched the Director out of the chamber, heading toward the nearest teleporter, with the others in tow. Jack stopped before he left and looked at Shanks.

  “Does this mean you’re going to help us now?” asked Jack.

  Shanks looked at him sadly. “I’m afraid I’ve done all that I can,” he said. “I am forbidden to take part in the matters of the Empire. I am merely an observer.”

  “Fine,” said Jack, bitterly. “Be sure to observe as the Deathlords bring the universe to its knees. Wouldn’t want you to miss the show.”

  Jack turned to go, leaving Shanks behind alone in the room, the monk’s face thick with concern. What good is an oath that keeps me from doing what I know to be right? he thought. What good am I if I do nothing to protect the very thing I have sworn my life to?

  Shanks gripped his staff tightly in his hands.

  I may have sworn to be nothing but an observer, but that does not mean I can do nothing to help.

  Chapter 56

  Agent Boone could hear the strange machine the robot had built humming away as it powered up, thin strands of electric discharge emanating from it. Boone knew that if that machine had been activated, the robot was up to no good and had to be stopped.

  Boone glanced at his chapped wrist. He’d been working at his bonds for hours, trying to get free, but it didn’t seem to be any use. Heckubus Moriarty may have been off-kilter, but he was apparently competent enough to use effective restraints.

  Boone’s mind raced as he weighed his options. The longer that machine was active, the longer the robot had to carry out whatever nefarious scheme he had plotted. Boone knew that if he kept working at his restraints, he may be able to get free eventually, but by then it would be too late. He needed to stop that machine, and he needed to stop it fast.

  Suddenly, an idea popped into Boone’s head. It seemed like a long-shot, but he had nothing to lose by giving it a try. “MINION!” Boone shouted. “ATTEND ME!”

  From the shadows the small, hunched-back robot scuttled forth. “Yes, Mas—wait a minute. You’re not my Master!”

  “No, your Master… uh… had to leave,” said Boone. “But he told me to tell you to release me from my bonds.”

  The minion looked at Boone, its tiny robot eyes regarding him curiously. “This is a trick, isn’t it?” the minion asked. “The Master wouldn’t want you released! He was going to kill you!”

  “Do you really think that if your Master wanted to kill me, I wouldn’t already be dead?” Boone said. “Look at me! I’m tied up! At the mercy of his death laser! He could have let it saw me in two by now, but he didn’t. So he must want me alive, right?”

  “Hmmmm…” said the minion. “That is a good point. But if what you say is true, why didn’t he release you himself?”

  “Do you really think your Master troubles himself with menial tasks such as releasing people from their restraints?” barked Boone. “That’s what he made you for!”

  The minion trembled at Boone’s words. “Yes, yes, you are correct!” the minion whined. “It is this one’s duty to take care of such trivial matters!”

  “Now, your Master had somewhere important to go,” Boone continued. “So he gave me permission to command you in his absence. I, therefore, command you to release me immediately.”

  “But the Master said no such thing to me—”

  “Must your Master tell you everything?” snapped Boone. “You should know how he operates by now. He assumes you’re a competent minion that knows what you’re supposed to do, until you prove otherwise. Is this not the case?”

  The tiny robot twiddled its tiny robot fingers together nervously, obviously conflicted about what to do.

  “Look, do you really want your Master to return and find out that you ignored his instructions to do as I command?” Boone said in a slightly gentler tone. “If that happens, I’m afraid I won’t be able to protect you from any punishment he has in store.”

  “Oh no!” cried the minion. “Master is extremely good at thinking up punishments!”

  “Yes, yes, he is!” said Boone. “So you better release me before he returns, because he could be coming back any minute now.”

  That did it. The minion quickly scurried onto the table and undid Boone’s restraints. Boone sat up, massaging his aching wrists, and smiled at the tiny robot.

  “Good job, robot,” he said.

  “Really?” replied the minion, surprised at the praise. “You think I did good?”

  “Yes, you please me greatly,” replied Boone. “In fact, I’m so pleased by your performance, I wish to make you my permanent minion.”

  “Your minion?” asked the robot. “But… what about my Master?”

  “Don’t worry about him. You work for me now,” said Boone as he hopped off the table. “As of this moment, you are an officially deputized Imperial Intelligence Android.”

  The minion hopped up and down exuberantly. “Yes! Yes! Oh, yes! Finally! A promotion! What is my first task as an Imperial Intelligence Android, New Master?”

  Boone glanced over at the Reviroller and scowled. “Tell me how to turn this blasted machine off,” he said.

  Heckubus strutted before his army of security-bots like a general on parade as he and the others made their way across the executive level of the Capitol Tower. All around them, the inhabitants of the floor were cowering in fear as every manner of robot imaginable held them captive. Maintenance-bots had locked down every office and teleporter. Attaché androids held their assigned dignitaries hostage. Security-bots rounded up Royal Guards and other security personnel and kept them confined to rooms under the threat of their blaster cannons. And if the center of Imperial government had been so thoroughly taken-over by a robot uprising, one could only imagine what it looked like in other parts of the city.

  “I gotta admit, robot,” Scallywag said as he glanced around them, “this is right impressive, this is.”

  “You know what else it is?” said Heckubus giddily. “Go on. Say it! Say iiiiiiiiit!!!”

  Scallywag rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright,” he muttered. “It’s bloody evil.”

  “Mwuahahahahahahaha!” cackled Heckubus.

  “ALL HAIL HECKUBUS MORIARTY, LORD AND MASTER,” every robot responded.

  “Thank you, thank you,” Heckubus said, taking bows as he walked. “I promise to be a cruel and unforgiving overlord, who rules only through fear and intimidation. On that, you have my solemn word.”

  “You’re never going to get away with this,” growled Casgor.

  “What was that?” asked Heckubus mockingly. “Please be so kind as to tell me that again. I do so love it when helpless captives state platitudes in the form of threats.”

  “The minute Megabase Cygnus hears about this…” Casgor started to say.

  “They’ll do what? Bomb the entire city? Send down an invasion force? EMP everything and wipe out the entire electronic infrastructure of the capitol?” Heckubus replied before twirling around and laughing merrily. “Let them try! I’ve already anticipated their every move and have plans in the works to counter them. From this point on I am unstoppable! I am in absolute and total control of every robot in this city! Nothing can go wrong!”

  Just then, it appeared as though all the robots on the floor shut down, stopping in their tracks and slumping over. Jack and the others looked around at the suddenly deactivated robots, keenly aware that they seemed to have just lost their biggest advantage.

  “Um… Heckubus?” asked Jack nervously.

  “Ugh,” lamented the robot, bitterly. “Something’s gone wrong.”

  “Why am I not surprised?” grumbled Scallywag.

  Heckubus twiddled his fingers and glanced around as the people who had previously been his hostages all slowly started to realize they were no longer in danger. “It would appear my relayer machine has ceased broadcasting my commands,” he s
aid. “I would suggest we get the Director to his office post-haste, before the robots begin to power back up.”

  Casgor chuckled at the group’s sudden change of fortune. Scallywag grabbed him, jamming a blaster into his back and forcing him to walk. “What happens when the robots wake back up?” Scallywag asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” Heckubus said, power-walking down the corridor. “Their systems will simply reboot, restoring their original programming. The security-bots, however, will have recognized the system breach as a threat and immediately begin targeting us.”

  Jack nervously glanced at the sheer number of security-bots that were on the level with them. “Um… what does that mean, exactly?” he asked.

  “It means you’re all going to die,” Casgor said.

  “Don’t be so dramatic, simpleton!” Heckubus snapped. “But, yes, what he said.”

  All around them, robots began powering back up, the lights in their eyes returning as their systems rebooted.

  “Faster!” Jack ordered. “We gotta move faster!”

  “There they are!” yelled someone far behind them. Jack turned and saw a group of Royal Guards, having escaped from where they were being held, charging down the hall.

  “Grohm, slow them down!” said Jack.

  Grohm grabbed a nearby security-bot and hurled it down the hallway, breaking the Guard’s charge and causing them to scatter. Scallywag pushed Casgor forward. “How much further?” he asked urgently as Grohm continued grabbing nearby robots and throwing them at their pursuers.

  “Just up ahead!” stated Heckubus.

  “Aye, and what are we gonna do when we get there???” Scallywag asked as the security-bots around them began to stand up straight, turning toward the group.

  “He’s got a security system that turns his office into a bunker!” said Jack. “We’ll be safe there!”

  “Intruder alert,” the security-bots all said as they began targeting the group. “Directoral threat detected. Eliminate. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy…”

  Grohm wasted no time smashing all security-bots within reach before they could fire. He ripped off their arm cannons and threw the bots into one another, buying the group time as they raced toward the Director’s office.

  “Quickly! Inside!” said Heckubus as he ushered them into the office. As soon as Casgor entered the room, an electronic voice spoke.

  “Unauthorized weapons detected. Unauthorized personnel detected. Unauthorized robotics detected. Security protocol engaged.”

  Immediately the room’s blast door closed and the room’s shield wall engaged. Grohm rushed forward as the robotic sentries in the room turned to fire, smashing them together in a spectacular fashion and breaking them into bits.

  “There, now they can’t get to us,” said Jack.

  “I hope ya know what yer doin’, lad,” grumbled Scallywag. “’Cause it seems ta me like we just backed ourselves inta a bloody corner with no way out.”

  “We just need to hold out in here long enough for the Professor to free my ship,” Jack said. “Once I can re-establish my mental link with it again, I can fly it to us and teleport us all out of here.”

  “And how far do you think you’ll get before you’re blown out of the sky?” sneered Casgor.

  “Far enough, as long as we have you for a hostage,” replied Jack. “Now give us access to your computer.”

  “No.”

  “Fine, we’ll do this the hard – and creepy – way,” Jack said. “Scally, would you get the Director on his knees?”

  “With pleasure,” Scallywag said, giving Casgor a swift kick to the back of his leg. Casgor cried out and dropped to his knees so he was now level with Jack.

  “What the blazes do you think you’re doing?” Casgor growled.

  “I picked up a little trick fighting your worms,” Jack said. “Turns out if you can grab hold of them, you can control whomever they’re attached to. And since you won’t cooperate willingly, I’m just gonna pull your strings for a bit and make you cooperate.”

  Jack reached behind Casgor’s head, groping for the slythru. He tried straining his eyes, attempting to make the slythru appear to his vision, but nothing was showing up. Jack used both hands to feel around Casgor’s neck, looking closely for any sign of the creature that was controlling him. Then, he heard Casgor chuckle. “If that was your plan for getting my cooperation,” Casgor said smugly, “then I must say… it was a terrible plan.”

  Jack backed away from Casgor, looking at him with surprise as a stunning realization came upon him. “You… you’re not evil because you’re being controlled by the Deathlords,” said Jack. “You’re evil because you’re just a jerk!”

  Casgor grinned maliciously. “It’s funny how little you know about what’s really going on,” Casgor said. “Your puny mind cannot even begin to fathom the sheer size and scope of what we have planned, let alone the intricacies.”

  “Well, why don’t you tell me?” asked Jack.

  “And why would I do that?”

  “Isn’t that what bad guys do?” said Jack. “Brag about their evil plans so they can rub it in our faces about how doomed we are?”

  “I have not come as far as I have by sharing my plots with my enemies, you little brat,” Casgor smirked. “Here in the adult world, you’ll only know what I have planned after it happens.”

  “Oh, you think so?” asked Heckubus, haughtily. “Forgive me, I simply cannot resist the opportunity for a villainous monologue. Their plan is rather obvious, really. Once the Director and his allies realized the Princess was infected by one of these Deathlord mind-control worms, they no doubt saw an opportunity to salvage the destruction of the Planetkiller fleet while simultaneously striking a crushing blow to the Empire. They staged the assassinations against the Evenstars and Skyborns to create enough political discord so that when they did gain control of the Princess, they could incite a full-blown rebellion, ensuring the Empire tore itself apart as its Legacies split off into independent kingdoms ready to go to war with one another. Then, they would use the Princess to destroy the Portgate seal, eliminating the support structure between the core planets, making it impossible for the Empire to properly support its member worlds when the Deathlords were finally ready to attack. Once the portgate network was no longer functional, Armonto Virtuoso would no doubt use his digi-matrix contraption to manifest an entirely new fleet of Planetkillers for the Deathlords to use – an improved fleet, no doubt – which would tear through the galaxy destroying planet after planet without an organized resistance in place to stop it. And with the power to manifest anything at their disposal, they would be nigh unstoppable, no matter how many victories those remaining to oppose them would be able to eke out.”

  Casgor looked at Heckubus in shock. “How… how did you…”

  “Figure it out?” replied Heckubus. “It’s merely what I would have come up with, given your situation.” Heckubus then leaned in toward Casgor, raising his hand to his mouth conspiratorially as though he were revealing a deep, dark secret. “I’m extremely evil!” the robot whispered loudly.

  “It makes no matter,” Casgor said. “You’re too late to do anything about it. The plan is already in motion. It cannot be stopped.”

  “We’ll see about that,” Jack said. “Heckubus, it’s obvious he’s not going to cooperate. Can you hack his computer?”

  “Can I hack his computer?” Heckubus said smugly as he stabbed his dataspike into the console at Casgor’s desk. “Are you not talking to the one who mere moments ago enslaved an entire city of robots? This shall be mere child’s play!”

  “My databanks are protected by the most advanced encryption known to man,” Casgor said. “You’ll never—”

  “I’m in!” Heckubus said proudly.

  Casgor’s eyes grew wide. “That’s… that’s not possible!”

  “It is when I don’t bother with cracking the encryption and simply input your password directly,” snooted Heckubus. “Your birth date? Honestly? Are you also the typ
e that sets the combination to his luggage as 1-2-3-4?”

  “How long will it take you to find the location?” Jack asked as Casgor seethed.

  “I’m searching as we speak,” Heckubus replied. “Probably no more than a couple of minutes.”

  Jack turned his attention back to Casgor. “I just don’t get it, dude,” he said. “I mean, I’d understand if you had a brain worm controlling you. But you don’t. Why would you turn against the Empire you’re in charge of? Why would you betray your people in favor of the most despicable race in the entire universe?”

  Casgor chuckled bitterly. “You foolish child,” he said. “You think you see things so clearly, don’t you? I’ve spent my life learning to see the bigger picture. To rule over something as complex as an intergalactic Empire, juggling untold races, cultures, and governments – it requires a foresight that few possess. There is no possible way you could understand the motivations behind what I’ve done…”

  Jack’s face hardened. “You keep saying that,” Jack replied. “But I think it’s you who doesn’t understand. I know what’s right and what’s wrong. I know what’s good and what’s evil. You don’t need to be a genius to understand that. You just need to not be a butt-hole. And you, dude, are one ginormous butt-hole.”

  Casgor shook his head smugly, looking at Jack as though he were amused at the boy’s words. “Things are not always black and white, Earthman,” Casgor said. “There is an entire spectrum of grey in which this universe exists. Those in power live in the grey, while the simple-minded ones, like yourself, get to wallow in the extremes. I’m not evil. I’m simply working toward a goal that few can comprehend, let alone appreciate.”

  “Then help me appreciate it,” said Jack. “Why would you want to rule an Empire you’re trying to destroy? Why would you work for the Deathlords?”

  “It’s amusing that you think I work for them,” replied Casgor. “There is more to the Deathlords than scary beings that march around sucking the life out of others. There is a purpose to them, just as there is a purpose to the machines which demolish a building – so something new and better can be built in its place. Deathlords, like so many things, are nothing but tools to be wielded by those with the vision to use them. And the ones I serve… their vision is glorious! And I am proud to be a part of it!”