Lizzie's War

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘In my husband’s absence I must look out for his affairs,’ Lizzie said. ‘Thank you for calling on me – I shall be in touch soon.’

  ‘Yes, of course. I shall leave you my card.’ He placed it on the desk, inclined his head and went out.

  Lizzie sat down feeling as if all the air had been squeezed from her body. It seemed that everyone was accepting that Sebastian was dead – everyone but her. She blinked hard, determined not to let the tears fall. She wouldn’t give up and she was angry that the solicitors had assumed he was dead, whereas she’d only been told he was missing. No one knew for sure and it wasn’t right just to dismiss him like that.

  ‘Sebastian,’ she whispered. ‘Please don’t be dead, please come back and prove them all wrong, my love. I want you… love you so much…’

  Lizzie wasn’t going to sit and feel sorry for herself. She got up, pulled on her suit jacket and set a hat on her head. Ed was expecting her to visit him at Oliver’s workshops and that was just what she intended to do.

  A smile touched her lips as she thought of her great friend and partner. She wasn’t sure, but she suspected that Ed had recently met a young woman he rather liked. Her name was Anne and she was a buyer for a prestigious chain of fashion shops in London, Birmingham and Manchester. He hadn’t said anything to Lizzie yet, but her name seemed to come up in his conversation quite often.

  Walking to her bus stop, Lizzie’s thoughts turned to Beth. She’d gone down to Portsmouth to be with Tony as he prepared to have the operation on his leg. When Beth had telephoned her the previous night, she’d said it looked as if his head wound was all right; the doctors were satisfied there was no shrapnel embedded in his skull and the amputation of his arm was no longer hurting him as much. Apparently, the doctors were talking about him being able to come to a hospital in London soon. It was wonderful news and Lizzie was pleased for her friend. Beth had sounded far more cheerful.

  ‘Tony is really pleased that I came down for a few days. He knows I have to be back in London soon, because of the twins, but I’ve promised to get down as much as I can and he seems set on getting better and out of hospital as soon as possible.’

  ‘You’ve given him faith and hope in the future,’ Lizzie said. ‘What about you, love – are you feeling better about things yourself?’

  ‘Yes, I am. I was silly to worry, Lizzie. Tony isn’t a bit like Bernie and I like it when he kisses me. I think it’s going to be all right…’

  ‘Well, just keep strong and it will,’ Lizzie had told her. She had to do the same thing herself, because it was hard having to face up to the fact that the solicitors might be right. What use would she have for a shop in the West End and a big house if she couldn’t have the man she loved?

  *

  ‘We’ve employed two new seamstresses and a cutter,’ Ed said when they talked in the office over coffee later that morning. ‘The government has renewed the contracts for the berets and caps we’ve been making, and we’ve just started producing the new line of straw hats you designed for the summer.’ He looked pleased to be running the workshops, as if he’d always felt he belonged at the helm. ‘But I’ll be glad when we can do more of your hats and less of the bread and butter stuff, Lizzie.’

  ‘I was afraid they would want us to continue with the military stuff,’ Lizzie said. ‘I would rather have turned my full production over to stylish hats again, because the orders are coming in so fast recently that we can’t keep up. I think women are so fed up with the Utility fashions that they cheer themselves up with a new hat, and who can blame them with the way things are going? But I suppose we can’t refuse the Government work.’

  ‘It’s necessary for the moment, Lizzie. Brenda can do it with her eyes shut – and now we have the new staff, I can come back to you two days a week.’

  ‘That is good news,’ Lizzie said. ‘I do miss working with you, Ed – especially when Beth is away too.’

  He nodded and looked pleased, then, ‘How is that young man of hers?’

  ‘He has his operation today. If all goes well, Beth should be back at work on Monday. She’ll go down again on Thursday and stop until Sunday evening. Her mother doesn’t mind – and Aunt Miriam has the kids half the time anyway.’

  ‘I’m glad Beth has another chance to be happy,’ Ed said and there was a slightly wistful expression in his eyes. ‘Oh, I might be going away for the weekend, Lizzie. I’ve promised to take a friend to the sea for a couple of days.’

  ‘Lovely. Someone I know?’

  ‘Yes, you’ve met Anne. She’s a widow and she has to support herself and her teenage son…’

  ‘Well, have a wonderful time…’

  ‘I think we shall,’ Ed smiled. ‘Something on your mind?’

  ‘You know me so well…’ Lizzie smothered a sigh. ‘I had a visit from Sebastian’s lawyers today. They wanted to know if I required them to re-let his house once the present tenants return to America.’

  ‘And shall you?’

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ Lizzie confessed. ‘I’ve only been to the house once – it is beautiful. The gardens were lovely before the war, but I don’t know if they still look the same. I intend to take a look around soon.’

  ‘Would you like me to come with you?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’m glad of your company often, Ed – but I think perhaps not… I want to be alone… to sense if he’s still there…’ she gave a self-conscious laugh. ‘That sounds ridiculous I know, especially after there have been tenants there for months…’

  ‘No, it isn’t ridiculous. I completely understand how you feel,’ Ed said, ‘but if you change your mind – you know I’m always here for you, Lizzie.’ He touched her hand briefly.

  ‘Thank you. I might come and find you afterwards,’ Lizzie told him. ‘I shall need a friend, I think.’

  ‘Sebastian Winters is a brave and resourceful man,’ Ed said. ‘He’s the kind of man who knows how to survive. Something happened and he disappeared – but he might have had a good reason for simply vanishing into thin air.’

  ‘Oh Ed, thank you,’ Lizzie said her throat tight with emotion. ‘It’s what I’ve been telling myself – but that solicitor seemed to think it was all cut and dried.’

  ‘I know this much. If Sebastian is alive, he is thinking of you and doing his best to come back to you and Betty.’

  *

  Lizzie entered uncertainly and stood in what was obviously Sebastian’s bedroom and looked around her. She felt a little as if she were intruding on his privacy, and yet he would have probably hoped she would live here with him after the war. They hadn’t decided, leaving it until the time came, but it was his home after all. The room was simply furnished but everything was of good quality; the bed was huge and covered with a black and gold bedspread, which matched the curtains. She thought it was a very masculine room and smiled as she thought of the changes she would make if she ever came here to live: this was the room of a very private man and there were no photographs, nothing personal, apart from a few books in a mahogany bookcase – more like a house that was rented out rather than a home.

  She walked over to the bookcase and picked up the first much-used tome; it was a work of Shakespeare and next to it was a French volume by an author Lizzie had never come across before – and next to that were three books written in what she thought was German. She frowned as she saw that one of them had the name of Adolf Hitler on the front and the title was ‘Mein Kampf’… she dropped it as if she’d been burned, feeling slightly sick.

  What was a book like that doing in Sebastian’s bedroom?

  She bent down and picked it up, replacing it on the shelf beside the others and taking a deep breath. It was silly to react so violently. Sebastian wasn’t a traitor just because he had a copy of that hateful book on his shelves… no doubt other people had bought them to try to understand the mind of the man who had brought the whole world to war. Yet it reminded her that she knew so little about the man she’d married.<
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  Lizzie felt calmer after she left the bedroom. She’d looked round and seen all she wanted to and it had convinced her that she would never want to live here on her own. Perhaps if Sebastian came home… but as the months passed and there was no word even she was beginning to doubt.

  What was he doing that he couldn’t send a message to her? A little shiver ran down Lizzie’s spine as she locked the house and walked away. Whatever it was, it had to be dangerous… something very secret, so much so that he couldn’t even tell the people he was supposed to trust…

  Chapter 27

  ‘It looks good,’ Tony said as he limped up the stairs to the flat above the shop. ‘You’ve improved the way the shop is set out and it’s much better up here… you’ve even got the bed made up…’

  ‘I wanted it to look nice for when you came home,’ Beth said and took his hand. ‘I know this is just a visit and you have to go back for more rehab treatment – but I wanted you to have your own home waiting…’

  ‘Thank you, because I was dreading going to my parents’ house. Mum thinks I can’t do anything for myself. I think she would come to the toilet with me if I let her.’ He looked at Beth, his eyes steady and fearless. ‘I’ve come through the war, love, and a hell of a lot better than many of my friends – and now I want to think of the future. Life is what we make it and I don’t want pity from anyone – even my mother…’

  ‘Your mother loves you and she wants to make things better for you, Tony.’

  ‘She can’t change what happened, none of us can,’ Tony said and frowned. ‘I can’t do everything, but I can manage to dress myself and shave – and I wear shoes that don’t need lacing. It all takes longer and it looks awkward, but I can do most of it. I can manage; I can face life even if I have lost an arm, but I can do without being fussed over.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Beth said. ‘That’s why I thought if you had your own place…’

  ‘It’s just what I need, somewhere I can get away from well-meaning people.’

  ‘Does that include me?’

  ‘You know it doesn’t,’ he said and put a hand on her arm. ‘Come here, Beth. I want to kiss you…’ She moved closer and he put his arm about her, holding her firmly. His head bent and his mouth moved over hers, kissing her in a way that left no doubt about his feelings for her. ‘I want to marry you, Beth – I want to look after you and the twins, for things to be as they should have been long ago. Will you let me?’

  ‘Are you sure that’s what you want, Tony? I know you’ve been through a rough time, but you don’t have to feel grateful or…’

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ he murmured, bending his head to caress her lips with his. ‘I love you and I want you – that’s if you can bear it after what Bernie did to you?’

  ‘You’re not him,’ Beth said, lifting her head proudly, ‘and I always regretted that we quarrelled. I care about you a lot… and yes, I can bear it because I’m not going to let that man ruin my life. You’ll have to be a little patient, but remember that I love you and I want you…’ She smiled up at him. ‘Kiss me again, Tony, because it was lovely…’

  ‘Yes, it always was good and I was a damned fool to think that anyone else would do. Sex for the sake of it is okay, but it doesn’t really mean anything unless it’s the right person.’ He laughed softly, drawing her close. ‘I never stopped loving you’ Tony said fiercely. ‘I wish I’d made sure of you, years ago…’

  ‘So do I…’ she said and tears were on her cheeks. ‘I wish it so much…’

  ‘Why are you crying?’ Tony asked, smoothing away her tears with his fingertips. ‘You’re not thinking of him – the twin’s father?’

  ‘Mark was a young girl’s love, exciting and an adventure, but it would never have lasted, because we were from different worlds - and now I’ve come full circle and I’m back where I belong…’

  ‘I’m glad,’ he said and bent his head to kiss her softly. ‘So when will you marry me, my darling Beth?’

  ‘Just as soon as you’re ready,’ she whispered against his ear. ‘I can’t wait…’

  *

  ‘I can’t believe it’s my wedding day,’ Beth said to Lizzie as she handed her the beautiful hat she’d made for her. The wedding was to take place at the Registry Office that gorgeous hot day in August, and Beth was wearing a pale blue suit that had been designed by Lizzie and made in her workshops, as was the gorgeous creation in white satin and tulle she had just placed on her head. Her pale hair had been freshly cut, washed and styled, and everything she was wearing was new. Lizzie, Aunt Miriam and Beth’s mum had pooled what clothing coupons they had so that Beth could get married in something smart. ‘I never thought I would marry again…’

  ‘You are happy, aren’t you, love? You’re not doing this just for Tony?’

  ‘No, I’m doing it for me,’ Beth said. ‘It’s what I want, Lizzie. We’re going to live in the flat over the shop until we can find a decent house. It isn’t ideal but it’s all we can manage…’

  ‘No, it isn’t,’ Lizzie said, ‘because I’m offering you this house at fifteen shillings a week, Beth – if you’d like it?’

  ‘But you can’t do that,’ Beth said. ‘You’ve already given us a lovely wedding gift. This is your home – where will you live?’

  ‘I’m going to move in with Aunt Miriam for now,’ Lizzie said and smiled at her friend’s shocked look. ‘Yes, I know you’re lost for words, but it’s what I want to do, Beth. This is your home and it is just right for you and your family. I’ll be fine with Aunt Miriam for the time being. She has a big house and she asked me if she should sell it, because she’s leaving it to me and then Betty – so I decided we might as well live there together for a while at least. Hatty is going to be leaving me soon, because one of her daughters-in-law wants her to move to the country with her – so it makes sense to move in with Miriam. She adores Betty and will love having her when I’m at work.’

  ‘But will you be happy at Aunt Miriam’s place? It’s a bit old-fashioned and dark. Why don’t you move into Sebastian’s house? I remember it was beautiful, what little we saw of the house when we went to that party years ago. You haven’t let it to tenants, have you?’

  ‘No, and I’m not going to,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’m keeping it for Sebastian until… one day in the future I might sell if I can’t manage it, but not for a long time yet. I’m not sure I want to live there, and I definitely don’t want to live there alone. Aunt Miriam’s house is all right; it has a big garden and it’s not far from my work…’

  ‘But don’t you want a shop in the West End? I mean you’ve sort of got one… haven’t you? Sebastian’s old shop…’

  ‘Yes, Sebastian wanted me to have everything if he didn’t come back. I’ve been to look round, but it is being very well managed for me,’ Lizzie said and shook her head. ‘One day I’ll have to face up to it, Beth, but I can’t just take over Sebastian’s life, even if his will gives me the right.’

  ‘You might marry again…’

  ‘I suppose one day – if I know for sure that he’s never coming back and I fall in love again,’ Lizzie shrugged carelessly. ‘For the moment I can’t even think about it. All I know is that I’m waiting for something…’ She was waiting for Sebastian to come back, even though common sense told her he was lost to her, but she couldn’t give up, because then she and Betty would be alone.

  Beth moved to hug her. ‘Lizzie, I’ve found happiness again. I didn’t think I could after what happened with Bernie. It was the shame of the way he used me, I suppose, and I wondered if I’d ever want to be touched again… but when Tony kissed me it was so sweet and lovely I knew everything would be all right...’

  ‘I’m so glad for you,’ Lizzie said, tears stinging her eyes. ‘I knew you’d suffered at that monster’s hands and I was afraid you might not recover from it – now I can feel really happy for you.’

  ‘Everything is just perfect,’ Beth told her. ‘Are you sure about offering us the house, Lizzie? Tony told me he w
anted to find one like it for us and the children, because we’re hoping to have a big family. At least another two… he’ll be so excited when I tell him. He’s proud and he may want to buy it from you one day. We can move in here after we get back from honeymoon, if that’s all right – and then he can let the flat over the shop and that will pay our rent here. But I’m sure you could get more for it…’

  ‘I want you to have it and you can tell Tony that he can buy it when he’s ready. Honestly, Beth, you’ll be doing me a favour.’

  ‘Oh, Lizzie, I’m going to miss you, love.’

  ‘I’ll miss you too – but you’ll have Tony and life will be so much happier for you.’

  ‘Yes, you’re right. Tony is getting so much better. He asked me to thank you for finding out about that place where he can get his new arm done privately rather than waiting for the military hospital to call him in.’

  ‘I heard about it from one of my customers whose daughter had to have her leg amputated because of blood poisoning,’ Lizzie said. ‘It will make him feel more independent when he learns to use it.’

  ‘Beth, are you ready love?’ The bedroom door opened and Beth’s mother entered, wearing a heather tweed suit she’d bought before the war with a new pale lilac hat that Lizzie had made to compliment it. ‘The cars are ready to leave, dearest. You don’t want to be late.’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ Beth said and laughed because she was excited and happy. ‘Lizzie says we can rent this house for three pounds a month if we want to – aren’t we lucky?’

  ‘Yes, you are lucky to have such a kind and generous friend,’ her mother said and looked at Lizzie with surprise but also pleasure. ‘That is very generous of you, Lizzie.’

  ‘I’m moving in with Aunt Miriam for a while. She wants to have us there and she ought to have her turn looking after Betty. She adores her, but Bert wouldn’t allow it much when he was angry with me,’ Lizzie replied. ‘I don’t want to live here alone and I’d need a housekeeper and someone to care for Betty – of course Sebastian has a beautiful house if I want it…’