Cold Hard Secret (Secret McQueen)

by Sierra Dean

  I couldn’t blame him for not spending the night, considering I was impossible to sleep next to these days, and the loveseat in the living room wouldn’t make for a comfortable place to crash. Especially considering the living room wasn’t light safe.

  After retrieving my gun from under the pillow, I shouldered my holster on and stalked through the apartment, either looking for something to shoot or some sign of what I ought to do next.

  A tap on the apartment door brought my pacing to a halt.

  Anyone who knew I was home had a key.

  I withdrew a gun, erring on the side of caution, and unlocked the door—nice of Holden to think of that when he left. Maybe I’d get my wish of shooting someone sooner rather than later.

  The door swung open, and Sig stood on the other side, as effortlessly graceful and relaxed as always. He reached out and lifted my fang pendant, rolling the tooth between his thumb and forefinger.

  “I’m glad it was worth it,” he said, letting the necklace fall.

  I swallowed hard, not liking his tone or his word choice one bit. I’d known I was going to get kicked in the ass because of my Paris trip, but I was hoping I still had a few more days.

  “Sig, I—”

  “No, I think this is going to be one of those occasions where I speak and you listen. Sit down, please.” He backed me into the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

  Without any option except to obey, I retreated to my loveseat and sat, placing my gun on the coffee table. I wouldn’t be able to shoot Sig even if I wanted to, which I currently did not. After surviving two thousand years, I doubted a pistol would be the thing to finally bring the master vampire down.

  “Imagine my surprise, when after eight years of keeping your secret, I received a phone call yesterday from Bertrand on the Parisian council, informing me of an interesting rumor circulating his city’s streets. Do you have any idea what he told me?”

  “Yes,” I muttered.

  “Speak up.”

  “Yes.”

  “And what was it I might have heard from Bertrand?”

  “They know. About my wolf.”

  “Correct. They know about your wolf. Every vampire in Paris, and probably half the major European cities, are talking about this very, very popular rumor. A vampire Tribunal leader who is half werewolf.”

  “It’s not like I wore my Kiss Me I’m a Werewolf shirt, Sig. They were Peyton’s sidekicks. Can’t we just discredit—?”

  “If they were rogues, why didn’t you do your job and nip this situation in the bud before it became an issue? Rogues are disposable.”

  “Killing them would have meant letting Peyton go free.”

  “This gossip is beyond our control now. It would be one thing to call them liars at the start, but we’re past that point. They’ll want proof.”

  “Tell them you’ve sampled my blood, then. Tell them what they want to hear.”

  “And they’ll believe me, why? We share a bloodline. Juan Carlos has openly expressed his misgivings about you, and apparently not only to me. The jig, as they say, is up.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I can’t protect your secret anymore. Juan Carlos wants to take the issue to the council. He’ll be asking them to elect a replacement.”

  “They can’t elect a replacement.”

  “It’s not a political coup he’s asking for. It’s a council-sanctioned order of execution.”

  They would pick my replacement, and that replacement would assassinate me. I understood it now all too well.

  The vampire council was going to kill me.

  “You’re just going to sit back and watch this happen?” I stared at him, wondering if I’d ever really known him. I used to believe he cared about me, but now that I knew he’d lied to me for years about our true connection, I didn’t know what Sig felt or wanted.

  “Don’t be foolish. Would I be here warning you if I intended to watch you die? No. You know you’re not without friends on the Council. There’s a chance this may yet go in your direction instead of his. You have done a fair job thus far as a Tribunal leader. I don’t think any of the elders believed you’d live as long as you have, yet you continue to surprise us all.”

  Was this his idea of flattery?

  Somehow, though, I was buoyed by his words. He had a point. Up until now I had served the Tribunal well. I’d even met the approval of…

  “Monica. Sig, Monica knew what I was, and she didn’t care. She thought I was fit to be on the Tribunal. That has to be good for something.” Monica was one of the creepiest vampires I’d ever met, and that was saying something. Thousands of years old, she was forever trapped in the body of an eight-year-old and had a peculiar ability for seeing a vampire’s whole history with one bite.

  I’d only met her once, but when she’d sampled my blood, she seemed delighted about my mixed heritage, over the moon that she could still be surprised at her age. She hadn’t outed me to the Council in spite of knowing what I was.

  Sig sat back, contemplating. “I hadn’t considered the Monica angle. The Old One has a short attention span, though. I’m not sure she’d be the best witness to you when it comes to the elders.”

  “The elders are scared of her, Sig.” Anyone in their right mind was scared of her. “If she vouches for me, it will carry a lot of weight.” Plus Monica wasn’t terribly fond of Juan Carlos, which went a long way to help me.

  “It’s an avenue worthy of exploration, I agree. But this isn’t something the Council will forgive easily.”

  “Doesn’t it matter to them that you didn’t care?” Since he was the true leader of the Tribunal, shouldn’t his opinion matter more than Juan Carlos’s?

  “To some it will be enough. To others, your werewolf blood will be… What is the phrase I’m looking for? It cannot be overlooked.”

  “A deal breaker?” I suggested.

  “Yes.”

  Great, my life was a Presidential election, and the Elder Council was Florida.

  “What can I do?” I pictured myself stating my case before a room of centuries-old vampires, trying to convince them I didn’t deserve to die. Given my skill for saying all the wrong things, I didn’t foresee that particular scenario going great for me. “I don’t need to, like, testify or something, do I?”

  “No. I can’t imagine you speaking for yourself would do anything but damage your reputation further.”

  I would have been offended had I not just thought the same thing.

  “There’s something I need to deal with in Manitoba. I think I might have a shot of finding my mother. If the council wants me dead, can they wait until I’ve taken care of that situation first?”

  I didn’t want to die, in spite of my decided lack of joie de vivre lately. But if the Council decided it was curtains for me, I couldn’t die without knowing my family was safe. All my promises of protection to Grandmere, my sister, Mercedes, Tyler and others would be considered null and void once I was dead. If I could at least eliminate one of the last threats against them, maybe I could accept my fate with more grace.

  Nah. I’d still fight tooth and nail down to the bitter end.

  I wasn’t the kind of girl to lie down and let the world kick me in the ribs, and I had no intention of starting now.

  “It might be wise for you to leave the city again while the discussions are underway. I don’t like the idea of you being considered a vulnerable target by vampires who might wish to claim your seat.”

  “Haven’t I always been considered a vulnerable target?”

  “In the beginning, certainly. But as time has passed and you’ve proven yourself to be strong, the threats have fallen away. This sort of negative attention might renew interest, though. The possibility of power has been known to make civil men and women do reckless things.”

  I wanted to check my phone but resisted the urge. It had only been a half hour since Dominick woke me. Things with Desmond hadn’t likely changed in such a short period of time.

>   I dug my thumbnails into the lifelines on my palms. One long, one short, neither future certain. Some days I wish I knew which path was which, because I was starting to think no matter what I did I was going to end up with the short line and an early death.

  It was a shame my life wasn’t a Choose Your Own Adventure novel where I could peek ahead to see if the decisions I was making would lead to another chapter or end in certain death. That would have been handy.

  Knowing my luck, though, even having a peek at the happy ending wouldn’t be a sure thing. I’d find a way to get myself into trouble somehow. It was a gift, really.

  “I need to wait until Desmond can travel.”

  “Don’t wait for the wolf. Take Holden.”

  I bristled. “This isn’t an even-trade situation. Mercy isn’t a vampire. I need another werewolf with me to help hunt her in the daylight and to make sure she’s not hunting me. Holden is—”

  “Holden is what?” The man in question had opened the front door and was standing in the entryway holding a Starbucks cup. I wasn’t sure if that meant he’d been visiting with Calliope, or he knew how much I liked a cup of dark roast when I woke up.

  “I was just saying you wouldn’t be my best odds of protection when the person I’m after can come at me during the day. That’s all.”

  He moved closer, placing the big cup in front of me and removing his jacket like it was a dance move. “What you really mean is I haven’t done so well at protecting you when it matters.”

  The words felt like a sucker punch to my gut. I’d thought Holden was dealing with the whole Doctor situation better than me, but maybe he was just more skilled at hiding his true feelings. Did he honestly blame himself for us getting taken?

  That was a discussion we could have when Sig was gone.

  My inability to say what I wanted made me cranky though, and I snapped, “Don’t put words in my mouth. I wanted to bring Desmond because he’s familiar with pack politics. And my mother won’t play fair. If she thinks she has a shot of killing me at high noon, she’s damned sure going to do it.”

  Sig was watching the exchange with thinly veiled interest. “Perhaps you should bring them both.”

  Yeah like that wouldn’t end terribly.

  I looked to Holden for some backup confirmation the three of us couldn’t possibly travel together, but instead of agreeing with my nonverbal opinion, he shrugged. “Not the worst idea ever.”

  “No. It is the worst idea ever.”

  “Why? Me and the dog are getting along decently since we called the truce. I didn’t complain when you went to Paris without me, did I?”

  “No.” He’d actually been pretty happy to get rid of me, I thought.

  Holden went on, “And didn’t Desmond get incapacitated there? Putting you both at risk.”

  My gaze darted from Holden to Sig. I didn’t like the way they were ganging up on me here. This felt rehearsed and unfair. “Did you two plan this?”

  “Plan what?” Sig asked. “His arrival here with coffee? My foreknowledge of your intention to run off to Canada again?” He rolled his eyes. “Do not try to make conspiracies where there are only coincidences. You’ll make yourself crazy.”

  “Well, isn’t that par for the course with your spawn?” I snapped.

  I’d been avoiding this discussion long enough I almost thought I was over it. Having dealt with so many terrible things since discovering my connection to Sig, it had been the least of my worries. But apparently it was one more thing I’d been repressing, because now that I’d spit out the words, my anger at him was kicked into high gear.

  Since Holden knew all about my situation with Sig, he didn’t seem shocked by the outburst. He sat beside me on the couch and quietly observed as I glared at the Tribunal leader.

  “Now is not the time to talk about this,” Sig said.

  “You lied to me. About my whole goddamn life.”

  “I kept details of your lineage from you. Information you didn’t need to know.” The way he spoke was almost convincing. We hadn’t talked about our situation in person, only once over the phone. Being in the same room with him while we talked about him being my…

  “What are you to me, can you tell me that much? Are you my grandfather? What?”

  Sig laughed, and it spooked me. I jerked backwards in my seat, bumping against Holden. I hadn’t expected Sig to react like that, and the sudden joviality was too much for my nerves to handle.

  “You want to discuss this now, Secret? In front of him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine.” He shucked off his jacket and reclined in his chair. “But remember, you asked for it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “I am not your grandfather,” Sig began, still chuckling at the notion. “Your mother’s father and your father’s father, those are your grandfathers. Nor am I your great-grandfather, which would actually be more accurate, since you’re basing your nomenclature on bloodlines.”

  “Well my vampire great-grandfather, then. You sired my, uh, sire’s sire?”

  “That word has now lost all meaning to me,” Holden muttered.

  “Shush.”

  “You are thinking of this in terms of human connections, Secret, and you mustn’t. You are not human. I am not human. Nothing about this can be contained within the confines of the romantic notion of family. That is how you’re trying to understand it, is it not?”

  He was making me sound childish. “I need to know what you are to me, and what I am to you.”

  “But our connection has remained unchanged this whole time. I was once the leader who commanded you. Now you are my… Now you sit at my side.” Even he couldn’t quite bring himself to call me his equal.

  “Things aren’t the same, though. You’ve known this whole time we shared blood, yet you never told me.”

  “What does it matter?”

  “It matters to me.”

  “Why?”

  I threw myself back in my seat, letting out an exasperated sigh. Vampires were the absolute worst. “It matters because you had a bond to me I couldn’t understand, and you could have explained it to me but you didn’t. It matters because you kind of hit on me a lot, and knowing we share blood, that creeps me out now.”

  Sig smirked, and there was a predatory edge to it that made me shiver. “Why do you think you appealed to me so much when we first met, my dear? It is difficult to resist the call of my own blood in others. I like to see what it is I do to those I’ve helped make. You’re ruthless, sometimes, which is something you come by…naturally.”

  “Are you seriously saying you hit on me because you could sense your blood in me?”

  “You are not unappealing physically, either.”

  Wow. That might have been the single most insulting compliment I’d ever received. The creepy factor of his flirtation took on a new edge too. Had he wanted to bed himself by bedding me? Talk about messed up. Clearly I couldn’t understand the inner workings of a two-thousand-year-old vampire’s mind.

  “Ugh.”

  “I don’t see how this is of any concern. We never coupled.” He shrugged. “And had we, it is hardly out of the ordinary for those of the same bloodline to share intimacies. Holden, you lay down with Rebecca, did you not?”

  I pivoted my attention to Holden. Though this was not a new consideration for me, it also wasn’t something we really discussed. My vampire was rigid next to me, giving Sig a none-too-friendly glare. “We did.”

  “See?” Sig said, as though this made his point. “And Rebecca likely bedded her sire.”

  “Well, I didn’t bed my sire.” I shuddered.

  “Your sire was your biological father. That is most unusual. I also believe it is the only reason you find this entire situation as repellent as you do. You are confusing his human tether to you with the vampiric one you share with me. They are different things. For you and I to have consummated something, it would not be anything like the incestuous relations you seem insistent on comparing it
to.”

  “Can we stop talking about you sleeping with Secret?” Holden asked.

  “Yes, please,” I added.

  “What foolishness.” Sig shook his head. “And such a Puritanical point of view from a woman who is sharing her—”

  “I dare you to finish that sentence.” I glowered at him, inching forward on my seat. I’d been dying to give him a good slap ever since I found out he’d been hiding our blood connection. If he felt like sneering at my love life now, it might be enough to make me do it.

  “Very well. But you are the one who wanted to know what I am to you.”

  “I do.”

  “I am not your grandfather. I am not your sire. I am much more, Secret. Something I was willing to let you go your whole life without knowing.”

  I sure didn’t like the sound of that.

  “I will give you one last chance to continue living in ignorance. I suggest you take it.” He was rolling up the sleeves on his dress shirt, as if he were about to conduct surgery. The mere thought of surgery made my throat swell up. I looked at the door, desperate to escape.

  Take the out, my inner voice screamed. Take the out. Live in ignorance.

  It would be the easiest thing. And I’d never have to know what it was Sig was about to share with me. But then I wouldn’t know what he was, or who I was by extension.

  “I want to know.” My voice was so small I wasn’t convinced of my own words.

  “Secret…” Holden put his hand on my leg. “Maybe you don’t need this.”

  He was probably right. This might be a terrible mistake. But my life was already in shambles, I somehow doubted what Sig was about to say could make it any worse.

  “Very good.” His smile was downright chilling. “There is a great deal you failed to learn from your sire. But I can show you. Have you ever wondered how it is I am able to slip into your dreams, my dear?”

  My gaze darted to Holden once more. I’d never shared that little tidbit with him. Besides, they weren’t sexy dreams. Just weird ones.