Cold Hard Secret (Secret McQueen)

by Sierra Dean

  I could have. I could have been either, to be full vampire or full werewolf. Instead I’d chosen to return to what I was. “I did make a choice, didn’t I?”

  “Does it count as a choice to make no choice at all? Instead of moving forward, you moved along a set line, staying precisely as you were.”

  I pulled my hand away and placed it in my lap, staring up at the stars to avoid facing her.

  “What path is the right one? I don’t… Cal, I don’t want to die. But I can’t live like this anymore.” I held my hands up so the purple-orange hue cast by the orbiting supernovas above made them glow slightly. “Is there a right path?”

  “Whatever path you choose is the right path.”

  Of course. Why shouldn’t I expect more cryptic bullshit? She had spoken in riddles the whole time we’d known each other. Why should I expect anything to change now?

  “I’m going to have to give one of them up, won’t I?”

  “One of the paths? Of course.”

  “I meant Holden and Desmond.”

  “Not your wolf king?”

  “Lucas? Christ, no.”

  “Ah, so we are here now. Arrived at last on the second love triangle.”

  “Huh?”

  “When you first met your wolves, I told you there were two halves of you, and loving the wolves wouldn’t be the only triangle. And now here we are, and you love a wolf and a vampire.”

  “And I’m going to have to choose.”

  “You cannot keep them both. It wouldn’t be fair. Greedy girls lose everything if they yield nothing.”

  I’d known all along there would come a time I had to pick between Desmond and Holden, but I had hoped I could put it off as long as possible. During our stay in California, Holden had point-blank told me I would have to make a decision. But after all the drama and horror, the boys had made their pact. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I could keep it this way forever.

  Never making a choice was a lot easier than saying goodbye to one of the men I loved.

  “Bah,” I announced.

  “Indeed. But take heed, my dear girl, I am not lying when I say you will lose everything if you do nothing.”

  “You’re a bright ray of sunshine, you know that?”

  “It’s been said before, yes.”

  “So, tell me this, am I going to live to make this choice? I mean, you have to know I’m leaving to go kill Mercy.”

  “I do.”

  “And? Am I coming home?”

  “You’re going home, aren’t you? Returning home? You will see many homes on your path to fulfill this vendetta. So, in that sense you will go home and leave home.”

  “I need to pick my wording more carefully, don’t I?”

  “It isn’t my place to tell you whether you will live or die. All will die. You among them.”

  “But you’ve seen my death.”

  “I’ve seen many deaths.”

  “I love these little chats of ours.”

  She smiled and took my hand again, but this time just to hold it rather than to measure my life. “You wouldn’t want to know everything I know, Secret. I see it all, the endless march of days until the final collapse. If you knew what I knew, you could not go on living. And if you couldn’t go on, everything would change, understand? I can’t tell you what I know, because it is unknowable. The knowing undoes it.”

  “You’re an awfully frustrating woman, Cal.”

  She waggled her eyebrows and smirked. “I know.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “But honestly. Pick a man. Pick a path. Decide what you want to do. Because all this waiting and seeing? It’s eating up precious hours of what life you have left, short or long. And do you want to go to your grave having squandered your time?”

  I hated it when she was so damned spot on. “No.”

  “And do you want to deny them happiness? Do you want to keep them from finding love if you are not the one?”

  Well, uh, yeah. I was very much feeling the if I can’t have them, no one can mentality. Because naturally if I broke up with them, the boys would cease to be attracted to women and would spend the remainder of their days as, like, monks or something.

  Was that too much to ask?

  Apparently.

  “No,” I agreed finally. “That wouldn’t be fair.”

  “So pick.”

  “Right now?” I sat upright, suddenly cold. Talking about choosing between them was one thing, but doing it at a moment’s notice was quite another.

  “No. Don’t be absurd. Unless your choice is me. And I regret to inform you I am not an option.”

  “Alas.”

  She rolled her eyes. “But if we’re both being honest, when I say: Secret, which man do you choose? There is already an answer in your mind. But you’re not ready to admit it.”

  And in the moment, when the words were spoken, I knew she was right.

  Because I had my answer.

  I was just afraid of it.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “This is a Mars bar.” Sutherland inspected the bag of candy I’d brought him.

  “There’s also an Almond Joy in there. And some peanut butter cups.”

  “But Snickers satisfies,” he protested.

  I sighed, wondering if this was what it would be like to have a teenage son. “Keep digging, Dad. There’s one in there. I think I bought every candy bar in the place.”

  I’d stowed the bagged blood from Calliope’s place in his fridge and prepared a fresh glass for him, but he was far more interested in getting his sugar fix than drinking what would actually sustain him.

  Holden, who had been wandering around the apartment, reappeared in the living room and sat next to Sutherland on the couch.

  “You know, all of Brigit’s clothes are still here,” he observed.

  I hadn’t checked. Chances were good my father had done little to personalize the space. That would imply he had a personality to put into it. I think whatever lit the Sutherland part of his brain had flickered out after he tried to kill my mom.

  If I was supposed to use my parents as a guide for how to embrace my inner monsters, they were likely the two worst role models I could have been saddled with. A traitorous werewolf and a crazy-ass vampire. No wonder I hated my heritage so much.

  “What’s your point?” I asked Holden.

  “There’s a lot of nice stuff in there. Most of it is your size. Except…you know…” He held up two hands in front of his chest to indicate breasts. Which Brigit had had in spades and I certainly did not.

  “Are you suggesting there’s something wrong with my—?” I stopped myself short when I remembered the other party in the room was, for better or worse, my father. Holden seemed to realize it at the same moment because he dropped his hands right away.

  “You’re talking about breasts,” Sutherland informed us.

  “Unfortunately,” I admitted.

  “You two are lovers.”

  Oh dear God, I hoped this wasn’t going to become a much, much too late birds-and-bees discussion.

  “Yeah.” I sighed.

  “Oh. An Oh Henry!” He tore into the yellow wrapper and munched on the chocolate bar contentedly, his previous thought process erased by the chocolate-coated peanut goodness of his candy.

  Saving Holden and me from one intensely awkward conversation with my teenage-looking father.

  My phone buzzed, further extracting me from the scene. I made my way into Sutherland’s bedroom and stood in front of the closet, which was still crammed full of Brigit’s clothes. Something would need to be done with them, but I didn’t know if I could stomach the idea of wearing her things.

  I checked the caller ID screen on my cell, and my heart leapt when Calliope’s number showed up. Since I’d just left her place, I couldn’t imagine what she’d need with me so soon.

  “Hey, Cal. Did I forget something?” I prayed this would be about a misplaced wallet, and nothing serious. But I already knew if she w
as taking the time to pick up the phone, it had to be serious.

  “You must leave.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You have to go. You have to get as far from New York as you can. There’s no time to waste. Leave whatever it is you’re doing, get into your car and go.”

  Instead of springing into action at her words, my body went cold and I felt frozen in place, totally unable to make whatever next move was necessary to my survival.

  Calliope sounded…scared.

  I couldn’t remember her ever sounding this frightened for me, because what would she have to fear? Like she’d told me less than an hour earlier—she already knew how I was going to die. So why should she be frightened?

  Unless something had happened to change my fate.

  My palms felt itchy, but I could do nothing to alleviate the sensation. I had both my guns, but even so I suddenly wanted my sword very badly.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “It’s Aubrey…” Her voice drifted off like she was struggling to find the words. Maybe it was tricky to tell someone they were about to die by fairy king.

  Aubrey Delacourte was the last man I wanted to have to deal with right now. Or ever again, if I was being honest. I had sort of hoped—with him being a true immortal and all—he might forget about the favor I owed him until I was long dead. If I could have put off hearing his name again until I’d been dead for five hundred years, that would have been swell.

  “What about Aubrey?”

  Cal let out a wavering breath. When she spoke next, her voice was firm and serious. “He sent his men to me tonight. He knew you’d been here, and he had a message for you.”

  Was that all? A crazy fairy was sending his men chasing after me in interdimensional space to deliver messages? No biggie.

  “And the message was?”

  “He wants you to know he hasn’t forgotten you. He wanted me to tell you he’s coming. And he said if you don’t give him what he wants this time, you’ll pay in blood.”

  I stepped into Brigit’s closet, though I wasn’t sure what I was trying to hide from. I was already separated from Holden and Sutherland by a whole room, though if they’d been super keen to listen in, they probably could have managed. I clutched the sleeve of a bubblegum-pink cashmere sweater and lifted it to my face. It smelled of Pink Sugar perfume, the candy-sweet scent Brigit had sworn by.

  My eyes watered, and I blinked back the tears, struggling to stay in the moment.

  Pulling the sweater down off its hanger, I clutched it to my chest.

  So the fairy king was out for blood or favors.

  I didn’t particularly want to give him either.

  “Did he say when he was coming?” I glanced around the closet and considered sitting on the floor amongst the discarded purses, but thought better of it.

  “It won’t be long now. If they’d come while you were still here, I wouldn’t have even had this opportunity. You must leave, Secret. Give yourself a chance to finish what you’ve started elsewhere. Once Aubrey has you…”

  I waited for her to finish the thought, and when she didn’t, I supplied my own worst-case scenarios. “It’s going to be bad, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know anything when it comes to him, not anymore. I severed my ties with him. Where your future meets his, it’s all black.”

  “Maybe it won’t be as grim as you think,” I offered.

  “You have to run. This is my brother; we are of the same blood. If I tell you to go, you must go. Please.”

  It was the please that did it. Calliope was the type to make orders, not requests. For her to be begging me to leave the city—something she hadn’t done when Peyton’s goon squad was out for my blood—meant it was serious.

  I had to leave.

  “Can you see Desmond?”

  “I don’t like to look at the wolves.”

  “I know. But I need you to do it now, because if I’m going, he’s coming with me, and I need to know he can handle it.”

  “I dislike the idea of you having him with you at a time like this,” she replied quietly.

  “I’m not going to die, Cal. I need you to tell me if he can handle it. Dominick and Lucas won’t admit it if I ask.”

  After a thoughtful pause she said, “He will manage. But he isn’t where they claim he is. You’ll need to seek him from whence he came.”

  “Just this once, with time being of the essence and all, do you think we could not talk in riddles? For my sake?”

  Calliope snorted, and I could practically hear her eyes rolling. “He’s at his mother’s house. That was barely a riddle. I’m disappointed.”

  “Don’t be. I’m actually going to take your advice for once. You should be thrilled.”

  Although with advice like don’t die, it was pretty hard not to listen.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Penelope Alvarez had grown about a foot since the last time I saw her.

  When she opened the door for me, her big eyes lit up with surprise, but instead of staring up at me, she now looked me right in the eyes. She was only thirteen, and if she kept growing at this rate, she would be taller than me before she could drive.

  I was more relieved to note she wasn’t in the clutches of an insane fae who wanted to dismember her. Things were looking up in more ways than one.

  “Secret,” she enthused, her grin spreading so wide I thought it might hurt her cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

  Her greeting drew the attention of the remaining Alvarez family, bringing Grace, Desmond’s mom, as well as Dominick into the foyer. Dominick had inherited his mother’s stature and coloring, and the two short, blond Alvarezes stood side by side, regarding me uncertainly.

  Dominick seemed ready to kick me to the curb, but his mother quickly shifted into hostess mode. “Secret, please come in. What a pleasure to see you.”

  As I stepped into the hall, they spotted Holden on the front step, eyeing the house warily.

  “Who’s your fri—?” Grace began, but Dominick cut her off.

  “He’s a bloodsucker.”

  It would have been nice if we could have gotten through the visit without resorting to name-calling, but evidently I wouldn’t be so lucky.

  “Holden is safe, I assure you.”

  “I can wait outside,” the vampire grumbled. “I don’t need to stir up any trouble. But let’s keep this snappy, shall we?” The last was spoken directly to me.

  Once I had impressed upon him our need to be hasty, his natural first suggestion had been leave the dog behind. After I’d gotten it across that I had no intention of leaving Desmond behind, Holden had pouted on our whole drive over.

  I’d already stopped at my apartment to grab my sword and a small travel bag, and we’d made a similar drive-by at Holden’s place, though his bag was larger than mine. Desmond was our last stop before we hit the airport in New Jersey, and I was sincerely hoping a polite phone call to Sig or, ugh, Lucas, would get us a plane on short notice. The custom BMW Z4 Lucas had given me was a sweet ride, but there was no way two vampires could hide anywhere in it during daylight hours.

  Rather than argue about whether or not Holden should be allowed inside, I chose to keep my fights limited and stick to the only one that mattered. “I’m here for Desmond.”

  “We talked about this,” Dominick said, moving to stand in front of his mother as if she needed to be protected from me. “How did you know he was here?”

  I could have played coy or gotten mad at him for lying to me about Desmond’s whereabouts, but I chose the truth instead. It seemed like less hassle. “I asked the Oracle.”

  “Handy,” he replied.

  “What’s an oracle?” Penny asked.

  “Never mind that right now. Let’s go put on some water for tea.” Mama Alvarez took Penny’s hand and pulled her towards the living room. Her smile was tight and more polite than warm. It pained me to be here putting such strain on her family. I had to wonder how much she kn
ew about my situation with Desmond, and how that factored into her feelings towards me.

  What a mess.

  I guessed by saving Penny’s life I had a get-out-of-jail-free card as far as lectures went, but that would only get me so far. If I broke her son’s heart, I didn’t think she’d stay very nice to me.

  “You thought you could just show up here and make Desmond come with you?” Dominick looked exhausted, and I doubted I was going to have to put up much of a fight. I would have rather not fought at all because I considered these people among the closest thing I had to a family, and I didn’t want to alienate them.

  But I needed Desmond, and we needed to get the hell out of Dodge like…now.

  Against any other foe I might have feared for the lives of the Alvarez family along with my other friends. But Aubrey wasn’t Peyton, and he wasn’t Mercy. He wanted something from me, and he had enough appreciation for how I operated to know coming at me through my loved ones wasn’t the way to make me cooperate. He might try something with Holden or Desmond, but I would have them with me.

  Everyone else was still considered mine under vampire law. Sig would keep an eye on them, because if anything happened to them, it would be considered a direct affront to me. I still had some power in this town, and I was grateful to use it while it lasted.

  “Shit is going to hit the fan soon, Dom. I need to take Desmond, and we need to go now.”

  “Shit is always hitting the fan with you.”

  “I’ll be sure to give a warning and some raincoats to the first three rows in the future. But I don’t have time to argue about it now.”

  “You’re going to put him in danger again, aren’t you?”

  “Desmond is a big boy, and you know he’ll want to come.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “I can appreciate you wanting to protect him, I really can. And I don’t want to put him in danger. Danger just sort of occurs a lot in my general proximity. But I won’t let anything happen to him.”

  “Like you didn’t let anything happen to him in Paris?” Dominick crossed his arms and gave me a hard stare that I think was meant to make me feel guilty. It was working.