Fuck. This wasn’t good. Nobody but the people at Reed Security were supposed to know who I really was. The more people that found out, the more dangerous it was for me and everyone around me.
“That wasn’t his information to hand out.”
“Would you rather have a bullet in your head?”
“If he doesn’t keep his mouth shut, it won’t be long before that happens.”
She watched me and it made me squirm. I wasn’t used to people studying me. Most people took the ‘don’t fuck with me’ look quite literally and stayed away. But Kate was getting more comfortable around me and wasn’t as intimidated by me any more. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
“So, who are you really?”
“That’s none of your goddamn business,” I said with as much menace as I could muster. I couldn’t let her think that she could bat her eyelashes and get whatever she wanted from me. I still had to protect myself and even though she hadn’t tried to fuck me over yet, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t in the future.
“Why don’t you get some more sleep? Those pills will be kicking in pretty soon. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” She stood and walked out of the room, leaving me cursing myself for being such an idiot. If I hadn’t run over here last night because of my stupid jealousy, I wouldn’t be in the position I was now, which was totally fucked. I not only couldn’t protect her, I couldn’t protect myself and that was a dangerous way to live my life.
✯✯✯✯✯
When I woke again, it was late afternoon and I was starving. I didn’t particularly want to get up, but I also had no way of asking Kate to bring me something. I sat up slowly, my ribs protesting the movement and made my way over to the door. Just that little bit of movement was a little too much for me and I found myself leaning against the door frame to catch my breath. I couldn’t remember the last time that I had been this out of it. Even when I was shot down in the Dominican Republic, the recovery had been fairly easy. Or maybe it just felt that way because I woke up to Kate’s face. That had been the day that everything had changed for me. The day that I found myself wanting more than the pitiful existence I had.
Taking it slowly on the stairs, I found Kate sitting in the living room curled up on the couch. She looked over at me and I must have looked like hell because she rushed over to me and took my good arm, guiding me to the couch.
“We need to wrap your ribs. It’ll make you feel better. Just sit here for a minute while I grab a wrap.”
No problem there. Walking down the stairs had completely wiped me out. Kate came rushing back into the room with a wrap and her medical kit.
“Lift your arms as much as you can.” I did as she asked, grimacing when my left arm protested just inches from my body. I felt myself hardening as her fingers ran along my pecs as she finished off the wrap. When she finished, her head tilted up slowly as she took in my face. Her eyes flicked from my eyes to my lips. I knew how much she wanted me, I could see it in her eyes. But I didn’t know if she would act on it. I leaned forward, letting her know that I wanted her too, but leaving it up to her to make the first move. If she kissed me, I didn’t know if I would be able to hold back with her, which would really suck considering that I was injured.
When her lips touched mine, I didn’t hold back. I needed her. Her tongue slid against mine with a velvety softness that had me groaning as my cock hardened. Her plump lips sucked at my bottom lip, promising what things could be like if we ever took this further. After tasting her yesterday, I knew that I would never have enough. Her kisses brought me back to the light, a place that I never thought I would see again, and it made me wonder if I could have her for keeps. When she pulled back, her eyes were clouded with lust and her lips were plump and red. She was a fucking dream.
“That was probably a bad idea,” she whispered.
“Nothing better than a bad idea,” I said as I stared at her lips, wondering if she would allow me another taste.
“This won’t go anywhere. We shouldn’t do this.”
“You’re probably right, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you. You’re my angel. I think you might be the only person that could ever save me.”
That must have been the wrong thing to say because her head snapped back and she narrowed her eyes at me. “I save people that are injured, but I can’t save someone that so callously disregards human life. Your soul was lost the first time you pulled the trigger.”
My face hardened and I looked away. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was thinking, but obviously, this woman would never see me as anything other than a killer. And she would be right. I made my decision and I blackened my soul with little regard for the consequences.
“I’m going to make some dinner. You need to eat before you take any more pills.”
I leaned back with a sigh and watched whatever the hell she had on the TV. It was some kind of medical show and I wasn’t the least bit interested. Before I knew it, I had drifted off and she was shaking me awake.
“Hey, wake up. I’ve got some dinner for you.”
My eyelids were heavy and I didn’t want to wake up, but I knew that I needed to eat something. Sitting up, Kate fussed over me, putting pillows behind my back to make me more comfortable, and damn if that didn’t make my heart speed up. I tried to imagine what it would be like if I was a more permanent part of her life, but her earlier words came back to me and squashed any dreams I had that that would happen.
“What did you make?”
“Nothing fancy. Just some chicken and rice. I didn’t thing you would want anything too heavy, but you probably need the protein. I didn’t think soup would fill you up.”
I looked down at the plate that she set on my lap and saw that she even cut up the chicken for me in bite sized pieces. This woman was just amazing.
“Thank you,” I murmured. I ate in companionable silence with her as she flicked through the channels.
“There’s nothing on,” she sighed. “Why don’t you pick something.”
“I haven’t watched TV in years. I have no idea what’s even on. Whatever you choose is fine.”
She put on some sort of action movie that had me laughing because of how ridiculous the scenes were. If only that was the way it worked in real life. When I finished dinner, she brought me my pills and some water.
“Why don’t you put your feet up so you’re more comfortable?”
I got comfortable on the couch and was surprised when she sat on the floor right in front of the couch. From where I was lying, I could just reach out and run my fingers through her hair. For some reason, it calmed me, so I continued even when she gave me a funny look. I fell asleep with my fingers in her silky strands, dreaming of what life would be like if I were a different man.
✯✯✯✯✯
I pretty much slept on the couch all of Sunday. The pills were knocking me out and I could barely stay awake for a half hour after I took them. That was probably for the best considering that I needed to let my body heal and that wouldn’t happen if I was awake and moving around. I was never very good at relaxing, so this was probably the only way that would happen.
In the afternoon, I got up to use the bathroom and paused in the doorway when I heard voices in the living room. It sounded like one male voice, but I couldn’t be certain. I snuck to the corner of the living room so I could see and saw that it was the fucker from the other night.
“Cole, I’m fine here. I promise that he hasn’t tried to kill me or take advantage of me. Not that he could considering the beat down you gave him.”
“I’ll give him as many as he needs to remind him not to touch you.”
“Relax, man.” I walked into the living room, straight up to Cole. “You have nothing to worry about. I’m not going to hurt her.”
His eyes narrowed in on me. “And I’m just supposed to take your word for it?”
“No. I’d be doing the same thing if I was her cousin. There would be no way I would let a guy like me near h
er.”
His eyes assessed my body and he smirked. Yeah, I looked like shit. One arm in a sling and my ribs wrapped. Pretty sure I had some bruises on my face too.
“Guess, I don’t really have much to worry about. You don’t look like you could pull one over on a kitten right now.”
“Kittens have claws,” I retorted.
“Boys, boys. Do we really have to do this right now?”
“Don’t get any illusions here, Kate. He may be weak at the moment, but he’s a trained killer.”
I hated that he was right, about both parts. I was weak at the moment and I had no doubts that she could kick my ass. And I was a killer. She had pointed that out to me several times, saying there could never be anything between us because of my choices. I knew it was true, but damn, I didn’t like hearing her say it.
“Thank you, Cole, but I’ve got this covered. Remember, I may be a doctor and save lives, but I also know a hundred different ways to end them.”
“Just keep that in the back of your mind while he’s here,” Cole said firmly to her. He and I both knew that it didn’t matter if she knew how to take a life. Kate didn’t have a cruel or hateful bone in her body. It wasn’t in her to take a life, no matter what. She would always try to find a way to help.
Cole left a few minutes later and I was already settled on the couch. It felt like no matter how much I rested, I was down for the count. Kate took a seat on the other end of the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest.
“Am I right about you? Would you ever hurt me?”
“Not willingly,” I said fiercely.
“Not even if it was to get something you needed from someone else?”
I considered her question, but there wasn’t much to think about. I already knew that I would protect Kate with my life. If she was the only way to get the answers I needed, I would sooner cut off my own arm than hurt her.
“Not even then. Kate, I know that I’m not a good person and I also know that you know that too. I’m not suggesting that we’ll fall in love and live happily ever after, because I already know you could never want that with someone like me. But there’s something about you that makes me want to be better for you, even if my hands are already so bloody that no amount of washing would clean them.”
“Why do you do what you do?”
“Why do you heal people?” I asked.
“Because people deserve a chance to live the best life they can. I like to know that I make a difference, even if it’s just a small one.”
“I do what I do for the same reasons.” She looked at me funny. “There are people out there that are the scum of the earth and don’t deserve to live. I’ve taken out drug dealers that sell to kids. I’ve taken out pedophiles and rapists. Those people don’t deserve a second chance at life.”
“How can you say that? I mean, it’s not that I side with them, but you’ve made yourself judge, jury, and executioner. We have a legal system that deals with those people.”
“And the system fails more times than not. There are so many ways for one of those people to get away with that shit and no one is there to stop them from raping a kid or getting them hooked on drugs. Do you know how many people are assaulted that never see justice? These people are smart. They know how to get away with the shit they pull because they know how to clean up after themselves or threaten a victim so they’ll never talk. I do what I do because it prevents others from having to suffer the same fate as the person before them.”
“But every time you kill someone, you’re no better than they are. Don’t you see that? That person is someone’s child or father. You’re taking their life like it means nothing to anyone else.”
“I do what’s necessary. I’m not making excuses or trying to say I’m a good person. I know that what I’m doing is eating away at me every day and that’s something I have to live with.”
She bit her lip as she thought about what I had said. I could tell she wanted to ask me more, but she was choosing her words carefully.
“What happened when you were in the military? Cole made it sound like that’s where this started.”
“Are you going to run off to your friend, Sean and tell him everything you know about me?” She looked shocked that I knew about him. “Yeah, I know all about your cop friend. Remember, I’ve been watching you for a while. There’s not much that I don’t know about you, including what kind of panties you like to wear.” She blushed and squirmed under my gaze.
“I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I’m pretty sure I could get in trouble for aiding and abetting or something like that.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I’m just curious what made you start..” She waved her hand around like she didn’t really want to say the words.
“Killing people?” She nodded. “I was in the military with Pappy for several years. I got called up for some special assignments and over the course of a year, I began to realize that my superiors were feeding us bad intel and my brothers were dying. They were profiting from soldier’s deaths. Every mission we went out on, we wondered who was going to end up dead.”
“Did you try and tell someone else?”
I scoffed, “The people I worked for were at the top. They were untouchable. I knew that if I didn’t do something, I would end up in one of those body bags, only there’s no one at home to take the flag when I’m put in the ground. I don’t have family, but a lot of my brothers do. I needed to end it before more of them died.”
“There had to be something else you could do. Let them know you were on to them, or-”
“Let them know I was on to them? I’d be sent out on the next mission and I wouldn’t return. Have you ever been to a military funeral?”
“No.”
“I suggest you go sometime. Look at the widow as she’s handed the flag that her husband earned with his life. You can watch his kids staring at the casket, not understanding why their father isn’t coming home. Those families give up so much of their lives to support their loved ones and what do they get in the end?” I shook my head in disgust. “I wasn’t going to sit back and watch that happen any more. Those families deserve more than that.”
“Don’t you deserve more, too? I mean, you’ve basically given up your life. You’ve already said that if they find you, you would have the entire weight of the government coming after you. Don’t you want more for yourself?”
“I made my decision a long time ago. There’s no going back for me.”
She looked away and I wondered if she had hoped for a different answer. If this was another life, would I have a shot with her? I hoped that I would, but it was ridiculous to think that way. I couldn’t change what I had done, so there was no point in dreaming of something more.
“What were you like before you became an assassin?”
“I’m not really sure any more. The only way I could describe it is having blinders on. I mean, in the military, you see how cruel the world can actually be, but when I came home and went on the run? The people I’m hired to take out are the stuff of nightmares. I guess it made me more untrusting of others.”
“Do you ever miss that naivety?”
“What’s the point in thinking about it? I can’t go back. I can’t forget what I know.”
“I guess what I’m asking is, do you wish you could go back to being Hudson McGuire?”
I thought back to what it was like to be in the military with Pappy and the other members of our team. Those were good times and if I had never been requested for other missions, I would have continued to serve with Pappy and maybe even joined Reed Security with him. I could have had a family of my own and I never would have known all the shit that could happen in life. Yeah, part of me wished that I could be Hudson McGuire again.
“Sometimes. When I think back to what it was like being in the military, having that kind of brotherhood, I miss that. Being an assassin is a very lonely job to have. Friends can’t be trusted and enemies are everywhere. Slee
p never comes easily because I’m always watching my back. I never stay in one place too long because it makes me complacent. I guess if there was one thing I would want, it’s to not always be on the move.”
“What about regular life? Isn’t it hard to know that you can’t just decide to settle down one day and get a job somewhere?”
I didn’t want her to know how much I craved that at the moment, so I lied.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for a normal job. The military trained me to be a killer and they did a damn good job.”
“But, you know what I mean. You could have gotten out and done something else with your life.”
“Like I said before, I made my decision and I have to live with it. If I dwell on what could have been, I’d drive myself insane.”
✯✯✯✯✯
“Hey, you look a little stiff today.” Kate was sitting at the kitchen table in lounge pants and a loose t-shirt. She looked damn sexy with her hair all ruffled from sleep and no makeup.
“Little bit. What are you still doing here? I thought you’d be at work already.”
“The clinic’s not open on holidays.”
I shook my head, totally baffled that I had lost track of time so much. “So, what are you planning for the day?”
“Not sure yet. I was thinking about just hanging around, maybe reading a book. I have to run to the store and do some grocery shopping, but that’s about it.This has been my first full weekend off in a long time.”
“You work too hard.”
“Says the man that doesn’t even have time for TV.”
“Just because I don’t watch TV doesn’t mean that I don’t take time off.”
“Where was the last place you went?”
“I was in Pittsburgh.”
“I meant, someplace other than on a job.”
“I went to Hawaii last year.”
Knight_A Reed Security Romance Page 7