“Sapphire,” I said quietly.
Alexander slowly raised his head to meet my gaze.
“What?”
“You heard me. I said sapphire.”
“I know what you said. Why did you say it?”
“Because being without you is my hard limit – my only hard limit. You don’t get to walk away from me, Alexander Stone.”
He shook his head, but didn’t speak. I moved toward him, squatted down in front of him, and took hold of his hand. Raising it to my chest, I pressed his palm against my breast so that he could feel the beat of my heart.
“Angel, what are you doing?”
“I left you once before. Here. In this place. But you eventually came after me. I won’t leave you again, Alex. Not now, not ever. That day on the side of the road when my car broke down, we stood in the rain and you placed your hand over my heart. Do you remember?”
He blinked, as if trying to clear the fog in his brain.
“Yes.”
“You forced me to acknowledge my feelings for you. My heart beat for you then, but it beats even stronger for you now. Please, let me take you home.”
He searched my face through glazed eyes. I wasn’t sure what he saw, but he eventually nodded. When he stood, he wobbled. I took his arm and put it over my shoulder, barely able to support his heavy weight. Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out my cell and dialed Hale.
“He’s here, but in rough shape. I need you to help me get him home.”
34
krystina
“Are you sure you’ll be okay? I’ll just call off. I don’t want to leave you,” Allyson said. She sat across from me at the kitchen table of the apartment we once shared together.
“You already called in to work yesterday. I don’t want you to get into trouble on my account. I’ll be fine,” I assured her. I picked absently at the buttered wheat toast Allyson had made me for breakfast. She insisted that I eat, but I had zero appetite.
It had been over two days since I’d seen or spoken to Alexander – two days of agony, worry, and crying. After Hale and I got Alexander to bed on Saturday night, all the strength I displayed at the club left me and I completely broke down. The man I loved, the self-assured, confident, and beautiful man I knew, had been reduced to a hurtful drunk person that I didn’t recognize.
The fact that he went to the club to forget about everything, even me, was almost too much to bear. But the idea of him turning to her ripped my heart into a million tiny pieces.
Sasha’s words had been on repeat in my mind since that night.
“It’s too bad you interrupted us so soon. He would have been fucking me in a matter of minutes. But he’ll be back. They always come back. You’ll never be enough for him.”
Deep down, I knew I got there before anything happened between the two of them. However, I couldn’t help but wonder about what she said and about what would have happened if I didn’t arrive in time. I also worried that her words about me not being enough for him rang true. Alexander said that he didn’t need the club as an outlet anymore, but what if he did?
Because of that, and because of the way he had deliberately tried to hurt and frighten me, I needed time to think. Hale understood this and offered to keep watch over him on Saturday night. He suggested that I go to Allyson’s for the night, so I did. Although, one night ended up turning into three. Now, it was Tuesday morning, and I had yet to hear from Alexander. There had been no phone calls from him. No texts. No emails. Just nothing.
“Anything new from Hale or Justine?” Allyson asked.
“Not yet today,” I responded. “The last text from Hale came last night. He said that Alex was okay and was still sorting things out.”
“Yeah, well he’d better sort out some kind of apology to you soon before I get my hands on him. I still can’t believe he hasn’t returned your calls.”
“Me either, Ally,” I said sadly.
My eyes burned, threatening a new wave of tears. I didn’t want to worry Allyson anymore, so I blinked them back, surprised that I even had any tears left.
“I’m going to stay home today,” Allyson insisted again.
“Ally, don’t be ridiculous. I feel guilty enough over the fact that I’ve called in to work two days in a row. Don’t add to it. I’ll be okay, really. In fact, I’m going to shower and try to get some work done from home today.”
I didn’t add that the reason I wasn’t going into the office was because I couldn’t risk running into Alexander. She already knew that. I wasn’t avoiding him, but simply doing as requested. According to Hale and Justine, Alexander needed space. If that’s what he needed, I could give it – even if it killed me in the process. I just hoped he didn’t need space for too much longer. As upset as I had been, I missed him so much. Every time my eyes closed, he was there. I felt empty without him, lost in a black hole of misery. I wasn’t sure if I could go on living this way for much longer.
“Promise to call if you need me? Even if you just have to cry it out for a minute, I’ll listen,” Allyson said, her expression full of worry.
“I promise. Now get out of here before you’re late,” I scolded.
“Love you, doll,” she said, her voice full of compassion. Coming around to my side of the table, she gave me a fierce hug. Once she broke away, she walked to the front door and grabbed her coat off the wall hook. “He’ll come around. I know he will. He loves you too much not to.”
I smiled weakly at her.
“I know.”
After she left, I sluggishly made my way back to my old bedroom. I glanced at the foot of the bed and saw my laptop sitting open. Waiting. Just waiting for Alexander to respond to my email. While he hadn’t responded to any of my texts, maybe he had too much to say and replied to my email instead. Hoping for a response, I sat on the edge of the bed and opened my inbox.
Nothing.
What if he misunderstood what I said? Had I said the wrong things? Should I have said more?
I knew I should have followed him when he left the nursing home. I never should have let him go off alone, but I didn’t know if he understood my regret. Feeling unsure about the words I had written, I clicked on the email that I sent to him on Sunday night.
To: Alexander Stone
From: Krystina Cole
SUBJECT: I’m sorry
Alex,
Hale and Justine said you needed time. I don’t like having to go through them to find out how you are. I want to talk to you. I don’t know why you need time away from me, but I will respect your wishes until you sort things out.
I know I screwed up. I never should have let you walk away from me. You shouldn’t have been alone after the shock you received and I’m sorry for that. Perhaps if I followed you, we wouldn’t be here right now. My only excuse is that I was torn. I wanted answers for you, yet I was scared at the same time. I was scared for you. And if I’m being perfectly honest, I was scared for me too.
I don’t want to be afraid. I love you and I miss you so much. Please call me when you’re ready.
All My Love,
Your Angel
XOXO
I meant what I said in the email, even if I did sound like I was close to begging. However, I didn’t particularly care. I knew we both screwed up Saturday night, but this time I was willing to shoulder all the blame. It was as if he were my air, and I felt like I was suffocating without him.
Closing the laptop, I stood and went into the bathroom. I turned on the faucet in the shower, barely registering what I was doing. Everything I did over the past two and half days seemed to be in slow motion, like nothing more than a measured blur.
The bathroom mirror began to cloud with steam as I stripped out of my sweats and t-shirt. Climbing into the shower, I pressed my forehead to the tiled wall and allowed the piping hot water to flow over my back. I imagined it was rinsing away all the pain and agony I felt during Alexander’s absence.
I washed my hair and body methodically until eventually th
e water began to run cold. Stepping out of the shower, I dried my body and wrapped my hair up in a separate towel on top of my head. Moving over to the sink, I watched the clouded mirror begin to clear and my gaze fell on my reflection. There were dark shadows under my eyes brought on by lack of sleep. But they also had a hollow look that I didn’t recognize. My cheeks were flushed from the heat of the shower, a sharp contrast to the rest of my pale, almost ashen colored skin. Dropping the towel, I looked at my naked body in the mirror.
I recalled a time when I would critique my reflection, judging all the flaws and imperfections. I wasn’t overweight by any means, but I would still feel self-conscious about my behind that I thought was just a little too big, or my breasts that were slightly too voluptuous. I didn’t do that anymore, as Alexander taught me how to appreciate my body. He made me feel beautiful. Treasured.
I ran my hands slowly up my hips, past my breasts, until my arms crossed my chest and a hand rested on each shoulder. I stared back into my own eyes through the mirror. They looked tired, devoid of the spark and fire that Alexander always said I had.
This isn’t me.
I was not the type to just sit and wallow and wait. I wasn’t pitiful. I was strong. I was a fighter. And it was high time I fight for Alexander. For us. Letting him walk away was a mistake and I knew it. Now, he had taken enough time.
What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if it’s all too much and he doesn’t want me anymore?
I pushed the thoughts aside, not wanting to think about the what-if’s. I needed to take back what was mine. Resting my palms against the edge of the counter, I leaned in toward the mirror.
“You can do this,” I said to my reflection.
Feeling suddenly reenergized with a sense of purpose, I quickly bent to scoop up my towel from the floor. Wrapping it around my body, I made a dash for the bathroom door. I didn’t know where Alexander was at that exact moment, but I was confident Hale did. The faster I got dressed, the faster I would be able to get to him.
I threw open the bathroom door in a rush, only to smack hard into the chest of someone on the other side. I staggered and they grabbed my arm to steady me. I looked down at the hand that gripped my arm and froze, unable to look up. I didn’t have to. I knew who it was. I would recognize the strong lines of those fingers anywhere. I closed my eyes and breathed deep, knowing I would inhale that familiar sandalwood and all male scent that never failed to make me weak in the knees.
I slowly lifted my head and ran my eyes over the features of the man who held me in his grasp. Two days’ worth of stubble marred his skin, but he was still raw, potent, and gorgeous as ever. My gaze settled on the hypnotizing sapphire blue eyes that I adored so much. The vulnerability revealed in them was laced with just enough ruthlessness to let me know he was back. Gone was the man I found in the club. Standing before me was the man I fell in love with.
“Alex,” I whispered.
35
alexander
My words, everything I practiced that morning, got caught in my throat as I stared down at Krystina. She looked exhausted, as if she hadn’t slept in days, but she was still stunning and beautiful. I reached up and pulled the towel from her head. Rich, brown curls tumbled free, damp from her recent shower. I ran my fingers through them, trying to remember the many things I wanted to say to her.
“Angel, I…”
I wanted to pull her close to me. To hold her. To kiss it all away. But I hesitated. After the way I treated her, she may not want me to touch her. I wouldn’t blame her if that were the case. I was a complete asshole. She should make me beg for her forgiveness.
Trying to get a read on what she was thinking, I carefully studied her face. Her eyes were moist with unshed tears. She looked confused, yet relieved at the same time. My hands still held her arms, but she didn’t try to shrug me off. I took that as a good sign at the very least.
“How are you?” she whispered.
I had a thousand answers for her question, but I didn’t voice any of them. Instead, I walked over to retrieve the overnight bag that was sitting on the floor in front of her old dresser. Seeing it there pained me, as I didn’t want to acknowledge that I allowed us to spend the last three nights apart. I didn’t dare glance down at her bed, as images of her being alone under the lily comforter was almost unbearable. I had slept on the couch in my office, unable to even look at the bed we shared, knowing she wouldn’t be in it.
I unzipped the bag and began to rifle through it in search of clothes for her. Pulling out what I needed, I returned to her. She watched me curiously, but didn’t speak.
“I don’t want you to catch a chill while we talk,” I explained. Kneeling in front of her with a pair of lace panties, I tapped her leg. “Step in.”
Still silent, she did as I told her to. I slowly pulled the undergarment up her legs until it was in place. Turning her so that her back was to me, I pulled the towel from her body. As I stared at her naked back, my dick throbbed. Dressing her was extremely odd. I was accustomed to taking her clothes off, not putting them on. It killed me not to touch her, to keep my hands from running over her smooth curves and tight ass, but it was not the right time. She didn’t need seduction or dominance. She needed my humility.
Reaching around her torso, I slipped each of her arms through the straps of her bra and secured the hooks at the back. After sliding a cream-colored wool sweater over her head, I turned her to face me once more so that she could step into a pair of jeans. Once I fastened the button at the waist, I bent to scoop her up behind the knees. Cradling her in my arms, I carried her out to the living room. I set her down on the sofa and went back into the bedroom to get a hairbrush.
When I sat down beside her and began to brush out her hair, she finally spoke.
“Alex, what are you doing?”
“Taking care of you and treating you like the angel you are to me. It’s how I should have been with you the other night when you came to me at the club.”
“You were upset. I understand,” she said, although not very convincingly.
“No. There is no excuse for the way I behaved. I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am, angel. Everything you said to me that night was correct. My behavior was weak.”
She looked down at her hands. She was fidgeting. As if noticing her nervous habit, she clamped her palms together and turned to look at me.
“Why haven’t you returned my calls?” she asked quietly.
I set the brush down on the coffee table and tried to formulate the words that would make her understand.
“You don’t know how bad I wanted to call you. To hear your voice. I took that time away to figure some things out. Dragging you through the gauntlet of hellish emotions I went through just wouldn’t have been fair to you, especially after the way I acted on Saturday night.”
“I could have helped you through it, Alex. I can’t help if you push me away. You don’t have to do this alone.”
“Perhaps, but I felt like it was more important for me to get my head screwed on straight first. I didn’t want to risk hurting you again. It was like something dark triggered inside me. I can’t explain it, but it was very disturbing. The things I said to you…” I trailed off momentarily as a wave of shame and regret rolled through me. “I didn’t mean them. I can’t stand the thought of you not being mine.”
Taking a chance, I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips lightly to her forehead. She didn’t push me away, but closed her eyes and seemed to melt into me. Leaning back, we both settled into the deep cushions of the couch.
“I didn’t recognize who you were that night, Alex. It was like a stranger was saying those things to me. You did hurt me, but I know you were hurting more. I know why you went to the club and why you tried to push me away. Everything in your life is out of balance, and that’s the one place where you feel you can have total control. Yet, you failed to recognize one thing – me. All you had to do was talk to me.”
There was something in the
tone of her voice. I couldn’t place it, but it made my heart hammer in my chest.
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that you feel like you have to deal with this mess all by yourself. You never let me in. In fact, you never really have. It makes me wonder if we can be a real husband and wife someday. It’s more than sex. Obsession. Desire. We have to be able to be friends too.”
It would have hurt less if she stabbed me in the chest with a knife. The pain on her face damn near destroyed me. I reached up to cup her cheek, my chest so tight it was hard to breathe.
“I know that and I’m sorry, angel – so very sorry. I don’t know how to make this right. I love you and I need you. In fact, that’s the only thing I’ve been sure of these past few days. I’m nothing without you.”
She stared back at me for a long while, her expression distant and untouchable, as if she were trying to hide the feelings she was trying to sort out.
“Where have you been for the past two and a half days?” she finally asked.
I exhaled the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“A lot of the time was spent with my mother and her doctors. I wanted to learn more about her and her condition, the prognosis and long-term care options. The rest of the time was spent with Hale and Justine. I’m pissed about what Hale did, about what Justine did. But I can understand it to an extent. This is my grandfather’s doing more than anything. Hale was stuck. His only mistake was that he didn’t tell me after my grandfather passed.”
“So, are you and Hale okay then?”
“Samuel is going to be picking up some of Hale’s duties for a while. I need some distance from Hale right now. My relationship with him needs time to heal, angel. It’s not going to happen overnight and he understands that. At the very least, I didn’t fire him completely. He’s still in my employment. In fact, the ribbon cutting for Stone Arena is tomorrow. Hale and Justine are going to handle it. I’m not going to it.”
Set In Stone (The Stone Series Book 3) Page 26