Always the Bridesmaid

by Whitney Lyles

  “Come back,” he said affectionately. “Can’t you stay for a few more minutes?”

  “I have to be at Beth’s store in an hour.”

  He pushed the covers off. “I’ll make you breakfast.”

  She felt as if she’d just witnessed her mother take the Lord’s name in vain. “Okay.”

  He walked to the bathroom in his boxers.

  She brushed her teeth while he took the longest piss in history. Then he headed off to the kitchen. “I think I have some bagels in the cabinet next to the fridge,” she said.

  She went through her ritual of getting ready. Shower. Light makeup application. Blow-drying. Wardrobe. She picked out denim cropped pants, her Adidas (with peds) and the King Mother T-shirt she had purchased at The Casbah.

  Paul was waiting for her in the kitchen. He stood next to a bagel covered in cream cheese and a tall glass of orange juice. She hardly recognized him.

  “Here you go,” he said as he pulled out a bar stool for her. He even handed her a napkin.

  “Thanks. This is great.”

  She quickly ate the bagel, then fed Grease. He put on his clothes from the night before and walked to the parking lot with her. “Call me from the bead store,” he said. “Let me know how things are going.”

  “Let me know how things are going?” She hadn’t heard that since the first month of their relationship.

  He opened the car door for her and smiled affectionately at her before she pulled away.

  She wasn’t sure whether she should be glowing with romantic bliss or completely pissed off.

  19 • Dining In

  Beth was waiting at the store when Cate arrived. Her long, jet-black hair was parted down the middle and hung loosely over her shoulders, settling right beneath her breasts. She wore faded jeans that hung low on her waist, a black tank top, and matching bracelets with various shades of blue seed beads on each wrist. “Thanks so much for working today,” she said.

  “Oh, hey, thank you. I need the money.”

  “I know.” She seemed like she was in a hurry. She and Ike were driving up to Los Angeles to spend the day with his family. “Anyway, here are the keys. You know how to close, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  She quickly reminded Cate which keys went to which locks, and how to turn the alarm on. “Okay, so everything is set. You remember how to use the cash register?”

  Cate nodded.

  “If any customers have questions that you can’t answer, just tell ’em to leave their name and number, and I’ll give ’em a ring when I get back on Monday. Oh! Anthony is stopping by to pick up some things. He knows where they are, so you don’t have to worry about finding anything.”

  That was a bonus. Days spent working at the store tended to be a little long. Beth’s cousin would make great company. “Don’t worry,” Cate said. “Everything will be fine.”

  “Have you talked to Paul since you left the bar last night?”

  “Yes. It’s a long story. He came over last night and we talked about everything.”

  “Really? How did it go?”

  “Good. I guess. He’s acting different now.”

  Beth reached for her purse.

  “I know you’re in a hurry,” Cate said. “I’ll just tell you everything later. I need some good Beth advice.”

  “All right. Love ya, honey. I’ll call you tonight.”

  “Love you, too,” Cate called as she walked toward the door.

  “Help yourself to any beads you want, and call me on my cell phone if there are any emergencies.” The door swung shut behind her.

  The morning was slow. Cate picked out some seed beads in various shades of red and pink and made a bracelet on Beth’s loom. A few customers came in, and she showed one girl how to use the crimping beads.

  Around noon she was bored and hungry. Maybe Paul would bring her lunch. She tried to call him, but his cell phone went straight to voice mail.

  He didn’t answer at home, either. She left him a message. “Hey, Paul. It’s me. I was just calling to see what you were doing about lunch. Give me a call on my cell when you get a chance.”

  She checked her messages and found one from Ethan. She called him back.

  “I was gonna see what you were up to. Maybe see if you wanted to grab a sandwich at E-Z Jay’s,” he said.

  God, that sounded delicious. “I would love to. But I’m working at the bead store and can’t leave. I’m the only one here.”

  “Have you had lunch?”

  “No.”

  “How ’bout I bring you a sandwich. You’ve gotta be hungry.” He was such a sweetheart.

  “You would make my day if you brought me a sandwich. I will pay you back as soon as you get here.”

  “No worries. What do you want?”

  “Ham and turkey toasted.”

  “You got it.”

  E-Z Jay’s was her favorite sandwich spot in the world. One hungover Sunday, she and Jill had driven there before it had even opened. Instead of going to the other various restaurants that actually served breakfast, they waited for twenty-five minutes outside and were the first people served that morning. She suspected that Ethan wouldn’t arrive at the bead store for at least another hour. The line alone would take twenty minutes.

  She was picking out beads for another bracelet when Anthony arrived. “Hey, gorgeous,” he said. “When Beth told me you were working today, I decided I had to stop by.” He was an outrageous flirt.

  He pulled her into a bear hug. “You look great,” she said, flirting back. He wore one of the most beautiful suede jackets she had ever seen and brilliant turquoise jewelry that he had undoubtedly made himself.

  “You like my jacket? I got it in L.A.”

  “I love it. I love the smell of new leather.”

  “Me, too.”

  He was the same age as Cate and Beth. When they were growing up, Cate had sometimes wondered if Anthony might be gay. He cared about his appearance, and he could pull off wearing edgy things. He also loved to engage in lengthy phone conversations about clothes, food, and what great style Julia Roberts had.

  The more Cate had gotten to know him, the more convinced she was that he was definitely straight. She’d watched Anthony date women who resembled supermodel Claudia Schiffer, and then watched as his heart had broken when it didn’t work out. He was the type of guy that practically smothered women with love and attention in relationships.

  She remembered the day when Paul ignorantly called Anthony her “gay friend.” Instead of laughing, her blood had run cold. His cavalier attitude had bugged her. “No. He is definitely not gay,” she’d said, flashing him the look of death. He’d never said it again.

  The thing with Anthony was that he wasn’t afraid. He didn’t care if people thought he was gay because he liked to watch movies like Moulin Rouge and had a passion for jewelry. Those were the things that he liked, and he only cared about what his real friends thought. Anyone else could go to hell in a handbasket.

  “So, have you decided what you’re dressing up as yet?” he asked.

  Cate had forgotten that Anthony was standing up as a bridesmaid in Beth’s wedding. They had been inseparable growing up. He was a silent partner in Beth’s store and had taught Beth everything she knew about beading. “I’m not sure,” she said. “You?”

  “I was thinking about going as a gangster or a paramedic.”

  “Hmmm. They’re so different.”

  “Well, my girlfriend’s brother is a paramedic, so I was just going to borrow his uniform.”

  “That’s a good idea. A gangster would be cool, too. Like Al Capone.”

  “Yeah, I was thinking kind of prohibition era.”

  They brainstormed ideas for Cate’s costume. He thought she’d look good as Carmen Miranda or an Olympic gymnast.

  “Anyway, I should probably get going. I’m off to the track today. Wish me luck!” He took the beading supplies he’d come for and left the store.

  Twenty minutes later, Eth
an arrived, holding a paper bag from E-Z Jay’s and two large drinks.

  Her stomach growled at the sight of food. “Thank you so much for bringing me lunch. And for curing my boredom. I’m sure you’d rather be at the beach.”

  “No. I already went this morning.”

  “There’s another stool on this side of the counter. Why don’t you come sit down over here?”

  They laid out the sandwiches on the paper bag and ate next to each other at the counter.

  “So, what happened with Paul?” he asked. “Did you talk to him about all that stuff that was bothering you?”

  “I did. I got really fed up last night, and I just felt like it didn’t matter anymore. I felt like I had nothing to lose, and I told him everything. I even told him I wanted to see other people if he didn’t think he could change.”

  “And?”

  “He said he would change. And he’s suddenly kissing my ass.”

  “Good. When you bring up something that’s bothering you, the most important part is how the person reacts. He obviously got your message.”

  “I don’t know, Ethan. It’s kinda funny. I’m not that happy about it.” She dabbed a napkin at her lips before she continued. “I feel like he’s acting like the boyfriend he should’ve always been because he felt threatened last night. Obviously, he has always known how to treat me right. He just didn’t want to treat me right.”

  Ethan thought it over. “That could be true. Maybe you scared him, though. Maybe you gave him the reality check he needed.”

  “I don’t feel like I should have to give someone a reality check to make them be considerate. I’m confused.”

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  He stayed at the shop with her for the rest of the afternoon. They talked about old times and listened to the radio. She taught him how to make a key chain using bone and shells. Shortly after he left, the phone rang.

  “The Beadroom. This is Cate.”

  “Hooolaaa.”

  “Hey.”

  “I just got your message. I went to the beach with some of the guys you met last night. Anyway, I would’ve loved to have had lunch. I’m so sorry I missed your call. Let me buy you dinner.”

  “All right. I’m leaving here in about an hour.”

  “Good. I’ll see you at, let’s say . . . six.”

  Cate was dressed and ready for a dinner date when Paul arrived at six. He held a picnic basket. The aroma of garlic filled her foyer.

  “Are we having a picnic?” she asked, impressed.

  “Sort of,” he said. “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the couch?”

  “Okay.” She played along.

  He began to pull candles from the basket. He set a pair of ocean-scented ones on top of the TV. Then he placed another on the window-sill and a few others in various spots around the floor. One by one, he lit them. Then he pushed the coffee table away from the couch. He pulled out a red checked quilt from the basket and spread it over the floor.

  “Do you need some help?” Cate asked.

  He shook his head. “No. I’m fine. I have everything under control. You just sit back and relax.”

  Maybe she should tell him she wanted to date other people more often.

  He pulled out plates, forks, place mats—everything. He had brought a bottle of wine and a five-course meal from Fillipi’s. She was smitten.

  They stuffed themselves with salad and lasagna and garlic bread. Then they indulged in tiramisu for dessert. They had more fun that night than Cate could recall having in a long time. It was like old times, when they had first started dating. When Paul cared about winning her over. She wanted to enjoy all of it, the way she had in the beginning. She loved being courted and pampered. However, an ache of uncertainty dwelled in her chest. She couldn’t help but wonder how long all this would last.

  20 • The Game

  “So how is Paul, anyway?” Jill asked when she noticed his postcard from New York City on Cate’s refrigerator.

  “Great,” Cate said. “He’s been sending me postcards. He’s called twice every day since he’s been gone just to say hi. He’s really changed.”

  “Good. Well, continue doing whatever it is you’re doing, because it’s working.”

  Cate thought about what she had been doing. She’d been distant and cool, busy, and a little less interested in him.

  She was unsure how to respond to her new boyfriend. Most of her confusion came from the notion that as soon as Paul was comfortable again, he would go back to No Call Paul. She felt cautious around him, afraid to be herself or to pour herself into the relationship.

  Was this what she was going to have to do to have him treat her right? Be a bitch? It didn’t make sense. She shouldn’t have to be walking on eggshells, worried that she was being nice.

  When she went out with Jill and Ethan for sushi one night and was too tired to call him back before she went to bed, he’d called at three in the morning, frantic.

  “Why didn’t you call me?” he asked.

  Interesting, the tables being turned.

  “Sorry. It was five A.M. your time when I got home, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “You could’ve woken me up. I was so worried.”

  “I’m sorry. I truly didn’t mean to scare you.” She felt terrible. The last thing she wanted was to worry anyone.

  She let go of her concerns about his personality lapses and felt as if she was falling for him all over again.

  Three days before he was due to return, she left him a sweet message. “Hi, Paul. I was just calling to tell you that I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you when you get back on Friday. Miss you. Talk to you soon!”

  After that, he went two days without calling.

  By Friday, she hadn’t had much time to dwell on Paul. She’d met almost all of her kindergartners and had been busy. However, she knew one thing for certain. When he returned that afternoon, they were going to have a long talk. Their relationship was a game, and she was sick of keeping score.

  Her last kindergarten appointment had been with Tyler Chan, a quiet little boy with a cowlick and a stay-at-home dad.

  When she returned from the meeting, her bridesmaid suit was waiting on her doorstep in an enormous white box, marked Priority Mail.

  Inside her apartment, she pulled the outfit from the box. Cate remembered Leslie saying something about the belt. She rummaged through the tissue inside the box and pulled out a stringy strip of royal blue satin. There was a note safety-pinned to the strap in Leslie’s handwriting, “Don’t Lose This.” It looked like a cheap, satin shoelace. Grease batted at the dangling string with his paw, and Cate pulled it away.

  The phone rang.

  “What are you doing?” her mother asked.

  “I’m trying on this ridiculous four-hundred-dollar suit I have to wear for Leslie Lyons’s wedding.”

  “Four hundred dollars! That is just terrible. When I was your age, the bride was responsible for providing all the accommodations for the bridesmaids. You didn’t ask people to be in your wedding and then ask them to pay four hundred dollars!”

  “No, Mom. It’s not just four hundred dollars. By the time I’ve bought the shoes, paid for an up-do, and blown a small fortune on her bachelorette party, I will have spent about eight hundred dollars. And that’s not even counting the gifts for the shower and wedding.”

  Her mother gasped. “That is awful. We didn’t do that to Emily’s bridesmaids when she got married.”

  “I know.”

  “Anyway, I was just calling to see how all of your appointments have been going.”

  “Good. I have a pretty good class this year.”

  Her mother was the only person who truly cared about listening to kindergarten stories. She had a genuine interest in Cate’s job and appreciated the funny and cute things the children did. Connie had also been a good shoulder to lean on and a great listener when Cate had spent hours venting about the bratty kids and unruly parents she had to deal w
ith.

  They chatted some more about the upcoming school year, then said good-bye.

  She tried on the outfit, complete with belt. Why did Leslie want her to wear this? Cate had paid for the damn outfit. The least she could do was make the belt optional.

  She was starting to feel hostile when the doorbell rang.

  Jill stood in the hallway with a bottle of Tanqueray and a lime. “It’s Friiii . . .” Her voice trailed off when she looked at Cate. “What are you wearing?”

  “My bridesmaid’s suit.”

  “That is really fucking ugly.”

  “Guess how much it cost me?”

  “I wouldn’t have paid more than three dollars for that at PB Thrift and Resale.”

  “Try four hundred.”

  Her mouth dropped. “I didn’t even think you hung out with her that often.”

  That was true. Ever since Leslie had become serious with her fiancé, their friendship had drifted. Occasionally, they hung out, but only if Russ was sick or watching a football game.

  Jill shook her head as she walked in the kitchen. “Well, if I ever get married, I’ll let you pick the dress.”

  “Thanks.”

  She began mixing them cocktails. “Anyway, how’s Paul? Has he called yet?”

  “No.”

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m not upset. I’m just fed up.” She shook her head. “This whole thing—it isn’t right. I shouldn’t have to play the unavailable bitch to win his attention. I just want to be myself.” She began to untie the belt as she spoke. “You know what else I’ve been thinking? All this time I thought it was Paul that had changed throughout our relationship, but it was me that really changed. In the beginning when I was indifferent, he was chasing after me, and as soon as the indifference wore off and I fell for him, he became distant. It’s the same thing now. Why does it have to be that way with guys? Why do you have to make them chase after you to make them want you? If that’s the way it is, I’d rather be alone. I don’t think it’s going to work out anymore.”

  “Are you thinking about breaking up with him?”

  She nodded. “He comes back today. I’m going to have to talk to him.” She began to walk toward her bedroom. “I’m going to change out of this.”