Seeing mermaids was the last straw. He just wanted to fall into the water and drown himself. If he thought it would work he’d do it in a second. But he was a good swimmer and he wasn’t convinced he’d be able to let himself drown. The instinct to live would probably kick in and save him.
He realized he hadn’t eaten all day when his stomach started growling. He was so hungry he began to feel sick, and when he stood up, a dizzy spell hit him. Quickly he sat back down so he didn’t tumble into the water.
Just as he caught his breath, she said, “Careful, you don’t want to fall.”
He looked down when he heard her voice, and there she was again, the blonde girl with her elbows leaning on the wooden pylon below the rocks and her bottom half somewhere below the black waters.
He had no words. He was afraid to speak anything for fear she might go away…or maybe that she wouldn’t.
“Don’t you have anything to say?”
It was clear she was not a regular girl in a mermaid costume. He didn’t know how he knew that, but it was obvious. Softly, he made a word. “You.”
“Yes, me.”
“Who are you?”
“I am Ariel.”
“Ariel?” He laughed. “Seriously?”
“Why is that odd?”
“The mermaid from the cartoon?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Jake laughed and raised his arms in a V. “What the hell is this? Thank you. I’m going insane. Am I on some sort of hidden camera show?”
Ariel moved a little to his left. “I don’t know what you mean with any of this.”
“Who are you?”
“I told you who I am.”
Jake looked at her in the moonlight. She was beautiful, just stunning. His imagination was excellent. “Okay, I’ll play along. Why not? I’m already insane. I mean, clearly.” He raised his arms again and yelled, “Clearly insane!”
“Are you insane?”
“You tell me.” He gestured to the sea.
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t know you well enough.”
Jake snickered awkwardly. “Of course not, you’re a figment of my own imagination. Why would you know me?”
“Do you not think I’m real?”
“Of course you’re not real. I’m insane. I’m talking to a mermaid and I’m insane!” He yelled louder, “I’m talking to a mermaid and I’m insane.”
“Who are you yelling to? There’s no one around.”
“I don’t know. Maybe God! Maybe Poseidon!” He smacked his hands into his thighs. “How could you be real?” Jake moved down a few rocks to get closer.
Ariel moved away almost instinctively. “I’m as real as you are.”
Jake moved down another couple of rocks. “Maybe I’m not real. Maybe I’m already dead. Maybe I didn’t drop the gun last night, maybe I pulled the trigger.”
She moved away again. “Do you want to be dead?”
“I’ve been trying to get there.”
“I know. I’ve been watching you.”
Jake stopped in his tracks and locked in on her eyes. They were the bluest pair of eyes he’d ever seen. Even in this low light of the moon, the crystal blue was stunning. They were not that different from the blue tone of his but they were lighter and had more depth. “You’ve been watching me? Why?”
“You were a curious one to watch. You’re not like the others. I’ve watched you cry many nights. I heard you singing a sad song.” She looked away, then met his eyes more directly. “I saw you with the gun to your head.”
He leaned back. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me before?”
She shrugged. “Because last night was the first time you were actually going to do it.”
“Really? How did you know?”
She pushed away from the rocks and began to tread water. “I had a feeling.”
“Do you have, like, psychic powers or something?”
Ariel chuckled. “No, silly, I don’t think so.” She became more serious. “I can tell when someone else is in pain.”
Jake stepped slowly down another few rocks. She kept her distance and he didn’t want to spook her. “Why is this happening to me?”
“Why is what happening?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sitting on the rocks talking to a mermaid. No, it’s not strange at all. This happens to me all the time.”
She moved back and kicked some water up at him. “There’s no need for the sarcasm.”
Jake flinched from the water as it fell short of hitting him. “I think this is my hallucination, so the sarcasm is warranted.”
“What will it take to convince you I’m real?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ask me anything.”
He thought for a second. “Can anyone else see you?”
“They can, but I prefer they don’t.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?”
Jake looked around. There were a few people way down on the beach to his right fishing with some lights on their caps, but other than that no one was close enough to see him in the growing darkness. “I can imagine all people might not be so nice.”
She smiled uncomfortably. “I’m a spectacle.”
He looked at her. “Can I ask you questions?”
She shrugged. “I just said you can ask me anything you want.”
“Where do you live?”
Ariel swam in a circle. “I have a home.”
“Do you live alone?”
“No.”
“Who do you live with?”
“Father.”
“How old are you?”
“Old enough.”
“Are there others like you?”
She shook her head. “I’m the only one.”
“Wait, I’m confused. If you’re the only one, how were you born?”
Ariel floated on her back away from the shore. “I have to go now.”
Jake stood up. “Wait, don’t go yet.”
“I’m sorry, it’s time to go.”
“Will I see you again?”
“Come tomorrow, at sundown.” She sank under the surface and disappeared with a bloop.
Chapter 4
Exploring the disheveled roadside shop, Jake wasn’t looking for anything in particular. He was really just wasting hours until it was time to head to the beach. The next mermaid encounter was all that was on his mind, but he’d always wanted to come into this place. He’d driven by it a hundred times, in fact he used to play baseball on the field right down the street. Yet, he’d never ventured into the place. His mother always told him it was a dirty place and never to go in there. His mother was always worried about dirty things and germs. Even though he was long into adulthood, sometimes things your parents said carried with you.
Jake assumed the longer he went without seeing the mermaid the more it would seem like an illusion. But oddly the opposite was happening. It seemed more real as time wore on. The longer it had to sink in, the more viable it seemed.
All the odd trinkets on the shelves were tourist-friendly. Jake imagined that this place raked in the cash during the holiday weekends. The beaches of North Carolina were magnets for everyone this side of the Mississippi river. If you didn’t want to drive all the way to Florida, North Carolina was the best beach state on the east coast.
Just as he put down a plastic turtle, he heard his name.
“Jake?”
He turned and saw her walking toward him. She wore a blue blouse and white shorts. Her long brown hair rested in a loose ponytail draped over her left shoulder, and her big brown eyes were smiling as they always had.
He found his voice. “Ashley? Oh wow, hey.”
“How’ve you been, Jake?” She gave him a short hug and pulled back. “I heard you moved away.”
“Who said I moved?”
“I ran into Pete and Roxy a few weeks ago at The
Cantina. They said you sold the store and moved to New York.”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”
“Are you planning on it?”
He shrugged a little. “I thought about it for about a minute, but it was never an option.”
“Where’re you living? I drove by the house and it’s still empty. It’s up for sale.”
Jake swallowed hard, biting his lip. “I’m living with Tom again. Lucky for me his new roommate moved out at the right time.” He sighed heavily. “Anyway, he welcomed me back.”
She gave him the sad look, the one he’d learned to loathe. “How’re you doing with everything?”
He nodded. “I’m okay.”
She put her hand to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to give you that look.”
He played dumb. “What look?”
“That cringe-worthy I feel sorry for you look.”
“I’m used to it.”
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to be. I know what that’s like. I wanted nothing more than for people to just stop asking me how I was doing and I just did the same thing to you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Ashley. Don’t sweat it.”
She then twisted her sweetly curved lips to one side. “What’re you doing for lunch? Let me take you out so we can catch up.”
He frowned reflexively. It had been so long since someone other than Tom just asked him such a basic question he didn’t even know how to answer it.
She tilted her head and leaned in. “Is that a yes or a no?”
Shaking it off, he replied, “Yeah, okay.” But he didn’t mean to say yes.
They headed toward the shop door. As he nodded to the crusty shopkeeper behind the counter, Jake caught a glimpse of a grainy picture. He stopped to get a closer look. He was shocked. “What is that?”
The shopkeeper curled a partial smile. “You like it?” he said with a wink. “Took it myself.”
“What? When? Where?”
“Down near Fort Fisher, about twenty years ago.” The keeper leaned in close to Jake and let out a direct whisper, “You’ve seen something, haven’t you?”
Jake met the old man’s cloudy gray eyes and then glanced over at Ashley. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The man’s crooked smile straightened as he leaned back into the wall. “Of course you don’t.”
Jake quickly got himself together and headed outside. The air refused to stay in his lungs. He felt queasy.
“Hey, you okay?” Ashley reached out as he sped by her.
He nodded. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“It’s just…” He trailed off and blew a long breath as his hands went to his waist. “Maybe we can do dinner another time.”
Ashley narrowed her big brown eyes and pursed her lips. “No.”
He snapped his head back. “No?”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No, we’re going right now. You’re not backing out because you saw some random fake picture of a mermaid that reminded you of Cassie.”
Jake studied her face. “It didn’t remind me of…how do you know it’s fake?”
“C’mon, Jake, you know how these roadside places are. They just try to sucker the tourists into paying big bucks for anything. That old clown was just playing up on you.”
“But I’m not a tourist.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
Jake chewed his lips.
“Look, Jake. I’m not going to let you wallow in self-pity any more. It’s been over a year, well over a year. You have to start moving on. You have to get over it. I know what you’re going through.”
He snapped. “No, you don’t. You didn’t kill your parents.” He regretted his words instantly. “I’m sorry.”
She crossed her arms. “I was twelve. Can you imagine how hard it is to lose your entire family at twelve years old? You’re right, no one is ever going to know exactly what you’re going through, we all grieve differently. But I know what you’re going through as much as anyone. I know what it’s like to lose people you love too soon.”
He took a few quick steps toward the sandy trail leading to the beach and fought the tears. “I just can’t let go. I feel the pain every minute, every day. I close my eyes and I hear her screams and the gurgles of air as the life escaped her body. She knew I killed her and she hated me for it.”
“My God, Jake, would you listen to yourself? You sound like an idiot.”
He glanced at her but said nothing, because he had nothing to say.
She continued, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You’re torturing yourself because you feel guilty.”
“I deserve to feel guilty. It’s my fault.”
She raised her voice. “For God’s sake, it was an accident. It was a horrible damned accident. It wasn’t premeditated. They’re gone, you can’t bring them back. You can’t bring her back.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” he yelled.
“I’m not sure you do.” She snapped back and got in his face. “You need to stop this.” She grabbed his arm, hard. “I ran into you today for a reason. You need to stop!”
He bit his lip so hard it nearly drew blood. “You don’t know what I’ve gone through. You can’t just show up in my life and—”
“Just show up?” She cut him off forcefully. “Are you kidding me? Jake, I tried to contact you a hundred times. I texted you. I called you. I drove to your house. You never once picked up the phone, you never once acknowledged me. A simple I’m okay would’ve been fine.”
She stepped whisper-close to him. “I know you’re hurting still. But Jake, you have to let her go. I’m here for you. I can help.” She released his arm. “You don’t have to suffer forever. You’re a good man. Don’t let one moment of tragedy ruin your life. You lived, they didn’t. If you let yourself die too, that moment will have taken three lives. Do you understand that?”
He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. “I just feel like I can’t get out of this hole. I’ve wanted to die because it’s easier than living. I have nothing left to live for.”
“We all have something to live for. Sometimes it feels like we don’t, but we do. After my parents and sister died, I was numb for months. Then after the numbness went away, I fell into depression, where it felt like I wanted to die every day. If I’d been old enough to have had the courage to kill myself, we might not be having this conversation. I still get depressed over it. I wondered how God could be so cruel to take them all from my life, to take so many people from the world in one day, in one moment. I wondered how different my life could have been. My sister would have been graduating college this year. I imagine where she would’ve gone and how proud my mom would’ve been. It’s sad, really. You never get over it. But what you do get, Jake, is stronger, and smarter, and more perceptive into other people’s pain. You can’t let that one moment ruin you. You are meant to be here. Just like I am. I wasn’t on that trip and in that building. We were both spared for a reason.”
He looked up to the blue sky. “I’m just not sure how to move on.” He reached up to his chest and held a fist over his heart. “I feel like it’s broken beyond repair and I can’t get over her.”
She touched his balled fist. “I’ll help you. We’re friends, Jake. Nothing can take that away. I care about you. I value our friendship probably more than you know. It hurt me when you cut me out, when you wouldn’t let me help you.”
“I didn’t want anyone to help me.”
“I know, but I still wanted to. You mean a lot to me, you always have. You wouldn’t let me help you then, but let me help you now. Please, I won’t take no for an answer. Not this time, not ever again.” She smiled. “Like I said, I ran into you for a reason. The universe wanted us to find each other today for some reason.”
He cracked a slight smile. “The universe, huh?” It was a joke they’d shared before.
“Y
ou heard me.”
“It’s a small world.”
“Not that small.”
He nodded and let a drawn-out sigh escape. He knew Ashley well enough to know that he couldn’t win an argument against her. Not when she knew she was right. “Okay.”
“Okay. Now let’s go get some food.”
Chapter 5
Jake felt a lot better after spending time with Ashley. He hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. She’d always been able to crack him up with the simplest turn of phrase. It was the first time he’d gone a solid hour without thinking about Cassie since he could recall.
They didn’t talk about anything of consequence. They just talked about the news, sports, the simple days when they were friends, and the fun times they had over a glass of wine, or a beach Frisbee game.
Ashley was a good friend…no, she was a great friend, even if a little part of him hated her for what she’d done to him a few years ago. He couldn’t kid himself, his feelings for Ashley never quite went away. It was another reason he felt a little guilty over Cassie’s death.
As the sun set into the horizon behind him, he settled on the same rock he’d been on last night and waited. He half expected Ariel wouldn’t show up. The fact she may not really exist at all still sat heavy on his mind. His thoughts had been so sketchy he wasn’t sure he’d just spent two hours with Ashley, the girl who’d nearly wrecked his life before he wrecked it.
A couple of years ago, he would have never gone anywhere with Ashley. She was the hardest thing he ever had to get over in his life until Cassie’s death. Seeing her face used to mess him up for a week. But now seeing her was different. It was a completely different feeling. It was easy to be with Ashley, and completely forget the loss of Cassie. Not because he didn’t love Cassie, but because it sort of brought him back to a time before the loss. Life was great back then.
A few straggling fishermen packed up their things and headed off the beach, done for the evening. A quick glance around confirmed he was the last remaining person. The townhouses on the water to his left provided a soft glow, and to his right there was nothing but darkness on the small cove beach. Somewhere behind him, the walls of Fort Fisher told their stories of history to the wind and the slanting oaks that leaned away from the ocean, wincing away from her cooling mist, sang the songs of a hundred years.
The Mermaid Page 2