The longer he sat the stupider he felt. He wasn’t even sure why he was here, all he was doing was feeding his delusions of grandeur that were obviously some sort of coping mechanism. His mother would definitely say he was projecting his pain into a delusion. Sometimes growing up with a psychotherapist for a mother was terrible for the psyche. He was constantly unbending the roads of his mind she’d managed to twist.
After what felt like a long time, Jake was all but certain she wasn’t showing up. Maybe the time with Ashley grounded him back to reality and his mind was clearing. It was amazing what a couple of hours with a friend could do.
Just a few seconds from leaving, she appeared in the waves a hundred feet out with a waving arm. An odd struggle of excitement and disappointment filled up his body as he stood. He shouldn’t feel so good about cracking up, but in a way it was somewhat freeing. Maybe if his mind broke the rest of the way, he wouldn’t have to worry about any hesitation in killing himself. He could easily jump in front of a speeding train.
Jake moved down the rocks toward the water, getting as close as he could. He was teetering on the edge, eyeing the thick wooden posts below. A jump onto them might prove risky and he could end up in the water if they were too slick. But he said to hell with it and jumped.
He hit the beam, his one foot slipped, and he ended up doing a split and falling into the water. Spinning quickly, he got his hands back onto the pylon and pulled himself up to a sitting position. There was no point in worrying about getting wet now.
Ariel jumped up and spit water out of her mouth like a fountain. “That was a funny moment.”
Jake pushed his black hair back. “Not for me.”
“Why’d you attempt such a move?”
He wiped his face. “I wanted to get closer to see you.”
“And what do you see?”
He shook his head slowly. “Stunning beauty.”
She leaned her elbows on the post between his legs. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“Not all of them.”
“Are you coming here for me now?”
He showed his open hands. “I don’t have a gun.”
She batted her big blue eyes. “So you’ve moved on to better things.”
“I guess.”
“Why did you want to die?”
He sighed. “It’s a long story.”
“Time is all we have. Nothing else in life belongs to us but the time we have here on this earth.”
Jake looked at her. “How old are you? Did I ask you that already?”
“Age is only the number of years we wish to count. It is not a true indication of our self or our time spent. Age is relative. Time is not how many moments you’ve lived, it’s how you’ve lived the moments you’ve had.”
He laughed. “You talk like a riddle.”
“Life is a riddle. Life is a puzzle, with pieces cut into shapes and strewn about all over your travels. Piece by piece we collect the sections and try to build the picture.”
“Who are you?”
“I am Ariel. Who are you?”
“Jake.”
“Jake, like Jake Davis?”
“Jake Wheeler.”
“Jake Davis was a writer.”
He shrugged. “Never heard of him.”
“Do you read books?”
“Not really. Do you?”
“I’ve read thousands of books. Sometimes I read ten books a month.”
“Whoa, I don’t think I’ve read ten books in my whole life.”
“I love to read. There are so many fantastical adventures between the pages of books. I live them.”
“I like to watch movies.”
“On television?”
“Of course, where do you watch movies?”
“I don’t have a television.”
“Where do you live?”
“On a little island up the river.”
“Which island?”
She coyly looked away. “It doesn’t have a name. And it’s not a real island, it’s just got water around it.”
“Where is it?”
“Somewhere.”
“You won’t tell me?”
“I can’t tell anyone. It’s against the rules.”
“Whose rules?”
“Father makes the rules.”
“Is your father a mermaid too? Or a merman, whatever.”
“You ask many questions.”
“Well forgive me. I’m still trying to come to grips and believe I’m talking to a mermaid. It’s still freaking me out that you’re here.”
“It shouldn’t. I’m not freaking out about talking to you.”
“Why me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you don’t talk to everyone, do you?”
“No, I don’t. I don’t talk to anyone.”
“So why did you choose me?”
“You chose me.”
“Huh? I don’t understand.”
She turned her eyes away from him to the sky. “You were filled with such profound sadness. More sadness than I’d ever seen anyone filled with that I felt it in my heart. I started watching you each night. I felt like you needed a friend more than anyone I’d ever seen.”
Jake looked up to the nearly full moon and wondered how his mind could craft such a richly detailed hallucination. But maybe this was what he needed to get over the pain. Maybe this was his mind’s way of keeping him off that edge of suicide.
“Why are you so sad?”
Jake tried not to cry, but the tears welled up in his eyes with an ease he’d gotten too used to. “I lost someone close to me.”
“I’m sorry. That must be hard.”
“But the worst part is that it’s my fault.” His tears burst forth in a frantic fit. He lowered his head to his knees and let go. He felt like the despair was going to claim his life until Ariel touched his knee, squeezed it softly, and in a moment, she was real.
“You should talk about it. It will be easier,” she said.
He met her eyes. They were so incredibly blue they didn’t even look real. Even in the moonlight, he could see their amazing stark sharpness. They were so enchanting he started telling the story without even thinking. “I was driving. My fiancée Cassie and my best friend Paul were with me. We were coming back from the dress rehearsal for our wedding. Cassie wanted a big wedding, I didn’t. But I wanted to give her what she wanted because I loved her. Cassie had a way of getting what she wanted. Not just from me, from anyone.” He smiled. “She was one of those people you just knew had everyone wrapped around her finger but you loved her for it because she never abused that power. She was never demanding, never presumptuous.”
“You loved her a great deal.”
He wiped away a few tears. “I did, more than anything. She was an easy person to love, she made it easy to want to be with her.” He shook his head slowly. “But I did a stupid thing.”
“Talk about it.”
He looked away, then back at her. It had to be another illusion, but her eyes seemed to get so big they were going to swallow him up. “It was just a regular night. The stars were out, the roads were dry, and there wasn’t even a lot of traffic since most of the tourists weren’t in town yet. It was just before Easter weekend.” He started crying again. “But these jerks from Delaware in this white Mercedes, I remember focusing on their stupid license plate that said RICHBOY, it just pissed me off so much. They cut us off and started messing with us, swerving and slamming on the brakes and being aggressive. Then one of them threw a beer bottle out of the car. It smashed off the hood of my car and cracked my windshield. I had this really nice car, a Nissan 350z…it was a beauty, fire engine red, with black wheels.”
He looked up. After a momentary pause, he continued. “They were just taunting us and I got mad. I got so mad I started chasing them. I don’t even know why. It was just like something that came over me. Cassie was yelling at me, asking me to stop. But I kept chasing them with this tunnel vision.
I couldn’t see anything but the back of their car. No matter how fast they went, I just kept chasing. I never even saw the stop sign. I never saw the cross street. The next thing I know I see the lights of a pickup truck coming right at us, right at Cassie’s side of the car.” The tears overwhelmed him, he could hardly talk, but he kept going. “I tried to turn, or stop, or speed up—anything to avoid it, but there was no time.”
Jake broke down. He couldn’t speak anymore. He slumped into himself and felt like he was going to melt into the waves. If Ariel had not been there to hold him up, he would have slid into the ocean and drowned. But she was there. And for the first time he knew without question, she was real. It was that thought that quickly pulled him together. This was impossible, yet it was right here.
He leveraged himself back upright.
“That’s a sad story. But it doesn’t sound like your fault.”
He shook his head. “The driver of the truck was drunk, more than twice the legal limit. But I ran the stop sign, I was speeding. But I could have let it go. I had numerous chances to let it go, to turn away, to be the bigger man. But I didn’t. I let a stupid mistake ruin so many lives. I had a choice.” He punched his chest with each word. “I had a choice.”
Ariel touched his arm. “Life is a series of choices, of roads we choose. Each one leads us to yet another road filled with choices. Sometimes we choose wrongly, but sometimes those wrong choices lead to something worthy.”
“I don’t see anything worthy in needless death. I’m a killer. I may not have premeditated it, but I’m a killer.”
“No, you’re not a killer.”
“I feel like one.”
“Killers are bad people. You are not a bad person, Jake. I can tell you have a wonderful soul and a kind heart. We must not let our mistakes of the past define our futures. We all make mistakes. It is what being alive is all about.”
“You know how to put things.”
“I have had a lot of time to think about the world. I wish sometimes I didn’t think so much.” Ariel glanced up to the sky. “It is almost time for me to go. It’s getting too dark.”
He nodded. “You held me up.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was about to fall into the water. You kept me from falling.”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
He searched the sky. “That means you’re real.”
She chuckled. “Of course I’m real. I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“But it’s impossible. You’re amazing.”
She pushed away from the shore, swimming on her back a few strokes. “Nothing is impossible, Jake. If you believe enough, the world’s impossibilities become realities.”
With that, she disappeared under the surface and didn’t return.
Chapter 6
Ashley
Ashley rolled out of bed. The moment her feet touched the cold wood floor she felt like she wanted to curl up and slip back under the covers. Her head was not clear yet after drinking damn near the entire bottle of wine.
She heard Mike downstairs clanking around in the kitchen already. It was just unnatural for anyone to be that energetic on a Saturday morning.
Stretching her pink t-shirt down to cover up a little, she ambled down the steps and out to the kitchen.
“Good morning for me, but I bet not for you,” Mike said sarcastically as he poured coffee into a black mug.
“Ugh, I feel like crap.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have consumed so much alcohol.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” She poured coffee into her favorite mug with the dolphin on the side.
“I told you. You never listen to me anymore, just do whatever the heck you want with willful disregard for your health.”
After her first luxurious sip, she replied, “I don’t need a classic Mike Robertson lecture right now. I’m not a child.”
“Then don’t do stupid things and then complain about them. If you act like a teenager, I’m going to lecture you as the only adult in this house.”
She gave him a dirty look, and he gave it right back. The fact that Mike was a morning person and she wasn’t was really only one of the problems in her marriage. And it was a small problem at that. But starting your day off with a stressful conversation wasn’t really conducive to kicking things off with a smile.
Her mother once said, “A woman needs to be with a man that can make her smile first thing in the morning.” That sounded simple enough, but you’d be surprised. If a boy can make you laugh even when you’re cranky, or tired, or even angry, then he is true keeper.
Mike wasn’t much for making her laugh. He was handsome, made good money, and he loved her. But sometimes he was just too good, too uptight, too annoyingly proper. Sometimes she just wanted him to make an inappropriate joke and do something silly. Mike didn’t do silly…ever. He didn’t do playful or goofy. He didn’t do a lot of things that didn’t seem important at the time she married him. He was an adult, and it was lame.
By the time she got to the bottom of her coffee mug she felt like another cup would be a waste. Her head was clear and she wanted some food.
“So what’s on your agenda today?” Mike asked as he bit into an apple with a crunch. “I hope it involves putting some clothes on.”
She ignored the latter comment. “I’m not sure. What about you?”
“I told you last night. I’m meeting Brett and Hal for golf. Why do you think I’m dressed like this?”
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. “I guess…whatever.”
“I swear, Ash, sometimes I wonder if you listen to anything I say.”
“Excuse me for forgetting some insignificant detail you told me after I was done drinking a bottle of wine.”
“Which is why I told you to stop after the second glass. If you’re going to act like a teenager—”
“Please, Mike.” She slammed her mug down harder than she meant. “Not right now. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Well, you’re going to hear it because I—”
“Seriously, not now. Shut up! I can’t even listen to your mouth. It makes me want to punch you.”
“Well, that’s mature. Threats of physical violence, is that what we’ve come to? Really mature. Really—really mature.”
“Who gives a flying shit about mature?”
“Nice mouth, real lady-like of you.”
“Nice shirt, did your mom pick that out?”
He looked at her and shook his head. “I swear, Ashley, you’re never going to change.”
“Thank God for that.”
He stared at her for a long bit. The marriage counselor suggested that when this happened that they try to talk it out. She wanted a divorce but Mike did not. He wanted to try counseling first, but after six months, nothing was better. They hadn’t had sex in about seven months, and she didn’t even miss it. It was never that good, anyway.
After neither one of them said anything for several minutes, Ashley finally said, “Maybe we need to reconsider things. The sessions are obviously not working.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m leaving. Have fun dealing with your hangover.”
“Have fun playing with your little white balls.” She curled a smile. She’d wanted to say that to him every time he went golfing, but didn’t want to start him off on something. But since they were already annoyed at each other, it didn’t matter and she needed a laugh.
“Oh, that’s very funny. You’re a real comedienne, you should go on tour.” He stormed out of the kitchen through the door that led to the garage.
She went over to the cabinet and took out a box of cereal for breakfast, but then decided to put it back as Mike sped away in his white convertible BMW. Instead, she grabbed her keys and headed outside to her car. It took her about halfway across the lawn and a wide-eyed grin and wave from the fifty-something man across the street, for her to realize she wasn’t wearing any pants.
After spinning around quickly, she wen
t back inside to get dressed, choosing some black yoga pants and a blue V-neck t-shirt.
In her car, she sat for a few moments. She’d thought about doing this all night, but now that the time had come, she was somewhat hesitant and she didn’t even know why. It didn’t matter, she was going.
* * *
Jake
Jake woke up when the knocking on the door got louder and more urgent. It became less of a knock and more of a pounding. He rolled off the bed and staggered to the hallway.
A quick glance over at Tom’s room revealed both he and his long board were gone. He was no doubt privy to some early morning waves and took off before sunrise.
Shuffling over the red and orange carpet that lined the hall, he got to the front door and saw Ashley standing behind the glass. He pulled open the door.
“Hey,” she said.
“Ashley, what’s up?”
She pushed her way into the house. “I decided I’m no longer going to allow you to wallow in your sorrow. So get dressed, we’re going to get some breakfast.” She looked him up and down. “Did you sleep in your clothes?” Then she sniffed him. “Did you sleep in your wet clothes?”
Jake pulled at his shirt. “Uh, yeah, sorta.”
“Why were you swimming in cargo shorts?”
“I…well, I wasn’t swimming as much as I was falling in.”
She turned her head and looked at him with the side of her eye. “Ooh—kay.” She walked to the fridge. “Well, take a shower and get dressed. You’re taking me out to Poppies for a giant veggie omelet and pancakes.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you are.”
Jake looked at her for a few seconds. She widened her big brown eyes even more, and without saying a word, urged him to get going. He did.
After a quick shower and a typical shorts and t-shirt outfit, they headed out to Ashley’s silver Mazda sedan.
Jake wiped his eyes. “What happened to your Jeep?”
The Mermaid Page 3