To Build a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  I called my father and requested that he picked up Ja’mya from school. After he agreed, I checked the time and called Ja’mya. When I informed her that Pops would be her transportation, she squealed, assuming that it meant me and her mother were getting back together. I didn’t correct her, just reiterated the information that I gave her. By the time I hung up with Ja’mya, I’d reached my destination. I parked my truck on the street and walked to the door. After three knocks, it opened and Trisha greeted me with surprise. She stood to the side and let me in, seemingly unsurprised by my lack of words. I sat on the couch, my hands linked in front of me, as Trisha perched on the arm of the sofa and watched me.

  “Lisa told you about the palm reading.”

  It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. “She somehow forgot to mention that she was pregnant, though.”

  Trisha swore under her breath and slid down the arm until she was seated next to me.

  “How far along is she, T?”

  Chewing on her lip, Trisha cringed. “You don’t wanna wait for her to—”

  “Yo, miss me with all of that bullshit. I’ve been waiting. We both see that she hasn’t been forthcoming with the information, so just tell me.”

  “Fuck, man. She’s gonna be pissed at me.”

  “Real talk, I don’t give a fuck how she feels right now. Tell me what I need to know.”

  Trisha groaned and threw her head back against the couch. “I think she just made ten weeks.”

  “TEN WEEKS?!”

  “J…”

  “Ten fucking weeks?” My voice cracked with emotion. Lisa had been carrying my baby for ten whole weeks and not once did she try to tell me. My heart cracked all over again. All of this shit was taking its toll on me, man.

  We both looked up at the sound of the key in the door. Lisa entered slowly, cautiously, her eyes sweeping the room quickly before she fully stepped inside and closed the door behind her. I could see her eyes light up when they met mine, then immediately dim when she noticed my expression and the hard set of my jaw. She glanced over at Trisha, then back to me.

  “Hey, y’all. What brings you by, J?” She dropped her purse and belongings on the coffee table and slipped out of her shoes.

  I turned to Trisha, who took one look at my pointed stare and promptly left the room. I waited until I heard the faint click of her bedroom door, before acknowledging Lisa.

  “I came to see if there was something you forgot to tell me the other day.”

  Her hard swallow was audible and she wiped the palms of her hands on her fitted skirt.

  “Who—who told you?”

  A mirthless chuckle fell from my lips. That was her response to my question? I was done playing games with Lisa. I’d only made two strides toward the door when Lisa jumped in front of me, her hands on my chest and pleas for me to stay falling from her lips.

  “What am I staying for, Lisa? I can’t get a straight answer out of you. You’ve gotten really comfortable lying to me and I don’t have time for this shit.”

  “I’m sorry, J. Please.”

  I stepped backward until her hands were no longer touching me. “You keep saying that.”

  “Because it’s true.”

  “That’s to be determined.”

  She shook her head and closed the space in between us. “I’m pregnant. I know you’re hurt that I didn’t tell you the other night, but you needed time to process what I’d already told you, first.”

  “How are you going to tell me what I needed?!”

  “Just like this! I know you, Jeremiah! I hurt you, and I hate it but I did. That kind of hurt doesn’t disappear overnight just because you know it was a life or death situation. You needed time to think it through and understand that I did what I did because I love you more than anything.” She grabbed my wrists. “I had to give you the bad before I gave you the good because that’s how you always ask for your news. Bad, first.”

  I looked away from her, irritated by how my body was reacting to her touch. “That doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me as soon as you found out. You’re ten weeks along, Lisa. You’ve been holding that information in when I could have used some good when I was drowning from you leaving me.”

  “J. I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll keep telling you that for the rest of our lives if I have to, but you have to believe me, I only found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, at the shooting.”

  My head snapped back in her direction. “Now I know you’re lying. Your cycle has been regular since the day I met you, there is no way you wouldn’t have at least been suspicious when you missed it.”

  Surprisingly, she aimed a watery smile up at me as she nodded. “You’re right, my cycle has always been regular. However, I was so stressed about having to leave you that I’d started losing weight and I figured that was my cycle didn’t come.”

  Okay, that made sense. I’d seen firsthand how her diet could affect her cycle.

  “Pack your shit.”

  She blinked rapidly. “Wha—what?”

  “I’m not letting you sleep on some raggedy day bed while you’re carrying my son. Now, go get your shit.”

  “Hey! I heard that, motherfucker! Don’t talk about my quality furniture!” Lisa chuckled and I cracked a small smile at Trisha’s voice sounding from the back.

  I craned my neck in her direction and raised my voice. “How about you bring your nosy ass to the back room and help Lisa clear out your guest room!”

  “You ain’t gotta tell me twice!” The sound of her running down the hallway caused me to laugh lightly and shake my head.

  Lisa smiled up at me. “You know that I don’t know the sex of the baby yet, right?”

  I shrugged and pulled out her grasp, rubbing my wrists to rid them of the warmth from her hands. “You don’t, but I do. I did my research and made sure that I put a boy in there.”

  “Okay.” She dragged the word out and just about skipped to the hallway.

  Once she was gone, I dropped back down to the couch and scrubbed a hand over my face. I could tell from her expression that Lisa assumed that things were going back to the way they were before, but her and Ja’mya were about to be disappointed. I’d meant what I’d said to Lisa about where she slept. This move was for my own peace of mind and nothing else. If she hadn’t been pregnant, I wouldn’t have even suggested that she come home. In fact, I probably would have started making plans to sell the house and look for something smaller, something less full of memories of our family before the fragmenting.

  But, now there was a baby, and I had to figure out where I wanted to go from here.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jeremiah

  Lisa had been in the house a few times since she walked out months ago, but this time was different. When I followed her through the front door, a myriad of emotions took a hold of me. First, was relief. Buried far in the back of my mind was bone-deep relief that she was finally home, that she was here and our home was full the way she should always be. I hated that I felt that way, but it was there all the same. More acceptable were the confusion, anger, and hurt. Those, I could rationalize. Those, I could handle. That relief was some bullshit.

  With every step I took up as I carried her two carry-on sized suitcases upstairs, my heart thumped dramatically. This was real; Lisa was coming home. To our bedroom. The same room that I hadn’t even been able to pass in front of without feeling the cloak of depression shroud me. I deposited her suitcases on the bed and quickly exited the room, desperate to be relieved of the anxiety I felt at being back in there. As I blew past Lisa, she reached out and touched my arm, stilling my movements.

  “Where’re you going?”

  “Gotta go get Ja’mya from Ma and Pops.” I didn’t look at her, so I couldn’t read her expression but I felt the disappointment in her simple response.

  “Oh.”

  I continued out of the room, down the stairs, and back out to my truck. Without a doubt, she was expecting us to do some more talking, but I was
fresh out of conversation to give. All the talking was giving me a headache and for once in my life, I didn’t want to hear another word out of Lisa’s mouth. I just needed some peace. The drive to my parent’s house was entirely too short and I tried to think of a way to elongate my stay.

  Ja’mya came bounding up to me as soon as I stepped over the threshold, leaping into my arms with an enormous grin on her face.

  “Hey, Daddy!”

  I pressed a kiss to her forehead and set her down on the floor. “Hey, babygirl. Is your homework finished?”

  She pursed her lips. “Of course, Daddy! It’s already after six. My homework was completed ages ago.”

  I quirked a brow. “Ages, huh?”

  She nodded. “Yes, sir!”

  “Okay, Mya. If you say so.” I trailed through the living room and into the dining room where both of my parents were sitting down and eating. Perfect. There was an abandoned, half-empty plate that I instructed Ja’mya to sit down and finish eating, before I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a plate of the fried fish, spaghetti, and corn on the cob that was my Pops’ specialty.

  When I joined everyone else in the dining room, I thanked Pops for picking up Ja’mya and made idle conversation while I ate. When I was just about done, Ma sent Ja’mya upstairs to gather her backpack and put on her shoes. As soon as she was gone, Ma turned her shrewd eyes on me.

  “Where is Lisa?”

  I swallowed the last bit of my spaghetti and sighed. “She’s at the house.”

  Pops sat back in his seat and crossed his arms across his chest. “You did the right thing, son.”

  “Did I, though?”

  He nodded. “I raised you to be a man who takes care of his responsibilities, and that’s what you’re doing.”

  I inclined my head. “So, does that mean that I forget everything that happened? For the sake of my ‘responsibilities’?”

  Ma sat forward. “It means that you do the right thing, regardless of what happened.”

  Pops nodded. “That’s it! That’s the meaning of responsible.”

  I dropped my chin to my chest. “I know the definition of responsible,” I muttered.

  “Then what is the problem, Jeremiah?”

  I looked up to see my mama’s frustrated eyes hard set on me.

  “The problem is that I have to pretend that I’m fine, that I’m unaffected, all for the sake of my kids.”

  She shook her head and started to speak but stopped when Pops touched her arm.

  “Who said that you have to pretend anything?”

  I opened my mouth to respond but drew a blank. Neither of them had actually said that. “Well, it was implied. How else could I just bring her home and help her with this baby?”

  Pops shook his head. “I didn’t say that, nor did I imply it. I said you were doing the right thing by bringing her home. I didn’t teach you to ignore your feelings, did I?”

  “No, sir.”

  “You’re damn right, I didn’t! I taught you to channel your emotions into something positive. I taught you not to let negativity make you act out of character. So far, you’ve done an amazing job. I’m proud of you, son. This was a difficult situation for you and instead of doing something reckless that you would regret for the rest of your life, you held it together. The fact that you brought Lisa home after finding out about the baby, that you didn’t leave her to stay with her friend, shows me that I did a good job with you.”

  My eyes watered and I leaned my head back and pinched the bridge of my nose. This whole ordeal had been disastrous, but nothing could make me cry faster than my Pops telling me that he was proud of me.

  “Shit, man.”

  Ma sniffled, dabbing her eyes on a fabric napkin, and Pops got up and came around the table to pull me up into a hug. He slapped me on the back and the moment he kissed my temple I felt a damn break. He gripped me tightly as I cried my frustrations, my anger, my tension, and even my relief that everything was okay, into his shoulder.

  “That’s it,” he declared.

  “Let it out,” he instructed.

  “It’s alright,” he reminded.

  Ja’mya came thundering down the stairs and Ma was out of her chair in a flash, catching my daughter before she entered the dining room, and pulling her toward the front of the house. It was only a few minutes, but when I was finished, I felt so light, it was unreal. My God, was I grateful for James and Sabrina Hawkins. There was no way I could put it into words. Pops gave me one last squeeze before releasing me just enough so that he could look me eye-to-eye.

  “It’s okay for you to still love her, even after everything. The heart is resilient enough to forgive instantly and you shouldn’t be ashamed of that. Alright, son?”

  I nodded, marveling at how, once again, my father was able to give me exactly what I needed at the exact time that I needed it. He squeezed the back of my neck and I chuckled, silently acknowledging how much I needed to hear those words. They eased a concern that I didn’t even realize I had but had been plaguing me heavily. I took a deep, shuddered breath, and smiled.

  “Pops…”

  He shook his head. “No need, young man.”

  I ignored his attempts at humility. “There’s always a need to show my appreciation. You’re the best man that I know and I’m so blessed to be able to glean from you whenever I want. Thank you. I love you.”

  His pride shone in his wide smile. “I love you, too. Now, get my baby girl home so she can get her beauty rest.”

  I laughed. “Will do.”

  We both entered the living room where we all said a round of goodbyes. The hug from my mama was tight and conveyed how deeply she felt about the situation as well. I kissed her cheek and gave her a wink before leaving. Ja’mya was surprisingly quiet on the short drive home but I relished it, knowing she would get loud soon enough. I carried her backpack and gave her my keys so that she could unlock the door. Once we were inside and she had put her shoes on the rack by the door, I gave her the news.

  “Your mom is upstairs.”

  It was almost comical how wide her eyes got as her mouth dropped open simultaneously. She screeched and ran up the stairs, her long legs allowing her to take them two at a time. I chuckled and placed her bag in the closet under the stairs before dropping down on the couch and pulling out my laptop to do some work.

  ♥♥♥♥

  What felt like moments later, I was being shaken awake. I opened my eyes and saw Lisa standing in front of me. I rubbed at my eyes, not realizing how tired I had apparently been.

  “It’s after eleven, J. Did you plan to sleep on the couch?”

  Damn. It hadn’t even been eight when Ja’mya and I had walked in the door. I glanced at the clock above the mantel then back at Lisa. That’s when I got a good look at her. She wore a simple, fitted tank top and a pair of panties. The tank stopped just underneath her navel, putting her rounding belly on full display. Seeing that did something to me. Unable to stop myself, I moved my feet from the coffee table and planted them on the floor, then leaned forward and palmed her stomach. It had been so long since I’d seen her this way and that it was my son in there warmed me from the inside out. I leaned forward and pressed my lips right above her clothed navel.

  Lisa grasped my wrist. “Come to bed, J.”

  I looked up at her. The huskiness in her voice was plain as day and coupled with her beaded nipples, she might as well have said “Come make love to me, J” since that’s what it sounded like and it was surely what she meant. A brief thought that I should decline flitted across my mind, but just as quickly as it arrived, it disappeared. I had no desire to say no. Not only did I have a poor track record with denying Lisa, especially when it came to sex, but seeing her growing with my son inside of her had my dick throbbing inside of my khakis. I licked my lips and dipped my chin once, twice, but that was more than enough for her. She tugged me upright and led me upstairs to our bedroom where she immediately began pulling my shirt out of my pants and lifting it over m
y head. Then, she dropped down into a squat and unbuckled my belt and undid my pants in seconds.

  Damn. Where was the fire?

  “Whoa, calm down, man. Why are you moving so fast?” I bent down to scoop her into my arms and stepped out of my pants before walking across the room to the bed.

  She ducked her head, her eyes focusing on the center of my chest. “I just—I want to hurry up before you change your mind.”

  Shit. I lifted her chin until her eyes met mine.

  “I’m not about to change my mind. I’m here with you, right now. Okay?”

  She nodded, then, “But, I want more than right now. I want tomorrow and the next day.”

  I licked my lips. “We can cross that bridge when we get there. Let’s just focus on right now, okay?”

  I saw her hesitation. She wanted to argue. She was used to me giving in so she could get her way. Well, she was either gon’ leave it alone and get this dick or she was gon’ get this dick and leave it alone. Her options were slim. I placed her on the bed and reached in between us to slip my hand into the front of her panties. When my fingers brushed her folds, causing her to whimper, I groaned in response and my dick turned to granite. Gotdamn! She was wet as fuck.

  I pushed her onto her back and pulled off her panties, lowering myself to my knees with the intentions of tasting her but she switched it up on me. She sat up quickly and pulled at my shoulders until I rose back up.

  “Get on this bed, now!”

  My eyes widened at her forceful tone but I did as I was told.

  “Lay back!” I laid down on my back, wondering what instructions she had for me next.

  I didn’t have to wonder for long. A rumbling started deep in my chest as soon as I felt her wetness brush the tip of my dick. She slid down effortlessly until her cheeks met my thighs.