“Oh I promised him all sorts. I gave him exactly what he needed.”
Jay paled and swallowed, looking away from me as his body tensed.
I crawled across the floor to him and took hold of his shins, my eyes doing my bidding as I looked up at him in misery. “I can do it for you too if you get me what I need.”
His eyes widened and his previous harsh swallow deepened this time. The look of utter revolt on his face made me try again.
“Jay, I will hurt you if that’s what you need me to do. We can go now, tie you in your chains and I will hurt you until you beg me stop. Please, just get me what I need and I’ll give you what you need.”
He pursed his lips for a moment in thought, before he squatted before me. His hand softly cupped the side of my face and I blinked as tears rimmed his eyes. “You would do that?”
I nodded eagerly, my hope surging with his excitement. “Yes,” I offered fervently. “Anything.”
He gulped and wet his dry lips then stood up and held out his hand, helping me up when I lay my own small hand in his large one. Silently, he led me through the house and back down to his basement. My mouth watered with a greed as my spirit shivered excitedly, the knowledge that oblivion was close now encouraging me to hurry after him.
“Do you have my medicine?”
He didn’t answer me as he guided me over to the chains. He blinked, his sad gaze diverted to the floor when he grabbed the swinging collar in his hands and stared at it as though he had never seen it before. My gaze swung to the whips on the wall. For a second the pain that tore through me hurt more than the withdrawal of my nectar and I shivered. Could I do it? Could I hurt the man I loved so much that I needed him to step away from my abysmal existence.
Without a word, Jay slipped off his t-shirt then belted the collar around his neck and slipped each of his wrists through the cuffs. He waited. I waited, staring at the deep lacerations that marred his skin. They were fresh, some still red and sore. Another dose of welts on top would surely be too much for him to cope with.
I looked from him to the wall then back to him as I struggled with what he needed me to do but when another shudder ripped my body painfully, I staggered over to the wall and picked up a large flogger. The strips were knotted leather, each one embedded with small slivers of metal that would cut through concrete never mind skin and flesh.
“Jay,” I whispered, my voice restricted as my throat clenched with a misery that was beyond anything I had ever felt before.
“Do it.” His voice was dull and blunt but then he looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes full of a raw emotion I didn’t want to witness. “But while you do, I want you to picture him, Bea. I want you to imagine that it’s him stood here with your medicine, him wanting you to tear into him painfully because,” he choked out, turning back to the front, “this is exactly what he has done to you. He’s turned you from the beautiful woman who couldn’t hurt a fly into a monster willing to cause herself and me so much suffering.”
The agony bursting inside my veins made my mind explode with sorrow and heartache. I didn’t want to hurt him, I loved him but I needed it, I yearned for it. The handle made my palm sweat as I panted loudly, the scorch in my soul as blistering as the burn in my body.
I ran my fingers through the long strips of leather, wincing as the metal sliced through my own sensitive skin. I grit my teeth and yanked it harder over my hand, watching when the spikes brought bubbles of blood to the surface of my skin. It mesmerised me, how much the deep cut released a part of the anger in my soul. Gripping it harder, I pulled it up my arm, watching the parting of my skin as my broken flesh poked through and taught me finally how to grieve. The ease in my soul was astounding, the pain unfelt as I observed the sorrow and agony inside me leave my body in such a gruesome way.
Jay, finally tired of waiting turned to look what had happened to me when I had gone blissfully quiet. “Bea?” he rasped as he started to yank at his cuffs but his struggle only caused them to tighten against his wishes, holding him firmly in place as I started to mutilate my damaged soul further. “BEA!”
I tore at my t-shirt, ripping it off me as I drew the small blades down my neck and over my chest, the loud exhalation of contentment that burst from me triggering a vicious shiver to rack through Jay’s body.
“Bea, stop it!”
I lifted my eyes to his and smiled serenely as I gorged at my flesh again and again, the skin and blood that dropped from me each pulling with them a portion of my soul. I shivered in ecstasy as my body gave in to the torture and I relished in the new experience of heaven, a completely different nectar than the one I had begged for over and over in the last eight weeks.
“STOP!” Jay struggled further but it was proving pointless, his restraints doing what they had been designed to and holding him in the grasp of his own torture as he writhed and squirmed in them.
Dropping the flogger, I softly lay my hand over Jay’s wet cheek, stilling him instantly and smiled. “Don’t come for me, don’t. Cut me loose and be happy.”
I left him tied to his chains in a shocked stupor with my declaration and walked away. The need for his own medicine had left him leaving doors open and escape an easy task as I made my way to somewhere I knew could give me the pain I now craved.
Chapter 22
Jay
3 weeks later
He went down in one hit. I grit my teeth, I’d hoped the arsehole would have taken a couple more hits before he conceded so easily. I needed to hurt some fucker and the twat who had assaulted one of the NSC runners was a drug to my need. However, the prick was a small fry, a mockery of a man who could only hurt women and gave me no satisfaction nor fed my rage.
“Take him down to my office and wait with him until the police arrive,” I ordered Denny, one of the security men under my command. He gave me a nod before he and another guy dragged him away.
“You okay?” my dad asked, his eyes narrow and questioning.
I nodded and rolled my head around my neck as I rubbed at my temples, “Yeah, just a headache. I’m fine.”
He acknowledged my lie but I knew he didn’t believe it. “You okay to take Mary down to personnel?”
I knew what he was asking and the skip in my heart with the mention of taking the poor girl who had been assaulted to see Beatrice to make an official complaint verified that my soul knew it too. “Yep.”
Mary smiled awkwardly at me as I led her to the elevator. “You alright, love?”
She swallowed before her knees gave way and she went down like a lead weight.
“Shit!”
The lift doors opened and the mass of people waiting to enter shifted to one side as I stepped out onto the human resources floor with Mary in my arms.
“Oh great!” Fran groaned as she directed me to the medic’s room. “Pop her on the bed and I’ll bleep the doc. Can you nip to my office and let them know what’s going on?”
I nodded, glancing at Mary before I left and strolled down the corridor. My feet weren’t sure if they wanted to go fast or slow, my need to see Bea overcome by nerves. I’d heard she was back at work but I had yet to cross paths with her after what happened at my house a few weeks back.
My skin tingled and I breathed out a frustrated sigh. I needed my fix but Belinda was currently holidaying with her friend in Spain. I knew I’d have to visit the Black Panther soon or I’d tear off the skin on my back myself.
My hand hovered over the office door handle and just as I took a deep breath the door opened and Robbie stood staring at me. “Can I help you, Carter?”
I lifted both brows at his look of disgust. “Again,” I growled with disdain, “I am looking for the organ grinder, why you keep thinking you’re important enough to deal with me is beyond my comprehension.”
He scoffed, his mouth opening in shock at my statement. “Who the fuck do you think you are, Carter? Just cos’ daddy gave you a job when everyone else in this country was wise enough not to doesn’t give you the right
to look down on everyone else!”
I smirked at him hoping to God that the fucking arrogant bastard was ready for a fight because I certainly was. “Aww, I think someone’s a tad jealous that I managed to get into Bea’s knickers when….”
“Jay!”
I closed my eyes and growled low when Beatrice screamed at me from the confines of her office. I had forgotten all about her sat listening to us. Robbie had that effect on everyone in NSC and the stories I’d heard about him made me dislike him even more. The twat had come on to all the female employees in the building, and it seemed Beatrice was his latest objective.
Surprisingly, Robbie grinned at me, something in his eyes making the beat of my heart still. He leaned towards me, his rancid breath trickling over the skin of my neck and making me shudder with revulsion. “Ahh, I think you need to catch up with Miss Vine. Seems you weren’t quite good enough to keep her stunning little pussy sated…”
He went down in one punch – much to my disappointment, yet I wasn’t surprised with the force of my fist in his face. Blood trickled from his nose as Beatrice screamed loud and shot out of her chair. She gasped when I snatched hold of her arm as she bent to aid Robbie. “Have you fucked this… fucking bonehead?”
She froze yet didn’t look at me. Her knees were bent halfway, her face fixed on Robbie. I could feel the guilt and self-hatred pouring from her. My stomach vaulted and I hissed with rage. “For fucks sake!” I roared as my fingers bit harder into her flesh. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
She turned her face to look at me. My whole body stiffened as my heart stopped. The tears in her eyes weren’t what held my heart in my throat, nor was it the hollowness of her eyes or the sallowness of her skin – it was the huge bruise covering her right eye and the dark purple mark over her right cheekbone that turned my soul to ice. It was obvious she had tried to camouflage it with make-up but it glared at me like a bloody beacon in the night.
“Beatrice?” My voice was choked as I released her arm and reached for her face. She jolted back, falling onto her backside as she attempted to shuffle back from me, her hands and feet moving frantically as she scurried backwards on the floor. I chased her, dropping to my knees when her back hit the wall and she couldn’t escape further. “Beatrice?”
“Leave me alone,” she hissed as she turned her face to the side, trying to hide her bruises.
“Who did this?”
Her head shook wildly. “Leave – me – alone!” The pain in my gut at the sight of her abuse made me wince involuntarily. She turned her face slowly to mine, the desolation in her eyes mirroring my own. “Please Jay. I told you to cut me out!”
“I can’t!” I whispered when she finally allowed me to touch her, my hand cupping her beaten face tenderly. “I can’t.”
Her eyes saddened and lowered. “You must. I’m not the Beatrice you fell in love with anymore. I’m a different person, and believe me, you won’t want to see who I have become.”
“You’re wrong,” I disputed, “You’re just hurting Bea. You need to move past this.”
She laughed with so much bitterness that I had to swallow back the bile that rushed up my throat. “Move past it?” She shook her head and scoffed. “I can’t move past it you fool. It’s inside me now, it’s buried so deep in my soul that it owns me. It’s who I am now.” She smirked with a glint in her eye that made me shiver with the ice radiated around us. “And I happen to like the new Beatrice Vine. I respect the animal inside me because it’s the only thing that gets me through the day, Jay.”
I stared at her for a moment, stunned by her revelation. “Where has all this hatred come from?”
She laughed again before she leaned forward towards me, her sweet breath whispering over my mouth. “I’d rather hate than hurt.” Her words were cold and full of misery, identical to the truth in her eyes.
I nodded slowly, moving away quickly before she saw the horror cover my face. Spinning round I walked to the door, stepping over the prick that was still laid unconscious. “You’re wrong, hurt makes your heart beat, Beatrice,” I whispered, blinking back the tears, “I should know.”
I left her mute and staring as I walked away.
***
The Black Panther was bristling when I walked in that night. My blood was already bubbling with anticipation and need, the craving for pain becoming more and more unbearable by the second.
“Jay!” William greeted me with his customary huge white smile and a hefty slap on the back. “Haven’t seen you for a while. How are you?”
“I’m… good.”
One of his eyebrows raised with the sound of my voice, his amazing ability to read people and what they needed securing a future in his business. “Are you after both tonight? Give and take?” I closed my eyes, blowing out the breath I seemed to have held inside for weeks and nodded. He nodded in reply, understanding what I desired. “We have a new girl tonight. Are you okay with her or would you rather wait until Valerie is free?”
I shook my head, clenching my fists at the hunger building inside me. “The new girl will do.”
William nodded and smiled. “It’s still all new to her so go steady,” he chuckled as he directed me up the stairs and along the corridor to the last door. “I can see you’re eager, I’ll let you get on and we’ll fill in the forms when you’re done.”
“Thank you. The girl’s name?”
“Liana.”
“And her thing?”
“The whip, as you. I wouldn’t partner you with just anyone, Jay. We know each other. I know you and what you like, trust me.” He grinned as he tapped me on the shoulder and walked back down the corridor.
The room was dull, the lighting subdued when I walked in and softly closed the door behind me. My dick jumped in my trousers with the sight of the girl. Her back was to me, her wrists already secured to the dangling chain and her long blonde hair was brushed over her shoulder in a plait. Her curves were delicious, her arse rounded with a layer of womanly softness. Her back was already marred badly and I frowned as I moved towards her. It was obvious her previous sessions under the tools had been administered by an amateur and I growled under my breath at how the cunt had massacred her supple skin.
She remained quiet but I could sense her anxiety, after all it was her first time with me. She shivered under me as I ran my finger down the centre of her spine, my touch igniting her hunger as she writhed and started to pant eagerly.
“Sshhh,” I breathed as I ran the tip of my nose along her shoulder. The familiarity of her scent sent my heart rate into overdrive and my legs wobbled when awareness slammed into me. For a long moment I couldn’t draw breath, my lungs solidifying with disbelief as my mouth dried and my tongue swelled inside.
But as I grabbed her arms and spun her round, shock found my voice and I cried out, “BEA!”
Chapter 23
Bea
I stared wide eyed at Jay, my heart beating out of my chest. His shock was transparent, his disgust and upset evident as his sad eyes fixed onto my resolute ones. I couldn’t allow him to see my hunger or my devastation. Why couldn’t anything in my life run smoothly? I’d heard about the Black Panther from a few friends and I had hoped it would be the place I needed to stop this thing inside that was killing me. Robbie, although reluctant at first, had attempted to give me what I had asked for but his lack of experience and pig-headedness had seen him gorge the flesh from my back without giving me the relief I needed.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Jay roared at me, the rage on his face matching that in my soul.
“Get off me!” I struggled beneath his hold but because my hands were restrained above my head it gave Jay the upper hand over me.
His fury was palpable, his whole face red and furious as his tense body vibrated with an anger I had never seen in him. He was breathing heavily, his chest heaving with each of his substantial breaths. “Is this what you meant?
I didn’t answer him, I couldn’t voice any words with the pressur
e in the atmosphere around us.
“IS IT?” he screamed as he shook me.
“I don’t…” I choked out, shaking my head as reluctant tears started to form with the contempt he spat at me with.
“The animal!” he spat, his teeth bared as he growled at me. “The animal inside you?”
I nodded, unable to answer as my throat constricted.
“You stupid…” He halted, his eyes fierce on me before they swung to the wall where the instruments hung in the dark BDSM room within the Panther. For a moment I witnessed the dilemma in his gaze, the need and the denial fighting against the other but I shivered when a cold glaze bled down his eyes and he cranked his shoulders straight, his hateful gaze shifting back to me. “Is this what you want?”
I was stunned by the sudden shift in his mood, my lips parted to allow the hefty inhales of oxygen struggling to keep me calm. I knew to Jay this was serious, he relished in and hungered for pain, to both give and receive it yet for a brief moment I questioned myself, whether or not it would stop this hate inside me. I wasn’t sure if it was actually what my soul called for but when I saw the hope and desire in Jay’s expression, I nodded. I needed to give him something for all the pain I had caused, and at that second, I knew it was what he needed.
“This isn’t a game, sugar,” he mocked with a slight amused smirk.
Glaring at him, I braced myself and gave him a firm nod. “This is what I want.”
He regarded me with questioning eyes for a minute as we both stared at the other, however when he finally moved and strolled across the room towards the whips and canes, my heart ceased to beat in my chest and my soul sat down and wept. What had I become? What was inside me that would allow this?
“Safe word!” Jay barked at me.
I blinked, confused for a moment. I knew what a safe word was but I was surprised by his request for one. “I’m sorry, what?”
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