“You want coffee?” She shifted from the sofa, still not looking at me as she made her way into the kitchen.
“Sure.”
She nodded but still didn’t glance my way.
Following, I watched the swing of her arse, then disciplined myself. Not now for fucks sake. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugged as she shoved a cup into the machine and peered at each of the buttons, pressing random ones and sighing each time nothing happened. Reaching over her shoulder and catching her familiar scent, I pressed the start button and it sprang to life. She gazed at it for a moment, and nodded. “Huh, so easy.”
“It always is when you know how.”
“Cream or milk?” Her eyes remained forwards, away from me, as she opened the fridge door.
“Milk, it’s too early for cream, makes my guts grumble.”
“Really? I always find that cereal does that to me in a morning,” she offered back.
“So what do you eat in a morning then?”
“Toast, or muesli works.” She frowned at herself and considered her own statement. “That’s weird, I’ve never thought about it before but muesli’s cereal isn’t it?”
“I suppose, although it could be the bran or wheat that’s in regular cereals that you’re affected by.”
She nodded slowly, adding milk to the first cup of coffee and passing it to me, her face lowered as she did. She proceeded to make her own, her eyes only lifting to look down to the garden through the window. Spooning sugar into her own steaming cup, she decided to forego the milk and placed it back into the fridge then held the cup in both hands and turned back to look down the garden.
The silence that descended was nauseating. It was full of grief and anger. “Look at me.” Ignoring me, her attention stayed on nothing – anywhere but at me. “Beatrice, look at me.”
She huffed then turned and waltzed across the kitchen and back into the lounge. Closing my eyes, I prayed for my sanity and trailed after her. She was now sat in the window, staring at the quietness of the street. “There’s some pretty houses here, how long have you lived on this street?”
“Not long, only a few months.”
She nodded. “Are your neighbours friendly?”
“I have no idea, I don’t really associate with them.”
She pursed her lips and nodded. “I get that, sometimes it’s best to keep yourself private, especially where you live.” Suddenly, she stood up and switched the TV on, the early morning news filling the quiet.
“I get what you’re doing, Bea, and I understand that.” She maintained her concentration on the screen, the anger growing within me. “But you need to let go.”
She took a drink, feigning interest in the bloody program and ignoring me yet again. My mouth watered with rage and I blew out a silent breath. Slamming my cup on the table, I shook my head. “Will you fucking look at me!”
Her chest heaved but other than that she showed no response, her attention still on the fucking telly.
“God damn it, Beatrice. Shout, scream, cry… just… anything!”
“No,” she finally whispered.
Standing in front of her where she sat on the sofa and blocking her view, she looked to the floor, her top teeth sinking into her lip and finally showing me a reaction. “Look at me.”
“Jay…”
“Bea! Fucking – look – at – me!” I grabbed her face and forced her head to tilt back, making her look at me.
She hit out at me, her head shaking left and right and her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she pulled back and tried to get free but I held on tight and refused her any leeway. “Let go,” she growled quietly.
“No, not until you look at me.”
“I don’t want to fucking look at you.”
“Why,” I pushed, “Why don’t you?” She shook her head again, fighting with me. “BEA! Open your damn eyes!”
“No!”
Dropping her face from my hold, I seized her shoulders and shook her. “GOD DAMN IT WOMAN! LOOK AT ME!”
“NO!” she screamed. “NO!”
“Why? Why?” Her head shook frantically as she tried to pull away but I refused her, my anger making my fingers dig into her soft flesh. “WHY?”
“Because it hurts!” she cried out at long last. “It hurts!”
My heart stuttered and I froze. “What?” my voice quiet, “Why?”
A small sob echoed in her chest and finally, fucking finally, she looked at me. Her red eyes brimmed with tears, her nose glowed and her bottom lip trembled. Her shoulders sagged and the struggle in her throat made my head ache. “Because I’m scared to. Because I know if I look at you I’ll give in.”
Wiping away one of her tears, I lowered myself into a crouch before her. “You’ll give in to what?”
“Don’t make me do this,” she pleaded with her voice and her eyes.
“I’m not letting you go until you give in to whatever you’re frightened of, Beatrice.”
“Please…”
“Tell me!”
Rage suddenly consumed her and her lips curled back until her teeth were bared and her eyes blazed angrily. She pushed out at me, knocking me on my arse with her sudden movement and she ran. “Bea!” I shouted as I shot up and chased after her when she darted out of the front door and tore off down the road. “BEA!”
She could run but she wasn’t a match for me, my legs longer and more powerful than hers. She made it three houses down before I caught up with her and tackled her onto someone’s front garden. She cried out and attempted to scramble out from beneath me.
“Get off!” she shouted, “Get off me!”
“No!” I roared as I flipped her around under me. “Stop it! Give in!”
“I don’t want to!”
“Why? For fucks sake, just tell me!”
Her face crumbled and heartache swelled from her in waves so great that I could practically smell its misery. “Because I don’t want to want you. I don’t want to need you and rely on you. I don’t want to see the pity on your face or the heartache that’s crippling you. I don’t want to feel your love or accept it because…,” Her eyes found mine and finally I watched as her resolve evaporated, “because then I know I have to accept that I love you.” She stared at me as a long whimper physically hurt my heart. “I love you. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to.”
I huddled her up, pulling her onto my lap as she broke. The high pitched wail that came from her caused the curtains on the three nearest houses to twitch. I didn’t care. I held her and rocked her as she finally accepted and gave in. “I want to love you, Beatrice. I want to love you hard because you’re the only reason I get through each day. But more than that, you forbid my nightmares. You have ended the pain of my past. All I can concentrate on now is your smile, your laughter, your beauty. All I think about is you and how much I want you. You’ve turned my nightmares into dreams, good dreams, dreams that I want to have every damn night. Dreams that I have while I’m awake because you control my every thought and every fucking beat of a thing that was dead for so long.”
She sobbed into my chest, her hands clawing at me in desperation as she finally freed her grief and recognised what was inside her.
When another curtain moved, I climbed up, took her in my arms and carried her home. Home.
Chapter 25
Bea
Ava smiled at Jay and me as she opened her front door. “Hey!” Her smile was huge and I was secretly in awe of how beautiful she was. Her husband, Mason, was even more so but I didn’t voice that opinion in front of Jay. Jay wasn’t beautiful, he was rugged and masculine, hot with a rawness to his gorgeous body. The only word that came to mind when describing him was, sinful. His body was created to do evil things to mine and as a shiver pulsed my body with my wayward thoughts, I caught Jay’s eyes narrow on me. I knew he thought I’d had the reaction because of Mason, he couldn’t be further from the truth but a little jealousy never hurt anyone, so I just gave him a sly wink.
&n
bsp; “Come in,” Ava urged as she opened the door wider.
Mason was stood at the bottom of a humungous staircase, his power swallowing the whole of the air in the room. He nodded respectfully and tipped his head to the kitchen, ordering us to follow.
“Sit down,” Ava gestured to the table as she put the kettle on. Another two men were already sat and both welcomed Jay with familiarity and a smile for me.
A large man with closely shaved hair introduced both him and his friend, “Sam Taylor, and this is Greg Chambers.”
I smiled nervously, both their intense presences making me shift uncomfortably. I knew who these men were and I swallowed nervously. There would be no going back from this but Jay had assured me that these were his friends, and he trusted them one hundred percent.
“Beatrice,” Sam started with a soft smile to relax me. “Ava filled me in a little about your situation. I’m going to do whatever I can to help.” I nodded, smiling shyly as my cheeks flushed with his kindness.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me just yet, I’m afraid it isn’t going to be nice for you either.”
I frowned and narrowed my eyes suspiciously. “In what way?”
“I need to look into everything if we’re to catch whoever is doing this to you,” he explained, “and that includes doing a full and in-depth search into your life.”
My mouth dried but when the chill in my soul reminded me why I was there, I simply nodded. “Do whatever you need to.”
“I will be completely sensitive to whatever I find. I’m not digging to expose your secrets, Beatrice, merely to uncover anything that will help us find this bastard.”
I nodded and turned to Ava when she came to sit beside me. I could read her gaze, the question in her eyes and I lowered my eyes. “Beatrice,” she placed her hand softly over mine. “Forgive me but I did a little digging already.” She winced when I closed my eyes. “I found out something that disturbs me.”
The whole of the room had turned to look at Ava and I licked my dry lips when I glanced at Jay. “I know.”
She followed my direction and sensing my anguish, she smiled softly at Jay. “Can you give me and Bea some space please, Jay?”
“No.” Everyone looked anywhere but at me or Jay when Jay’s anger shifted the air in the room. “I think I have a right to know whatever it is,” he finished.
“Actually…” Ava started but I cut in.
“It’s okay, he’s going to hear it sooner or later.” Coughing to clear my throat I looked down at my lap, my fingers anxiously twisting together.
“What am I going to hear?” Jay pressed when he noticed my face flush with shame.
My mouth was so dry that my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and my heart drummed like some eerie cult music in my chest, unable to find a rhythm suitable to override the nerves riding my bloodstream. Blowing out a breath to prepare myself for his fury, I lowered my voice and surged ahead. “I’ve been learning how to shoot… or more specific, how to kill.”
If it wasn’t for Ava and Mason’s five year old twins tearing into the kitchen right at that moment I swear Jay would have launched me through the rear window that spanned the entire length of the kitchen. His rage was palpable, his fear making him understandably angry, but he didn’t have the full story and when he’d actually stopped the string of expletives that were pouring from him – a nervous Ava snatching up her kiddies and barrelling them out of the room – I’d explain myself.
Mason sighed loudly and took Ava’s vacated chair beside me. He rolled his eyes at me then turned to Jay, “Shut the hell up and wait for Beatrice to explain.”
Jay gritted his teeth together angrily as all eyes turned to me slowly, but it was only Jay’s that were heated and expectant. So I gave him my full attention. “I need to do this Jay. I know you think it will change me, alter who I am but despite what you think of me right now, and I understand you’re angry with me…” I put a finger up to shush him when he opened his mouth, “it was something that I felt one hundred percent right about doing.”
Both of Jay’s brows shifted high incredulously. “But it’s not you, Bea, you’re the gentlest person I have ever known and that’s what I love about you. Killing isn’t just point and shoot, it isn’t just the matter of stilling someone’s breath, the affect it will have on you is phenomenal, and to be honest I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to live with that. You’re letting that... Bastard live in you, you’re allowing him to control your future.”
“This isn’t about vengeance.”
“Then would you care to tell me exactly what the fuck it is about because I’m finding it really difficult to understand right now!”
I nodded, cringing with the utter disgust in his voice. “I don’t want to be afraid Jay. I don’t want to jump every time I feel a breath on my neck, or someone knocks on my door. I don’t want to hide behind the crazy thud in my chest every time a word or a smell triggers a memory. I want to be able to stand straight and face all the shit that I know is coming. Because it will, Jay. And it’s going to come for me when none of us expect it. I can’t learn to rely on you, I just can’t. I need to do this. I’m sorry.”
All four men gawped at my honesty, ignoring Ava as she walked back into the room and took the spare chair opposite me. Noticing the men’s muteness she snorted. “Well hell, even I can never get that reaction from them, even throughout all of my adventures.”
“I understand,” Greg stated as he cast a wary glance to Jay who was simmering with rage.
“This - will – hurt – you! Bea, you need to understand that!”
“It’s obvious whoever did this to Noah and me isn’t about to just stop. They raped me and got me hooked on drugs for a reason. They killed my brother and I know there’s more to come. I need to be able to stand up for myself.”
Finally, dropping his eyes, Jay nodded. “I know and I want you to be able to protect yourself. I’m scared shitless that something will happen when I’m not there. But what you don’t understand is that I love who you are, how strong you are without using a weapon. You hold a gun in your hand and you will never be the same again.”
“I know that,” I whispered, “Believe me, I know. But I would rather learn to live with guilt and be able to see the sun every morning. I have come to quite like the thing that beats in my chest, and I’d rather like to keep it there.”
Jay sighed, wrapping my hair in his fingers. I knew it was to comfort himself and I reached out to his cheek, running my finger down his scar. “Please trust me. I’ve looked into professional trainers. Ex-cops. I promise to be careful Jay.”
“Hun,” Ava said quietly as she smiled and reached across the table for my hand. “I can help you with all of that.”
I blinked and frowned, “Sorry, what?”
Jay nodded as he dropped to a crouch before me, his expression now softer and full of hurt. “Sugar, my friends will help you, you don’t need to do this by yourself. And I for one would feel more comfortable if you did this with Ava. She’s shit hot with a gun and she won’t be afraid to show you what isn’t legal. An ex-cop will just focus on shoot and kill but life isn’t like that, Bea, you want to do this then you need to learn every little trick in the book. Including how to fight.”
I looked around at them all, “But why would you?”
Ava frowned in confusion, “Why wouldn’t we?”
“Well, you don’t know me, for one.”
“You mean a lot to Jay and fuck, it’s about time that boy fell in love instead of causing my best friend the grief he does.” She winked when Jay huffed. “There’s only you that has done that. There’s only you that has made him feel worth something and after the shit life has dished out for him, then hell, I think that makes us friends, don’t you.”
Tears filled my eyes, the last few weeks rushing at me with a force as a sob ripped from me. “Don’t cry,” Ava urged as she tugged on my hand and pulled me out of the chair.
“Where are we goin
g?”
“Woohoo,” Greg exclaimed making me question what was going on when Ava rolled her eyes again.
“Hun,” she sighed, “It’s Thursday night, it’s Xbox night. And while the boys shoot the shit out of each other with boy’s toys, me and you are gonna shoot some shit with great big motherfucking REAL guns!”
My eyes widened but the grin I wore gave Ava a sinister glint in her eyes, “A girl after my own heart.”
And shit, was she right.
Chapter 26
Jay
We both groaned as I sank deep inside Bea. Her stunning grey eyes were wide on me and she looked at me as if almost awed. Her lower lip quivered when slowly I drew back out and pushed back in without urgency or worry. “Jay,” she whimpered. Her pussy was hot and slick, and tight around me and it was becoming more and more difficult to hold back.
I kissed her, savouring her unique taste and quietening her urgency. She moaned into me, slipping her tongue inside to play with my own as her fingers softly stroked over the welts on my back.
“Please,” she breathed, closing her eyes and lifting her hips to mine in an effort to encourage me to move.
“Open your eyes, Bea.”
Instantly she opened to me. My cock was pulsing with the need to move harder and faster yet my mind wanted to treasure the way she both felt and looked at me. Finally, she understood and she smiled softly, lifting her hand to my face.
I couldn’t help but nuzzle into her, her touch as tender as the way she was looking at me. Her tongue peeked out and swiped across her dry lips before she smiled gently. “I love you,” she whispered.
My heart skipped a beat, my skin tingling with awareness as I fought not to fucking cry like a girl. Returning her smile, and repaying her declaration with a hard thrust, I leaned down and kissed her harder, unable to fight the growing need in me to show her the words she had just said to me.
“I know,” I smirked, “I always knew.” Her eyes widened on me before a huge grin broke out across her pretty face. “But I must admit it’s nice to actually hear it.”
She giggled then pushed her hands on my chest and rolled us both over so that she was straddled above me. Her gorgeous tits lifted and fell with each of her heavy breaths, her nipples hardening under my tongue when I sat up and wrapped my lips around one. She moved on me with a torturous rhythm, her lifts and drops as easy as the way she gazed at me.
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