Lost and Found (The West Lake Series Book 1)
Page 3
“Because you still care about her. You still care about the woman that killed your sister. Do you want to know how I know this?” He raises the glass to his lips to take another drink. I see the drunken smile form. “If you didn’t care you would have went over and had Sharon sign you wouldn’t of put it off. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t waste your time sleeping around. Don’t look at me like that I know everything that goes on in this town. If you didn’t care you’d become a man and marry Jessica. You’d forget about a stupid and selfish girl that had more important priorities that night than watching the fucking road she was driving on.”
“You’re drunk.” I manage to get out.
Everything he says is the truth though. A cold hard truth I have tried to reconcile over the last four years.
“I may be drunk but I’m right and you and I both know it. How would Hannah feel about that? How would your mother feel about that?” His voice rises just a notch with conviction.
I want to tell him that Hannah is dead and we can’t ask her. Though I know what her answer would be deep down. She loved Vanessa told me to pick Vanessa. My mother I’m not so sure about she never took her hate for the Harvell’s after the accident to the level my father did. She didn’t quite accept Vanessa in my life but she became a shell of herself when my sister died.
“They’re not here so we can’t ask them now are they?” I bite out, in anger at him.
“No they’re not and you know whose fault that is?” He says pausing for a moment to let those words sink in. “Hers.”
I stare at him and now know why I let Vanessa walk away at the cemetery why I didn’t bother to stop her. I can’t let her stay. Even if I want her too. She can’t stay the man in front of me would make it his life’s work to destroy her. He’d make it his life’s work to destroy anything she has left inside of her. Even if I know Hannah would want her too. Hannah would expect her to stay, for me to try and make it work again with her. My sister would want that.
Regret for the things I know I have to let go of fills me. I watch as my father shakes his head looking at me before he saunters back into his office. Looking down at my phone when it buzzes I see the text from Austin.
“My mom says that she’s staying in town at least till next week. Paige said something happened at the funeral. Did you finally get the stick out of your ass?”
I stare at my screen for a few moments debating on the truth and a half lie. When I can’t pick or decide on either I do nothing. Placing the phone back into my pocket I make the ascent up the stairs pulling out my phone when it buzzes again. Ready to tell Austin to mind his own fucking business.
“Come over.”
It’s a text I know I should ignore. Jessica will want it to start being more again. Instead guilt overtakes me as I type out my reply. “On my way.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Vanessa
MAKING MY WAY out of the house, a stack of papers in my hand as I approach the barn and then the arena on a mission to find my sister. We still haven’t spoken that much since the funeral a few days ago. My mother it out with Mrs. Parsons giving me time to go through all the papers in my dad’s office and I am horrified at what I have found. The farm is broke, you would think having a CPA for a daughter he would have reached out to me. The mortgage is over seven months past due, the training fees we are getting are barely covering living expenses. In between that, quarterly taxes and everything else if the bank wants they can take the farm.
I stalk past the pasture ignoring London on the way, even as she canters over to me I don’t ride anymore. Making my way into the training arena I see Natalie with Hank Litton watching a girl no more than about twelve in the ring. Her gait is off as her mare lines up for the jump, they’re both uncomfortable and it shows when the mare won’t go over. The action nearly sends the young girl rider over and Hank calls out.
“That’s enough for today Emma.”
I watch the girl nod her head at the man that is like second uncle to me as I approach my sister. Natalie is in her riding pants and boots. Her eyes are plastered on the ring. She walks out to it and begins to walk the course. I’m still in my sneakers and jeans, in truth I should be in boots like my sisters is in and not parading around the area getting dust and shit all over my nice Nikes.
“Did you know about this?” I ask my voice heated as I finally catch up to my sister. She stares at me and shrugs her shoulders and I nearly want to smack her upside the head.
“Well?” I ask again waiting for her to answer.
“Dad didn’t want me to worry about it alright? They were doing enough with sending me to school. He and mom assured me they would take care of it.” Natalie says finally looking at me. “Not like it matters or that you care anyway you have a life you have to get back too. You’re going to be gone anyway.”
“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” I ask staring at her like she has grown two heads.
She is still my sister and I love her dearly but of course I care. I grew up here. I learned to ride here, everything I know is here inside this training arena on the acres my parents own. It’s a part of who I am. If I had known I would have helped, was this what dad meant when he told me I should spend more time here? Did he know they were damn near bankrupt that he’d have to sell the farm or worse let the bank take it?
“It means what it means you’re going to be gone. You’ve been gone what do you think it means. You haven’t been here the last four years. You act like you are better than us. With your fancy job and your fancy boyfriend in LA. Hell you couldn’t even bring him home with you.” Natalie says glaring back at me.
I’ve never seen her this angry at me not since we were seven and we got into it near the duck pond. Yes I have a nice job in LA at a great firm, I make good money but I’ve never snubbed my parents. I always offered to help if they needed something they insisted that they didn’t. Despite that my sister has no right to bring up Brian. I told Brian to stay to that I could bury my past here. I didn’t want him getting the judgement or the looks that people still give me when they have seen me out with my mother and sister since I’ve been home.
“You don’t know the first thing about Brian and I.” I manage to muster hearing my own voice rise at her. Taking a breath I continue. “Brian stayed behind because I needed him too. Regardless I had a right to know what was going on here.”
Natalie folds her arms at me as if she is assessing something about me before she speaks. “Or maybe you wanted him away so that you could get back with Jake. I saw you two at the funeral.”
I don’t know what possesses me in that moment but my right hand collides solidly against her cheek. How dare she. Natalie takes a few steps back from me as her hand goes to her face. Tears are almost blurring her face from the impact and we stare each other up and down.
“You know you weren’t the only one that lost something that night too. I lost a sister. You were supposed to be here, I must have struck a nerve. Glad to see that you still have a backbone I was wondering when it was going to show back up. You want to avoid the elephant that is Jake do it. But don’t hide behind the farm pretending to give a shit about what happens to it, to do it.” Natalie says turning on her heel and walking out of the arena.
I stand there in the arena and realize me hands are shaking as I look at the papers in my hand. I left I have no real connection to the farm now. I haven’t for years and maybe this is me projecting trying to fix the farm instead of dealing with reality. Brian and I have barely talked since I have been home. I haven’t slept well in days and my mind is still playing over what happened at the funeral.
“She’s just upset.”
Austin’s voice makes me turn around breaking me out of my haze, out of my thoughts about Jake and Brian. I nod my head at him.
“How much did you hear?” I ask hoping not much.
Austin shrugs adjusting the ball cap on his head. His hands go to his waste as his boots kick the dirt for a bit. “Enough.”
“Did you know it was this bad?” I ask holding up all the papers at him.
“No my mom said yours didn’t want to talk about it. They’ve had steady riders and trainers coming in. Your parents never seemed to complain.” Austin says, he leaves anything having to do with Jake out.
Which is probably for the best right now I don’t want to place him in the middle. The one person that I did make peace with before I left town was Austin. I had come to him crying horrified in the middle of the night, told him I was so sorry for what happened. He told me it was God’s plan that we couldn’t change things, that he knew how Hannah was. She barely put her own seat belt on in her own car half the time let alone when she rode with other people. He assured me it wasn’t my fault.
“A bunch of us are getting together at the lake in a few days. I wanted to come by and see if you were up for it. Paige said you wouldn’t be but I figured it was worth a shot.” Austin says. I study him for a moment debating on a good answer for him. “If it helps I don’t think Jake will be there either.”
Looking at Hannah’s old boyfriend I’m reminded of the times we all used to share together at the lake. Her and Austin, me and Jake. Hannah would be proud of him opening up his own climbing school right here in West Lake. She’d also want him to be happy something I’m not sure he is. Is he even dating anyone? Sure I met that Traci chick at McGill’s but I don’t know they didn’t scream couple to me. Not to mention I felt the judgment radiating off of her eyes when we met, her eyes never leaving Jake’’s either.
“I don’t know if that is a good idea or not.” I finally say.
Nodding his head at me he takes out his phone reading the text. “It’s the gym I have to get back just think about it alright?”
I nod my head at him as he leaves the arena. I take a few moments for myself to pull myself back together before I follow him. I stop at the fence to the pasture for a few seconds resting my arms against it. I hear the horse hooves approach and London looks into my eyes a slight understanding in them. I reach out lightly touching her mane, it lasts a second before she canters off and I realize I miss home.
***
“Mr. Brickwell I need to extend my vacation. I already asked the team to finish up the Yang account.” My voice is quiet into the cellphone. I hear the paper shuffling on his desk.
“Ms. Harvell while I am deeply sorry to hear about your father’s passing we are going to need your position filled while you are gone. Your vacation time is up I could possibly get you in touch with Beth in human resources to see if we can get an extension. Unfortunately the Yang merger is something me and the partners can’t wait on.” My boss’s voice is cordial into the phone.
“Are you saying that I am fired?” I say looking out over the pasture cell phone gripped to my ear.
“Of course not Vanessa you are a valuable member of the team. I am suggesting that for now you take a few months of personal time unpaid of course. At least until things are settled where you are.” His voice is final.
I know if I agree to this I more than likely won’t have a job to go back too. It is a risk I have to take I can’t let the bank take my family farm. It would kill my mother, my sister already hates my guts. If I can stay and fix it though I will before time and the bank calls the claim.
“That won’t be necessary Mr. Brickwell I quit.” I say into the phone letting the conversation roll off.
My mind made up and set LA will be waiting when I finish what I need to do here. There will be more job opportunities, I have excellent references. However there isn’t another farm or tradition that has been in my family for over four generations. That is something I can’t let anyone take.
CHAPTER SIX
Jake
GOING TO WORK has been like pulling teeth these last few days. Sure, I show up in my fancy suit and sit inside my office. I attend fancy meetings and make my trips between West Lake and our main office in Fort Collins. But, at the end of the day, it still feels like something is missing. It’s almost as if I’m on auto pilot. Nothing is going right. The other night when I was with Jessica, even that didn’t work. We both got what we needed, don’t get me wrong, but it still felt hollow and empty.
I look down at the papers for the Harvell farm, then up at the clock. I still haven’t been by. Funny thing, I muse. Could it be that my father is actually right about something? Am I holding onto something that is no longer there; that I can no longer have? I make sure no one is near my office door as I open my desk drawer to pull out the worn envelope. Her handwriting is on the front, having printed my name and address on the outside. This was where I realized what I had done all those years ago, wrapped inside a letter that I have never let anyone see—not even Austin. The light knock on my door prompts me to shove the letter back into the drawer, and I look up just in time to see Austin in doorway.
“If you would answer your phone, I wouldn’t have to drive up here.” Austin directs his words to the cell phone on my desk. Flipping it over, I see many missed messages from him on the screen.
“I wasn’t in the mood for one of our friendly chats. I had things to do,” I answer, leaning back in my chair. In truth, I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts.
“Sure you did.” Austin doesn’t wait for an invitation, plopping his ass down onto one of the leather chairs across from me. Casually, he picks up the name plate on my desk, then puts it back down. “Paige wants to throw a get-together at the lake.”
“Paige always wants to throw something,” I mutter, my attention diverted by the pile of paperwork on the desk. I hate this fucking office, but I do what I have to do. It’s not like anyone else in my family will do it.
“I told her it probably wouldn’t be a good idea, but she insisted. She wants to let Vanessa leave without all the awkwardness this time.” Austin’s voice is quiet when he speaks, and I’m not sure if that is more for his sake or mine.
His words sink in just like hers did at the funeral. She is leaving, and I will let her go again, because that is all I have left for her. I can’t offer her anything else. I’ll keep up the charade with Jessica, and life will return to normal. I’ll get Sharon to sign the farm over and be done with it. We can both finally move on.
“Do what you guys want.” My words are cold. I can see frustration pass over Austin’s face, and for just a moment, I feel a twinge of guilt. He’s trying to be a good friend, but I know this is how things have to be.
“You’re an asshole,” Austin says, reaching onto my desk to retrieve one of the brochures for a development we’re working on. He lets out a hollow laugh. “She’d hate to see you like this, you know. Behind that desk, doing your father’s bidding.” He pauses for half a beat. “The saddest thing about it is, I think you do it to yourself as punishment.”
I don’t have a good reply to his statement—accusation, whatever it was. My sister never wanted me to go to work for our father. She never wanted him to control my life or my decisions that much, but I didn’t really have a choice after she died. Someone had to stay here and try to fix the mess that was our family. I didn’t have the luxury of running away and moving across the country and into LA. I had to stay here. I had to be who my father always wanted, I had to let him win.
We sit in silence for a few moments before he speaks again. “Bring Jessica if you want.”
Austin has never really liked Jessica. He tolerates her because of our friendship, but other than that, I’m sure he would rather Jess leave town . . . or jump off a cliff.
“You should stop worrying about my love life and maybe work on your own,” I suggest.
He gives me a half shrug in return. “It’s not really a love life when all you do is randomly fuck them, now is it?”
He has a point. I don’t love any of them, not like I loved Vanessa. I won’t let someone get that close to me again. The letter in the desk reminds me why: because some scars are too deep to fix. You can’t go back and change the past. You can’t move forward into the future either.
It’s a mixed question. What did happen at the funeral? I want to say nothing. I should say nothing, but I think we both know it’s not the truth. What happened was I allowed myself to remember what it was like with Vanessa. I allowed myself to pretend that we didn’t leave ugly, nasty scars on each other. I allowed myself to remember that I loved her. It was a moment, a few seconds, but they felt like an eternity.
“I have a lot of work to do today.” I look up from the paperwork. When I can tell that answer doesn’t suit him, I relent. “I comforted her, alright? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Her dad just died.”
“So that was all it was?” Austin presses. I can tell he wants to say more.
To please him, I nod. “She’s fucking leaving in a few more days, anyway.” I don’t know why it pains me so much too actually say the words out loud, but it does. It’s like a knife to my soul. She’s leaving.
“You don’t have to let her leave.” Something about his eyes is pleading—almost like he wants her to stay, too. Probably so he can feel close to my sister again.
“What do you want me to do about it?” I toss the pen down on the desk. Fuck the paperwork. It’s not going to get done with Austin sitting across from me, judging my every move.
He doesn’t have an answer for me and the moment hangs between us. I’m not sure what he expects me to do about Vanessa leaving. I can’t tell her to stay. I don’t have that right anymore. Sure, years ago when we were together, if I would have asked her to stay she would’ve. But she’s not mine anymore, and if she wants to leave again, I have no right to stop her. We both made our choices years ago.
“Oh good! Your secretary told me you were in here.”
The voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I turn in my chair to find Jessica in the doorway. Her hair is pulled back from her face, and she looks amazing. I can tell that Austin is consciously ignoring her, but I cannot do the same. Shouldn’t she be the woman I have such a connection with? It’s been almost two years. Not that she has ever asked me to be anything more, when she does we agree to end things.