by Venice Kelly
Running my hand through my hair to shake the nerves when my phone buzzes with a text from Shane.
You’re not going to like what I found out about the pictures.
I know I should ignore it and not let it get the best of me but I’ve wanted to know who would do that to Vanessa, to me for the last week. Placing my finger on the home button I wait for it to open before I type back my reply.
Who was it?
I watch as the three dots appear on the screen before the name appears.
Jessica
The phone is shaking in my hand she should have been my first suspect it wouldn’t be above her to do it. She’s always wanted me if my parents and hers had ever had their way back in the day she would have had me. I refused for a variety of reasons. One she was fucking clingy. Two my sister hated her guts. Three she was never going to be Vanessa. No matter how much she tried or wanted to be she just wasn’t her. I know I shoulder some of the blame for that, I have led her on over the years but shit we haven’t hooked up since Garrett’s funeral. My phone buzzes again and I look at the message from Shane.
Jake?
I’m fine.
Alright let me know how the date goes.
My mind jolts back to reality that is what I am doing now the date, a date that I have been looking forward to for over four years. Grabbing my keys I walk down the stairs of the condo, the granite on the counters in the kitchen. I was staying with my dad until the final touches were finished. Thankfully they were done a week after we had the argument about Vanessa. The condo has never felt like home with its cool grey colors, some white leather furniture and darker floors. Some painting is one the wall that I have no clue who painted it, it is supposed to look chic, whatever that is supposed to be. Things I let Jess convince me to put into the remodel a few months ago, looking back I can see why she is taking things hard.
Grabbing the flowers Paige dropped off for the date I shake my head wanting to put thoughts of Jessica behind me. Walking to the door I head out and make the short walk to my truck. The drive to the Harvell’s though eases my mind, the scenery is beautiful and turning the bend down the road to the ranch at dusk fills me with even more longing. Watching the sun reflect on the stable, seeing the horses in the pasture always takes my mind off other things like Jess and the mess with her. Putting the truck into park, I turn off the engine and get out walking up the steps to the porch before I knock. I wait a few moments before Sharon opens the door and smiles at me.
“Jake, it’s good to see you. She’s coming. She had a call from her old roommate she took.” Sharon says holding the door open to let me in.
“Thanks.” I say wiping my feet on the entry way before stepping into the foyer.
Sharon gives me the best motherly look she can before she offers me a final smile before disappearing into the kitchen. Leaving me standing there looking at the photos on the wall of the Harvell’s. Hannah is in them and that warms my heart, seeing my sisters’ smile. Seeing her eyes light up around Vanessa in them. My eyes stop on the picture of me and Vanessa. I am pretty sure Hannah took it that fall around Thanksgiving us by the fire at the cabin my arms wrapped around her looking at the fire burning inside the fireplace. The time I knew what I wanted with her for the rest of our lives.
“Sorry. Charlotte called. Guy drama.”
Vanessa voice makes my head turn away from the pictures to look at her. Her hair is pulled back in a braid, she has a Levi skirt on and a navy with lighter blue plaid shirt. Cowboy boots that I bought her years on her feet. I remember when I saw them. The black leather with the silver embroidery at a shop in town I knew they belonged on her feet.
“I haven’t even been here long you look amazing.”
“Thanks. I told my mom I wasn’t sure how long we would be out. If this isn’t alright I can run upstairs and change.”
“No you look great. Is everything alright with Charlotte?” I ask.
I don’t know much about Vanessa’s life in LA other than Charlotte was her roommate and had been for a few years. She is a nurse of some sort, in some ways I feel like Charlotte is the new Hannah. A thought that feels me with both a sadness and hope that she was happy in LA. That she had friends to help her after I was an asshole to her.
“She’s fine the guy she’s been seeing is just ugh. He’s a doctor at the hospital you would think they would have some great Grey’s Anatomy romance or something going on. Instead they are fighting all the time she barely sees him. Plus she says she is lonely and she hasn’t found a new roommate yet. I sent her the check for my back end of the rent contract. I still feel bad about that skipping out on her.”
“So you regret coming home then?” I don’t even know why it comes out like that. But it does and I watch her face carefully for a moment her eyes are soft when she looks at me.
“No. I just feel guilty for leaving her high and dry the way I did. She’s been a good friend to me over the years.”
“I can see that.” I say leading her to the door so we can leave. I open the door to the truck helping her into the seat before I go over to my door and get inside. “I want us to talk about the last four years.”
I let it sit in the air between us for a moment before she nods her head in agreement. I want her to talk about her life in LA there is a lot that we don’t know about each other now. Things I want to learn more about. I want to know everything that has happened in her life over the least four years even if it will cause me pain or hurt. I want to know the people that were there for her when I should have been. Minus Brian, he can stay a distant fucking memory as far as I am concerned.
***
Sitting inside the booth at McGill’s I smile at her while she eats the bacon cheeseburger in front of her. A smile on her face as she tells me about her last two years of college. I have learned a few things so far Charlotte is a riot I am dying to meet. She enjoyed being in LA and not having to think about the heartache that happened. I have missed the fuck out of her voice and her laugh.
“You’re quiet.”
“I’m just thinking. I’m glad you had Charlotte. I should have-“
“I shouldn’t have left like I did. I was confused about the accident, about us. I was angry at everything you said that day. I was mad at myself. I’m still mad at myself I think about it every day even now. How much I hurt you, how much I hurt your family. You deserved better than some shitty letter I had Paige give you.” Her voice trembles a little.
We haven’t talked about the letter or the events that transpired that day in the hospital. It doesn’t make me proud to remember how I was that day. How much I hated her, or I thought I hated her. I broke her in the worst ways imaginable that day. I tore her heart out with the things I said. Even when she was sobbing in front of me I couldn’t see past my own anger, my own guilt.
“I understand why you did. I didn’t deserve you back then. What I said to you-“
“We don’t have to talk about it. I know what I did was wrong it’s something I live with every day-”
“We do.”
She looks at me and I can tell a million things are swirling in her head. Wondering what my words to her will be this time, I can already see she is looking to run away again. Reaching over the table I cover her hand with my own to reassure her.
“I was out of line. Everything was so raw between us. I had just come from helping my mom pick out Hannah’s casket. I never should have went to see you that way.” I watch her face the slight sting of tears gracing her lids and I don’t want her to cry. I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I go to say more only for Paige to appear at the table a pint for us each to go with our food.
“I gave Eva a break and look who I run into.” Paige says looking between us. I shoot her a playful glare for interrupting.
“I am sure Eva just happened to need her break at this exact moment.”
“Of course she did are you accusing me of something Jacob Donovan?”
“Only of being nosey.”
�
��I am not nosey!”
“You are so nosey.” Vanessa finally chimes in as she looks over at Paige a smile on her face.
“Ok, I’m caught. I am semi-nosey when it comes to the two of you. Besides Austin and I have a little bet going on.”
“A bet huh?” Vanessa says a hint of laughter in her voice as she looks around the bar for Shane.
My eyes land on him at the bar holding his beer and giving us a wave. They’re horrible all of them from Paige to Shane. Hell I am surprised Austin is not here practically forcing us to work through our shit. Not that I haven’t need that push from them over the years I have but I feel like we have to do this at our own pace.
“Yep a bet you see Shane over there thinks Vanessa here is going to hold out a little longer on you. I have the good sense to bet that you guys are going to get off your shit tonight and make some headway. Sex may or may not be included in that.” Paige chimes.
I watch Vanessa’s face flush and I realize that she was thinking about it too. Not that I haven’t she’s all I see at night. The thought of making love to her again is something that hasn’t escaped me since she came home. It feels cheap to call it sex. It was never just sex between us, the others I can safely say were just that. It has never been just that for me and Vanessa.
“Now that I see the date is going well I should get to my other tables. Text me tomorrow and tell me how it goes. I am looking forward to winning.” Paige finishes.
“You are so sure about winning huh?” Vanessa says looking at her, I see a small smirk spread on her face.
Paige looks at me leans down and whispers something in her ear. A second later Vanessa drops her fry on her plate. Paige smiles brightly at me before turning and walking back to the bar Amused and my mind racing a million miles a minute I lean on the table grabbing my beer to take a sip my eyes watching her.
“So what did Paige say?” I can’t help it as I ask the question and she meets my eyes picking up a fry to take a bite. I know I shouldn’t but I watch her mouth open.
“Something about you always knowing how to knock my boots off. She isn’t wrong about that.” Her voice is thick when she speaks, a gleam in her eye. I swallow hard before leaning back in the booth this woman will one day be the death of me. “Let’s dance.”
I sit for a moment in the booth froze until she is pulling me out while some Luke Bryan song is blaring on the speakers. I haven’t line danced in years, I can already tell neither has she but I let her drag me to it. I watch the smile light up her face as we join in the line kicking or feet up in the stomping and the turns. It’s the first time in years I can say that I have had fun with a girl, genuine fun. By the time the music dies we are both breathless and I pull her close to me as the music switches to a slow song.
“Are you ready for me to take you home?”
She doesn’t respond with a word just her lips pressing against mine. I take that as a no before I pull her towards the door.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Vanessa
YOU KNOW THAT moment where you are pretty sure that what you are doing is going onto a list of sins? That would be this moment for me, as Jake opens the door to his condo. I’ve thought about this moment a lot over the past four years, being with him like that again. It’s not even that Brian and I didn’t have a good sex life, we did it was just different than the one I shared with Jake. Sex with Jake has always been intimate, intense, and passionate. He was my first and I know some people say that plays a big part on your future lovers and how they relate to you. I would like to say the naysayers are wrong, unfortunately for the most part they’re right on target. In my heart it makes sense to make this step with him, my heart longs for this moment with him again. My head however is screaming a whole slew of things that I would rather forget about.
What happens when it’s too much for him again? How will his father feel about it? He was the one that left you in that hospital bed. He ripped your heart out when you needed him the most. He left you alone. I close my eyes to drown out the self-doubt that is creeping in. When I came home I never expected this, it feels almost too simple. Not that simple is a bad thing. It is just not something I have gotten used too over the last few years. I have fought to be a better person to make good choices. I stare out the massive windows in the condo looking at the skyline and the lights. I feel his hands touch my shoulders to relax me in return I close my eyes and my breathing is finally steady.
“It’s beautiful up here.”
“It’s alright.”
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s not where I thought I would end up. It’s not bad but the plan was not to be living here. I expected more than to be here. I expected-” I turn around to look at him as his voice drifts off. A certain pain behind them, clouded with what I can tell he still feels for me now.
His words hit me and then I understand his meaning in them. It’s the same plans, the same hopes and dreams that we discussed. He wanted to get away from his father, away from the family business. I nod my head at him, I wanted different things too. I like finance don’t get me wrong it pays well- it is a great career if you are passionate about it. I haven’t been passionate about it since I got my job at Brickwell, it was an option on a list. I felt like my other passion was taken away from me that night, riding. My original plans had been to major in agriculture and help out at the farm. Part of that future involved Jake and I doing it together. A future that until, a few weeks ago seemed impossible.
“I expected that too. I wanted that.” My voice breaks when I say it.
I watch his eyes take my words in. I expect there to be some resentment or hate in them. He left me, alone in a hospital bed and moved on. That was why I left, why I ran. I had lost Hannah, losing him too nearly killed me. I can’t do that again with him. Instead his eyes soften and understanding, a longing in them and before I can say anything else to him he’s there hauling me against him. His lips eagerly trace mine for a moment to give in and he devours them. I barely breathe when he does it, not sure I remember how and then instinct takes over with him. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer while his hands roam over my curves.
My heart is racing in my chest. My brain is screaming at me that we should be talking about the bigger things in our relationship or the status of what we are. We defiantly should not be about ready to rip each other’s clothes off. Instead that is what I proceed to let him do, his lips never leaving mine as he unbuttons my flannel shirt to let it fall to the ground. My own hands tug his t-shirt free. He breaks our kiss for a moment before he tugs his shirt off and tosses it on the couch. Our feet are slowly moving us away from the window and down his hallway. Once we enter the bedroom we barely make it towards his bed before he has me pressed against a wall near the mahogany dresser in his room.
His hands skim the bare skin on my ribcage and a soft hum forms on my skin. Breaking away from my lips he presses me gently against the wall lifting me against it. He pulls back to study my face for a moment, as if he is asking me for permission. I can feel my heart drumming in me chest and the only answer I give him is a nod of my head before my fingers fumble with the button on his jeans. I don’t have time to say anything before he is kissing me again then pressing me against the wall. His fingers gently rolling my skirt up around my hips. His fingers rub over my panties and I feel my body jerk into them desperate to have them there. He pulls away and I feel my lips are swollen from him kissing me, those green eyes of his pin me pin me in place against the wall. While his lips travel down my neck to my breasts. His thumbs circle the fabric of my bra before reaching for the clasp in the back and letting them free. I close my eyes relishing the feel of his mouth around my flesh when he finally lets his mouth cover my breasts, sucking.
Sex with Jake has always felt right and I let out a sigh gripping his hair when he repeats the action to my other breast. He moves lower, as he lowers my panties to the floor and it is only then when I open my eyes to look at him on his knees in front
of mine realizing that this is real. I want to tell him everything that is on my mind at the moment how this still feels so right to me, how he is the only one I want to ever do this again with me but words don’t happen. I can’t speak when his mouth eagerly covers my throbbing flesh with his own and I throw my head back against the wall. My fingers grip the back of his neck as he continues to explore every inch that I have for him, his tongue slowly moves in and out and I’m gasping at the contact while my nails dig into his shoulders. Just when I think he’s done he slides a finger into me never once stopping with his mouth, his fingers curl just enough to give me that friction that I need but not enough to have me filled. We stay frozen in that moment until I can’t take it anymore and my legs are shaking right near an orgasm, right near me screaming his name as I’m gasping for air.
He pulls himself away his mouth and fingers leaving the cool air of the condo to make me shiver with the loss of contact. He stands looking at me before kissing me again. He doesn’t stop there as he undoes the button on my jean skirt letting it fall to the ground. My hands grip his neck before reaching between us to tug the zipper on his jeans down and help him tug his jeans down around his ankles. He kicks them off before reaching down to his jeans for a condom.
His breathing is heavy as he looks at me and I watch him open the wrapper and roll it on. When we were together before I was on the pill and condoms have never really been something we used. I have an IUD but even then I don’t have the heart to stop him now or discuss it, nor do I want to stop this moment. He’s hard and he gently opens my legs before rubbing his tip over my heat, my body shuddering in response as a slight moan leaves my mouth. He pulls back from my lips before hooking my leg around his hip. His eyes gazing into mine as he pushes into me filling me inch by inch.