by Venice Kelly
I don’t even dignify his last statement with a reply before I turn and make my way to the door, as I open it I cast a final glance at him. I won’t be him. I can’t be him at the end of the day. Hannah would never want that for me. As I walk out of his office I glance at the hallway his picture on it, my grandfather’s on. I stare at them both for what seems like forever before I realize I have to figure a way out. A way to not let him get his hands on the land, a way to tell Vanessa about what her father wanted without her thinking that I’m him. I can’t let her think that I’m remotely like him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Vanessa
WALKING TO THE barn I pull up my ridding pants, it’s been years since I’ve worn them and I look over at Natalie who is beside me. Right now it’s the only option we have for Emma. Emma’s standings mean that she can place the farm back on the map. Attract more students and boarders, financially we need that. While things are settling in and I’ve been able to make partial payments on the mortgage and others we are still behind. I see Paige inside the barn leaning on London’s stall. I’m not surprised to see her here she knows how I ride how London rides. When I made the decision to start to get London ready again I knew the last thing I needed was Hank looking over my shoulder my first time out.
“Hey!” Paige says flashing me a smile as she sees us approaching her.
“Hey.” I reply looking at her and then in London’s stall.
“You ready for this?”
“I don’t really have a choice now do I?”
Paige lets a sigh knowing I’m right as she casts a glance to Natalie. My sister I swear is close to rolling my eyes as she takes a bridle off the wall and hands it to me. It’s black leather, slightly worn from when I used to compete and I approve of the no bit on it. London has never done well with a bit, the only time we’ve had to use it when she was particularly spooked at a few shows. If I have to I can put one on her for training but I won’t know till she’s saddled and I’m on her. My fingers trace the leather for a few moments before I look at London and then nod to my sister and Natalie.
“Let’s do this.”
Natalie nods her head and opens the stall and I make my way inside staring London up and down. I hold out my hand to her to show her the bridle, her nose leans in and smells it, her lips nibble a bit on the leather before she shakes her head and snorts. I take that as a good sign and place the bridle on her gently before slowly leading her out of the stall, she is jittery when she comes out. Her eyes darting around the barn, old habits and I place my left hand on her neck to soothe her into place before I clip her in with the tie outs.
Paige grabs a dandy brush and passes one to me as well before she begins her short strokes on London’s front left side. Petting London’s neck as she goes and talking to her, “There’s a good girl.”
I take the brush in my hand and move to her right side and begin the same motions as Paige. It’s relaxing for the both of us London loosens up enough to let out a snort as her tail swishes in approval and the tension leaves my shoulders. Once we make our way to the back and down her legs Natalie hands me my riding pad. I see London’s eyes flare up a bit and then settle when I take it. Placing the green blanket down on her back her feet slightly shift and I give her a few moments to adjust.
“Easy girl.” I remind her quietly and honestly I’m not sure if I say that to her for her benefit or my own.
I walk away from her and into the tackle room uncovering the sheet that is and probably been on my saddle for years. It is a little dusty and I take a rag, applying some saddle cleaner to it and trace the leather making sure to get the grime and dirt off. Going to the wall I grab my riding helmet securing my hair back in a ponytail for now underneath it. Natalie stands in the doorway.
“Sorry I wasn’t sure if you wanted it cleaned or not, or if you wanted to do it yourself. Hank asked me the other day and I wasn’t sure what to tell him.”
“It’s fine. Just a little elbow grease.”
“Do you want the boots?” Natalia asks holding up London’s boots, I shake my head no at her hoisting the saddle in my arms.
“Not right now, bring them we’ll get her warmed up. See how she feels after a warm up if she wants to take a few.” I reply as she nods her head and holds the door open for me.
Paige is feeding London a carrot and I lift the saddle over my arms, sitting it on her back feeling her shift again. I step back watching her body language as she adjusts, settling back down. Stepping towards her I cinch the saddle up to where I am satisfied before gliding my hand back to the reins as I unclip her bridle. She is easy as we lead her out of the barn and to the arena. When we enter her ears lay back slightly, she rears up on her hind quarters and I hold on moving back as she comes down.
“Easy girl.” In return I get a snort and a wayward glance from Paige and Natalie before walking her to the riding block. Moving the reigns over her head I wait till Natalie has a good grip on the bridle before walking up the steps. “You got her?”
My sister nods her head as I swing my leg over the saddle and into position the same time London decides to bolt. Natalie holds on to the bridle, making sure I have the reins before stepping out of the way. I’ve forgotten how stubborn she is, as her head viciously shakes, coming off her front end, back legs moving like a snake attempting to get me off. My legs tighten in the stirrups. I keep firm on the reins applying just the right amount of pressure to let her know I’m staying. Paige and Natalie are still in the arena waiting just in case I do go off. We dance like that for I don’t know how long maybe a few minutes her fighting me for control, me refuting and telling her at the moment it is me. She eventually calms with a snort and a swish of her tail and I relax a bit in the saddle.
“Let’s start her with a trot get some of that warmblood out of her.” Paige says, I nod my head at her it’s a good start.
I loosen the reigns and get her going towards the back wall in an easy light walk. Digging my heel in slightly I increase the tempo counting out the beat in my head one, and two repeating it as we come to the post. She tenses and lean on her shoulder my hips off slightly, my position coming in too far over her shoulder before I ease back down. She’s still unsteady as we head along the wall. She eases off our rhythm and I pull back on her reins just enough that it throws my balance off before I land on the dirt of the arena. She takes off bolting down the side where my sister catches her. Paige is running across the arena and before she even gets to me I feel hands on me. Looking up I stare at Jake. He’s wearing a business suit, his eyes look tired and his breathing is unsteady. I look at the far door to the arena he must have come in when I didn’t notice it.
“Jesus are you alright? Where in the hell is your riding vest?” His voice is full of concern when he asks and I use his body to steady myself.
I’m not hurt maybe embarrassed but not hurt, brushing my hands on my pants I take a few breaths. Once my head is back on I look at him to reassure him and then over at Paige who is looking between us.
“I’m fine. It was my fault I posted wrong.”
Paige looks at Jake and then at me, “I saw I tried to warn you and then you know how she is, she got a mind of her own. You want to try again?”
“No.” Jake says, as if he has some sort of say about it and I glare at him.
“Yes.” I mutter.
“No. You could be hurt.” He repeats it as his eyes look into mine.
“This is not my first time on a horse need I remind you of that? Or is this how it is going to be it is fine for you to make decisions about what I do. Just as long as I don’t make them for you?”
“Um do you guys need a moment?” Paige asks staring between us.
“No!”
We say it in unison and Paige rolls her eyes before walking down the arena to my sister and London. I seriously want to scream at him he is being beyond irrational it is not the first time I have ridden wrong and landed on my ass it also will not be my last. We stand there for a few moments
staring each other down, my sister walks over tossing me a ridding vest in her hand to mine. She doesn’t say anything else to either of us before she walks back over to London and Paige. I’m not sure if I should be annoyed or not as he folds his arms and waits for me to put the damn thing on. I comply slipping the vest on over my arms, clipping it into place before I look at him.
“Are you satisfied now?”
“It’s better but definitely not as good as looking at your ass in those pants.”
I can feel the heat spread on my checks before I march down the end of the arena and back to my sister and Paige. Both of them look back at Jake and then over at me Paige raising her eyebrow for a moment, my sister shaking her head like they know anything about what was said. Paige grabs London this time to hold her still. My sister looks at me handing me the reins.
“Are you sure you’re alright to do this again?”
I nod my head at her, Paige waits for me to give her the signal to let London go, “So you want to tell me what really happened with you and Jake or is there going to be more cryptic none of your business? Because from where I’m standing the man is about two seconds from ripping you off this horse and then ripping your clothes off.”
“How about you just let go and we try this again?”
Paige lets out a snicker and I hear London, snort. Snort as if she is in agreement I nod my head at Paige and she lets London go. My eyes scan the arena as we do the same routine. Jake is still there leaning against the far wall his eyes trained on me. I know he said he would be here, he’s been texting me all day about it. Him watching me makes me focus just a little bit more on the task at handing, easing myself and London back into a routine. We head down the side moving into the post again I let my body and London’s take over at the same time. We complete the post earing a clap from my sister and Paige. Jake’s eyes seem to have relaxed by the time I spot him again and I have to wonder what in the hell set him off to begin with.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Jake
LOOKING OVER AT Austin as he hands me chalk for my hands I press them together. My gym shorts and cut off sleeve tank making this more appropriate for the task at hand. The climbing gym has been closed like it is every Sunday but after calling Austin he agreed to meet. His idea of stress relief is climbing the massive wall in front of us, my idea is normally some drink and a hot body at night. Something that is not happening anymore and that leaves me frustrated. I’’ve taken Vanessa out a few times since then dinner, kissing and she pulls away asking me to take her back to the farm. Handing the chalk back to Austin I watch him chalk his hands up. Shane behind us holding our lines.
“So you and Vanessa then? Or is this about you and work?” Austin says pulling on his rope to test the slack before he places his right foot onto the wall.
“Both you could say. We’ve been hanging out I already told you about the other night. She won’t sleep over and I don’t want to pressure her too. My dad is riding my ass about the papers Garrett signed.” I say following his lead on the wall.
I look down at Shane who scowls at me before he speaks. “You haven’t told her about that yet? Are you a fucking idiot?”
I glare at him even if what he is saying makes complete and utter sense I know better than to keep something like this from Vanessa. I know better than to walk around on eggshells about the entire thing but I also know it’s a delicate situation. She certainly didn’t ask to be put in the middle of something that her father wanted, it still feel harsh and cruel months after he has died to even bring it up to her.
“No I’m not an idiot or I like to think that I’m not!” I bark down to him before looking over at Austin.
“You don’t think she is going to have a problem learning or hearing about this from someone else? Didn’t you both finally decide to move forward instead of the entire push and pull shit you’ve been doing?” Shane continues.
I seriously want to go down the rope and pummel him for butting his fucking nose in where it doesn’t belong just like Paige did the other night. Logic stops me because I know deep down he and Austin are just trying to help. They’re looking out for me at the moment in the middle of a really bad situation.
“What am I supposed to do Shane? March over to the farm throw the papers on the table and tell her and her mother that Garrett wanted to sell me the property? After my dad has been begging them to do it for the last few years? He is barely in the ground, they’re still grieving for fuck’’s sake.” I reply it’s harsher when it comes out and I shake my head.
Reaching to the next set of rocks as I see Austin is waiting for me to catch up to him, not everyone is a fucking spider monkey at this shit. That was a huge difference between me and Austin, hell me and both of them. They could scale a fucking wall in probably under three minutes, me my ass would drag to the top stretching it out.
“Despite you being an ass and not telling her. Yeah I’d think it’s a little complicated.” Austin says signaling for Shane to grab his rope before he propels to the ground.
I stay suspended in the air for a moment thinking over everything that has happened the last few months. She was never supposed to come back, our paths were never supposed to cross again after she left. Fate has a funny way of making things align when you least expect them. I feel a tug on my rope as I look down at Austin signaling my descent. Floating down the side of a wall reminds me of things, like floating down memory lane without a parachute. I nod my head at him, placing my hands on the rope before I make my descent my brain thinking about that night.
Standing outside on the deck of the cabin a Corona in hand I take another swig of my beer, Hannah is inside after walking in on Jessica kissing me. Or did I kiss her I’m not really sure at this point in the evening. This was not how I expected my night to go, no I had everything fucking mapped out. Our friends would be here, I was going to take her out by the lake and propose. Only of course my asshole of a father had other plans calling me about two hours ago. Upset that I backed out of a huge contract up north, Vanessa and I went to see the property a few weeks ago. She said something was off about it, the farmers in that area needed the land more than we did. Of course she was right she normally is, but then he had to go on about it. If I marry her, he will cut me off. Everything will be gone, how in the hell am I supposed to provide for her with no job, no savings, without my trust fund?
She has always deserved better than me, better than my last name. My name hurts people in the long run, ask any of the people that my father has poached deals from. People that he has financially screwed over for his gain. I’ve had about six beers at this point and when I hear the sliding glass door on the deck I look back at her staring at me. Her eyes are full of something that I’’ve never seen before in them towards me, hate and disgust. She knows and it’s written all over her face. My parents have been pushing Jessica at me for years ever since Vanessa and I got serious. In the words of my father showing me a better option, he doesn’t know shit. She stands there for a few seconds and I honestly don’t know what to say to her.
“Is it true?”
I stare at her and inwardly I hope to God she doesn’t fucking cry. I probably should have pushed Jessica back I know that. I shouldn’t have even let it happen but it did.
“Why?” She asks as she stares at me, her voice rising just a hair.
“It just did. What do you want me to say?” I don’t have it in me to raise my voice more than that I don’t have a right too.
“How could you do that to me? I know things have been strained between us but shit it’s not like I go out at college. It’s not like I see other people or let them kiss me.” Her voice is even and then I see it the glistening of tears threatening to fall.
She deserves on explanation one that I can’t give her. I don’t know why I did it, it happened I didn’t feel anything to Jessica when it did and it is the only time it has happened. I realize when she says it that my silence is probably filling doubts in her head, doubts she doesn�
�t need. I’ve never cheated on her, I’ve been shit faced drunk before at college too but I’ve never done that. Even at work, with my dad hiring Jessica this summer I’ve never ever cheated on her. This is easier for the both of us I tell myself she can walk away. I can let her go, she has all these dreams she wants to do. Finish college and then work at the farm. I had those dreams with her till a month ago.
A month ago my sister told my parents to cut her out of the company, that she wanted to travel Europe discover herself. I can officially say shit went downhill at home since then, my dad’s concern became about me, about filling his shoes, becoming his heir. I didn’t ask Hannah what prompted the change until afterwards when I asked her if she was happy with Austin her reply shocked me. She and Austin wanted different things, he wants to open up a climbing gym and she wanted to study photography in Europe more. They are waiting till the end of summer to officially end things. Our close circle of friends is changing and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I don’t want them to change.
“Are you going to say anything?” Her voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I look at her before looking at the deck.
“It happened.”
“So that’s it she just happened to fall into your lap? Has it happened before?”
“No how can you even think that?”
“Honestly I don’t know what the fuck to think right now. You’ve been acting distant and weird for fucking weeks. Making excuses why we can’t see each other, pushing me away. What in the hell am I supposed to think. People who want to be together don’t act like that.”
“No they don’t maybe we should cool it then. Make sure this is what we both want.” I regret the words the moment they leave my mouth. Knowing they’re false.
I want to marry her propose to her right now the ring is in my pocket but I can’t. My dad will make my life hell with her. I need a plan I need something to get us by before I do. Like I said she deserves better. I hear her fight back a sob as she nods her head at me, wiping at her eyes she’s fucking crying and it tears me up. I comfort her though I know it is all over for us in that moment. I’ll convince her to stay with me, we’ll be happy for a little while before Hannah leaves. Once she leaves my dad will find a way to get what he has always wanted me under his thumb. So for now I have to do the best thing for both of us and that includes letting her go.