by MJ Summers
Letting his tongue glide over her breasts, he kissed and sucked on them, holding their fullness in his hands, hearing her moan softly. The next morning he would leave, and right now it felt like it would be forever before he could do this again. To breathe her in, kiss her, touch her, feel her body wrapped around his, have her curves pressed against him. But tonight he could do all of it, and he wouldn’t stop until they’d both had their fill. Moving his mouth down her tummy, he lifted her leg, leaving her open so he could share with her the most intimate of acts. His mouth lowered over her sex slowly, his sweet kisses meeting her wet warmth. The taste of her would be seared into his memory and nothing would please his tongue like this until they were together again. Parting her with his thumbs, he entered her with his tongue, knowing what that would do to her. Circles and swirls of pleasure, over and over, his own satisfaction nearing hers as he moved one hand up to her chest, feeling her heart beat under her ribs. The rhythm of it matched his own. She was his only love, and regret filled him as he prepared to leave. He felt her pulse quicken and her sex tighten around his tongue. She lifted her head off the pillow and her breath caught as she silently came undone. He stayed there, tasting her and feeling her for a long time, not ready to stop until she pulled his face toward hers. “Come here,” she whispered with a sad smile.
Their lips met and their bodies started to move together again, her legs coiling around his waist as he found his way inside ever so gently. He stilled his body, allowing himself to just take in the feeling of how tight and ready for him she was. She was still throbbing from what he’d just done to her, and now his mind was entirely captivated by the moment. They would stop time. They would stop the future from tearing them apart. If only he could show her with his body what was inside his soul. It was her and it always would be. Moving over her now in long, slow drags, his mouth never leaving hers, he made love to her until neither of them could hold off any longer. Their flesh took over, enveloping them in waves of undeniable pleasure that seemed endless. He felt her arms and legs tighten around him when it was over, and he heard a sob escape her throat.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “It’ll be okay.”
“I know, I’m just going to miss you so much,” she whispered back.
“I’m going to miss you too, every day and every night.” He kissed her gently, then pressed his forehead against hers. “I knew it was going to be hard to leave you, but right now I don’t have the first clue how I’m going to tear myself away tomorrow.”
He buried his face in her neck, breathing her in before lifting his head again so he could look at her. Holding her cheek with one hand, he gazed into her eyes. “Remember this moment, Alessandra. If you start to have doubts about us, remember this moment. Remember my face right now. You can feel how I feel about you right now, can’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes. It’s exactly how I feel about you.”
“You’re burned into my soul, Alessandra. Only you. I’m never going to want another woman and I’m never going to want a life without you in it. Promise me you won’t start to doubt that.”
“I promise.”
* * *
They woke a few hours later, forcing themselves to get out of bed and do what had to be done. Alessandra dressed quickly and took a moment to wash her face and put her hair up, seeing the grief in her eyes as she stared into the mirror. “Stop being a baby,” she told herself.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and attempted a smile. Tomas grinned excitedly and tried to lift the heavy luggage so he could help out. “We go on plane today!” he announced.
“Tomorrow, rapazinho. You go on a bus today. Tonight you stay in a hotel and tomorrow you go on the plane.”
Trey, who had been adding his shaving kit to his suitcase, paused, pulling out a large envelope. “What’s this?” he asked, turning to Alessandra.
“Oh, that’s nothing. I meant to take that out.” Her heart pounded with fear as she crossed the room to take it from him.
“What is it, Alessandra?” He furrowed his brow in confusion, holding on to the envelope.
“It’s just another legal document, but I realized you won’t need that one so I’ll get rid of it.” She refused to look at him and she knew she wore a guilty look on her face.
“Alessandra, what is this? It says, ‘Open if you should change your mind.’ About what? Bull riding?”
She shook her head, her heart sinking. She’d meant to get that out of his suitcase before he saw it.
Realization crossed his face. “About you.”
He stared at her for a long moment before opening the door. “Hey, Tomas, why don’t you ride your tricycle for a bit?”
Tomas zipped out the door, pretending to be an airplane with his arms out to the side as he ran. Trey turned to her. “Are these divorce papers?”
“I prepared them in case you changed your mind when you got home, but after last night I realized . . .” She kept her eyes trained on her bare toes, feeling completely exposed now.
“Jesus Christ, Alessandra! How am I supposed to feel about this? I’m about to leave for two months and you give me divorce papers? Do you want a divorce?”
“No! Of course not! I don’t even want you to go for one night! It’s just that when you met me, I was Tomas’s nanny, you know? Maybe part of the draw to be with me was because of him. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve been wondering if maybe you were lonely and you needed to be part of a family. Maybe it wasn’t me you loved as much as you loved having a family. You came here alone and worried about being a father and I somehow made that all better for you. And maybe you won’t feel the same way once you’ve been gone for a while and are back home.”
Trey’s jaw was set tightly, an angry look sharpening his chiselled features. “Did you sign these?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.
She nodded, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never should have—”
“No, you shouldn’t have. You’re my wife, Alessandra, and that means something to me. It means for life. This wasn’t just some fling for me. After everything . . . after everything we said and did? And you even signed them? I don’t know what to say.” Trey choked out the words, looking completely wounded.
Alessandra reached for him, but he backed away. “I’m sorry. I thought maybe it would be what you wanted. I wanted to make it easy for you.”
“If you wanted to make things easy for me, you should have started trusting me. Having to keep reassuring you is just exhausting.”
“It’s hard for me to believe. But after last night, I finally know that you want to spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Why was it so hard? Have I done anything to make you question me?”
“No. Maybe it’s the way I grew up. No father, always hearing my mother warn me about men. And then you come along, and you’re this handsome American cowboy. You could have any girl you want and I couldn’t understand why you wanted me. It didn’t make sense. I’m not beautiful like you are. I’m not exciting or sexy, and I don’t want to do daring things. So I’m always asking myself why you would choose me, and I keep coming back to the fact that Tomas loves me, and that with me, you get an instant family. It was easy with me, but maybe your reasons for wanting to be married to me are more than just being in love with me. And now you’re going because you want to go away, even though I can’t go with you. And I got scared, you know?”
“I don’t even know what to say.” Trey shook his head. “If I wanted to be with someone else, I would be. But I’m in love with you, so I’m with you. I just am. And it’s got nothing to do with my son. And you know what else? I’m not your father. He fucked up and abandoned you, I’m not going to do that. I’m leaving, yes, but I’m doing this for us, so we can have a better future together. You and me. And I’ve begged you to come with us. Doesn’t that matter even a little bit?”
“It does. Of course it does. I’m sorry.” She tried again to touch his arm but he moved away. “I could
n’t understand why you would want me but now I do.”
“If you couldn’t understand before, you haven’t heard a word I’ve been saying all these months. None of it got through to you, did it?”
“It did. I heard you. I just—”
“Didn’t trust me.” He shook his head, looking disgusted and hurt.
“I’m sorry. I’ll try, Trey, I promise. I’ll try.”
He tossed the envelope onto the table and zipped up his suitcase. Pointing to the envelope, he gave her a cold, hard stare. “That hurts. That really fucking hurts.”
He loaded himself with the bags and suitcases and strode out the door, leaving her with her regret and shame. Alessandra took several deep breaths, preparing herself to face everyone. She followed him out of the house for the long walk to the truck.
Carlos had a wary expression as he looked over at his granddaughter. “Olá, Alessandra.”
“Olá, Vô.” She knew her eyes must be swollen and her face blotchy.
Trey loaded Tomas into his car seat and turned to shake Carlos’s hand, speaking in Portuguese. “Goodbye, sir. Thank you so much for everything.”
Carlos nodded. “Tchau, Trey. Fico feliz em ver que Alessandra tem alguém como você para tomar conta dela.”
Trey looked confused for a minute and turned to Alessandra for help.
“He says you are a good person and that he’s happy I have you to care for me.”
“Please tell him I’m glad I’ve earned his trust and that I’ll see him again very soon.”
Alessandra passed along the message, and Carlos shook Trey’s hand, using his other to pat it warmly as he had done when they’d first met. Next, he leaned into the truck to kiss Tomas goodbye. Alessandra waited patiently before climbing into the back seat to sit with Tomas for the short trip into town. Trey got in and started the engine, looking back at her in the rear-view mirror without a word. She looked down at Tomas, taking his little hand in hers and tracing circles around his knuckles. “Are you excited, Tomas?”
He nodded, his eyes wide. “You come too, Lessa.”
“I can’t today, but I will see you soon, okay?”
“I come back here to play with Avô on Monday.”
She chuckled a little through her tears. “No, but soon.”
Alessandra couldn’t take her eyes off Tomas as he watched the fields rushing by and then the city limits coming into view. Her heart ached at the thought of being apart from him and from Trey. She was gripped by the fear that she may have just undone all the good Trey had done since they met. Glancing into the rear-view mirror, she saw that his eyes were set on the road and swirling with anger. Or was that hurt?
When they arrived at the bus station, she unbuckled Tomas and pulled him onto her lap for a long hug. “I love you, rapazinho. You must always remember how much you are loved.”
She listened with her eyes closed as Trey opened the door and climbed out. This was ending. In a few moments, they would be gone. Tomas slid off her lap. “Open da door, please!”
“Okay, Tomas.” She gave in to his request, then climbed down before lifting him out. She watched him stomp on the cracks in the sidewalk in front of the bus station while Trey purchased tickets at the counter and unloaded their bags. It all felt like a nightmare, one which she couldn’t end by waking up. If only she’d had another day with them, she could have made sure she and Trey were on good terms when he left. She could have made sure he would want to return to her more than he had ever wanted anything in his life.
When he finally came back toward them, he gave her a serious look, one she hadn’t seen before. She didn’t know what it meant.
She stepped toward him, hoping to erase the distance between their souls as much as the distance between their bodies. “I’m so sorry, Trey. Please forget that I did that, okay?”
He nodded. “I’ll try.”
“I would give anything if I could take it back,” she whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“I know.” He put his hand on her waist and Alessandra stepped into his arms, clinging to him, sobbing into his hard chest. She felt his lips on top of her head and the warm air of his sigh.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much. If you want me to move to the United States, I will. I’ll find a way to make it work.”
“We don’t need to think about that now. Let’s just get through the next few weeks, okay?”
Nodding, she smiled up at him, her eyes sad. The bus parked next to them and the other passengers lined up with their bags. Alessandra could feel an awful tightening in her chest, as though she would suffocate in her sorrow. “I should let you go.”
“Yes, we should get going. I love you.” He gave her a kiss on the lips, but it wasn’t the one she had hoped for. It was somehow hollow. She’d broken what they had and months would pass before she could try to repair it. He pulled away from her before picking up the bags and getting in line. Alessandra crouched down and gave Tomas a big, squeezy hug. “I love you. I want you to always remember, every day, how much I love you and how special you are. You be good for your dad, okay, rapazinho?”
“I be good.” He pressed the tip of her nose with his chubby index finger. “See you Monday.”
“See you Monday,” she answered through her tears.
Thirty-Seven
Colorado Springs, Colorado
“There they are! It’s them, Doug! They’re really here!” Fern exploded into ecstatic sobs at the first sight of Trey and Tomas walking from the arrivals gate.
“I know, Fern, I’m looking right at them,” he replied as she grabbed his arm with one hand and waved wildly with the other.
As soon as the weary travellers made it through the doors she rushed toward them, holding out her arms. “Tomas, it’s Grandma Fern!”
Trey smiled as he watched his mother, who didn’t seem to know whether to laugh or cry so was doing both. She’d never looked as happy to him as she did at that moment. He glanced down at Tomas, who was staring at her with wide eyes. Trey’s father stepped up beside her, holding out an enormous stuffed dog that caught Tomas’s attention.
Trey lowered himself down next to Tomas and put his arm around him. “This is my mom, your grandma,” he said pointing to Fern. “And that’s my dad, your grandpa.”
Tomas tucked his body closer to Trey’s and stared shyly at the pair of adults beaming at him.
Doug crouched down and held the stuffed animal out. “This is for you, Tomas. Your grandma picked it up for you because we’re so excited to have you home with us.”
Fern joined her husband, nodding and gesturing. “Take it, honey. It’s for you!”
“Go on, buddy. It’s okay,” Trey coaxed.
Tomas reached one hand out, keeping the other on Trey’s knee as he gave the dog’s ear a small tug.
A few minutes later, they walked out into the fresh air and Colorado sunshine. Trey’s parents were full of questions about the trip and how they were doing. Trey yawned when he’d finished buckling Tomas into his car seat. It had been a long couple of days on the road with his little boy, and he just wanted to get him to the quiet of his parents’ house so they could start getting settled in. His own exhaustion was from so much more than just the travelling. It was also from being on an emotional roller coaster with his wife. The sight of those divorce papers haunted him, filling him with a sense of betrayal. He tried to remind himself that Alessandra had only done it because she was scared, but he wondered if deep down she actually wanted him to stay gone.
“Almost there,” he said quietly to Tomas, running his index finger down the length of the boy’s nose. He sat next to him in the back seat of his parents’ car as they left the airport parking lot.
“We hope you won’t mind, Trey, but the family wanted to have a dinner to celebrate you and Tomas getting home,” Doug informed him.
“What? Right now? Honestly, we’re both exhausted, Dad.”
“But honey, it’s been years since any of us have se
en Tomas. Or you, for that matter. We’ll just pop out to the ranch. We don’t have to stay long.” His mom pleaded with her eyes.
“The ranch? Jesus. I really don’t want to go there at all,” Trey groaned.
“Nonsense. It’s high time you and Cole buried the hatchet. Now, he’s forgiven you for what happened. You need to see him face to face to get this whole thing over with once and for all. Besides, it’ll be so nice for Tomas to play with Jake Junior and little Vivian.”
“I suppose there’s no sense in me protesting. We’re going no matter what I say, aren’t we?”
“Well, Trey, it would be pretty rude if we didn’t go. Claire’s been cooking up a storm and Dustin’s out there working today and he can’t wait to see you guys either.”
* * *
Trey’s heart pounded in his chest as the sign for Black Canyon Ranch came into view. He hadn’t been here since Tomas was a baby. Now he was about to come face to face with his cousin. The man he’d hurt more than he’d ever hurt anyone in his life. He gazed out the window as the barn and lodge came into view.
“You’ll notice they’ve expanded the guest quarters quite a bit. The ranch has been so busy that they’ve added about half a dozen new cabins,” Fern said.
“Good for them,” Trey replied, his voice quiet.
When they parked, Trey sat for a moment, mustering up the courage to get out of the car. He wished he’d had some warning that this would be happening today. Or at least the chance to shower and change into clean clothes. He looked over at his tired little boy, hoping that he’d manage to make it through what was about to be an overwhelming experience for him at the end of a very long journey.
Tomas smiled up happily at his dad. “Dey have lots of horses!”
“Yup, they do. You’re going to like it here, little man.” Trey unbuckled his son and opened the door.
Once out of the car, they were greeted first by Otis, the ranch’s large sheepdog, who gave two short barks and ran over to them.