How to Lead When You're Not in Charge

by Clay Scroggins

God wants us to live out the kabash he’s put in us, exercising it under his authority and for his glory. Instead of waiting for the authority to lead or working in selfish ways to see that authority for our own ends, he wants us to resist kibosh and reclaim kabash. This is the path toward true leadership.

  The older I get, the more I realize that between the extremes there is usually a third option. We grow up thinking life is black and white. As a father of four, I know the brains of the little ones in our home have yet to develop the capability of understanding the nuances of life. When we are young, we need authority figures to give us direction on what is right and wrong. But at some point, we have to train our minds to resist simplistic and dualistic thinking. As we grow in wisdom and discernment, we usually find there is a third option, a middle way that better captures the realities of life.

  Jesus did this all the time. The teachers of the law were constantly trying to catch him in black or white, yes or no, good or bad scenarios, but he transcended their elementary thinking with a third option that shattered their categories. For instance, in Mark 12, the Pharisees are found trying to trap Jesus with binary options, but he offers them a third way. “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s” (Mark 12:17).

  To this day, Jesus gives us all a way forward. His way allows us to love people in messy situations while also striving for the righteousness he desires for us. His way allows us to find contentment in our circumstances and also drives us to make the world better. His way brings the fullness of truth with the fullness of grace. In his teachings, Jesus presents us with a third way that honors God, a way in-between the two extremes of our sin.

  A kabash leader doesn’t need authority, but he or she cultivates influence through relationships. A kabash leader knows that the way to the front isn’t by pushing ahead or waiting until the game is over; it’s getting behind people and helping them move ahead. Just like a master gardener, a kabash leader gives space for people to thrive and cultivates growth in others through time, attention, care, and kind correction. The way to lead is to serve, and the way to create something great is to give people space to thrive in the way God has gifted each one. A kabash leader is marked with humility because they know that pride sets us against God (see James 4:6). A kabash leader is courageous, not because they possess inner strength, but because they know God is the one who controls the destiny of every man and woman. A kabash leader longs to organize and create for the betterment of all—for the good of others and not just the good of the leader. A kabash leader uses his or her influence to help others get ahead and not to get ahead of others. A kabash leader pours out, trusting that God’s new mercies each day will be enough to fill them up.

  Rather than killing the ambition within you, that God-given desire to create, I want to encourage you to find the third way of the kabash leader. It’s more powerful than a title and more influential than a position. It’s the way God originally designed you to lead.

  AMBITION TO GLORIFY GOD

  The true test of the kabash leader is found in his or her motivation. So as you dig into your ambition and unpack your motives for leading, you’ll better understand why you desire to be a leader in the first place. To lead like you were designed to lead, you must weigh your heart and your desires. Are you in this for yourself or for others? Each of us must answer the question: for whom am I living? As a leader, you can ask it this way: for whom am I leading? Kabash leaders understand that the motive for leadership is to help others for God’s glory.

  When one of the experts in the law asked Jesus about the greatest commandment, he cut through the clutter and confusion of that question and offered a hauntingly clear answer. Jesus doesn’t specifically mention God’s glory here, but I believe that in answering the question of what is most fundamental in what God expects from us, he is giving us a practical guide to what we can do to bring God the utmost glory and honor. Jesus replied, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ ” (Matt. 22:37–38).

  Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to love God. That’s the most God-glorifying thing I can think of! But he follows that with a second command, which is also clear. What he says is that for us to fully live out the kabash God has put in us, in a way that shows love for him, it must also be for the benefit of others—and not for us alone. When a person attempts to kabash for their own glory, they end up putting the kibosh on everyone else.

  If you picked up this book because you’re hoping it will be the roadmap to finding your next big thing, you’re welcome to go ahead and set it down. If you’re hoping this book will offer some nice tips that will help you build your own kingdom, you’re going to be disappointed. I can’t help you with that. But if your hands are open to whatever God might want to do through you, even if that means you’ll never be in charge, I think I can help. Because when the kabash in you is harnessed under God’s authority and for his glory, you’ll find yourself leading in the way you were meant to lead. And I think that’s worth as much time as you’re willing to spend.

  CHAPTER 4

  LEAD YOURSELF

  No man or woman is ever fully acquitted of all responsibility. Just as there are inalienable rights, there is such a thing as inalienable responsibility. What this means is that everyone leads something. Everyone is in charge of something—even if it’s just you. Each one of us is responsible for the choices and decisions we make. We must all learn to rightly influence ourselves.

  For people currently working under the authority of someone else, someone they must answer to, what do you think is the number one excuse for failure to do a job well? Here are some clues: It’s one word. It’s a person. And it rhymes with “sauce.”

  When most people think about the challenges of leading when they aren’t in charge, the most common excuse they give for their failure is—you guessed it—their boss.

  • “My boss would never go for that. She hardly even listens to my ideas.”

  • “My boss is just not willing to change. He’s not even open to a conversation about it.”

  • “I’m so frustrated because my boss is so stuck in the past. I mean, she will listen but never does anything with it.”

  It’s likely that, at some point, we’ll all have to work for a bad leader, but that is not an excuse. I say that even though I don’t know your situation. I realize there are some bosses who are insecure, unaware, and defensive and are intimidated if you choose to exercise any kind of leadership when you’re not yet in charge. What I’m going to say in this chapter may feel next to impossible. But let me ask you: what is the chance there is still something you can learn in this situation where you currently find yourself? Even if that chance is one in a million, I’d like to quote my friend and yours, Lloyd Christmas, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance. Yeah!”

  When you aren’t accomplishing what you want to accomplish in the role you’re in, it’s natural to look for someone to blame. And the easiest target is your boss, especially when you’ve already concluded he or she is a bad leader. When you make a judgment about someone, specifically your manager, you will persistently look for behaviors to justify the judgment you’ve made. Then, with your settled judgment in place, you look for every possible reason no one else would or could succeed in your role. It’s a self-defeating prophecy where you give yourself a pass for your own lack of leadership.

  THE HALL PASS

  Do you remember asking for the “hall pass” in high school? I do. Vividly. In tenth-grade US history class, Mr. Truhett had a laminated picture of Han Solo and Chewbacca that read, “Hall Pass: It’s dangerous to go Solo! Take a Wookie with you.” That still cracks me up! If you were able to get your paws on that hall pass, you could wander the halls, peeking into every other class in the school to find someone to make eye contact with and hopefully distract them. If someon
e tried to stop you, you just held up Han Solo and Chewy—hall pass!

  The hall pass is a dangerous thing. In school, the hall pass excused any type of behavior. You could be doing whatever you wanted in the hall, and if you held up that pass, you had an out. However, the hall pass does not help us in the end. The hall pass is nice in the moment, but it keeps us from learning things in the classroom that we really need to learn. It keeps us from experiencing what we need to experience to grow. All of us need to be cautious using the “hall pass” in leadership as well.

  If you want to grow as a leader, please resist the temptation to use the “hall pass” of having a bad manager. Even if you’re working for a bad leader, at the very least, you can use this opportunity to learn how to avoid becoming the leader you despise when others are working for you in the future. At the end of this chapter, I will offer some thoughts that may be helpful for you. You may be facing one of the toughest questions a growing leader who is not in charge faces: when working for a bad leader, at what point is it time to cut bait and move on? Until then, I want to convince you of a powerful truth that we all need to learn before we go about blaming our managers and excusing ourselves from our God-given call to lead.

  WHERE THE BUCK STOPS

  Here’s the truth you need to know: Your boss is not in charge of you. You are in charge of you.

  A few years ago, our humorous son, Jake, came home from preschool and dropped a truth-bomb in our kitchen—one that is still reverberating in my ears today. It was around 5:00 p.m., and I had just walked in the house from work.

  I asked him, “Hey buddy, how was school?”

  He answered, “Good.” After all, he’s a male. What else is he supposed to say?

  He then went on to offer a little more detail. “Hey Daddy, you know what?”

  “No, I don’t. What’s up?”

  “I’m in charge of me.”

  Instinctively, I cut my eyes at my wife. My look basically said, “Who is teaching him this garbage?”

  Jenny went on to explain that Jake’s preschool teacher makes a huge deal out of that statement. Jake’s teacher cannot make Jake pick up his toys after he’s finished playing with them. She cannot force Jake to eat his food. She cannot keep Jake from hitting Will for calling him a “chicken nugget.” And I had to admit that she’s right. Jake is in charge of Jake.

  I have recalled that conversation so many times because the implication of that truth is so powerful for every one of us. It’s not just true for three-year-olds; it’s true for thirty-one-year-olds. You are in charge of you. You are in charge of your emotions, your thoughts, your reactions, and your decisions. It’s the law of personal responsibility, because everyone is responsible for leading something, even if that something is just you.

  When you’re not in charge, the most common temptation you’ll face is to abdicate responsibility. “If they had wanted me to take responsibility, they would have put me in charge. And since I’m not in charge of everything, I’m in charge of nothing.” But this is dangerous. This attitude is not evidence of a lack of leadership; it’s a sign of bad leadership. Remember, we’re all leaders. You have leadership in you, and if you find yourself abdicating responsibility because you’re not in charge, step one is to recognize it. Step two is to fix it. And that leads us to the second truth you need to know as a leader: When you’re not in charge, you can still take charge.

  To put this in the form of an Old English question, “Of what should you take charge?” Great question. For starters, the answer is you. You should take charge of you.

  MISPLACED EXPECTATIONS

  Too often, I hear younger leaders in our organization say, “I’m just so frustrated because I can’t find anyone to pour into me.” This drives me bananas. I’d rather have my head sewn to the carpet than hear someone complain, “I can’t find someone to pour into me.” If you’re not being led well, don’t pass the buck. Maybe, just maybe, the reason you’re not being led well is that you’re not leading yourself well. Before you go and blame your manager, try applying the wisdom of the King of Pop: “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways.”1 Personally, I can’t read those lyrics without singing in my head.

  The point is that your greatest responsibility as a leader is to lead yourself. MJ didn’t have everything right, but I think he had this right. If you want to see change, begin with the person in the mirror.

  One of my least favorite conversations in the church revolves around the concept of “going deeper.” Every few months, someone approaches me in the lobby after one of our services. They begin by telling me that I look like I’ve lost weight. I try not to spill the sarcasm everywhere, so I respond, “Well, thank you, but no, I have not. Now, you seem to have a complaint. What concerns you?”

  That’s when they drop the bomb. “Clay, I just . . . I just don’t feel like we’re going deep enough.” Hmmm. Are we at scuba class or are we at church? I’m a bit confused. Have you ever heard that before? “We’re not going deep enough.” The correct response in this situation is a Christian moo. “Hmmmmm. Tell me more.”

  I try to have them clarify what they mean. Typically, I’ll ask, “What do you mean by ‘going deep’?” And they say, “Well, I wish we could do a deep dive through the Old Testament.”

  So then I go, “Okay, that’s fantastic. I’ve spent a lot of years in seminary, so if you want to do a deep dive through the Old Testament, we could do that. Let me ask you a question first, though. Have you started reading the Old Testament for yourself?”

  They always seem to be offended when I ask this, with a look that says, “What does that have to do with anything?”

  Well, what does that have to do with anything? Great question. That has everything to do with anything. Why? Because if you lack the drive to start reading the Old Testament yourself, how in the world do you expect someone else to take you on a deep dive through it? Before others can lead you, you must learn to lead yourself. You need to own your desires and ambitions; no one can lead you any further than you’re leading yourself. Have you experienced the frustration of trying to lead someone who is not leading him or herself well? A teenager, perhaps? It’s maddening. As the adage says, “I would much rather steer racehorses than carry racehorses.”

  Steering a racehorse is exhilarating.

  Carrying a racehorse is exhausting.

  It’s easy to blame someone for not leading you well. Resist that urge, own your ambition, and begin to lead yourself.

  FAITHFUL WITH LITTLE

  I’ve come close to having this quote by Tom Watson, former IBM CEO, tattooed on my body. (Though that would be super weird, I’m sure.) “Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does on a day-to-day basis to lead himself.”2

  We live in a time where anyone, at any age, from anywhere in the world, can become famous. Have you noticed that? It’s kind of amazing. I love it and hate it at the same time. From “eyebrows on fleek” to Antoine Dodson of “Hide ya kids” fame or the guy who won a talent show by flipping a water bottle a single revolution and landing it perfectly on a table, instant fame always feels like it is right around the corner. Any one of us is just one post away from going viral and landing ourselves on the Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live. That’s pretty cool. And pretty scary.

  One thing that is not going viral is what you’re doing to lead yourself. I say this because it’s not sexy. It’s not newsworthy. It might not even be noteworthy, but it’s definitely worthwhile. It’s the discipline of the little things. Every time you’re on time, every time you tell someone you’re going to email a file and you follow through, every time you read something for your betterment, every time you finish a workout or a class, every single time you say no to the impulse buy at Costco, you’re exercising something that will never go viral but is incredibly significant.

  Jesus was making a statement about stewardship when he said, “Whoever can be trusted with very l
ittle can also be trusted with much” (Luke 16:10), but implicit in what he’s saying is that there’s so much more at stake in how you’re leading yourself than just you leading yourself. With the small choices you make when no one else is looking, when it’s just you and God, you are proving or disproving to him (and to yourself) your future ability to lead others. When a younger leader tells me he is frustrated at not having a voice yet or not having influence yet, the answer I give him is to continue to be faithful in leading himself well. You can never go wrong by making that decision.

  THE GAME PLAN

  So what does that look like, practically? It requires three simple things. I’ll never forget Dr. Howard Hendricks telling our seminary class, “If you think this is too simple, remember that Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep’ not ‘Feed my giraffes.’ ” So while these three things are simple, I don’t think they are simplistic. They’re easy enough to grasp, but will take a lifetime to master.

  Self-Leadership Principle #1: Model Followership.

  If you want to lead well when you are not the one in charge, it’s imperative that you learn how to model followership. What do I mean? Do you know how to follow well? Does the team around you know that you’re following well? Would they say, “Oh yeah, she’s fully behind the leader” or “Yes, definitely. He’s 100 percent behind his leader”? The water cooler talk and office gossip cannot be a part of your life if you’re going to do this right. In an attempt to connect with coworkers or even put yourself ahead, belittling your boss through needless chatter actually hurts you more than it hurts him or her. Your moral authority is vastly more important than your positional authority, and nothing erodes moral authority more than undermining the person you claim to be following.

  So the first step to master in becoming a leader who leads well when not in charge is how to model what it means to be a follower. As others see how you respond to a bad boss, a terrible decision, or how you handle the stress of being overloaded, they will begin to see you as a leader, even if you lack the formal authority to lead. Your self-leadership in these situations will develop influence and prepare you for future situations you may face.