YOUR APPROACH
Working for a great leader has many benefits. My favorite aspect of working for Andy Stanley is that I feel like I’m getting a graduate-level leadership degree just by observation and osmosis. Every leader has their greatest hits of leadership maxims, those phrases and sayings that come up time and time again. As for Andy, what I have learned from him on approach is definitely on my “Best of” list for him.
We have all had conversations derailed because of a poor approach. The way you lead into a conversation can often trump the content of the conversation. We have all been in conversations where we were right, but we ended up apologizing because we had the wrong approach. When I was first married, my desire to be right would cause me to bring more energy and passion to conversations. I remember being at a restaurant with Jenny. There was something wrong with the food. I was clearly right, but the tone I used in speaking with the server about the issue really bothered Jenny. I was right in sending the food back, but before I could be on the same page as Jenny, I needed to apologize to the server because of how I approached the situation. Approach is everything. With the right approach, you can say just about anything. With the wrong approach, it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong; it won’t work.
Adjust your approach to fit the person. In order to know what approach to take, we need to be deeply acquainted with our boss’s wiring, temperament, and personality. Great spouses study each other to have a great marriage; you need to study your boss in the same way. There’s a lot you can do to get to know your boss’s style without taking it too far. Our kids crack up every time at that line in Planes: Fire and Rescue when Lil’ Dipper whispers to Dusty, “I like watching you sleep.” I wouldn’t suggest stalking your boss, but landing somewhere just short of that is a great idea.
What is your boss’s personality type?
Does your boss think concretely or abstractly?
What level of detail does your boss need?
How does your boss like to receive information?
Do you need to send an email ahead of time with all the details, or should you follow up with an email after the conversation?
These are all questions you can ask your boss when emotions are low. Later, in challenging conversations, if you have done your homework, it will show. The bottom line is that you do some homework and learn the approach that best fits your boss.
Declare your intentions before you challenge. Every great wedding gives the bride and groom a chance to declare their intentions. This is where they publicly say what the wedding is all about, and I really appreciate that. You don’t spend all that money, invite all those people, and waste all of our time by not making it clear why we are all there. And the same is true when you need to have a difficult conversation. Declare your intentions up-front. It’s like clipping a carabiner to a harness. If something goes awry, your declared intentions provide a safety net in a free-falling conversation. Here are a few examples:
• “I really believe in you and I love working for you. I have something I want to bring up that could help us grow. Maybe I’m missing something, but I think this might be a better solution for all of us.”
• “I think I’ve identified something that is holding us back and if I were in your shoes, I would want to know what it is. I think I have an idea about how to solve it. Would you mind if I shared that with you?”
• “I want your advice on something. I have an idea I think will make us better, but I want to know what you think about it. I’ve thought a lot about it. It might initially create some complications, but in the end, I think we’ll be glad we made the change because of the results it could produce.”
How you start out and what you say are so crucial. Before you get in anyone’s space, trying to throw around your brilliant ideas that have the potential to wreck someone else’s world, lead with a clear statement of your intentions. You’ll either be glad you did or regret that you didn’t.
Ask questions of curiosity and mean it. One of the constant pieces of feedback I receive about my leadership is that I have a tendency to move too quickly. When I’m moving quickly for the sake of progress, I have the tendency to jump to conclusions that may or may not be true. When I misjudge someone, it negatively affects the relationship. No one likes feeling judged, even when it’s spot-on. Feeling incorrectly judged feels wrong on multiple levels.
Disciplining myself to lead with questions helps me avoid the trap of rash judgments. Curious questions cause humility. Lately, I’ve begun every important conversation similar to this: “I’ve got a lot of thoughts about this situation, but I know you do as well. Tell me how you’re processing it.” This is crucial for me. Incorrect assumptions create walls and cause humiliation. If you choose to start the challenging conversation with questions, it will teach you something. It will build trust, and it will save you some embarrassment.
MORE THAN A FEELING
The band Boston says there are moments that are more than a feeling. I would agree with them, but barely. You are more than a feeling, but your feelings have a pretty substantial role in your life. They matter deeply. Let me try to explain.
Every once in a while, my pocket computer (also known as my smartphone) does the most unusual thing. It rings. Who calls anyone these days? And please, for the love, do not leave me a voicemail. Just text me. Or email me. But do not leave me a voicemail. I return voicemails like Charles Barkley swings a golf club. It’s bad.
When your phone rings and you see the name of a person pop up, what happens? Well, it depends on how you feel. And how you feel is determined by the name you see. In that moment, the person is a feeling to you, and nothing more than a feeling. Sorry, Boston. Now, if that happens when your phone rings, guess what? It also happens when your name pops up when you call your boss. Your boss sees your name and you become a feeling to your boss. So here’s the seventy-dollar question: how does your boss feel about you when your name pops up on his or her phone?
How you challenge will determine how your boss feels about you. Obviously, we want our boss to get all the positive feels when they think of us. Why? Clearly, so they’ll pay us more. Ha! Just kidding. Well, sort of. If you really want to lead when you’re not in charge, you want your boss to feel positive vibes about you for the sake of influence. Nothing is more miserable than being in a job where you have no influence. And nothing is more exhilarating than the opportunity to make change, to make something better, and to be able to expand your influence. A good paycheck is great. A job with influence and opportunity is even better. So learn to challenge up well. There’s far more at stake than you realize.
CHAPTER 10
YOUR NEXT CHAPTER STARTS TODAY
You’ve made it to the final chapter. Congratulations. I honestly didn’t think you would read this far, but I’m glad you did. I want you to imagine yourself five years from now. You’re the boss. You have that corner office with the great view, a big desk, and a globe in the corner (I don’t know why the globe is there, but it seems like something an important person might keep in their office). You have worked your way up the ladder at the business/church/organization you currently work for, and now you are running the show. You’re the one in charge. Now what?
This is a situation I imagined nearly every day when I was in my twenties. I loved to picture myself with my feet up on my desk, looking out over the Atlanta skyline as people reported in to me. There were times when I thought, If only I was in charge . . . or Once I’m the boss I am going to . . . It was only too natural for me to think about how I would manage things once I was given the authority I needed. Sadly, I was so focused on what I would do in the future that I missed opportunities to grow as a leader right then and there. My perspective was toward an idealistic dream, but I didn’t have a clear plan for how to get there. Now there is nothing wrong with thinking and planning ahead. But there is a danger in focusing too much on what we want to change or what we’ll do when we’re in charge, and instead, faili
ng to start doing anything right now. Inevitably, we miss out on the possibility of developing as leaders before we ever get to be in charge.
Great leaders know how to lead when they’re in charge because they’ve been leading long before they were ever given that authority. That’s the big idea I hope you take away from this book. I hope you see that it’s possible to lead from where you are right now. I hope you know you don’t have to wait for that future position you’ve been dreaming about to begin leading. Leadership starts right now, wherever you are.
One of the best things you can do today is to begin asking yourself questions about how and why you want to lead when you’re in charge. Then start leading with those answers in mind. Anyone can daydream about what they will do once they’re in charge. But it takes a unique person, a real leader, to imagine this reality and then put it into action before they have that position of authority. I have read enough books on leadership to know that if you close this book and don’t act on any of the things you just read, then you have wasted your time. I don’t want that to happen. That’s why the steps I’ve shared for leading when you’re not in charge are actionable and applicable to anyone. In this last chapter, we are going to answer several questions. My hope is that as you begin to answer questions about how you want to lead, you’ll see that you can begin to lead from right where you are today. There is no magic formula to leading when you’re not in charge. If you were waiting for a big, secret reveal in the last chapter, I’m sorry to let you down.
The truth is, all we need is a perspective shift. When we stop thinking about how we want to lead in the future and start looking for opportunities to lead right now, we truly learn how to make ourselves, and those around us, better. Real leadership isn’t about having the authority to lead. Authority matters, but it’s a tool that makes good leadership effective, not the secret sauce that makes everything about leadership suddenly happen. Instead, we need to learn how to cultivate influence. And that’s something all of us can do. Each one of us is called to be a leader in some capacity—in our jobs, our schools, our churches, our communities, and our cities. These organizations are waiting for people like you to step up and lead.
REGARDING YOUR REPUTATION
One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is this: what do you want people to say about you when you are finally in charge? If you’re like me, you’ve pictured yourself as the boss plenty of times. But have you ever imagined what your reputation will be as a boss? These questions matter for a couple of reasons. First, they force you to think about the impact of your leadership on other people. It’s easy to daydream about looking down on others, but it’s more challenging when you seriously contemplate others looking up to you. Second, once you answer these questions about how you want your future self to be, you can start working to become that person today.
When I was young, I was so busy judging the reputations of those in charge that I rarely thought about my own reputation. I naively thought that once I was in a position of power, I would garner a reputation as a leader. Ask any leader and they will tell you that’s just not true. Having a title doesn’t give you a reputation as a great leader. I love how Dave Ramsey put this in EntreLeadership: “I confused having a position with real leadership. Having children doesn’t make you a good parent; it means you had sex. That’s all.”1
Nothing magically changes about your reputation when you are placed in a position of authority. The same reputation you have without power stays with you when you do have power and authority. Great leaders look ahead to the future and begin to act today to become who they want to be. In fact, the whole purpose of this book is to encourage you to begin leading from where you are. Don’t wait until you are in charge to be the leader you want to be. Chances are, if you wait to start leading, you will never be put in a position to lead anyway. Start asking yourself what type of leader you want to be tomorrow. And start becoming that type of leader today. Because whether you realize it or not, you are building a reputation for yourself, both as a leader and as a person.
Start asking yourself what type of leader you want to be tomorrow. And start becoming that type of leader today.
Your reputation matters. But like everything that matters in life, it isn’t something you start to work on tomorrow. It isn’t formed overnight. You’re forming a reputation right now, whether you’re in charge or not.
THE TOTAL TOTEM POLE
Think back to the last time you had a job at the very bottom of a company. Maybe you were an intern or in an entry-level role, but either way, you were in a position with zero authority. How did you view your boss? And not just your immediate boss, but the person at the very top. You probably didn’t know him or her on a first-name basis, so what was the reputation of the person in charge at the very top?
Fast-forward five years. You are that person now. Think about how people might view you at the top. What will your reputation be with the person at the very bottom of the totem pole? Good managers lead with their entire staff in mind. From upper and mid-level managers, all the way down to interns and janitors. The people at the top may never interact with the people at the bottom, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have influence there. In fact, the relationship between the person at the very top and the person at the very bottom of an organization tells you a lot about someone’s leadership ability. Good leaders are viewed favorably by those closest to them in the company. Great leaders are viewed favorably by everyone in the company.
Jesus knew this. In John 4, Jesus has an interaction with a Samaritan woman. In that culture, there was no one lower on the totem pole than a Samaritan woman. For starters, Jews looked down on Samaritans. They were a second-rate culture. In addition to that, women had practically no standing in society. So this woman was the least important person in the society of the least important culture. To everyone around her, she was a nobody. But to Jesus, she was a human being created in the image of God, someone deserving dignity and respect. That Jesus would even address her at all was already a step outside the societal norms. That he would treat her with respect was simply unheard of. But this was how Jesus led. He didn’t consult with the disciples. He didn’t try to build a great reputation among the people of power. He focused on talking to everyone and treating even the most marginalized within society with respect.
The Samaritan woman was not an outlier either. Jesus had countless interactions with tax collectors, prostitutes, and lepers. He talked to anyone society considered worthless. And in each of these instances, he spoke with respect and did wonders for his reputation. That’s our job as leaders. We must lead with the total totem pole in mind, regardless of our own position on the pole. If you are at the bottom of the corporate ladder right now, start leading in a way that people in every position can respect. And as you rise through the organization, lead with the person at the bottom in mind. That’s what Jesus did. You can tell the character of a leader not by how they are treated by their equals, but by how they are viewed by those under them.
PEOPLE LEAVE MANAGERS, NOT JOBS
People’s opinions of you are not going to drastically change once you’re in charge. Just because people respect your position of authority does not necessarily mean they will respect you. Suddenly gaining authority will not have the power to reverse or improve your reputation. If the people you work with didn’t respect you before you held a position of power, then the respect you may or may not receive at the top will be superficial. It’s important to understand and manage the influence you have now so you know what to do on that day when you finally get the promotion you’ve been hoping for. Otherwise, you might end up being the boss people hate working for. Don’t believe that’s possible? Consider this. A Gallup study showed that fifty percent of people who leave their jobs do so because of their bosses.2 Fifty percent. If two people have left under your employment, odds are one of them left because of you. Yikes. How many leaders think to take responsibility for someone leaving?
The quality of any individual’s job will be determined by three key variables:
• What you do
• Whom you do it with
• How much money you make
Or, to put it another way, it all comes down to the what, the who, and the “dolla bills, y’all.” If the who (the coworkers and the boss) are not enjoyable, then either the work or the pay has to be great. I would argue that if we were to rank these three things in order of importance, the who would be at the very top of the list. If you’ve ever worked a job you hate with people you love, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Being surrounded by great people can make doing even menial tasks enjoyable. Just look at Jim and Pam from The Office. Both of them seemed to stick it out in a less than desirable office culture because they had each other. Even a well paying job can be pretty miserable if the people or the work isn’t enjoyable.
MAKING YOUR SUCCESS OUR SUCCESS
As a leader, it is your responsibility to create an environment where people enjoy their work and find meaning in it. You also need to create a team environment where others enjoy working with you. If people enjoy working with you, it is much more likely they will potentially enjoy working for you. What kind of working relationships do you want to cultivate? Those where your success is seen as success for those you work with. Solomon says, “When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice; when the wicked rule, the people groan” (Prov. 29:2).
Do others celebrate your success? Are your coworkers happy when you thrive in your work? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then keep doing exactly what you’re doing. If the answer is no or you aren’t sure, think about what you need to change in order to be a leader worth cheering for. This matters now, because it will matter later.
How to Lead When You're Not in Charge Page 17