I Love You, Always

by Natalie Ward

  Her hand slides around my neck, holding me against her. “I love you,” she whispers and I feel her eyes open, her lashes against my skin. “I love you,” she repeats.

  It’s me groaning this time, as I lower my body onto hers, my hand sliding up her side until I’m holding her cheek. These sounds we make together, this is music to me, this is what I want to hear, remember, create. “I love you, Asha,” I say, my eyes opening. “Always.”

  It’s now three a.m. and we’re both still awake.

  “I just can’t sleep,” Ash says, rolling her body on top of mine.

  I wrap my arms around her, pulling her tighter against me. “Me either,” I say as she looks down at me, a gorgeous little smile on her lips. “What?” I ask, smiling back at her.

  “I love you,” she whispers, leaning down to kiss me.

  I can’t help but groan as she kisses me again, slowly, deeply and I feel my fingers grip her tighter, pull her even closer. Her hands run over my hair, hers falling down around us. Her lips move with mine, our tongues touching. I feel like I could kiss her forever.

  Eventually Ash pulls back, her hand brushing across my cheek, across the scar she traces every time she does this. “I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you,” she whispers.

  I turn my head and press a kiss to her palm, before looking into her eyes and telling her how I feel, which is still the truth despite how much I wanted to hear her say these words to me. “Don’t apologise. You said it when you were ready to. I understand, Ash, I really do.”

  “Yeah, but it wasn’t fair to you, to not say it,” she breathes out. “Not when I’ve felt it, when I’ve wanted to say it to you for so long. And especially not after the Cape, when you first said it to me.” She’s smiling at me now, as though she’s remembering the exact moment I did say it to her. God I was so out of control that day, she drove me fucking crazy.

  I run my fingers down her back and slowly trail them up again. “Ash, I get it, I promise. I get why you couldn’t say it, especially now, after all the things you’ve told me.” None of which I believe are true, but I don’t tell her this. “And anyway, I always kinda hoped that I knew how you felt. That I knew it without you ever having to say the words to me.”

  “Really?” she asks, genuinely surprised.

  “Yeah, really,” I answer, smiling at her.

  “How?”

  I lean up and kiss her, my hands slowly running down her spine again before wrapping around her waist. “Because you look at me the way I know I look at you. Because you smile, you laugh, you kiss me, and you touch me all the time, just like I know I do with you. And because of that,” I whisper, smiling up at her and sneaking in another quick kiss. “Because of that, Asha, I just couldn’t believe this thing between us wasn’t real, couldn’t believe that you didn’t feel exactly what I feel. I don’t know how to describe it, but I just felt like I could see it, even if it was never being said out loud.” I smooth her hair back, running my thumb lightly along her bottom lip.

  She smiles back at me and looks at me in the exact same way I’m trying to describe to her. I tighten my arms around her warm naked body, pulling her even closer to me. Just as she leans in to kiss me, I can’t help adding, “Oh and Mia told me you did too,” before quickly pressing my lips to hers.

  “What?!” she asks, surprised as she pulls back a little, escaping my kiss.

  I laugh at her reaction as I hold her tightly, not letting go. “Mia told me, surely you’ve figured out by now what a big mouth my sister has?”

  Ash laughs as she relaxes in my arms. “Yeah, I guess I should’ve known she’d say something to you after that day. She was the one who told me how you felt in the first place, you know, the night she came to watch you play.”

  “Mmmm, my baby sister, the gossiping little matchmaker,” I say leaning up to kiss her again.

  Ash’s lips are only inches from mine as she says, “Definitely. And you should know, Luke, now that I’ve finally said it, I’m never going to stop telling you.”

  My heart melts at her words. “Music to my ears, beautiful girl, music to my ears.”

  She kisses me again, before suddenly pulling back. “Okay, I seriously can’t believe she told you what I said that day when she and I were talking at the Cape.”

  I laugh again. “Yep, she did. She told me literally the first chance she got. I almost think she was more excited about the whole thing than me.”

  Ash is smiling now. “She really is a little matchmaker isn’t she?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “Hmmm, maybe she needs a dose of her own medicine then,” Ash suggests, biting her bottom lip as she contemplates the idea. She looks so fucking sexy that I can’t resist sliding my hand into her hair and pulling her mouth down to mine.

  “I think that’s something else that got brought up at the Cape,” I whisper against her lips.

  I feel her smile against my mouth. “There were a lot of good things that happened at the Cape, Luke,” she whispers and then she kisses me hard and we stop talking altogether.

  Track 2 (B side) – My Obsession

  You’ve got me unraveled, completely undone

  Can’t get enough of you, I am overcome

  You’re my perfect obsession, my only fixation

  The object of my affection and a wondrous frustration

  ∞

  I’m lying on my side, next to Ash, on our towels on the sand. We’ve only been at the Cape for one night and already I could stay here forever. The sun is amazingly warm, even under the umbrella. All I can hear against the crash of the ocean is the sound of her voice, her laughter as she talks to Mia. I’m not even listening to what they’re talking about. I’m just enjoying the sound of Ash happy.

  She’s lying on her stomach beside me, propped up on her elbows, her feet in the air and crossed at the ankles. But it’s her back I can’t take my eyes off. The smooth, lightly freckled skin of her shoulder blades, the long groove of her spine, and the slow rise of her butt. The bikini she wears is tiny, a small scrap of black material held together by strings.

  I reach my hand out and lightly run my fingers down her spine, knowing how much she loves it when I do this. Her skin is so warm and smooth, so unbelievably soft under my fingertips. When I reach the base, I trace a line against the edge of her bikini bottoms, across the small of her back, before running my fingers slowly up her spine again. There’s a string tied across her back, and right in the middle is a complicated knot that I’m dying to undo.

  Not here though, that’s just for me, later.

  Instead, I run my fingers slowly along the string, from one side of her back to the other. I feel the deep rumble of her laugh at something Mia has said and my heart flips in my chest at the sound. The sound of her laughter, something I never thought I’d get to hear, is now music to my ears. It happens more and more every day and I’ll never get tired of hearing it.

  I slide my fingers up between her shoulder blades, to the nape of her neck. I gather her long brown hair and push it to the side. I watch my fingers as they trace an outline of freckles across her shoulders, before running them back up her neck again. I lean in and softly kiss her shoulder, leaving my lips pressed against her warm skin as I run my fingers ever so slowly back down her spine again.

  It’s almost unbearable how much I want her right now, but at the same time, so unbelievably good.

  “Mmmm,” she suddenly says, turning to face me.

  I kiss her skin again before lifting my face to hers. We are only inches apart from each other and even though we’re both wearing sunglasses, I know her eyes meet mine. I smile at her and watch as she bites her lower lip. I flatten my hand against her lower back and lean in to kiss her lips this time.

  “Are you trying to distract me?” she asks in a soft voice that only I can hear.

  “Uh huh,” I whisper back.

  “It’s working,” she replies, kissing me again, deeper this time, her tongue flicking against mine before turning back
to Mia and picking up her conversation as though none of this has just happened.

  I laugh to myself, my head falling onto her shoulder where I gently bite her skin as I run my hand right over her ass, squeezing it quickly, before standing up. Ash turns to look up at me, a questioning look on her face now. Without saying a word, I throw my sunglasses on the towel, bend over and pick her up, slinging her over my shoulder and walking her down towards the water.

  “Luke!” she cries out, laughing, as she throws her sunglasses back towards our towels.

  I squeeze her tighter and walk us into the cool water until it reaches my chest, knowing she won’t be able to touch the bottom and will be forced to hang on to me. I slide her down from my shoulder and just as I hoped, Ash wraps her legs around my waist, pulling herself closer.

  “Luke, what are you doing?” she whispers as I lean in and press my lips to her skin, kissing a slow trail up her neck. Stopping, I kiss her deeply on the mouth, before trailing all the way down the other side of her neck. My teeth graze against her collarbone and I feel her pull herself even tighter against me, lining us up perfectly and discovering just how turned on I am right now.

  “Cooling down for a second,” I finally get out. “I just need to cool down.”

  She laughs, tightening her legs. “Really, and this is working for you then?”

  I ignore the question and kiss her again, our lips slowly moving over each other, tongues meeting. My fingers grip her waist and her arms slide around my neck, holding me tighter as a low moan comes from somewhere inside my chest. No, this is definitely not working for me. I can’t cool down, even here in the water. And anyway, I don’t want to. I want the opposite right now.

  “Actually, I think we should head inside,” I whisper against her skin as her head falls back, completely exposing her throat to my mouth. I run my tongue all the way up her neck, the saltiness of the water mixing with the taste of her.

  “Do you?” she groans.

  “Yes,” I say, walking her out of the water.

  We gather our things as I mumble something about getting dinner started. I hear Jared laugh, but I ignore it, focused only on getting us both inside and naked, as quickly as possible. I literally feel like I’m going to burst any minute, I want her that badly.

  I grab Ash’s hand and we walk up the beach, back to the house, dumping our things the minute we get inside. I pull her towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind us. I reach in and turn on the water and when I turn back, Ash has already undone those knots I was dying to undo just minutes earlier.

  “Fuck,” I exhale, pulling her naked body into the shower and under the water with me. I feel her hands reach down and undo my shorts, pushing them down my hips until they land in a wet pile on the floor of the shower. I quickly kick them out of the way. I can’t stop the groan as her hands reach out and touch me, her fingers moving all over me, driving me fucking insane. I pull her body to mine, our skin burning with want. Our mouths meet and we kiss, hard, fast, urgently.

  I need air, but I don’t want to stop. My body is screaming at me to keep going.

  I feel the cool tiles behind me as Ash now presses her body harder against mine, forcing me backwards. My hands slide down to her ass, and I pick her up, her legs wrapping themselves around my waist, her arms around my neck. I turn and back her up against the tile now, my body pressing itself into hers and both of us let out a low groan at the same time.

  We are as close as we can possibly get, connected in every possible way. I’m deep inside her and my mouth is on hers, our hands all over each other. I feel myself still for a second, just trying to absorb how amazing she feels wrapped around me.

  And that’s when it happens.

  I can’t stop it and I just don’t care, I don’t want to hold it back anymore. I need to say it; I need to tell her how I feel about her.

  “Asha,” I whisper against her mouth, “I love you.” My voice is hoarse, laced with want, desperation even, like I’m begging her to believe me. I kiss her quickly and she groans into my mouth, saying nothing. Neither of us speaks, neither of us can; our breathing now just hard, rapid bursts as we are consumed by each other.

  I don’t know how long we’re in here for, but the hot water is gone and everyone else is back by the time we get out. But when we do, I know that Ash knows exactly how I feel about her. That everything I said, everything we did; she knows. I love her, really fucking love her.

  Afterwards, we can hear the others chatting in the living room as we sneak back to our room to get dressed. I can’t help it as I reach out and pull Ash to me, wrapping her in my arms. “You are so beautiful,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her lips.

  She smiles as she looks up at me and I can’t see anything bad in her eyes. There is no sign of fear about what I said before, no sign of regret or awkwardness that it happened. My heart stops as I dare to believe what could really be happening here, what Mia has been telling me is, ever since she met Ash.

  Ash presses up on her toes as she leans in to kiss me again. “You know we’re going to get shit from the others for running off like that,” she says, blushing a little.

  I think back to the ribbing I got on the beach this morning from all of them and I know she’s right. They might come from a good place and totally mean well, but these guys are gonna love giving us crap about this afternoon. Especially in light of all the hot water being gone and dinner not even close to being started.

  “Yeah I think you might be right,” I say smiling back at her. “But honestly? I don’t care,” I whisper, tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear as I lean in to kiss her.

  Her smile is bigger now as I hear her say, “Me either.”

  She takes my hand and together we walk out to the kitchen to face the music. She still hasn’t said those words back to me and as much as I want her to, I’m not pushing her on it. For reasons I still don’t fully understand, I know I have to go slow with Ash. I know there’s something she still isn’t telling me, something from her past. I can see it in her eyes, this thing she’s hiding, I have from the moment I first met her. The hurt and pain she used to wear every day has faded though. Now, she laughs and smiles so much, and it makes me so fucking happy every time she does. It makes me love her even more. Makes me want to know every single thing about her, no matter how bad she thinks it might be.

  For some reason, we’re spared the interrogation over dinner. I get plenty of smiles from the guys as we walk out though. Jared winks at me and I try to ignore them, but I can’t seem to wipe the smile off my face. I feel like a weight has somehow been lifted off me, like everything is lighter because Asha now knows how I feel about her. I keep her close to me though, just in case one of them feels like opening their big mouth. There’s no way I’m subjecting her to that unless I can be there to look out for her. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do for her.

  After dinner we all head out to the deck with some drinks. The night sky is amazingly clear, completely filled with stars. The only sounds are the distant crash of waves, the low music Pete has put on and the quiet conversations around us. I sink into one of the couches, pulling Ash into my lap and wrapping my arms around her.

  I know it’s going to happen any minute now; it has to. I can’t actually believe they managed to hold back over dinner and I can almost see the wheels turning as they try to decide how to start. Of course it’s Ben who does it. “So ah, you guys must have got stuck in the bathroom this afternoon then?”

  I shake my head at him as Ash curls up in my lap, resting her head on my shoulder and half burying her face in my neck. When it’s obvious I’m not saying anything, Ben continues. “I mean did the door get jammed or something?”

  I can’t help but smile as I think back to exactly what did happen in the bathroom. I’m not going into details for these guys, but it doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to think about it.

  “Luke, Ash?” he asks, a big cheesy grin on his face because he thinks he knows and he’s loving the fact that
we’ve been busted.

  I look down at Ash and see she’s smiling, maybe like she’s thinking about it too. I’m relieved that their teasing doesn’t seem to bother her too much. I hope she knows it comes from a good place. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ben,” Ash eventually says.

  “Yeah right,” Jared chimes in. “Look at the fucking smiles on both of their faces.”

  I squeeze my arms around Ash and pull her closer, ignoring all of them as I press my lips against her hair. Luckily Mia is nice enough to change the subject. I smile at my sister, grateful that she’s rescued us from the inevitable interrogation, at least for now anyway.

  “You okay?” I whisper to Ash when the focus is finally off us.

  “More than okay,” she says back to me.

  “Don’t let them get to you, they’re just teasing and it’s all directed at me, but it’s not meant to be mean.”

  She pulls back to look at me, her fingers running down my cheek as she looks me right in the eye and says, “I know, Luke, it’s okay. I think your friends are amazing.”

  I smile back at her, thinking no, it’s you who’s amazing. “They’re your friends too, Ash.” She just smiles at me before leaning in to press a soft kiss to my lips, one that is too short, but a tempting taste of what’s to come.

  We both settle back on the couch, joining in on the conversation about tomorrow’s plans with the others. But I’m only half listening, still distracted by thoughts of earlier, by who’s sitting in my lap right now. I can’t stop touching her, kissing her. I don’t know what it is about being out here, but everything feels so different, so intense.

  Or maybe it really is all because of those three little words I said earlier. They’ve undone something in me and I can’t hold back any of the things I feel for her anymore. It’s almost like saying it isn’t enough and I need to show her as well. Constantly.

  I slide my hand up under her t-shirt, slowly curling it around her rib cage. Ash folds herself further into me, wrapping her arm around my waist and presses a soft kiss to my neck. My eyes close in response, my fingers digging into her skin.