Chasing Felicity [Passion Peak, Colorado 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Tara Rose

  Felicity knew they were right, and she knew her friends loved her and were there for her, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every time Maverick picked her up instead of Kane, she braced herself for the words that she knew would fall from Maverick’s lips one day. And each day that they didn’t, and Kane was waiting for them back in Maverick’s suite at Pacos Farms, Felicity sent up a prayer of thanks. But how long could this last?

  One Saturday, John let Felicity take the night off so she could attend Angela’s collaring ceremony at Indulgence. There were dozens of people there, and she watched from the back of the crowd, with Kane on her left and Maverick on her right, as Angela knelt in the center of the circle and accepted a permanent collar from Nash and Ian.

  Felicity thought it was the most beautiful ceremony she’d ever attended. Even more emotional than a wedding, because of what it symbolized. Angela was not only having a baby, and they’d all told everyone they didn’t care if it was Nash’s or Ian’s, but she was pledging her submission to both Doms. They in turn had pledged to protect her, cherish her, and love her for the rest of their lives. Felicity couldn’t help feeling envious of her beautiful blonde friend. She had what Felicity longed for and was now convinced she’d never have.

  Two weeks and one day after the three had spotted Trace hiding in the woods, Felicity came out of The Cranberry Roost to find Maverick waiting to drive her to Pacos Farms, and as soon as she slid into the passenger seat of his truck and glanced at his face, she knew. Kane was gone. She burst into tears and Maverick held her as other coworkers who were also done with their shift poured out of the employee entrance all around them. Felicity didn’t care. She couldn’t even breathe.

  She’d always known this was going to happen, but she’d purposefully avoided thinking about the actual event and what she would do and say, and she hadn’t talked about it for two weeks. None of them had. She wasn’t even sure whether Maverick and Kane had discussed it among themselves. She didn’t want to know. She’d merely stuck her head in the sand and pretended that it wouldn’t happen.

  “Would you rather not go to Summer’s collaring ceremony?” he asked gently.

  “What?” She sat up and dried her eyes. The look of pain on his face nearly broke her heart. “Oh, shit. I forgot about that.”

  “It’s the reason you worked a day shift today, remember?”

  “Shit. Yeah, I know it is. No. We have to go. I mean I want to go.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I can’t be alone right now. Please let me spend the night with you, Maverick.”

  He let out a loud sigh that was more of a moan. “Felicity…you can spend the rest of your life with me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She knew that. She knew he was in this for the long haul. “I love you, Maverick.” She didn’t know why she hadn’t said it earlier. She’d certainly thought it enough times. It seemed like the right time to say it out loud now, despite the circumstances, and she hoped she’d been right.

  “I know you do, sweetheart. I love you, too.”

  “This should be the happiest moment of my life.”

  “Mine, too. But we’re both miserable right now. How sucky is that?”

  She almost smiled. How did this guy have the power to do that? He could take the worst situation possible and find the good in it. “Why didn’t he say good-bye, Maverick? Why didn’t he at least say good-bye?”

  “He couldn’t. It was hard enough for him to tell me that he had to go home and take care of a few things.”

  She blinked several times, letting his words sink in. “That almost makes it sound like he’s coming back.”

  “I asked him if he was, and he said he wasn’t sure. But Felicity, you have to know this, okay? This was the hardest thing I think he’s ever done. He loves you. I know he does. He may not have said it, but he’s shown it in a million ways.”

  “I know he has.” It was true. They both had.

  He brushed a finger across her face, and the touch sent shivers up and down her spine. “You love him, too, don’t you? It’s okay. I’m not upset by it.”

  “Why not? Help me understand this.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Because it’s so right. Because I love the way you light up when we’re both around. Because this makes you so happy. Because the damn Yankee has kind of grown on me.”

  This time, Felicity did laugh a little, hearing Maverick call Kane a Yankee. He’d never done that before. “What do we do now? I mean, is he going to call? Do we just wait?”

  Maverick nodded. “Give him some time. He has a lot to figure out back home. He got a call today from his cousin, Lauren Cuthbert, right after I dropped you off. Apparently she’s some VP or something in their family’s business. His grandmother has gotten worse, very quickly, and they might have to get her a full-time caregiver.”

  Felicity put a hand to her mouth. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Well, that really does change things for him then, doesn’t it? He has to go home. He has to make sure she’s all right.”

  Maverick nodded. “He does. So let’s go now, okay? I’ll take you home so you can shower and change, and then we’ll go to Indulgence. And when we get back to my place, we’ll make popcorn and watch TV all night. What do you say?”

  Felicity smiled. “I think that sounds like the perfect evening, Maverick. Thank you. For everything. For being who you are, and for wanting to be with me.”

  “I’ve wanted to be with you since the moment I met you, Felicity.”

  She knew it was true. Maverick would never leave her. He would never drive away, halfway across the country, and leave her without saying good-bye.

  * * * *

  Kane had been staring at his cell phone for eight hours, and every five minutes of those eight hours he’d been fighting the urge to call Felicity and try to explain why he’d left without saying anything. He regretted that now more than he’d ever regretted anything in his life, but he couldn’t turn around. When Lauren had called him early this morning, the panic in her voice had nearly made his heart stop.

  He could count on one hand the number of times his cousin had called him in the past ten years. She ran practically everything in the family now, and she never called any of them unless someone had died. She conducted business and family correspondence by e-mail, when she bothered to inform them of anything, that is. And she’d never sounded panicked like she had on the phone this morning. Never. The woman had steel rods where her spine should be.

  He had to get home, even if all he could do was agree with Lauren about where their grandmother should live, or how many full-time caregivers she needed, and how they could best keep this out of the local papers.

  The only reason Kane had been able to keep his grandmother’s name and his family name out of the mess with Trace Coleman is because the FBI hadn’t been interested in publicizing this mess. They were still busy trying to sort out who had jurisdiction over Trace’s deeds, and whether or not he’d actually committed any crimes that they could charge him with. They’d been ready to dump the whole mess in Tommy’s lap until Tommy had mentioned Kane’s name, and what he’d done to Kane’s grandmother.

  It still didn’t mean once the news filtered down to the town of Winston that the Easton name would be kept out of it, but Kane couldn’t think about that right now. Right now, he had to deal with immediate issues. Whatever happened down the road, weeks, months, or years from now, he’d deal with when the time came.

  He was on Interstate 70, which he would take into Baltimore where he’d pick up Interstate 95 and head northwest for the last leg of the trip. He’d just passed the Nebraska state line, and was hoping to make it to at least Omaha before he had to stop for the night. Lauren had asked if he could fly out, but Kane hadn’t wanted to do that, not knowing how long he’d have to be in Connecticut. He told her he’d try and be there in two days, tops.

  But now, as he began to get sleepy, he wished he had flown. At least he’d have been there by tonight. T
hen he could have done what he needed to do, and flown back to Denver in perhaps a week. No use ruminating over it. The decision had been made and he was stuck on the Interstate for two days.

  As yet another love-gone-bad country song came on the radio, reminding him of Felicity, he picked up his phone. This was ridiculous. He had to talk to her. He should have talked to her this morning, before Maverick had driven her to work, but he hadn’t known what to say. And he knew that no matter what he told her, the fact still remained that he wasn’t sure how the hell he was going to stay in Passion Peak with her yet still do what he needed to do in Connecticut.

  By now, she was in Maverick’s arms, being comforted by the cowboy. They were both so in love with her, but as far as Kane knew, Maverick hadn’t yet said the words. Once he did, that would be it. Felicity would say it as well, and then Kane would be out. He was the one who’d always said it wasn’t permanent, after all. And when push came to shove, in her eyes, he would also be the one who had left town without a word.

  “Fuck.” He tossed the phone back on the seat next to him. He’d fucked up. Big time. And there was no way to fix it. He’d lost the one woman who had the power to drive him to his knees and make him leave everything behind just to be with her, and he’d screwed it up completely.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Felicity put her phone on vibrate during Summer’s collaring ceremony, but she kept wanting to check it anyway. This time, unlike when she’d stood in this same club two weeks ago with Maverick and Kane at Angela’s ceremony, she didn’t have tears in her eyes or joy in her heart. She merely felt numb. All she wanted to do was call Kane and beg him to turn around and come back, but she knew she couldn’t do that.

  Maverick kept his arm around her the entire time, and when it was over, she clung to his hand as they walked out to his truck. Once they were back inside his suite, he called down for popcorn and they curled up on the sofa while he flipped on a movie channel. It wasn’t the same without Kane here, and she knew she didn’t need to say that out loud. She knew he felt the same way. How long would this last? Would they ever get past it? Would she be able to love only Maverick, and let him love her in return, and just go on with her life?

  And even if she could, would Maverick always wonder whether Felicity was still thinking about Kane, wishing he’d come back one day? What kind of a life would that be for him? Was it even fair to ask him to do that? She loved him, and he loved her. But did he deserve to have Kane’s shadow hanging over his head for the rest of his life?

  Maverick fell asleep on the sofa while the second movie was on, so Felicity called down to the kitchen and asked someone to come up and take away the rest of the popcorn and the bowl. She knew the household staff by name now. She might as well be living here. Once the dishes were cleared, she covered Maverick with a blanket and curled up on the love seat to watch him sleep.

  It would be so easy to sell her house and move in here for good. She knew he wouldn’t hesitate to help her. He was comfortable and easy to be with, and he’d never leave her. They could explore their BDSM fantasies together, and maybe one day they’d both be brave enough to play at Indulgence. Most of their friends did, anyway. They might as well join the fun.

  So why did she feel as if something was missing? Was she completely out of her mind? A month ago, her dating life had been as dry as a desert in August. Why was she moping around, belaboring this point? Softly snoring on the sofa was a man who loved her and wanted her. He would care for her, and protect her, and cherish her for the rest of his life, just as she’d heard Wes and Dalton say to Summer earlier at Indulgence, as they placed the collar around her neck.

  She had all that, right now, already, with Maverick. Was she really such a horrible, shallow person that she expected more? Kane had made his choice, and it wasn’t Passion Peak. It wasn’t her.

  Felicity crawled into Maverick’s big bed alone, not wanting to disturb his sleep. She curled up on her side after making sure again that her phone was on and close enough that she could reach it if it rang in the middle of the night. Where was he by now? How many hours did it take to reach Connecticut? She didn’t know. She only knew that she missed him and didn’t know if she’d ever stop doing so.

  * * * *

  Kane woke up in the middle of the night from a dream and snatched his phone off the nightstand. He could have sworn he’d heard it ring, but there were no missed calls and no new text messages. What the hell time was it? What time zone was he in? What time was it in Colorado right now?

  It was only two in the morning there, but Felicity was probably asleep. What day was it? Saturday. Did she work on Saturdays? Yes, she did. She worked at night on Saturdays. He remembered that now because that was the night he’d met Maverick at The Saloon, and he’d mentioned he was going to pick Felicity up from work. Kane had gone to The Cranberry Roost to have dinner and meet her.

  He smiled into the darkness as he remembered the look in her eyes as she’d come out from the kitchen with Shawn and had first spotted him, sitting there, waiting for her. She’d been surprised, but not unpleasantly. Not even close. Kane had known, right then and there, that this woman was special. She was different from any of the others. She was someone he could love.

  So why the hell was he sitting in a motel room in fucking Omaha, Nebraska, in the middle of the night, without her?

  He knew he might be waking her up, or worse, disturbing a kinky sex scene between her and Maverick, but he pushed the button that dialed her number anyway. He had to hear her voice, even if all he heard was her voice mail message.

  “Hello? Hello, Kane?”

  She must have looked at the caller ID. His heart broke at the desperate joy in her voice. Fuck this. Let Lauren and the other cousins handle this. He didn’t want to go to Connecticut. “Hello, baby girl. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  “What? No, it’s okay. Where are you?”

  “Omaha.”

  “That’s too far away.”

  Oh God…that voice…this was killing him. “I know. Felicity, is Maverick there, too?”

  “He’s sound asleep. You know how he is. He’d sleep through a bomb. Do you need to talk to him?”

  “No. I want to talk to you. I’m so sorry I left this morning without saying anything. I’m an ass. I—”

  “No, it’s okay. I understand.”

  “No, it’s not okay, Felicity. Please listen. I knew if I saw you and tried to say the words, I wouldn’t be able to drive away. But I have to do this. I have to see that things are settled and taken care of before I figure out how to make this work.”

  “Make what work?”

  She didn’t know, of course. She didn’t know that he had no intention of leaving her. But what if he had no choice? What if there was no way to live a double life, with over two thousand miles between them? Would it be fair right now to give her that kind of hope, and then snatch it away? He’d been away from home a long time. He knew there were many things he’d have to figure out first. “I have a lot to take care of at home, Felicity.”

  “Maverick said your grandmother is worse.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you.” He held the phone as close to his ear as possible, His entire being ached for her right now. Her eyes, her touch, and her scent filled his head. He wanted to kiss her lips and feel her arms around his body. “I miss you so much, baby girl.”

  “Oh, Kane. I miss you, too.” She was crying. Shit. Fuck it all. This was too much. No man could endure this and survive. “Are…Are you coming back ever? I have to know.”

  Oh, Jesus. He had to leave her with something. “I want to. I will try. I promise.”

  “When?”

  “Felicity, I don’t know.”

  “Okay.” She said it in the same small voice a child might use when conceding the point that she’d have to wait for a much-wanted treat or privilege, and Kane knew he was close to his breaking point.

  “Felicity, may I
call you tomorrow? I’ll call Maverick, too, so he knows what’s going on.”

  “Of course. Please call, or text even. Just don’t lose touch completely, okay? That’s the hardest thing.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for just leaving like that.”

  “Kane, I do forgive you. We went to Summer’s collaring ceremony earlier. It was nice.”

  He’d forgotten about that. “I wish I could have been there.”

  “So do we.”

  “I’ll let you go back to sleep, baby girl. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay.” Her tone of voice didn’t sound like she wanted to hang up, and Kane felt guilty all over again. He didn’t deserve her love. He didn’t deserve her. “When will you be in Connecticut?”

  “I’m not sure. Probably not until Monday at the earliest.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good night, Felicity.”

  “Good night, Kane.”

  He had to disconnect the call first, and it felt like he was driving a nail into his own coffin as he did so. He flipped on the TV, wondering how the hell he was going to drive halfway across the country with no sleep.

  * * * *

  Maverick did the best he could on Sunday to pass the time until Felicity was off work. She’d told him yesterday morning that Kane had called around two in the morning and had apologized to her for leaving so abruptly. He was glad of that. If he hadn’t done that, it would have been very difficult for Maverick to trust him again if he ever came back to town.

  Since then, they’d both heard from him only once, with an update on which town he was in. He expected to be in Connecticut sometime tomorrow morning. Maverick was helping Wes with some work outside, smiling as he imagined what Kane would say if he could see him mucking out stalls and repairing fencing. He really did look like a cowboy now.

  “How are things with Felicity?” asked Wes, pulling Maverick back to the present.