Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  I found it hard to believe a woman as beautiful as she could be so alone in this world. Whatever her past held, her future was bright. She’d never be alone again now that she carried our child. And no matter what, I’d never turn my back on her. But I had no idea how much of my heart I’d be able to give her.

  It wouldn’t be fair to her to ask her to marry me after knowing each other such a short amount of time. I didn’t believe in divorce—that’s just the way I was raised. My parents had been married a long time and taught us all that when you married someone, you stuck with them through thick and thin.

  Mom and Dad didn’t let any of us in on their bad times, but we knew they had them. Things would get a bit tense in our household and words were barely spoken between them at times, but before we knew it, they’d managed to work things out behind closed doors. Mom always told us it was important for a mother and father to put their marriage above everything else. Treat it the same way you’d treat a business partnership at a highly profitable company.

  I didn’t really understand why she’d say such a thing when I was younger. I mean, shouldn’t a couple always put their kids first?

  But I’d overheard Mom explaining her ideology to my sister just before she got married. Mom had told her that the marriage was the foundation for the family that would soon follow. Without a firm foundation, everything would crumble. Each and every part of the family was important, and everyone had their part in it. But without a solid marriage, things could fall apart.

  I couldn’t make a solid marriage with Katana at this point. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us or the baby. But I could be kind, and I could be there for her. I knew she blamed herself for the pregnancy; she’d told me as much. But I wanted desperately to take that burden off her narrow shoulders.

  Then and there, I made a pact with myself to always let Katana know I was over the moon about having a baby. Because that was the truth. I’d never contemplated having a child. Not even once. But I believed that was only because I hadn’t found the right woman for me—that was another strong belief that my parents had instilled in me.

  With Katana already pregnant, accident or not, I had no choice. I was going to be a father, end of subject. Why fight it? Why not enjoy it?

  My parents wouldn’t be too thrilled with me at first, but they’d come around. They adored every one of their grandchildren, and they’d adore mine too, even if they didn’t agree with Katana and me not being married.

  As I held her in my arms and breathed in the sweet scent of her lavender shampoo, I wondered how we’d end up getting along. Would she be okay with us being more like friends and co-parents rather than a couple? Because that’s how I imagined this turning out.

  Even as that thought went through my mind, I felt her snuggling into me, letting out a sigh as she did. My heart pumped a bit harder—it made me feel good to make her feel good. She felt safe, I could tell. I could keep her safe. I could keep her mind free from worry about most things. With my money, resources, and family, there was a lot I could make happen for her, and I could do that for the rest of her life.

  What I couldn’t do was tell her I loved her. I didn’t, and I wouldn’t lie to her about that. And I hoped she’d never lie to me about that either.

  Katana was no gold digger—at least she didn’t seem to be. But that was neither here nor there. She carried my child; I’d always make sure she had more than enough to take care of the child for the rest of her life. She’d kind of hit the lottery when my seed took hold inside of her.

  Another thought hit me, and this one knocked me back a bit. What if I fell in love with her, but she never fell in love with me? What if she met some man someday that she did fall in love with and wanted to marry? Where would that leave me?

  A deep sigh came out of me, realizing how rough things could get in the future. The future was uncertain. All I could do was my best. Suddenly I felt the tremendous weight of responsibility resting on my shoulders.

  A father to a child, a co-parent with a woman who had no one else in the world, and the responsibility to make sure no one got lost or left out of our little family.

  I was going to have a family of my own!

  It might not have happened in the way I’d imagined it happening someday, but I was about to have my own family. My father had taught us all that the man of the house had more responsibility to the family than anyone else did.

  I kind of hoped that wasn’t true. I liked to think both parents carried that responsibility together. And for the most part, from what I had seen in other’s marriages, that proved to be true. But then, I’d had few up close and personal experiences with marriages.

  When my sister had had her first baby with her husband a couple of years after they married, I was there. Things were going fine. She and her husband were working together to keep her calm and breathing through the painful contractions. A real team.

  Everyone had come up to the hospital to welcome the first of our expanding family. Taking turns visiting the expecting couple, some of us had waited in the waiting room while others spent some time in the room with them. I happened to be in the room with them when the shit hit the fan.

  Some alarm went off while she was having a contraction and suddenly two nurses were coming through the door in a rush. My sister held her husband’s hand, and both looked nervous. I had no idea what was happening.

  “We have to get her to the OR right now,” one of the nurses said.

  “Wait, why?” my brother-in-law asked. “What’s going on?”

  The nurse, who was busily taking IV bags off the stand and placing them on the bed, answered him. “That alarm is letting us know the baby’s heart has stopped beating. We’ll have to do an emergency C-section.” She pressed the call button on the bed, and another nurse asked what she needed. “Get the OR ready and get the doctor and everyone else in there now,” she told her.

  My sister began to cry. “What’s going to happen?” she asked the room in general.

  The nurse nearest to her patted her on the arm. “You’ll be put under, and we’ll get the baby out and see what we can do about getting its heart going again.” She looked at my brother-in-law. “Daddy, can you help keep Mommy calm until we put her under? And you’ll need to throw on some scrubs—they’re in the room just before we get to the operating room. You’ll need to hurry. You’ll have decisions to make once the baby is delivered. Decisions your wife won’t be able to make, as she’ll be asleep.”

  His face paled, and he nodded. But the color quickly rushed back to his face, and he looked at his wife with a strength he hadn’t had before. “I love you. I’ve got this. I’ve got you, and I’ve got our son. You have nothing to worry about. You can count on me.” He looked at me, frozen in my place with shock and worry. “Nixon, I need you to go out and inform the family about what’s happening. Tell them I will come out and let you all know how things are going as soon as we have everything under control.”

  “I love you, sis,” I managed to say, and then I hurried out of the room.

  In that moment, I’d seen the transfer of energy. I’d seen what a wife looked like when put into a situation where she was completely helpless, and I’d seen the weight of responsibility come to rest on the husband’s shoulders.

  Later, after the baby was born, and after they’d discovered that the umbilical cord had prolapsed and been pinched by the baby’s head, causing the heart to stop beating, my brother-in-law had come out.

  “He’s fine. And so is she. It was scary, but I don’t want any of you to worry. I’ll take good care of my wife and son,” he said.

  My mother went to hug him, and she started to cry. “You’re a great man. Our daughter is lucky to have you.”

  We’d all nodded, and everyone had gained a lot of respect for the man our sister had married. And after witnessing similar scenes with the rest of my family, I knew the possible obstacles that could come my way with a baby and a woman to take care of. A heaping load of responsibilit
y.

  Daunting, yes, but completely doable.

  I kissed the top of Katana’s head, closing my eyes and trying to stop thinking about everything so I could fall asleep.

  My future had been changed forever, and I could rest well knowing that I’d been brought up right and could handle all I’d just been given.

  Chapter 14

  Katana

  After finally getting a good night’s sleep, I woke up feeling refreshed and better than I had in a very long time. I heard noise coming from the bathroom and knew Nixon had gotten up before me. When I sat up and stretched, I saw something hanging on the hook on the closet door, and saw a brand-new pair of black flats sitting at the bottom of a garment bag.

  A smile curled my lips, realizing Nix had already had something sent up for me to wear since my clothes had been pretty much destroyed. He really knew how to take care of a girl. I had to count myself lucky that I’d gotten myself knocked up by him and not some low-life.

  The bathroom door opened and steam poured out of it, shrouding a hulking figure. Nixon stood there with a towel wrapped around his waist as he used another one to dry his hair, rubbing his head. “Hey, pretty lady. Glad to see you up. Wanna go grab some breakfast?” He jerked his head toward the garment bag. “I got you something to wear.”

  Climbing out of bed, I took the sheet with me to wrap around myself. The weight loss had me feeling self-conscious about my thin body. “I’ll get showered and dressed so we can head out.”

  He stepped out of my way but reached out to me, grabbing the top of the sheet. “Why are you hiding behind that?”

  Ducking my head, I mumbled, “I’m not hiding.”

  He let the sheet go and took me by the chin. “You’re not happy with your weight, are you?”

  I shook my head. “Not really.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re well taken care of now. We’ll find a doctor in Los Angeles to help you feel better.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  “I already feel a lot better,” I admitted, looking into his green eyes. “Your support means the world to me. I know this wasn’t planned …”

  He put his finger to my lips. “Hush. I want you to know something. It doesn’t matter that this wasn’t planned. I’m over the moon about this baby, and I can’t thank you enough for making this all so easy.”

  I couldn’t believe what I heard coming out of his mouth. He was over the moon? “You’re a surprising man, Nixon Slaughter. It’s been less than a day since you found out about this baby, and already you’re stepping up to the plate much faster than I’d ever thought possible.”

  “Yeah, well, what’s done is done. Why fight it? Might as well enjoy this as much as a real couple would, right?” he asked, then walked away from me.

  “That’s a great attitude to have,” I said as I went into the bathroom.

  As great as his attitude was, what he’d said hit me harder than it should have. Maybe it was the hormones, I couldn’t tell, but I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and they fell down my cheeks.

  We weren’t a couple. We were hardly more than strangers. And we had been pushed together by this pregnancy. How’d I ever gotten myself into such an awkward situation?

  How would a child fare with parents who didn’t even love one another?

  I stepped into the shower, letting the water wash my tears away. My hands trembled as I moved them over my flat stomach. There was something growing inside of me, a tiny human that would grow bigger and bigger with each passing day. And the father and I barely knew one another.

  Trying my best to pull myself together, I tried to stop thinking such thoughts and concentrate on the fact that I had someone who’d be by my side through all of this. Granted, I had no real idea how helpful Nixon would prove to be, but what he’d said told me he’d be great. Having him would be a hell of a lot better than doing this all on my own.

  A knock on the door jolted me out of my internal thoughts. “Hey, if you don’t feel up to going out, I can order room service. It’s all up to you.”

  “If you want to order in then you can do that,” I called out, and then finished rinsing my hair.

  He opened the door and stepped inside. “I want you to decide, Katana.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me.” I moved back a bit, hoping the water hitting the clear glass shower door would distort my image somewhat. My hipbones jutted out, and I hated the way they looked.

  “Pick,” he said, undeterred by my lack of an answer. “There’s a breakfast buffet going on in one of the cafés downstairs. Doesn’t that sound good?”

  I could see he wasn’t going to make the decision so I made one. “Yeah, let’s do that. I’m getting out now.”

  “K.” He walked back out, leaving the door wide open.

  As I dried off, I thought about how nice Nix was. Things might really work out with us. Not that I expected him to fall in love with me or anything like that, but it would be nice to get along well with him. I might be living with the guy for the next eighteen years or so, and getting along would make that easier.

  Wrapping the towel around myself, I went to grab the garment bag and saw him watching television. “How are you feeling?”

  “Pretty good,” I said, taking the bag of clothes and heading back to the bathroom to get dressed. I found another very expensive dress in the bag and pulled on the dark blue knee-length dress. It zipped up the back, and I couldn’t seem to get it all the way up.

  Doing the best I could, I headed out and asked him to zip me the rest of the way up. I slipped on the flats and we headed out. His hand on the small of my back felt nice. The way people looked at us as we came into the breakfast area had me smiling as they gave us polite nods and morning greetings.

  It was very unlike the way people had looked at us when we’d come to the same place nearly a month ago. Now we were seen differently than we’d been before—something closer to a couple than a dirty one-night stand. And it made me feel even better.

  A hostess told us to sit anywhere we liked after letting us know that the cost of the buffet would be added to the hotel room bill. The food was decadent, and everything looked and smelled terrific.

  Nixon led me to a table near the window. “Like this? Or want to sit somewhere else?”

  “This is fine, Nix.” I placed my purse on the chair, and we headed to the buffet.

  He stood close to me as we filled our plates, pointing out healthy things like the fresh fruits and telling me they’d be great for the baby and me. A smile stayed on my face as he doted on me and our little unborn baby already.

  When we sat down to eat, he reached across the table, taking my hand. “Thanks again for letting me know about this so early on. I doubt most women would be as nice as you are about this. Would you like me to set up a moving service to get your things to my place today?”

  “Today?” I asked, just before I put a piece of delicious hickory smoked bacon into my mouth.

  “Sure, why not today?” he asked and then cut his stack of pancakes, taking a bite.

  “Well, I have to let my landlord know I’m moving. I have a lease. He might not let me out of it.” I took a drink of apple juice and waited to see what he thought about that.

  “I’ll pay to get you out of the lease. Should we go see him today and get that taken care of?” he asked, putting his fork down and looking at me. “I want to take you home with me.”

  Flattered, I had no idea what to say. There were things I had to take care of. Not a ton of things, but there were some. I had laundry I had to get done, and I’d need to pack my things. I’d have to get boxes to do that. “Nix, I’ll need about a week to get things done.”

  “A week?” He looked stunned as he shook his head. “That’s too long. I want to get you to a doctor.”

  “I don’t think this is an emergency,” I said with a laugh. “And I don’t think we’ll get an appointment that quickly anyway. A week’s not that long.”
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br />   He looked at his plate then picked up a piece of bacon, munching on it as he thought about what I’d said. His brow furrowed, probably thinking about what he could say to speed me up. “I can stay with you then; help you get everything done.”

  My apartment was a complete wreck. Being sick—or pregnant, I guess—had left me too tired to do much of anything. In no way did I want him to see the mess the place had become. “Nix, can I be honest with you?”

  “Please do,” he said then reached out and took my hand. “You can always be honest with me, Katana.”

  “Great,” I sighed as I readied myself to come clean with him. “My place is a wreck right now. I don’t want you to see it. Since I’ve been so sick…”

  He gave my hand a squeeze as he interrupted me. “Stop right there. If you think I’m going to judge you about the state of your apartment, you’re dead wrong. As a matter of fact, let me hire a maid service to get things cleaned up for you. Let me take care of you.” He shook his head before changing his mind about what he’d said. “No—scratch that. I am going to take care of you. I’m hiring a maid service to clean your place. I’m hiring movers to pack your things and bring them to Malibu. And I’m going to go with you to talk to your landlord to settle any money owed for breaking the lease. No discussion.”

  I didn’t know what to think or say to all that. But then my mouth opened and out came the words I’d had no idea would come. “No, I’ll take care of those things myself, Nix. I’ll be at your place in a week. And I’ll take care of any money my landlord says I owe. Thank you, but I can do this part on my own.”

  Now where did that come from?

  Chapter 15

  Nixon

  I had to admit that Katana had stupefied me when she flat-out turned down my help. But it did let me know the woman was no gold digger, not that I’d truly suspected that anyways. It’d been a week since I’d left her to take care of things on her end, and I expected her to show up at any time. The movers had already brought her things to my place the day before, and everything had already been put away. She’d come home to find she had nothing to do. I hoped she’d be pleased about that.