by Jessica Park
“We’re about to land, so get ready to run,” Matt told her.
When the ground was just beneath them, they both started running in the air until their feet hit the grass. As they ran, the force of the landing threw Matt harder than he was expecting, and they fell forward. He caught himself on his arms just before his weight crushed Julie.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Hell, yes, I’m okay!” She was breathing hard, the exhilaration coursing through her system in the same way that it was for Matt.
He reached between them and undid the buckles that kept them together. He held himself above her, frozen, because this was the hard part. She wasn’t strapped to him any longer. She could go.
Julie rolled onto her back under him and lifted off both of their helmets and goggles while she caught her breath.
“Matty.” She smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“That was fun. Like, really, really fun.”
“Good.” Matt tried, but he wasn’t able to smile with her.
She grew serious. “What is it?”
He couldn’t answer.
She touched his cheek, studying him and reading him in the way that only Julie did. “Are you scared?”
“No.”
She asked again. “Are you scared?”
“Yes.”
“That I’ll leave? That I’ll get up and walk away?” She was sending his own words back to him, bringing their online life further into reality.
“Yes.”
“I won’t do that. I won’t leave.” Julie reached her arms around his neck. “Close your eyes, Matthew, and listen while I tell you how I feel about you.”
He did what she asked.
“You are my everything,” Julie said. “You are challenging, and difficult, and guarded. I love those things about you. You are fascinating, and complex, and brilliant, and funny. I love those things about you, too. I am in love with your selflessness and your ability to sacrifice too much. I am in love with the parts of you that fear and that hurt and that push people away. I am love in with your vulnerability and your strength. I am in love with your capacity to love harder and with more loyalty than I ever imagined anyone could. I am in love with the choices you’ve made, even the mistakes, because they brought us to where we are right now. More than those things, I am very simply in love with you and everything that you are. Your past, your present, and your future.” She touched her fingers to him, tracing his lips and then moving across his jaw and over his cheek. “I think about you all the time, and I can’t get you out of my head. I am listening to my heart, finally, without doubting anything. And I will never stop.” And then she kissed him. Long and hard and endlessly, only eventually slowing. “Now open your eyes and look at me. I feel everything that you feel, Matt. I always have, and I know that now. And it is time to stop hurting.”
Matt dropped his head and rested his cheek on hers, not caring that Julie felt the tears now pressed between them.
I did it, Finn. I did it. I was ready to jump, and now she’s jumping with me.
Keep Going
Flat-Out Love, Bonus Chapter 33, Julie’s Point of View
Matt Watkins I will never compromise on my poorly-thought-out, internally-inconsistent, quasi-irrational principles. That's just how I roll.
Julie Seagle You are my favorite status reader in the whole wide world. Yes, you.
Celeste Watkins has no contractual obligation to use contractions. So maybe she will use them, and maybe she will not… So maybe she’ll use them, and maybe she won’t.
Julie leaned her head against the window and looked at Matt as he drove. He was clearly trying as hard as she was to keep from smiling. The effort was particularly adorable on his part, considering that he was not prone to walking around grinning at the slightest thing. It was wonderful to see him happy. Not that she didn’t love his serious side. While Julie could be reduced to silliness at the mere mention of, for instance, any one of the Kardashians, Matt was more controlled. Controlled, disciplined, focused.
Not bad qualities for a number of things.
She shifted in her seat and drifted her hand over his thigh. Matt took a deep breath and gave her a quick glance before staring back at the highway in front of them. He tightened his hand over hers.
Aha! He was just as squirmy as she was.
“Why aren’t you two saying anything? This is incomprehensible!” Celeste leaned forward from the back seat and popped her head between them. “There has been a major event, and it seems that it would be appropriate for both of you to be engaging in some sort of dialogue in which you detail the experience.”
Julie couldn’t stop watching Matt as she spoke. “I jumped out of an airplane,” she said slowly.
“I know, Julie! You did, didn’t you! It was an act of outstanding bravery, if you ask me.”
“I jumped out of a goddamn airplane.” She was aware that she was still reeling from the day. Still in shock. The last thing that she wanted right now was another rapid-fire conversation, but with Celeste around, avoiding that would be nearly impossible. Stringing coherent words together was simply not easy, though.
“Say more,” Celeste demanded.
“I jumped out of a goddamn airplane with Matt.” She paused. “Because of Matt. For Matt.”
She heard him catch his breath. “Julie.”
The sound in his voice now, the way he spoke her name….
There was a new tone there that she wanted more of. She could feel the ache between them now. The need. This morning she kissed Matt, threw her arms around him, and told him how totally wrong she’d been to walk away from him before. Then she felt that first surge of crazy heat that came after months of denying what they meant to each other. And now that they’d jumped from that plane together, Julie couldn’t get over how deeply she trusted Matt.
Celeste sighed happily and sunk back into her seat. “I find that quite the romantic declaration. Yes, it’s true that I may not be the utmost expert on romance, but I can say for sure that gestures like this must certainly be up there with Romeo and Juliet’s. Although clearly those two died at the end of their story, and fortunately there was no glitch with your chute because here you are. Alive and well. Obviously.”
Matt practically snorted. “Gee, thank you for that, Celeste. I bet Julie made cardboard cutouts of us, though. You know, just in case.”
“Jesus, Matt,” Julie muttered.
“Ha! I thought that was funny. Don’t worry, Julie, I can appreciate some teasing regarding Flat Finn. Granted, that joke was still morbid and disturbing, but considering that has been my family’s predominant theme for so long, I am quite comfortable with it.”
Matt squeezed Julie’s hand again. “You do know that we weren’t going to die, right?”
“Yes, Matthew. Today was certainly not about creative suicide. At all. It was about us. Also,” she said more softly, “I should point out that the day is not over.”
The car picked up noticeable speed. “How many more exits until we’re home?” he asked.
“Why are you in such a rush?” Celeste demanded. “It’s only six o’clock.”
“I just…. I just would like to get you back to the house.”
“What about you? Won’t you two be staying for dinner? I bet we could get Mom and Dad to watch a movie with us. Mom will probably try popping popcorn kernels herself in that idiotic oversized pot she likes so much, and we’ll all be stuck eating charred nuggets, but it could be nice and representative of a highly functional family.”
Matt cleared his throat. “I’m just going to drop you off, Celeste.”
“Oh. Are you and Julie going somewhere? What will you be doing? There’s a Greek festival in the South End this evening. That could be delightful, don’t you think? Spanikopita, baklava, and lots of yogurt items, I imagine.”
Julie grinned. “Is that what you were thinking, Matt? Are you in the mood for a little music and dancing? A tour of the Greek cathedral, perhaps
?”
Matt raised an eyebrow. “Tour the Greek cathedral, huh? We can call it that, if you want. Sure.”
Julie smacked his arm and then turned to Celeste. “We may get there. Matt is going to take me home so… that I can get cleaned up. I’m probably covered in dead bugs, so I need to decontaminate.”
“Cleaned up? Decontaminate? Gee, you’re full of euphemisms today, aren’t you?”
“Matt, seriously,” Julie said between clenched teeth and nodded toward the back seat.
“Don’t worry,” Celeste said with delight. “I’m following along just fine. I understand that neither of you will be attending the Greek Festival. And you two certainly have no business visiting any cathedrals.”
**********
Matt took the keys from Julie’s hand, tossed them across the room, and shut her apartment door with his foot. He moved one hand behind her neck and pulled her mouth against his. She whimpered slightly, overwhelmed at how much she felt for him. The few kisses they’d shared before had been driven by emotion. This was different. This time it was about heat and longing. More specifically, how completely she wanted him out of his geeky I’m Uncertain About Quantum Mechanics T-shirt.
He pulled away for a moment. “Dana’s not here, right?”
Julie shook her head. Dana was gone for the weekend, but she was having trouble finding the words to say so. To say anything.
She had just jumped out of an airplane.
And, as of a matter of a few hours ago, she and Matt were together. No more secrets between them, no confusion.
This day was a lot to take in. And she wanted more.
“Julie?” Matt asked.
Although she knew logically that her body was here in the apartment, part of her was still falling to earth, as if she were still in the jump. It had been just as Matt described it. A rush, a high, a drug. A degree of pounding terror, sure, but mostly a dreamlike, out-of-body, euphoric experience. One that she was still in. The straps holding them together for the tandem jump had been tighter than she had expected, but she’d liked that. Being so tied to Matt, becoming totally part of each other.
“Julie? You okay?” Matt tucked her hair behind her ears and looked at her with concern. She lifted her mouth to kiss him again, but he stopped her. “Are you… here?”
She put an arm around his waist and pulled him in. “I want to be with you,” she whispered.
“I want to be with you, too. But you need to be grounded. You’re still in the air, aren’t you?”
“So what?” She smiled. “I like it up here. And I still know what I want.”
“I need you to be here. With me.”
She kissed him again, hard, and he responded with equal intensity, feeding her lightheaded state and letting her continue to drift in her soaring, dissociated world of rushing air and white noise. It was everything and nothing at the same time: feeling too much, too little, trying to separate this world from the adrenaline-based world. Eventually his kisses slowed, softened, and his firm hold on her waist eased a bit. Matt was bringing her back down to reality, gently and respectfully. And now that’s where she wanted to be. She let clarity set back in.
Julie took her mouth from his as she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “I’m here.”
“In that case,” Matt stepped back and began unzipping her sweatshirt, “you have on way too many clothes.”
She put her hands over his. “Wait, I should go take a shower… first.” She could smell the leftover stench of fear still on her skin from the skydive.
And maybe from what she knew she was about to do.
Matt smiled. “In that case, you still have on too many clothes. And I’m pretty sure you’re going to need some help in that shower.”
“Because I’m incompetent?” she teased.
“Of course not. But showering can be complicated.” He dropped her sweatshirt to the floor. “It’s really not something you should try to take on alone after the day you’ve had.”
Julie kicked off her shoes. “That’s incredibly kind of you to offer your skilled help.” She took his hand and led him down the hall to the bathroom.
Wait a minute. Oh God. What the hell was she thinking? The bathroom had bright lights. And a toilet. How sexy is a toilet? Not very. Unless you’re into weird things. Which she wasn’t. In fact, as a person who had never been entirely naked with another person, she didn’t have the experience to be into anything. And what about the lights? Unless she’s got some crazy supermodel body, no girl wants to be seen under a horribly unflattering glare. But now what was she supposed to do? Stop in her tracks, shove Matt back into the hall, and slam the bathroom door so that she could shower in privacy? That was stupid. Being naked was stupid. Sex was probably stupid.
But then they were there, about to be surrounded by tile and pornographic lighting. This was a terrible idea.
Matt hit the switch on the wall, and in what Julie was quite sure could only be a sign from the universe that Matt was the one—her one—the light bulb crackled and flashed before going out. She smiled. Now there was just early evening light filtering through the window.
It was time to stop thinking.
She turned on the hot water in the shower, and then Matt was behind her, pulling her against him. Ever so slowly, he undid the top of her jeans. She looked down, watching as he pushed them lower until they fell to the floor. His hands moved to the hem of her shirt, and she raised her arms as he pulled the fabric over her head. He pushed her hair aside and brushed his lips over her neck. The way he was moving his tongue over her skin made her knees weak, and she leaned her head back into him.
The sound of his voice in her ear made her shiver. “I have been thinking about this—about you—for months.”
His hands moved to the curve of her waist, then up higher, gently over her breasts. For a moment, one hand slipped into her bra, tightening just enough so that she closed her eyes as a wave of anticipation took over. Steam from the running shower started to fill the room. Julie could feel her breathing pick up, her chest starting to pound under his hand. She nearly cried when he pulled away, but when that touch moved lower, down her stomach, the tips of his fingers sliding just under the top of her underwear… she didn’t complain. As he traced the outline of the fabric so painfully, painfully slowly, Julie briefly wondered if anyone could literally go insane with lust. Not just because of what he was doing to her now, but because it made her wonder what he might do to her later. He was both careful and aggressive. He was in control. It was the same way that Matt managed so many parts of his life, with this same undeniable capability.
“You were scared earlier today. In the plane, before we jumped.” He whispered in her ear and then kissed her shoulder. “What about right now?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t be.” His hands slid over her waist, across her stomach, until she was fully embraced in his arms. He held her close. “We’ll do what you want, when you want.”
She turned around to face him.
How you find love means nothing. It’s what you do with it when you see it that does. And when Julie looked at Matt, she unquestionably saw love. She would cart around hundreds of flat brothers and do the godforsaken Polar Plunge every year for the rest of her life if it meant that she would end up where she was right now.
“I want you, Matt. I want everything. You kept me safe today, you’ll keep me safe now.”
“Always. I promise, always.”
Together, they eased off his shirt and pants. She took him by the hand as she stepped, still half-dressed, back into the shower, until she was leaning against the wall. Matt moved in front of her and pulled the shower curtain closed. She reached up for him, pulling him in to her, needing him to kiss her, to hold her. And he did just that. His kisses were so complete and passionate, so perfect, and she finally understood what it meant to drown oneself in another person.
She worried before about being self-conscious, about the lighting, about not lo
oking like some airbrushed supermodel. That seemed a distant and ridiculous memory now because, considering how his hands were stroking her body, he made worrying about that impossible. And, she realized, he wasn’t that kind of a guy. He didn’t want or need her to be or look like anyone else. And she didn’t need that from him. They were Matt and Julie, real people. That’s why she could be so comfortable, so trusting, with him—he wanted her for who she was, as she was.
Soon his kisses traveled from her lips to her neck. Then to the top of her chest, getting harder, more urgent. Occasionally he’d pause in one spot, tasting her skin, savoring the connection between them. Julie reached behind her and undid her bra, now wet and clinging to her body. Before she could get her arms down, he had lowered the straps himself. She found her hands in his hair while his mouth moved over her breasts. Time started to get fuzzy. Then he was kissing her lips again as his fingers raked into her back, pulling her against his chest, driving her wild. Julie wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling as if she could never get him close enough. His skin was soft under the water… slick, enticing… and she started to let her hands roam. Soon her touch reached down to his waist and she pushed him away slightly so that she could finally get his underwear off.
He met her eyes as she fully undressed him, and that adorable, flirty glint of his filled his face. “Now there’s just one more piece of clothing we have to get rid of.”
He kissed his way down her breasts and stomach until he was kneeling in front of her. Julie wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand up, and she couldn’t help the noise that escaped her lips as he took his time getting off her underwear. How could anybody be so patient? Fortunately he was leading things here because she could have easily been convinced to skip all of these delightful steps and just… Oh, God… Matt stayed where he was, his hands caressing the backs of her legs as his lips kissed her thighs. Julie shut her eyes and ran her hands through her hair as he meticulously worked his way a bit higher. Then he stopped, staying where he was for an all-too-short few moments, before standing in front of her again.