I exhaled. “I know. I miss you,” I said, hugging my sister. She and I had always been so close. Normally, I would have told her what was happening in my life, but I didn’t want anyone to talk me out of this. Nor could I handle her feeling sorry for me.
“You didn’t seem like yourself last night. Is everything okay?”
I hated lying to my sister, but it was a necessary evil.
“Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine. I was just feeling like I was coming down with something. But I feel better now.” Lies. More lies. I can’t wait for this to finally be over. I shoved my hand in my pocket and stuck my thigh with the pin.
My sister looked at me skeptically, almost as if she were reading my mind. “You don’t have to go through with it you know. We’ll understand.”
“What?”
“The wedding. If you’re having any doubts, don’t get married. Marriage is really hard and takes a lot of work, especially if you are married to the wrong person.” Has Kristie felt Angelina was wrong for me?
My sister knew me too well. “I’m sure everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to,” I said, trying to be as vague as possible and sticking myself again with the pin in my pocket. I was so tempted to pour my heart out to her and tell her everything. I no sooner finished my sentence, when Stuart and Phillip came in, making it very clear to Kristie that we needed our male bonding time.
“Just remember what I said,” she echoed toward me as she left.
For a split second, I almost followed her out into the hall to talk. If Stuart and Phillip had waited any longer to come bursting in, I probably would have told her about Angelina and Derrick. I’d have to deal with the aftermath of not telling her, which brought up thoughts of all kinds of future awkward moments—explaining why I had chosen retribution over simply walking away.
I took a sip of my drink and listened to Stuart and Phillip talk about last night’s game. Derrick arrived and joined in on the conversation. None of them seemed to recognize I wasn’t participating very much, but I gave acknowledgement tokens to not seem disinterested. I was beginning to understand how women felt ignored by men who were more consumed with watching sports than noticing the obvious right in front of them. But this male shortcoming worked out in my favor.
Sipping my drink, it dawned on me that explaining the situation was going to drain every ounce out of me. Hitting me like a lightning bolt, I realized I could get out of town and go to Hawaii without Angelina. The trip was paid for and I sure as hell wasn’t letting her and Derrick go on my honeymoon. I might look like a loser going on my honeymoon without my bride, but, it might just be the break I actually need.
Luckily, the idle chatter continued until it was time. Time for us to assume our positions. I felt like I was about to bend over and grab my ankles. Walking to the front of the ballroom I thought I was going to hear someone call out “Dead man walking.” But instead, Derrick was patting me on the back. “I’m really excited for you, man. Angelina is a great woman.”
“Thanks,” was all I could muster as I stuck myself again. I wasn’t going to blow things by confronting Derrick now. I’d have my chance very soon.
Guests had been arriving and the seats were filling up. Derrick and I stood up at the altar with a few minutes to spare.
“Are you nervous?” he asked me.
“Yeah, a little bit,” I said, thinking that sounded normal.
“It’s only natural,” he rebutted.
I nodded. I couldn’t stand talking to him, much less being in such close proximity to him, but there we were. Finally, the music began to play and Angelina emerged with her father to walk down the aisle. Once her mother stood, everyone else followed suit. It was difficult to tell if she was looking at me or Derrick. The veil disguised her eyes making eye contact virtually impossible.
Upon reaching me, her father lifted her veil, kissed her on the cheek, and guided her hand to mine. The minister began the ceremony in the same fashion I had heard many times before. I was waiting for the words I wanted him to say that would cue Leslie. It was almost time.
“Does anyone know of just cause why these two should not be joined together? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
I waited for a moment. Then I looked at our minister and said, “Before you continue, I’d like to take a moment to show a special video clip.”
Angelina’s face lit up. She was probably thinking I was doing something special for her, not cluing in that I was objecting to marrying her.
The minister nodded, not realizing what was about to happen. I glanced over at Leslie, who pushed a button on the remote she was holding. On the wall above the altar, the video I had taken of Derrick and Angelina together began playing in all its glory. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this video was worth ten times that. It was abundantly clear what was happening in the video and who was doing it. The silent room began to erupt with gasps. Angelina, realizing what was happening, looked up at me with tears.
“How could you do this?” she asked in disbelief.
“How could I do this? How could you? How could you sleep with my best friend?” I asked, dropping her hands.
By this point, Leslie had managed to turn off the video and the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Derrick stood there with his mouth gaping open.
Looking at the minister I said, “I object to my own wedding because my bride is having an affair with my best man.” The minister cleared his throat while I began making my way down the aisle to leave. I looked over at my family, who were all sitting there in shock and said, “I’m sorry, but I had to do this. I hope you can understand.”
Derrick came up behind me and grabbed onto my shoulder. I turned abruptly and delivered a right hook across his face, causing him to fall backward. Staring up at me from the ground, anger emanated from his face. His jaw was tight and his hands were balled up into fists. He got up and started toward me, but Stuart and Phillip restrained him. They clearly understood. How the fuck could Derrick be angry with me? Asshole.
Angelina’s parents had come to her side to shield her, walking her briskly back down the aisle, away from me and all of our guests.
“Mom, Dad…I’m going out of town for a few days. I’ll be in touch when I am ready.”
My mom had tears in her eyes, her hand pressed against her chest.
“We understand,” my dad said. “Don’t worry about anything. We’ll handle everything here. Just take care of yourself and call if you need anything.”
I hugged my parents and my sisters who were too choked up to say very much. Then, I left. I glanced back for a brief moment, looking at the chaos I’d just created. Kristie made eye contact with me. She gave me a half smile and blew me a kiss—her way of telling me everything was going to be okay. I hoped she was right. I hoped she was right.
Chapter 8: Lindy
Lafayette, LA
Driving away from the hospital, I had to get a grip. I knew Ro needed to stay and take care of Todd, but I was so disappointed she wouldn’t be coming with me to Maui. I needed her so much, but she viewed me as the strong one. Being strong all the time was exhausting. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. I needed someone to be my rock for a change. But so far, Dane had been the only one who had ever managed to be strong for me. He had been my shield from everything that went wrong in my world. I should count my blessings that I had him for fourteen years, but right now I was just trying to wrap my mind around doing this alone. Always alone.
Turning into my trailer park, I had no idea how I had even gotten home. I was consumed with sadness.
Overwhelmed by the notion that I was alone. Again.
What did they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? But, the losses I had incurred in my life had killed parts of me, making me want to bury my head in the sand so I didn’t have to deal with anything around me. But, that wasn’t possible. I had to deal with things. There was no choice in the matter.
When I pulled up in front of my
meager place, Dane’s best friend Randy was leaning against his truck, waiting for me. He came toward my car to open my door when I parked. Taking his hand to get out, I looked up into his kind face. Randy had always tried to be there for me, but for some reason I couldn’t let him in. I had always kept him at arm’s length. But here he was, showing me again his faithfulness.
“Lindy, you look beat. Is everything okay?”
“I just left Ro at the hospital. Todd had an accident on the rig, but he’s going to be fine,” I said, wiping a quick tear away from my eye. Crying in front of anyone just wasn’t an option.
“I had no idea. Is it bad?”
“They had to do surgery, and he needs time to recover, but he was lucky.”
“That’s good. I know how much Ro and Todd mean to you. I’m glad he’s going to be okay. I brought coffee and breakfast sandwiches. I thought we could hang out together if you’re up for it.”
“I’m starving, so food would be great. Come on in.”
Randy followed behind me with a bag in one hand and coffee in the other as we entered my trailer. Sitting at my small kitchen table, Randy looked different to me; mature—handsome. Why hadn’t I noticed his good looks before? Probably because Dane had always been the only one for me.
“So, is Ro still going with you to Maui?” he asked as he slid a breakfast sandwich toward me.
“No, she needs to take care of Todd.”
“You’re going by yourself?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
“Looks like it,” I said, uncertain of where Randy was going with this.
“I could go with you if you’d like.”
I hesitated at the thought of him coming with me. Not knowing if it was a good idea or not I kind of shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m meant to do this on my own. Stand on my own two feet and find closure. But I appreciate you offering.” I didn’t know what else to say. He had caught me off guard.
Randy smiled. “I’d like you to find closure and be able to move on too. I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.”
Huh? He’ll be here waiting? “What do you mean? You’re always here for me,” I said, trying to push him away. This was becoming way too real for me. I wanted to sprout wings and fly far, far away. I couldn’t take on any more emotions this morning.
Randy exhaled. “What I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you. I’ve cared about you for a long time and I’d like the chance to spend some time with you.”
My gut instinct was to tell him I wasn’t ready. But I didn’t. It was time to give someone a chance and Randy was a good man. “I would like to spend time with you too, Randy.” The words came out before I fully realized what I was saying. I had entered uncharted territory and I was uncertain of what I was doing. But I had already said it and I couldn’t reel the words back into my mouth.
Taking my hand Randy said, “Good. Then how about we go out to dinner when you get back? You’re only going for a few days, right?”
“That would be nice and yes, just a few days.” All I could afford was a few days, but it was better than nothing.
As usual, our breakfast together was easy and comfortable. He was someone I could be me around. He understood my grief, and had always been so good to me. But, could I travel with him now? I didn’t think so. Going alone was a good plan. We chatted more about Todd and how his work might be affected. Randy would understand because his dad had been in an accident a few years ago and couldn’t work for several months. It put a real strain on his mom.
Randy stood up, taking me along with him. He pulled me in for a hug. “Call me when you get back so we can make plans,” he whispered in my ear. Something about the way he did this was sexy to me and I felt an instant jolt in my stomach. Where did that come from? Yesterday, I viewed Randy as a brother. Today, that had changed.
“I will,” I whispered back.
After Randy left, I thought about him for the rest of the day. It had been three years since any man had been close to me. Randy had always been around, checking up on me, looking after me. I had spent some holidays with his family. If I were honest with myself, I had always seen him as a good man and had wondered why he didn’t have a wife or girlfriend. He had surprised me with his forwardness, but I really liked it.
I had to admit I was scared…scared things wouldn’t work out and then I’d have one less person in my life. I really couldn’t afford to lose anyone else. My life was sparse enough as it was. But then I realized I was more frightened of not opening myself to something that could be wonderful. Randy could be that something wonderful for me. Somewhere along the line, being loved just didn’t seem like it was in the cards for me. But, maybe I was wrong.
Chapter 9: Trace
San Diego, CA
After finally making it through security and finding my gate, I sat for a moment to take inventory of my life. Shit. What had I just done? Everyone was upset with me. Part of me was wishing I had just broken up with Angelina privately instead of publically humiliating her and her family. The whole Hell hath no fury expression came to mind. But, it was too late now. I had let the proverbial cat out of the bag and there was no turning back. How had I ended up like this? Sitting in the airport, about to go on my honeymoon alone because the woman I love had betrayed me.
The woman I love. Loved. How do I switch that off? Derrick had looked angry. Angry – at me. What the hell? I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve lost here. Not them. Why?
Looking at my phone, which I’d avoided since I walked out of the wedding, I had twenty-four text messages. Cringing at the thought of reading them even though I had nothing to feel guilty about, I began going through them. Somehow I did have a twinge of guilt and some of the messages made it worse. Maybe it was the fact I had left my family to clean up the mess. Maybe it was because I had seen hurt in Angelina’s eyes when it dawned on her what was happening. Even though she had hurt me terribly, I didn’t have to strike back. My ego had gotten the better of me. But why should I feel guilty here? She. Screwed. My. Best friend. She screwed my life.
Scrolling through the messages, I had one from Angelina. It simply read, “Sorry.” That’s it. Sorry. I had intended to spend the rest of my life with this woman. Share everything I had, including my company¸ and all I got was a sorry. No explanation. But what was I truly expecting? She knew my past, about Melissa cheating on me in high school. Obviously, she didn’t care. I had trusted her, making another mistake with a woman who was more like Melissa than I ever thought possible. I needed to break out of this pattern. I couldn’t take this happening again.
Nothing from Derrick. Asshole.
I answered some messages and deleted the rest. My plane was boarding…at last. All I wanted was peace—time to sort things out. I had upgraded our airline tickets to first class as a surprise for my bride. I had planned many surprises for our honeymoon. What a waste. I guess I’d either do them by myself or try to find a couple on their honeymoon to give my prepaid plans to. Perhaps that would be the right thing to do, pay it forward by giving it away.
Taking my seat, the flight attendant offered me champagne and I gladly took it. The seat next to me was empty because it belonged to Angelina. I was grateful for the space and not having to create small talk with some random stranger on the plane. Staring out the window, I wondered what my life would be like if I hadn’t caught them. A lie. It would be a total fucking lie and I’d be none the wiser. I said a quick prayer thanking God I knew the truth before I married her. Something I knew saved me a ton of heartache in the future. It was way better to not get married now than to get divorced down the road.
As I was finishing my champagne, the flight attendant came back with a pillow and blanket. I had to admit sleep had evaded me the last couple of nights, so I gladly took them and made myself comfortable. I even took the sleep mask and slippers. She said she would wake me when dinner was being served. The minute I shut out the world by slipping the sleep mask over my eyes I was out. The exhaustion had
taken its toll and my body needed to recover.
Waking up with a jarring motion, I broke free of my dream. In it, I was standing before my guests at the wedding completely naked. Not too far off considering what had happened today, airing my dirty laundry for everyone to see. My stomach churned as my mind recapped the ugly events of the last forty-eight hours.
Uncertain of why I was beating myself up, I decided to snap out of it. It may take a while to trust again, but that didn’t mean I had to be lonely. The flight attendant had been smiling at me every chance she got, so maybe I could avoid thinking about the shit storm raging at home and have fun. Just simple, no strings-attached fun.
***
Opening my eyes, I found myself in an empty bed. The first night of my honeymoon and here I was completely alone. A week ago I never could have imagined I’d be here without Angelina. Son of a bitch. How could she have done this to me?
Swinging my feet toward the floor, I felt the hard wood beneath them. I propped up my head with my hands. I had to stop drinking like this. Drowning my sorrows wasn’t the answer either. Getting up, I made my way to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face was harsh at first, but ultimately soothing. I needed to find water and aspirin ASAP. Returning to the bedroom, I fumbled through my luggage. Ah, blessed aspirin. I spotted a bottle of water on the counter and began gulping it down like a dying man in the desert.
I could have been here with the flight attendant and had considered it, but in my heart, it wasn’t right for me. After everything, random sex with some stranger wasn’t going to make me feel any better.
I was alone, wondering what I was going to do with myself on my honeymoon.
Chapter 10: Lindy
Maui
Arriving at the hotel, I knew I needed a nap. Trying to sleep on the plane was useless since I kept thinking about Randy and his invitation to dinner. For seven hours, I vacillated back and forth about whether or not to go out with my husband’s best friend. I wasn’t sure if it would be weird or not. But, I had stayed frozen in time for the last three years, mourning the loss of Dane. This trip was about letting go of him and moving forward in my life. But, in some ways, I had become so comfortable staying stationary. That way, I didn’t have to face reality. I was a widow. A widow in my twenties. The thought of it was depressing and I could barely wrap my mind around it some days. Maybe Randy was someone I could move on with. Maybe he would be good for me and I could be good for someone again. He had many qualities I admired. I had just always seen him as my husband’s best friend. Now I’d have to be open to looking at him in a different light. Potentially, a romantic light. No one had ever existed for me in that way but Dane. He was the only man I had ever been with. The only man I’d ever loved.
The Only One for Her Page 4