Rising From the Dust

by Adrianna M Scovill

  “I can’t be responsible for you or Ben being hurt,” he said quietly.

  “And I can’t be responsible for your unhappiness,” she shot back. “Only you know what you really want. The first step is to let yourself actually want it, and then do it.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  She raised her eyebrows. “Okay?”

  He nodded. His expression was somber. “Okay,” he repeated. “You’re right, I know. I’m not sure what I want because I’ve spent so long…not thinking about it. But it’s time to figure it out. Let’s go look at the apartment. Where’s Arnie?”

  “Waiting in the parking lot. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to all ride together or not.”

  “If Arnie doesn’t mind, I don’t mind,” he said. He paused before grinning. “Might as well give Hilary something interesting to gossip about.”

  ***

  Gabriel was sitting on the sofa, grading essays on a clipboard, when his phone buzzed on the coffee table. He bent forward and snatched it up, and then laughed at his own eagerness as he looked at the text.

  I know it’s getting late. Working overtime. Can’t talk now but didn’t want you to think I forgot. I’ll be on patrol again later but probably too late to text. Maybe tomorrow?

  Didn’t want you to think I forgot, Gabriel thought, smiling at his phone.

  At the risk of sounding too eager, you can text me later if you want. Be safe.

  Midnight?

  Yes.

  Ok ttyl.

  Gabriel looked over his shoulder at the sound of the front door’s knob rattling, and a few seconds later Natalie stepped into the house. She reached out and tried to hang her purse on the coatrack, but she missed the hook and her purse landed on the floor with a clatter and thunk. She giggled; he hadn’t heard her laugh like that in so long that he found himself trying to remember the last time. Maybe when Ben was little.

  Gabriel got up and walked toward her as she struggled to get out of her jacket. He moved behind her, taking hold of the collar near her shoulders, and helped her pull her arms free of the sleeves.

  She turned and patted his chest. “Thanks, pal,” she said.

  Gabriel smiled as he hung up her jacket and retrieved her purse from the floor. “Had a little bit to drink, did you?” he asked, unable to hide his amusement.

  “We had a nightcap,” she said, walking—just a little unsteadily—toward the kitchen. Gabriel trailed along behind her, unsure of her intentions. “Do people still say that?”

  “I don’t know,” he answered. He watched her open the cupboards beside the refrigerator and peer inside. “What’re you looking for?” he asked.

  “Water.”

  He cleared his throat to keep from laughing. “We don’t keep water in the cupboard, love,” he told her. “We don’t keep glasses in that one, either.” He moved past her and grabbed one from the cupboard closest to the sink. He filled the glass under the filtered tap and turned to hand it to her.

  “Who moved them?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

  “You did,” he answered. “About fifteen years ago when we remodeled the kitchen.” His hand hovered beneath the glass for a couple of seconds after she took it, but she didn’t drop it. She raised it to her lips, glaring suspiciously at him over the rim while she drank.

  She suddenly and unexpectedly thrust the half-empty glass toward him, and he almost dropped it, fumbling as water sloshed over the edge onto his shirt. “I should call Arnie and make sure he found his house,” she proclaimed. She looked down at her side and turned in a half-circle. “Where’s my purse?”

  “On the coatrack,” he said, putting the glass in the sink. “Was he in a taxi?”

  “He walked me to the door,” she said, pointing at the front door in demonstration. She looked at Gabriel and said, in a stage-whisper, “He’s a little drunk.”

  “Is he?” Gabriel answered with a smile. “Was he in a taxi?” he repeated as he closed the cupboards behind her.

  “I hope so,” she answered, heading toward the bedroom, thoughts of retrieving her phone from her purse apparently forgotten. “I wanted to have sex with him,” she said without looking back. Gabriel’s steps faltered for a few beats, and then he continued to follow her. “But I didn’t, though.”

  “No? How come?” he asked, trailing her into the bedroom. She kicked off her shoes, stumbling against the side of the bed. She pulled her shirt up and over her head, throwing it unceremoniously toward the wall. Gabriel went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of pajamas. When he turned back toward her, she was stripping off her bra. He tossed the pajama pants onto the foot of the bed and held out the shirt while she struggled to shove her arms into the sleeves.

  “I think maybe I’m not very good at it,” she told him with a frown.

  “I promise that’s not true,” he answered, retrieving the pants from the bed. She was peering at him, and he knew there was something that she wanted to ask, something that even in her drunken state she was hesitant to voice. He gestured toward her slacks. “Come on, honey, step out,” he said, and she looked down, fumbling with the button for a couple of seconds before shoving the pants over her hips. He held her arm to steady her while she kicked her way out of the slacks, and then she held his shoulder in a death-grip while she stepped one foot, and the other, into the pajama bottoms. He slid them up to her waist and stepped back. “Into bed,” he told her.

  “I have to pee,” she answered.

  “Into the bathroom,” he amended with a smile.

  He waited beside the bed, listening to the familiar sounds of her in the bathroom, sounds that had become part of the background noise of a lifetime together. She came shuffling out a minute later and he looked down at her feet. She was still wearing her socks; she’d never been able to sleep in socks, even in the winter.

  “Sit down,” he told her, and she sat on the edge of the bed, peering up at him. He sank into a crouch with a wince as his knees popped, He offered her a wry smile and picked up one of her feet, stripping off the sock.

  “How do you know?” she asked quietly.

  His heart stumbled for a moment, and he lifted his gaze to hers. He knew exactly what she was asking. “You don’t have to worry, Natty,” he said softly.

  “How do you know?” she asked. He stripped off her other sock, stalling, knowing what was coming. “How do you know?” she finally asked, barely above a whisper.

  He set a hand on her knee, looking at her bright eyes. “Nat, honey, trust me,” he said. “I’ve never lied to you, have I?” She shook her head, staring at him. “And I never will. I promise you, you don’t have to worry. Arnie, or anyone else you sleep with, will wake up knowing how lucky they are.” He saw her lips curve into a smile, and she lifted a hand to touch his cheek. “I might be…” He stumbled over the word, though, and couldn’t get it out of his throat. “But I’m not blind, or stupid,” he finished, glad that she was too drunk to analyze his struggle. “Well,” he added with a wink as he pushed carefully to his feet, “maybe a little of the latter, but not stupid enough not to appreciate you. Come on, up into bed,” he told her, folding back the covers.

  She crawled up to the pillows and slid her legs under the blankets, shimmying her way down as he tucked her in. He bent and kissed her forehead. “I love you,” she told him.

  “I know, Natty,” he answered, straightening. “I love you, too.”

  “You’re moving out.”

  “Yes.”

  “It’ll be weird.”

  “Yes,” he agreed. “At first. But we’ll figure it out. Goodnight, honey.”

  “Night,” she murmured, snuggling further under the covers and closing her eyes. Gabriel retrieved her clothes from the floor and pushed her shoes out of the way. He dumped the clothes in the hamper, turned off the light and pulled the door closed with a soft click, and returned to the couch.

  He sank into the cushions with a sigh and ran a hand over his face. How do you know?

  He glanced at his
watch. It was just after eleven. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table. He’d missed a text from Ben.

  Hey I know it’s late sorry lost track of time. Just checking in. How you doing?

  Gabriel smiled. Good. You? he responded.

  After a minute: Are you sure? Mom said you looked at an apartment.

  I’m sure. And yes. Going to be moving soon. Jumping in with both feet on your mother’s advice.

  Always best to take her advice, Ben answered, and Gabriel chuckled at his phone. I can come help on the weekend but I’ll only have Sunday.

  No, Gabriel said. As much as I’d love to see you, you should stay there and relax. I’m not taking much for now anyway. When you come up on break I’ll let you carry some furniture :)

  Ok if you’re sure. I’ll let you go know it’s past your bedtime ;)

  Ha. Funny. You’ll be old someday, just remember that. Goodnight.

  You’re not old yet lol goodnight. ily

  I love you, Gabriel answered. He set his phone on the sofa and leaned back, closing his eyes. He still had a few papers to read, but he’d lost his focus. After a minute, he glanced at his watch. As if on cue, his phone vibrated beside him. It was not quite eleven-thirty, but when he picked up his phone, he saw that the text was from Jack. Gabriel felt a pleasant flutter of nerves.

  It’s not midnight yet, but I’m out on patrol. Bored. Hungry. Tired. Cranky. Haha. If you’re sleeping, you don’t have to answer.

  I’m not sleeping.

  Oh. Hi there :)

  Gabriel laughed. Hello. How can I help?

  I don’t want to keep you up.

  I’m up, Gabriel answered. How long do you have left?

  2 hours. How was your evening? How’s your wife and her friend?

  They had a date tonight. Nightcap. Do people still say that?

  Idk. Date? You ok?

  Yes. I also found an apartment today. Going to be moving soon.

  Lots of big changes.

  Time for some big changes, Gabriel answered, feeling the truth of the words. Past time, he added.

  As long as you don’t feel rushed.

  I feel good about it. Surprisingly.

  Good. Need any help moving? I’m stronger than I look.

  Gabriel laughed again. I’m not taking much for now. It’s partially furnished. I’ll have a bed delivered but there’s already a couch, table, etc. He hesitated, working up his nerve. Besides, I know you are. You forget, I had my hands inside your shirt. Gabriel could feel the heat of embarrassment, but he didn’t care. He waited anxiously for Jack’s response.

  Trust me, I didn’t forget.

  Gabriel grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. He typed with one thumb: Good

  I’d like to repeat the experience, Jack answered.

  With a different ending, Gabriel wrote quickly.

  Maybe after dinner or something, Jack was texting at the same time.

  Oh God, Gabriel thought. He pictured himself, sitting across from Jack in a restaurant, on an actual date. The idea filled him with nervousness, but not in an altogether bad way. As Natalie had pointed out, he’d never really cared what people said or thought about him, except for his friends and family.

  But he hadn’t been on a date in a million years, and if Jack was sitting across from him, he’d see every ridiculous blush and stupid grin.

  Gabriel shook his head. He didn’t care. He wanted the scene he was envisioning.

  Whenever you’re ready for something like that, Jack said. Then, another text: It can be somewhere private.

  Gabriel realized that his delay in responding had worried Jack. Dinner sounds nice, he said. Private or not. And the other part sounds nice, too ;)

  Which part? Jack asked, and Gabriel knew that he was smiling, somewhere, in his patrol car.

  The part about me having my hands inside your clothes again.

  Ah. That part ;)

  I’ll invite you over when I’m moved? If you’re interested?

  Interested? Yes. At your speed.

  I want to say I’m ready but tbh I can’t guarantee I won’t be nervous. Texting is different than being face to face or even talking on the phone.

  No need to rush, Jack answered. Gotta go. Be back soon.

  Gabriel chewed his lip. He looked at his clipboard but there was no way he could give the papers the attention they deserved, so he got up and went to the kitchen. He got himself a glass of water and leaned against the counter, waiting. He wondered if he would seem pathetic or desperate to an outside observer, and decided he didn’t care.

  He glanced at the refrigerator, pursing his lips in consideration, and then checked his watch. He clucked his tongue for a few seconds before finally making a decision.

  ***

  You still awake? Jack texted, shifting around in the seat of his car. His eyes were scratchy, and all he wanted was to go home and fall into bed for a few hours. He’d been spending far too little time at home, lately.

  Yes. Anything exciting?

  Busted taillight. Gave warning. Back to being bored hungry tired and cranky.

  Where are you?

  Jack glanced out the windshield. By the McDonald’s billboard. He looked at his clock and sighed, running a hand over his face. You should be in bed. You don’t have to keep talking to me.

  I like talking to you. Eventually I’ll have the guts to actually call instead of texting.

  I’ll need to set a ringtone for your number.

  Ringtone?

  Yeah. Something that makes me immediately think of you when I hear it. Any suggestions?

  Something with desperate in the title?

  Jack smiled. No.

  There was a full minute’s pause before Gabriel answered. Billy ocean loverboy?

  Jack’s brows went up in surprise, and then he tipped his head back, laughing. That would do it, he typed quickly, not wanting to worry Gabriel with any hesitation.

  Is it weird that I’m so

  I don’t know what I am? Gabriel asked in two texts.

  Cute? Jack suggested.

  I feel like I’m being

  Weird

  Fast or

  I don’t know

  You’re not being weird, Jack answered. He was actually surprised by how endearing he found Gabriel, and his nervous attempts at flirting. Gabriel was out of his element, but he wasn’t afraid to put himself on a limb. Jack admired that, and he was flattered by how much Gabriel seemed to be into him.

  You might change your mind in a minute. Jack read the text, and his forehead creased in a slight frown. He looked up as headlights splashed across his patrol car, and he saw a familiar car slowing and pulling into the small bare patch behind the billboard. Gabriel pulled in so their cars were pointing in opposite directions, so their driver’s side windows were facing each other.

  Jack was so surprised that it took him a moment to realize that Gabriel was sitting with his window down, and engine running, waiting. Jack fumbled for the button to lower his window, glancing up and down the bit of highway he could see. There were no other cars in sight, as had been the case for most of the night.

  “Sorry,” Gabriel said immediately once Jack’s window was down. “I don’t want to bother you, I just, uh—” He held up a paper sack. In the glow from their lights, Jack could see the uncertainty on the other man’s face. “You said you were hungry…”

  Jack stared at him for a few seconds; he could only blame his tiredness for his slow processing. “You brought me food?” he asked.

  “Sorry,” Gabriel repeated.

  Jack got out of his cruiser, checking again for traffic. He left his door open as he crossed the short distance to Gabriel’s car. He bent down and leaned an elbow on the window frame, as he’d done the night he pulled him over. They regarded each other in silence for several seconds, and Jack saw Gabriel’s throat working as he swallowed.

  “That was very…sweet,” Jack said quietly, and some of the tension seemed to leave Gabriel’s shoulders. “Thank you
.” He took the bag when the other man held it out, and peered inside. “You made me a sandwich?” he asked, surprised again. And touched by the gesture.

  Gabriel cleared his throat. “Yes. Um. Turkey, cheddar…lettuce, pickle, mayonnaise…I wasn’t sure if…” He trailed off when Jack’s gaze returned to his.

  “Thank you,” Jack said.

  Gabriel fidgeted, fisting and unfisting his hands on his thighs, but he didn’t look away. “You’re welcome,” he said, with a small smile finally touching his lips.

  “Mr. Santiago…Were you texting and driving?” Jack asked softly.

  Gabriel’s smile widened. “Talk-to-text,” he answered, pointing a finger toward his phone on the dash.

  “That’s good. I didn’t want to have to toss you in the back of my car.”

  Gabriel’s tongue touched his lip, quickly, in a now-familiar nervous gesture. “I, uh…” He hesitated. “No, not while you’re on duty,” he finally managed.

  Jack grinned. There you go, he thought. He looked into the car. “Are you in pajamas?” he asked.

  Gabriel glanced down at himself; he was wearing sweat pants and an old t-shirt. “I…”

  “I like the look,” Jack assured him. He also liked that Gabriel hadn’t felt the need to throw on clothes to try and look his best, or impress Jack; he’d been more concerned about bringing him something to eat. On impulse, Jack reached out and brushed Gabriel’s wind-tossed hair from his forehead. Gabriel’s lips parted in surprise, and his fidgeting stopped. “You weren’t in bed, though?”

  Gabriel shook his head, slowly.

  Jack drew his hand back reluctantly and sighed. “I’d love to hang out with you, but—”

  “Oh, I know,” Gabriel said, seeming startled back to reality. “Sorry. You’re working, I know, I just—”

  “Stop apologizing,” Jack cut in quietly. “I’m glad you stopped by. Now I’ll have a visual while we’re texting,” he said, glancing into the car again. “And a song to remind me of you,” he added with a wink.

  Gabriel laughed—it was a small, embarrassed sound, but he said, “I was going to ask if you wanted a picture to, uh, go with the ringtone. But I chickened out.”