All the best
XOXO
The accompanying link was for a Damien Rice song, “Delicate.” Even before the song started, Jack knew what his decision had to be. It was the XOXO at the bottom of the text that did it. It was cautiously personal—not a heart, or any sort of declaration, but a vague offering of virtual hugs and kisses.
Once again, Gabriel was putting himself on a limb.
The lyrics of the song cut right through Jack—it’s not that we’re scared, it’s just that it’s delicate—and he knew that, for better or worse, there was no turning back.
Chapter Seven
“I’m sorry I freaked out on you.”
“I think it was your turn,” Gabriel answered. He was happy to see Jack standing outside his door, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up; in spite of the flowers clutched in Jack’s hand, his intentions weren’t yet clear. “Would you like to come inside?”
Jack nodded, stepping into the apartment when Gabriel shifted aside. Jack glanced around, eyeing the kitchen. “Do you have…guests?” he asked, turning to face Gabriel as the other man closed the door.
“Only you,” Gabriel said.
“I didn’t answer you,” Jack said, grimacing, and the apology was evident in his voice. “But you still cooked?”
Gabriel shrugged a shoulder. “I hoped,” he answered simply.
Jack bit his lip, looking down at the flowers in his hand. “It was a shitty thing, not answering you,” he said. “You didn’t deserve that, and…” He drew a breath and let it out, holding the flowers toward Gabriel. As their eyes met, he said, “I’m sorry.”
Gabriel took the flowers; the men’s fingers brushed, and he saw Jack’s throat bob as he swallowed. “We were both a little bit in shock, I think,” Gabriel said quietly. “I suppose I should’ve put the pieces together sooner.”
“I should’ve known who you were. I should’ve recognized your name. What kind of father am I—” He cut himself off and shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here.”
Gabriel regarded him in silence for a few seconds. “Why are you here, Jack?” he asked.
Jack stepped forward and kissed him, settling his hand against the side of Gabriel’s neck. Gabriel’s mouth opened to him without hesitation, and Jack made a sound in his throat, pressing closer as his hand slid into the back of Gabriel’s hair.
Gabriel grabbed Jack’s hip with his free hand, tugging him closer.
Jack pulled his mouth from Gabriel’s and drew a breath, meeting his eyes, the pressure of his fingers light against the back of Gabriel’s scalp. “I don’t know what I’m ready for, Gabe—I’m not sure either of us does. All I know is that I like you, and I want you, and I don’t want to…not try.”
“I’m not asking for promises, Jack. And I’m not ready to make any.”
“No,” Jack said softly, searching his face. “But the truth is, neither one of us is a casual sex sort of guy, are we? We’re…creatures of romance and monogamy.” He smiled, his thumb stroking lightly behind Gabriel’s ear. “And that alone makes things complicated.”
“We can take things one step at a time,” Gabriel answered. “I’m…just figuring this out as I go along…but I’m right here if you want to talk to me.”
Jack shook his head. He drew his hand from Gabriel’s head, settling it against the teacher’s chest, instead. “It was one thing when you were some guy I met,” he said quietly, looking at his fingers against Gabriel’s sweater. After a moment, he raised his eyes to Gabriel’s. “But I didn’t know how to process the fact that you knew Jeff, that…that we’d talked about you and I didn’t even know it. That he liked you, respected you, that our son likes and respects you…” He swallowed with difficulty, his gaze once more dropping to his own hand as he fingered nervously at the soft sweater. “I still don’t know how to process it,” he admitted in a low voice. “I don’t think I can talk about it, yet.”
Gabriel reached up and covered Jack’s hand. “You don’t have to talk, then. Do you want to eat?” he asked.
Jack’s lips tipped up into a smirk.
“That’s not what I meant,” Gabriel said.
“God, you’re cute when you blush,” Jack murmured, lifting his other hand to brush a thumb along Gabriel’s darkening cheek. His gaze slid to Gabriel’s mouth.
“I could stand in my underwear in a stadium full of people and not be as embarrassed as I am talking about…sex with you,” Gabriel said. He paused, touching his tongue to his lip and watching Jack’s pupils dilate at the sight. “Because…I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve spent…my whole life not letting myself—Well, except that one time in college,” he added with a self-deprecating smile. “I know that’s what everyone says,” he joked.
“One time,” Jack murmured, once more dragging his gaze up to Gabriel’s.
Gabriel nodded.
Jack let out a soft breath, searching Gabriel’s eyes.
“Wanting you…Letting myself want you, it makes me feel…exposed,” Gabriel said. “It’s not…I don’t know. It’s embarrassing in…a good way,” he said with a small shrug, and Jack smiled. “Back to my original question—Do you want to eat?” Gabriel asked with a crooked smile of his own. He lowered his hand to his side.
Jack withdrew his hand from Gabriel’s sweater and took a small step backward. “Yes,” he said. “It smells incredible, actually.”
Gabriel’s smile widened. “I hope you like it, because there’s a lot. Enough leftovers to feed you and Alex for weeks, probably.” He hesitated, frowning. “Shit, I don’t have any—”
Jack stepped forward and kissed him again; Gabriel made a sound of surprise, cut off mid-sentence, and grabbed the front of Jack’s shirt to steady himself. Before he could properly respond to the kiss, however, Jack pulled away again. They stared at each other for a few seconds.
“Tupperware,” Gabriel finished. He felt breathless, flushed, and he knew that his eyes must be as bright as Jack’s were.
Jack smiled at him. “We’ll figure something out,” he said. He reached out and touched his fingers, lightly, to Gabriel’s sleeve. “I like this sweater. It’s soft. And blue’s a good color on you.”
Gabriel cleared his throat. “Do you want something to drink? I have beer, but if you like wine, I got a bottle of Primitivo—it’s a little sweet but if you’ve never had ropa vieja—Have you?”
“Have I had…old clothes?” Jack asked, raising his eyebrows.
Gabriel laughed. “Ah. It’s beef—Do you speak Spanish?”
“Un poquito,” Jack answered with a grin.
Laughing again, Gabriel said, “Hm. I’d say more than a little if you know the translation of ropa vieja. I might be able to teach you a few new…phrases, though.”
Jack’s grin widened. “I look forward to it,” he answered.
***
Gabriel felt a little buzzed from the wine, but he also knew it wasn’t just the alcohol that was going to his head. Simply sitting across from Jack, exchanging smiles and looks, their knees and feet occasionally bumping beneath the small table, watching each other eat and sip at their wine—For Gabriel, all of it was intoxicating.
Jack set his glass on the table, fingering lightly at the stem while he regarded Gabriel. “So,” he said, with a small smile. “One time?”
Gabriel put his napkin on his empty plate and nodded.
“Is that one relationship? Or one…time, time?”
“It definitely wasn’t a relationship,” Gabriel answered softly. He reached for his wine but hesitated, drawing his hand back. He didn’t want anything to further impair his senses. “I was dating a girl named Ashley, and…I knew we weren’t happy, either of us, and I wasn’t sure how to end it amicably. But I got back to my dorm one afternoon and…she and my roommate were, uh—” He bobbed his head to the side and shrugged a shoulder. “You know. Let’s just say they were surprised to see me.”
“Shit,” Jack said.
Gabrie
l nodded. “I knew I wasn’t in love with her but it still hurt.”
“Of course.”
“But I also…I don’t know. I was jealous—not of her, and not of him, but the two of them together. Like, how easy it seemed for people. Relationships or casual sex, falling in love and getting married or even just, you know, cheating on someone, how natural and effortless it seemed.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I suppose I thought I owed it to myself to try something, now I was away from home, maybe I could figure out who I wanted to be. I went to a bar. Drove an hour to get there. I was nineteen, I couldn’t even legally drink. So I was sitting there, drinking Sprite for God’s sake, watching all these guys dancing and making out and leaving together, and…” He shrugged again, turning his plate absently. “This guy came over. Said his name was Chris. Flirted with me. Bought me drinks—the bartender didn’t bat an eye.”
“How old was this guy?”
“Thirty. Ish,” Gabriel added with a small smile. “I let him take me to a motel. Looking back, I can’t believe how…naïve I was. Eager.” He let out a breath. “Desperate, maybe. For something. Answers. A connection. Something. I wasn’t a complete idiot, though. I knew he was using me and I didn’t care, because I was using him, too. I wasn’t looking to fall in love, I just wanted to…know…” He looked at Jack. “I was a little drunk and willing to do almost anything.”
Jack put his elbows on the table and leaned forward, holding Gabriel’s gaze. “Top or bottom?” he asked quietly, although the answer seemed pretty clear.
Gabriel swallowed, shifting in his seat. “He—I—” He stopped, drew a breath, and said, “Bottom, I suppose? I was, uh…” He hesitated. “I don’t want it to sound like I wasn’t willing, because I was, but he was…rough. There were moments I…Well, let’s just say it was mostly about him, right? And I didn’t mind. At least not at first.” He fidgeted with the edge of his plate, frowning.
Jack reached across the table and settled his fingers onto Gabriel’s wrist. “The first time is never easy, but having a considerate partner makes all the difference. I was lucky, there. I’m sorry that you weren’t, Gabe. You don’t have to tell me the details if you don’t want to, but…why didn’t you try again? Was it that bad? Or…were you ashamed that you’d done it?”
Gabriel looked at Jack’s hand on his wrist for a few seconds, considering the question. “It wasn’t shame,” he answered. “I never felt like I was doing something wrong. It’s hard to explain. I was afraid of how my mother would feel if she found out, but I wasn’t ashamed.” He lifted his gaze to Jack’s. “As for it being bad, it hurt. In more ways than one,” he added quietly. “I didn’t immediately make a decision not to try again,” he said, as Jack’s thumb rubbed at the back of his wrist. “It just ended up working out that way. Well, that sounds like I’m not taking responsibility for my life and choices—It was my choice, all of it, it didn’t just happen, but each little decision, you know…” He bit his lip, and Jack’s gaze dropped toward the movement.
When his eyes returned to Gabriel’s, the teacher’s breath caught in his throat. And when Jack’s fingers curled around his wrist and lifted Gabriel’s hand off the table, when he tugged lightly, Gabriel rose without hesitation and let himself be pulled gently around the small table until he was standing between Jack’s knees. Jack looked up at him, and Gabriel couldn’t seem to draw a full breath.
Jack tipped his chin up and Gabriel, with his heart pounding, bent down to kiss him. He felt Jack’s hands at his waist, and Gabriel put his hands on the other man’s shoulders to steady himself. Jack was giving him complete control of the kiss, and Gabriel tilted his head to get a better angle, pushing Jack’s shoulders back against the chair.
Jack made a sound of approval, and Gabriel’s groin tightened in response. His hands shifted to the sides of Jack’s neck, his thumbs at his jaw, holding his head in place.
Jack slipped his hands beneath Gabriel’s sweater, tugging his shirt from his waistband. And then his hands were on Gabriel’s bare skin, sliding up his stomach and around his ribcage toward his back, pulling him forward, and Gabriel broke away from Jack’s mouth with a gasp, moving a hand to the back of the chair to brace himself.
Their eyes met, and Gabriel didn’t move as Jack slid his hands higher, using his wrists to push the shirts up.
Jack ducked his head forward, pressing his lips to the exposed skin of Gabriel’s stomach, and Gabriel closed his eyes, combing his fingers into the back of Jack’s hair. He felt Jack’s tongue on his skin, felt his skin quiver at the touch.
Jack sucked lightly at Gabriel’s stomach above his belly button, trailing kisses downward, his tongue dancing across the flushed skin. Gabriel had one hand in Jack’s hair and the other was gripping the back of the chair. His eyes were still closed, but when he felt Jack’s fingers move to the front of his waistband, Gabriel opened his eyes and looked down.
Jack had hold of the button of Gabriel’s jeans with one hand, but his fingers were unmoving. He pressed another kiss to Gabriel’s stomach and looked up. “Okay?” he asked quietly. His voice was low and gravelly. The underside of his wrist was barely touching the bulge of Gabriel’s growing arousal, and Gabriel fought the urge to push himself against the other man’s hand.
“Yes,” he managed to exhale.
Jack kissed Gabriel’s stomach, and murmured against his skin, “Relax.” His fingers still weren’t moving to unfasten the jeans; they were just lingering there, waiting. “I promise I won’t hurt you,” he said softly.
Gabriel swallowed and released another breath. He hadn’t realized how tense his body was, how rigidly he’d been holding himself. He didn’t know what to expect, what exactly Jack intended.
He knew he wanted it, though. He knew he wanted Jack, and he trusted him. At the thought, he felt some of the tension leave his muscles. His body was still thrumming with anticipation, hot with desire, but there was no fear. With Jack, he could be completely himself. There was nothing to hide, no reason to hold back.
“I trust you,” he said. “I just…don’t know what I’m—”
“Trust yourself, Gabe,” Jack cut in quietly, looking up at him.
Gabriel nodded and bent his head down again. Jack tilted his face up to meet his kiss, popping open Gabriel’s button at the same time. He lowered the zipper carefully past the curve of Gabriel’s erection, his fingers brushing lightly against the distended front of the teacher’s underwear, and Gabriel shifted forward involuntarily, wanting—needing—contact.
Jack pulled Gabriel’s jeans a few inches down his hips before sliding his hands up under his shirt again. He broke away from Gabriel’s kiss, and Gabriel straightened, both of his hands now in Jack’s hair. Jack kissed his stomach, and the hollow of his hip, and trailed his lips along the elastic of Gabriel’s underwear. He touched a kiss, feather-light, against the cloth over Gabriel’s erection.
“Jack,” Gabriel breathed, clutching the cop’s hair.
Jack took hold of Gabriel’s hips and gently pushed him back a step, rising to his feet. He pressed a quick kiss against Gabriel’s lips, and then dipped his chin, looking him in the eyes. “If you want me to stop—”
“I don’t,” Gabriel said.
Jack drew both of Gabriel’s shirts up; Gabriel lifted his arms so Jack could pull them over his head. “At any time,” Jack clarified, dropping the clothes into the chair behind himself. He bent his head forward and kissed Gabriel’s shoulder, and down to his collarbone. “Understand?”
“Yesss,” Gabriel hissed as Jack’s tongue flicked across his nipple. Jack sucked gently; all of his movements were gentle and slow. Gabriel could feel the other man’s arousal, and Gabriel shifted his hips until their erections—Jack’s still constricted by his jeans, Gabriel’s straining against the cotton of his underwear—were pressed together.
Jack made a humming sound against Gabriel’s skin as his mouth tightened around the teacher’s nipple. It was a sound of desire, but also encouragement.
&nbs
p; Trust yourself, Gabriel thought. He drew back a little, and Jack lifted his head to look at him. Gabriel reached for the bottom of the other man’s shirt and pulled it up over his head, tossing it into the chair with his own. His gaze slid over Jack’s bare chest. Jack was watching his face.
“I want…” Gabriel hesitated. He put his palm against Jack’s chest, felt the steady thud of the other man’s heart beneath his hand. He trailed his fingers downward, delighting in the way Jack’s abdomen tightened at his light touch. Gabriel’s fingers paused at Jack’s fly, and he dragged his eyes up to meet Jack’s heavy blue gaze.
“Whisper it,” Jack suggested softly. “Tell me what you want.”
Gabriel leaned forward. He kissed Jack’s lips, and his stubbled jaw, and the hollow beneath his ear. “I want to make you come,” he breathed, and a shiver passed through Jack’s body. Jack’s hands were spread over Gabriel’s ribcage, his thumbs brushing lightly—almost absently—over Gabriel’s nipples. “Tell me how you want me,” Gabriel murmured, ducking his head to kiss the curve of Jack’s neck. “But keep in mind, my knees are a lot older than they used to be.”
Jack laughed. “There will be no kneeling,” he said in a low voice as Gabriel sucked at the sensitive skin of his throat. Jack’s chin tipped up to give him better access. “Oh, God. Gabe, I…I can’t tell you how much I love your mouth.”
Gabriel smiled against Jack’s throat.
“I spend way too much time thinking about it,” Jack admitted. “Ever since that first kiss.”
“Then tell me,” Gabriel murmured against his skin. He flicked his tongue into the hollow of Jack’s throat. “Tell me what to do. I’m a quick study,” he added.
Jack laughed again, but it turned into a groan as Gabriel’s teeth grazed his skin. “Where’s the bedroom?” he asked.
They kicked off their shoes and shucked their jeans as they made their way into the bedroom. Gabriel tossed his pants aside and turned to see Jack folding back the blankets on the bed. Gabriel’s gaze slid down the length of Jack’s body. They were both in their underwear and socks; the size of the bulge in the front of Jack’s shorts was intimidating, and Gabriel swallowed, thinking, I promise I won’t hurt you. He felt a flutter of apprehension, but it was overwhelmed by his desire. He wanted Jack—all of him—whether it hurt or not. If there was pain, it would pass, and the pleasure—and intimacy—would more than make up for it. Gabriel knew this without a doubt.
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