Rising From the Dust

by Adrianna M Scovill

  “We talked about surrogacy, like I said, but Jeff didn’t want the possibility of a stranger showing up some day, wanting a relationship that would potentially hurt or confuse our kid, and he wanted more than anything for our child to have family…So we went to my older sister. She’d had one kid by then, she wasn’t married. She and I were always close growing up but to be honest I didn’t think there was a chance in hell she’d say yes. Not least because I was so young and Jeff and I hadn’t been together that long.

  “But we talked about it. The three of us. About how she would be a part of the baby’s life, about everything. And she looked at me and she told me that she would do this for me, because I deserved the unconditional love of a child and that Jeff and I deserved the chance to make the family we wanted. I knew she felt guilty about…things that happened when we were younger…

  “Anyway. We used Jeff’s sperm to inseminate her.” He grimaced. “That sounds so…clinical and gross. It didn’t feel like that. We talked about every step, we went to every doctor’s appointment, I knew it would be hard for her to carry and give birth to a child and then hand him over to us, and we talked about that, too, how she would be ‘Aunt Caroline’ but that we would never hide the truth from him. On paper, it should’ve been messy and complicated, but it hasn’t been like that. We all gambled, maybe, but because of that gamble, we have Alex. He knows that Caroline is his biological mother, and that his ‘cousins’ are really his half-siblings, and he also knows that I’m his father in every way that matters. I thank God every day that we made the decision when we were young and stupid enough to go for it. It hurts sometimes, how much he looks like Jeff, but I also wouldn’t change that for anything.

  “Jeff used to say he wanted a dozen kids. Mostly that was a joke but I asked him when…he was sick…” He turned his face away for a few seconds, and Gabriel could see the shine in his eyes. “I asked him if he was sorry we hadn’t had more. He said that we were all he’d ever wanted, the family he’d dreamed of.” Jack cleared his throat and refocused on Gabriel. “Jeff didn’t have any of the trauma that you or I had in our childhoods—and I don’t know the details of your childhood but I know it was traumatic. No one in his family ever betrayed him. He went to private schools and was always popular and athletic, never bullied, he used to joke that he never even had to worry about coming out because he was in kindergarten talking about marrying other boys and that never changed.”

  Jack saw the wince that Gabriel tried to hide, and said, softly, “He knew that not everyone was so lucky. He knew that my experiences were different than his, and that’s part of the reason I avoided going to school stuff with Alex. I didn’t want to give the other kids any more reason to single him out. And I know that’s one of your concerns, too, about what kids might say to him when they find out you and I are in a relationship. But Alex…he knows how to stand up for himself and for others and he certainly knows how to take things in stride. I’m far from a perfect father but I’m a good one.

  “And your son? I don’t know him, but I know he’s lucky to have you as a father. In spite of all the pain that led us here, we have them—because we loved Jeff and Natalie. Even though we were scared and unsure, even though we’ve doubted ourselves and even though we’ve had our hearts broken.

  “So you say your life is chaotic right now and that I don’t need complications in my life. That may be true, Gabe, and you coming into my life was not something I expected. But I have no doubt it’s a good thing. I know that by the way I feel when I’m with you. So I owe it to myself, and to you, and to Alex, and I owe it most of all to Jeff to be open to feeling something for you.

  “There,” he said, suddenly grinning. “Now we’re even—we both brought the mood down with a bunch of words,” he joked. “But seriously, I think for your safety it’s best if I walk you out before I suck your lips right off your face.”

  “Holy shit,” Gabriel laughed. “That was unexpectedly—”

  “Too aggressive?” Jack asked, his eyes now sparkling with amusement.

  “Arousing,” Gabriel corrected, raising an eyebrow.

  “Huh,” Jack said, putting a hand on the table and pushing to his feet. “That is certainly something to make a note of for later,” he laughed.

  Gabriel shifted, lowering his foot to the floor. He looked up as Jack came to stand beside him. Gabriel touched his tongue to his lip, but it wasn’t a nervous gesture, this time. Jack groaned in response, and Gabriel chuckled, rising from his chair. Jack reached out and settled his hands on Gabriel’s sides, above his hips, tugging him closer.

  “Maybe just once,” he muttered, his eyes sliding to Gabriel’s mouth.

  “Suck away,” Gabriel answered, equal parts amused and aroused by the look on Jack’s face. “But let me ask, while I still have lips,” he added, and Jack paused with his mouth a few inches from Gabriel’s, smiling as their eyes met. “Come to my apartment for dinner again, this weekend? No more leftovers in bags, I promise, I bought actual containers.”

  “Okay,” Jack said. “Now—may I?” he asked, with a pointed look.

  “Mmhmm,” Gabriel assented, and Jack dipped his head to kiss him.

  Chapter Nine

  “I appreciate the kindness and respect you’ve shown Mr. Shafer this week as we’ve made every effort to ease into this upcoming transition,” Gabriel said. “I know that’ll continue, because I know each and every one of you and I trust you to remember that this isn’t easy for him, either.

  “Now, guys, listen, I know this has been a rough week. I feel it too, alright?”

  “Don’t be sexist, Mr. S,” Becca said. “We’re not all guys.”

  Gabriel smiled. “Just a figure of speech, Ms. Adams,” he said. He appreciated the small attempt at humor, even though the chuckles were half-hearted. All week, the students had been increasingly dispirited and unambitious, and Gabriel had done his best to keep them focused. Some of them—Eliza and Jordan, most noticeably—had refused to participate in any of the ad lib exercises, and others had been short-tempered and argumentative.

  He couldn’t really blame them, even though he’d kept his spirits high for their sakes—and for the sake of poor Arnie. Gabriel was angry, though, angry with Sanderson for putting the students through this out of sheer pettiness.

  “Since this is our last evening together for a little while, I want to take a moment to reiterate that I’m not going anywhere. If you were hoping to be rid of me, you’re going to be disappointed, because I’m like…a stinky cheese. I hang around,” he said, smiling as they offered token laughs and half-smirks and eye-rolls. “It’s an honor to teach you guys—and girls,” he added, with a pointed look at Becca. “And that’s an honor that Mr. Shafer will enjoy for the next few weeks. When I come back here, I expect everything to be in order for the pageant. I know I’m leaving things in good hands.”

  “He hasn’t even read the play,” Bucky said.

  “I meant your hands, Mr. Thompson,” Gabriel said. “All of yours. You ten—” Gabriel glanced around, realizing that Eliza wasn’t back from the bathroom yet. He felt a sudden, unexpected slither of unease. “The ten of you are hardworking and among the smartest and most talented students with whom I’ve ever worked, and you’re more than capable of doing the school proud. Becca, can you go check on Eliza, please?”

  “In the bathroom?” she asked, wrinkling her nose.

  Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “Do you think she’d prefer if I did that?” he asked, and the kids around him chuckled again. Alex wasn’t laughing, though, and his somber expression only fueled Gabriel’s unease.

  “Fine,” Becca answered, pushing to her feet. “But if she throws a shoe at me or something…”

  “Thank you,” Gabriel called after her. He looked toward Alex and met the boy’s eyes, and Gabriel suddenly knew for sure what he’d only suspected; Eliza was the person about whom Alex had expressed concern. Gabriel had been worried about her, himself. He’d tried to talk to her several times during
the week, as she seemed to be taking his departure from the club especially hard, but she’d refused to confide in him about her feelings.

  Alex had been worried about her before that, though, and Gabriel couldn’t help feeling guilty—feeling as though he’d missed an opportunity to help a student because he’d been so wrapped up in his own personal drama.

  “Over the next few weeks, there are a lot of things that’ll need—”

  There was a shriek from the hallway, and Gabriel was on his feet before the short sound had died. Gooseflesh pricked his skin as he broke toward the door.

  “Help! Mr. Santiago! Help!” Becca was yelling, and Gabriel was already running with Alex on his heels and the rest of the students trailing behind.

  No, no, no, Gabriel thought as he rushed into the hallway and sprinted toward the bathrooms. Becca was standing in the hall, pointing toward the door. Her face was white as a sheet, her finger trembling in the air.

  Gabriel slipped past her, pushing his way into the girls’ bathroom. His eyes skimmed the scene in a heartbeat and his stomach plummeted toward the ground. He paused for only a second, and then he was dropping to his knees beside Eliza. She was slumped against the wall with her bloody wrist cradled against her stomach. Her eyes were closed, but she was breathing shallowly. Her lips were purple, her face pale.

  There was so much blood; too much blood. He could feel it soaking through the knees of his slacks. She’d only cut one wrist. If she’d done both, she’d be gone already.

  Even so, it might be too late.

  Shaking his head in denial, Gabriel fumbled for his belt buckle and in a matter of seconds, and a few tremulous curses, he’d yanked his belt from its loops. He wrapped it around Eliza’s forearm, shoved the tapered end through the buckle, and pulled it tight. She opened her eyes, looking at him with confusion and pain, but her head lolled to the side.

  “Stay with me, sweetheart,” Gabriel said. He fished his keys out of his pocket and shifted, tossing them back toward Alex. “Bring my car to the front door,” he said. The boy caught the keys, but he was staring at Eliza with a dazed look on his face. “Alex,” Gabriel said sharply, and the kid blinked at him. “Bring my car to the front door,” he repeated.

  Turning his attention back to Eliza as Alex stumbled quickly from the bathroom, Gabriel tightened the belt until it was pinching the girl’s skin. He glanced around, saw the razor blade glinting in the blood beside her thigh. Swallowing the sting of bile, he snatched it up. It was slippery, but he managed to keep hold of it. He used the corner of the blade, twisting it back and forth, to pierce a hole through the leather belt. Dropping the razor blade, he used his bloody fingers to force the prong through the new hole, fastening the belt tightly around her arm.

  “Should we call 911?” someone asked in a shaky voice.

  “I can have her at the hospital before they’d get here,” Gabriel said, praying he was making the right decision as he scooped her cold and limp body into his arms. She made a sound of protest but had no strength to resist. He struggled to his feet with a grimace and a grunt of pain, aided by a surge of adrenaline, holding the teenager against his chest. “Move,” he said, and the other kids bumped into each other to get out of the way.

  They trailed behind him like zombies, unsure what to do.

  “All of you stay here in the school,” he said. “Go back to the gym and stay there. Do you hear me? Stay there together. Do not leave.” He hurried out into the early evening sunlight as Alex was pulling up to the curb with a screech of tires. The boy threw himself out of the driver’s seat and raced around the front of the car, yanking the back door open just as Gabriel reached him.

  Alex had his phone to his ear, and Gabriel knew that Jack was talking to him. He could imagine how calm and reassuring he must sound to Alex, whose eyes were wide with terror. Gabriel put Eliza into the back seat and slammed the door. He considered telling Alex to go inside and wait with the others, but he dismissed the thought immediately. Alex would balk, and there was no time to argue.

  “Get in,” he said instead, reaching out and plucking the phone from the boy’s fingers. Alex complied without protest, dropping into the front passenger seat. Gabriel lifted the phone to his ear as he rushed around to the driver’s side. “Jack,” he said, cutting off whatever the cop was saying.

  “Gabe?” the other man asked after a beat. “What the hell is—”

  “I need you to meet us at the hospital to get Alex,” Gabriel said. “And I need you to send the police to the school. The kids from the Drama Club will be in the gym. I’m calling Nat to have her go there.” He was pulling out of the parking lot. He checked for traffic and floored the gas, hitting the street with a squeal of rubber. “The girls’ bathroom closest to the gym…” He trailed off, swallowing convulsively as he tried not to think about the blood on the floor, the blood all over his clothes, the blood that he was smearing all over Alex’s phone. He knew that Jack could hear the tremor in his voice, but he also knew that he had to stay calm for Alex and Eliza.

  “Gabriel,” Jack said, and the kindness and concern in his voice were too much.

  “We’ll be at the hospital in two minutes,” he said. “I have to call Nat.” He glanced at the phone, leaving a bloody thumbprint on the screen as he ended the call. He made a mental note to replace Alex’s phone; the blood could be cleaned off, but the memory of blood could not, and Alex shouldn’t be reminded of it every time he used his phone. Gabriel dialed Natalie’s number as he raced toward the hospital. “Stay with us, Eliza,” he said. “Stay with us, honey.”

  ***

  When Gabriel walked into the waiting room, it was like emerging from a trance. He was surprised to see darkness beyond the glass doors at the end of the hallway. He was unsure how much time had passed.

  He’d been allowed to stay with Eliza until her mother, out of town on business, could reach the hospital. Now that he’d been relieved by the girl’s parent, he walked into the waiting room on stiff legs. He was wearing a pair of clean, blue scrubs, provided to him by a nurse who was no doubt afraid that his blood-soaked clothes would only further terrify Eliza’s mother. He was carrying his ruined clothes in a plastic sack, though he wasn’t sure why. He would never wear them again.

  The whole Drama Club was in the waiting room, along with Natalie and Jack.

  Jack started to push to his feet at the sight of him, but Natalie was up quicker and already crossing toward Gabriel. He saw Jack slowly sink back into his seat beside Alex. Gabriel met his eyes and Jack offered a small smile of encouragement.

  And then Natalie was pulling Gabriel into a hug, and he wrapped his arms around her, letting himself lean into her support. She kissed his cheek and rubbed his back, and he released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

  “She’s okay,” he said, looking over her shoulder at the waiting kids. He saw their collective relief. His gaze slid to Alex. “She’s going to be here for a couple of days at least, but she’s okay. Her mother’s here now, sitting with her.”

  “Can we see her?” Alex asked. Jack put an arm around his shoulders.

  “I don’t think so,” Gabriel said. “Not tonight. But maybe tomorrow, if she’s feeling up to visitors. I know it’ll mean a lot to her to know you’re all here for her. Right now you should have your parents come pick you up, though.”

  “I’m taking them home,” Natalie said, drawing back and smoothing the front of his shirt. “I have the school van.”

  He nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude for her presence, her level-headedness. “What about—”

  “Don’t worry about anything,” she told him. “All you have to do now is go and get some sleep. You can come back home if you want.” She saw his eyes slip, unbidden, over her shoulder toward Jack, and she smiled. With a light pat over his heart, she said, whispering so only he could hear, “Let yourself feel, Gabe. Take care of yourself.”

  “I love you,” he said quietly, releasing his grip on her. She turned toward the kids, an
d Gabriel looked at Jack, feeling oddly vulnerable in his hospital scrubs. He couldn’t muster any defenses, and he didn’t want to try. He was too tired, physically and mentally.

  “Can I go with them, Dad?” Alex asked, looking at his father.

  Jack pulled his attention away from Gabriel’s green eyes and looked at Alex. “Go where?” he asked, frowning. “Ms. Santiago is taking everyone home…?”

  “We’re gonna have a sleepover at my house,” Becca said. “My parents said it was okay. We…want to be together,” she added, hugging herself as her friends put their arms around her shoulders from either side.

  Jack looked at his son, and his hesitation was apparent.

  “Please?” Alex asked, and Gabriel saw in an instant that Jack had no hope of refusing such a plea.

  Gabriel smiled to himself. He knew the feeling. As a father, Jack wanted to keep his son close, protect him, especially at a time such as this. But he was helpless to deny Alex the comfort of his friends.

  “Okay,” Jack said. “Just…call me when you get there and…when you want me to pick you up tomorrow. We’ll leave your car at the school for tonight.”

  “Oh, crap, sorry,” Gabriel said, suddenly remembering Alex’s phone. He reached into his bag of clothes and pulled out the cell; he’d cleaned it as well as he could. Most of the blood had been on the phone’s cover, but some had still found its way into the crevices around the screen and jacks. While the phone was perfectly functional, it would still need to be replaced for Alex’s—and Gabriel’s—peace of mind. “I’ll get you a new one, Al,” he said, as the boy came toward him. “Mine was in my jacket in the gym—oh,” he said, as Natalie, suddenly remembering, handed him his cell, retrieved from the school. “Thank you,” he said. He took his own phone and handed Alex his. “Just let me know how I need to—”

  “That’s not necessary,” Jack said quietly as he got to his feet. “This is not your fault.”