Jack dipped his head and kissed him, sliding his tongue into Gabriel’s mouth as he slid a second finger inside him. Gabriel kept his muscles relaxed, letting his body get used to the invasive feeling. Jack was kissing him so slowly and thoroughly that it was nearly impossible to think of anything else, anyway.
Jack moved his fingers slowly, too, easing them deeper. After a few seconds, he bent them a bit, reaching upward, and Gabriel gasped, breaking away from his kiss.
“Wait,” Gabriel said, his fingers digging into Jack’s shoulders. Jack stopped, looking at his face. “Oh my—just—” He swallowed. “Okay,” he said. “I didn’t—okay.”
“Talk to me,” Jack said. “Did that hurt?”
Gabriel laughed, a shaky sound. “No, I—no, I just wasn’t expecting…” He laughed again, wiggling his hips a little in an effort to relax.
“That’s your magic button, Gabe,” Jack said, smirking at him.
“Magic—I think you mean prostate,” Gabriel said with another laugh.
“Jeff used to call it the ‘happy spot,’” Jack said. “But you get a magic button to go with your magic mouth,” he said, bending his head to quickly run his tongue across Gabriel’s lower lip. “Ready?”
Gabriel hummed his assent, but his lips parted when Jack moved his fingers. “Okay, I get it now,” he breathed as his erection twitched in response to the internal stimulation.
Jack chuckled. “It might take a little getting used to,” he said. “Especially the feeling of—”
“Pressure,” Gabriel said.
“Right.” Jack moved his fingers and Gabriel’s eyes closed. “You don’t have to pee,” he added.
“Are you sure?” Gabriel asked with a small laugh.
“I’m sure. Trust me. You’ll get used to it. Are you good with this?”
“Yeah—yes,” Gabriel answered. “But—I’m not—uh, gonna last very long like—oh, God.”
“Don’t hold back,” Jack said. “Here, bend this knee a little higher, open yourself up for me. There you go. Hold onto me, we’ll figure this out,” he murmured, shifting himself downward until his lips found Gabriel’s nipple.
Jack moved his fingers slowly at first, letting Gabriel get used to the sensation, but he could feel the tension building in Gabriel’s muscles, could see the head of his erection glistening, and knew that he was already close. Jack increased the rhythm of his fingers, slipping a third inside with the first two, and he bent his head to Gabriel’s stomach, sucking lightly at his skin.
Gabriel squirmed beneath him, one hand snaking its way into Jack’s hair. As Jack’s fingers moved faster, Gabriel’s hips bucked up against him, and he made a sound in his throat. His hand fell away from Jack’s shoulder, dropping onto his own thigh. He started to reach for himself and hesitated.
“I—I need—” he started, his voice hoarse.
“Okay,” Jack answered, shifting further. “I’ve got you.” He closed his mouth around Gabriel—but loosely, knowing he was almost unbearably sensitized.
“Jesus.” Gabriel came almost instantly, and he clutched at Jack’s hair, reflexively pulling his head down and momentarily choking him. Jack was undeterred, and he worked Gabriel through his orgasm as gently as possible. He knew the sensations were more intense than Gabriel was used to. “Ah—sorry,” Gabriel said, releasing Jack’s hair and dropping his hand to the other man’s shoulder. “Are you—” He broke off, unable to finish as his body shuddered.
Jack lifted his head, and Gabriel sank into the mattress with a shaky sigh of relief, his hands sliding to the sheet. “Don’t tense up,” Jack said, laying a palm on Gabriel’s stomach as he slowly withdrew his fingers.
“Are you okay?” Gabriel asked. “I didn’t mean to—”
Jack crawled up to kiss him. “Are you okay?” he returned, propping himself up to study Gabriel’s face.
“It was intense. I didn’t hurt you?”
“No,” Jack answered with a smile, placing another quick kiss on Gabriel’s lips. “Intensely good, or bad?” he asked.
“Uh, good, yeah,” Gabriel answered with an embarrassed laugh, squirming a little beneath him.
Jack reached back a hand and patted Gabriel’s thigh. “Go ahead and relax for a minute,” he said, still smiling as Gabriel let his legs slide down to the bed. Returning his attention to Gabriel’s face, he said, “Tell me what you like or don’t like. I’m learning what, uh…makes you tick.” He winked, and Gabriel laughed.
“When you figure it out, you can let me know.”
“Oh, you’ll know when I’ve figured it out,” Jack said, ducking his head so his breath was fanning Gabriel’s lips. “But I think we’re off to a good start.”
Gabriel lifted his head to meet Jack’s kiss, but he couldn’t hold himself up for long and he dropped his head back to the pillow. “You wanted to see if I could, uh…finish without…external stimulation…” Gabriel said.
Jack laughed down at him. “We need to work on your pillow talk, but yes,” he said. “Like I said, I’m just trying to—”
“It was close—I was close, should I have waited or—tried—”
“You did the only thing you should do—you told me what you wanted,” Jack interrupted.
“Did I?” Gabriel laughed. “I don’t think I actually said anything coherent.”
“Well,” Jack said. He ducked his head and kissed Gabriel’s lips. “You got the point across.” Another quick peck on his mouth. “And I’m good at following directions.” Light kiss. “I think you’re rested enough. Ready for more experimenting?” he asked with a grin.
Gabriel looked down between their bodies and swallowed. “Are you, um…going to…”
Jack tipped his head, his amusement evident as he said, “Oh my god, you’re really trying to say the word ‘fuck,’ aren’t you? And just trying to say it is making you blush.”
“Fine,” Gabriel said with an exasperated breath. “But are you?”
Jack laughed, his whole body shaking along the length of Gabriel’s. He bent his head, nipping at Gabriel’s shoulder with his teeth. Turning his head, he bit lightly at Gabriel’s earlobe, and said softly, “I’ll fuck you into next week, Sugarlips. When you’re ready for it. But tonight I’m going to make love to you until you forget everything but my name.”
Gabriel shivered. “Yeah, your pillow talk is better than mine,” he breathed.
Jack nibbled at his ear. “Do you want me inside you?”
Gabriel made an involuntary sound and shifted beneath him. “Yes.”
“You’re very wiggly,” Jack remarked, sliding a hand down Gabriel’s side to rest on his hip.
“You’re very hard,” Gabriel returned. “Still.”
Jack lifted his head, laughing in surprise. “There you go!” he said. When Gabriel offered a sheepish smile, Jack gave him another quick kiss. “God you’re cute,” he muttered. He reached back and tucked a hand under Gabriel’s knee. “Bend this back up, let’s get you prepped.”
“Am I going into surgery?” Gabriel joked, obediently drawing up his knees.
“Just a slightly invasive procedure,” Jack answered with a smirk as he grabbed the bottle of lube. He pushed himself up so he was kneeling between Gabriel’s thighs. “So it’ll sting,” he said, as Gabriel watched him applying a fresh dose of lubrication to his fingers. “If it gets too uncomfortable, tell me. We’ll go slow. You’ll get used to it, but if anything doesn’t feel right, tell me.” He was working his fingers carefully into Gabriel, now, keeping his eyes on the other man’s face. “You might come more than once—more frequently and quicker than you’re used to.”
“Confident, are you?” Gabriel said. His words were barely audible, but the corners of his lips were tipped upward.
Jack smiled at him. “You might not be able to talk,” he said, slowly withdrawing his fingers. “If it’s too much, you can tap out.”
Gabriel laughed breathlessly as Jack tore open a foil packet. “Tap out,” he repeated.
“Mmhm,” Jack agreed, rolling on the condom. “Smack me upside the head if I’m not paying attention,” he added, grinning.
Gabriel smiled. “I think you’ll be paying attention,” he murmured.
Jack leaned down. “I’ll be paying attention,” he agreed softly, pressing a kiss to Gabriel’s lips. He straightened back onto his knees and started applying lubrication to the condom. “And you’ll be in control—even if it doesn’t feel like it.” He shifted backward and bent down, sliding his fingers under Gabriel’s semi-erection. He kissed his way up the length of his shaft, slipping one finger, and then a second, inside him. He closed his lips around Gabriel’s tip, running his tongue along the slit as he carefully inserted a third finger.
Gabriel’s stomach was tight, his breaths already uneven as he held fistfuls of sheet beside his hips. Jack lifted his head, then leaned forward and kissed Gabriel’s stomach below his navel, nipping the skin and then flicking it with his tongue. He slid higher, nipping and licking until he found a nipple. He pulled it between his teeth and felt Gabriel’s gasp.
“Jack.”
“Hmm,” Jack answered, withdrawing his fingers. He reached up and grabbed one of the pillows. “Lift your hips up for me,” he said. “Good boy.” He laughed when Gabriel made a huffing sound, and patted him lightly on the ass as he pushed the pillow beneath him. “Comfortable?”
Gabriel shifted his shoulders and nodded.
Jack moved forward, getting himself into position. He watched Gabriel’s face as he pressed against his opening, slowly pushing his way in. Gabriel reached out a hand, grabbing Jack’s hip. “Okay?” Jack asked. When Gabriel nodded, he said, “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Gabriel said, his fingers digging into Jack’s hip. Jack pushed forward, slowly, slowly, and Gabriel’s breath caught as the stretching sensation gave way to one of burning. “It’s okay,” he said before Jack could ask. It wasn’t painful, merely uncomfortable. In spite of his assurance, however, Jack stopped, drawing back a bit. He waited a few seconds before moving forward again. Gabriel closed his eyes and drew a breath through his nose, curling his fingers into the sheet.
“Look at me,” Jack said, and Gabriel’s eyes opened. “We’re almost there. It’ll get easier.”
Gabriel could see the strain in Jack’s face. “You don’t have to hold back,” he said. “I can take it,” he added, pulling at Jack’s hip.
Jack bent forward. “Slow and easy,” he murmured, kissing Gabriel’s shoulder as he slid a little further into him.
“You’re torturing yourself,” Gabriel answered.
“The best kind of torture,” Jack returned. He sucked at the skin over Gabriel’s collarbone, drawing a hickey, and Gabriel’s fingers slipped into the hair at the back of Jack’s head. “You’re so tight—Christ. Almost there.” He paused, giving Gabriel a few seconds to adjust. “Okay?”
“Yes.”
“Hold on,” Jack breathed. He pressed forward, sinking fully into Gabriel. “Stay with me, baby,” he said. He faltered over the last word, and he hesitated, stilling for a few moments. Gabriel pulled his head down and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Stay with me,” Jack repeated quietly, adjusting his hips. He tipped his chin up, finding Gabriel’s lips with his own.
Gabriel made an involuntary sound when Jack started moving. When Jack looked at him, Gabriel said, “Faster.”
“Faster,” Jack repeated. He flexed his hips, and Gabriel made another noise when Jack hit his prostate. “How fast do you want it?” he asked with a smile.
“I don’t know,” Gabriel admitted.
“Hm, don’t worry, baby, we’ll figure it out,” Jack said, once more flexing his hips. “I’ve got you.”
Chapter Ten
“Good morning, babycakes.”
Jack cracked an eye, peering upward. Jeff stood beside the bed, grinning at him. He was dressed in khaki shorts and a light pink polo shirt. His hair was damp from a shower, his face was freshly shaved, and he seemed to be in high spirits.
He’d opened the curtains, but not far enough for the sun to hit Jack’s face; instead, the bar of light had settled across his chest and stomach, warming his clothes and skin. He was wearing boxers and an undershirt and the sheet was tangled around his legs.
The bed was soft, and the sun was warm, and Jack stretched, scratching at his stomach and yawning. “Sorry,” he said, although he didn’t sense any annoyance from Jeff. “Didn’t mean to sleep so long,” he added, running his gaze down the length of what he could see of Jeff’s body. He couldn’t imagine anyone being more beautiful, and he wondered if there was a way he could convince Jeff to let him hang around for a while.
“That’s alright, I know I tired you out,” Jeff laughed, tossing him a wink.
Jack felt himself blushing, and he hoped it would be hidden by his scruff of a beard. He shifted his legs, trying to untangle himself without being too obvious about it. He was sore, but his aches were pleasant reminders of the night before. He felt good—surprisingly so.
“Aww,” Jeff said. “You okay?” Before Jack knew what he was doing, Jeff kneeled on the bed and leaned over, tugging the sheet from Jack’s legs to free him. “Sore, baby?” he asked, peering at Jack’s face.
Jack stared at him, suddenly unable to breathe. Jeff was on his knees, leaning forward onto his fisted hands. Jack could smell his aftershave and the faint mint of toothpaste. He could see the sun glinting off the golden flecks in his eyes. Jeff’s grin was gone, though; his expression was kind, and edged in soft concern.
"No—I’m okay,” Jack managed.
“You sure? I rode you pretty hard last night,” Jeff said, but the teasing note was gone, too. Jack felt himself beginning to harden at the choice of words. “You need some ibuprofen? A hot shower will help, too.”
“I’m fine,” Jack said. “Really. I just…” He stopped, unsure how to proceed. “Do you have plans, or…” Jeff had showered and gotten dressed, and Jack could only assume that he’d come close to overstaying his welcome.
“Plans? I was thinking we could go hiking but that all depends on your legs,” Jeff answered with a small smile, lifting one hand to gently nudge Jack’s thigh with his knuckles. “And, you know, if you’re up for it.”
“Hiking?” Jack repeated.
“We can go sailing if you’d rather. That’ll require no exertion on your part. Unless you wanna get a little frisky on the high seas,” Jeff added with an endearing little laugh, but there was a shadow of concern dipped into his brow as he regarded Jack.
“Sailing?” was all Jack could think to say.
“It’s a beautiful day,” Jeff said. “But…we can get a late start if you want…? Breakfast is ready but I can…” He trailed off, looking unsure of himself for the first time since Jack had met him the night before.
“You made breakfast?”
Jeff settled back onto his heels, laying his palms on his thighs. “Is something wrong?” he asked.
“I thought you’d want me to leave,” Jack admitted before he could stop himself.
The creases in Jeff’s forehead deepened. “Leave?” he repeated. And then, finally, understanding crept into his features. He stared at Jack, and the tension left his shoulders. A smile tipped the corners of his lips.
Jack couldn’t help but smile back, but he still felt shy, unsure. He reached out a tentative hand and touched his fingers to the edge of Jeff’s shorts, just above his bent knee. “I mean, I…I was hoping I could talk you into letting me…you know, stick around for a little bit,” he said, and the bar of morning sunlight had crawled its way up to his chin. Jeff could surely see his blush, now.
Jeff shifted, swinging a leg over Jack’s thighs. He braced his hands on either side of Jack’s waist and leaned forward. “Leave?” he repeated.
Jack sucked in a breath when their crotches met, and his body immediately responded to the contact. He could feel Jeff stirring against him, but the sensation was secondary to the look in his gold-flecked eyes. Jack was helple
ss to look away as Jeff bent his head lower.
“Jack,” Jeff whispered. He dipped his head and brushed his lips, feather-light, against Jack’s. Jack shifted beneath him, raising a hand to Jeff’s hip. He bit back a sound of frustration as Jeff turned his lips away, but in a heartbeat they were at Jack’s ear. “Now that I’ve found you, I’m not ever letting you leave,” he breathed.
***
Jack opened his eyes with the breath of a ghost tickling his ear. Lying on his back, he looked up at the ceiling. It was raining; the rain was tapping against the window, but he could still feel the warmth of the sun on his stomach, the weight of Jeff on his thighs, the softness of his lips at his jaw. He could still smell the aftershave and toothpaste, as though the scents had been branded into his nostrils.
I’ll never hear his voice again, Jack thought. The pain was like a dagger through his chest, and he couldn’t draw a breath. He held himself still as the room blurred around him; his eyes and nose burned, but that pain was insignificant compared to the other, to the hurt that was tearing a hole through him. He’d felt this before, in the hours and days and weeks surrounding Jeff’s death, and he’d doubted if he was strong enough to survive it.
If not for Alex, he didn’t think he would’ve.
With time, the grief had begun to subside a bit, lying in wait for the darkest, loneliest hours of the night, or to catch him when he was least expecting it—laughing at a joke, or looking over Alex’s homework, or showering alone, or doing laundry, or looking at Alex and seeing those familiar gold flecks in his eyes. The world was full of reminders, of the love and of the loss, and sometimes the pain was bittersweet.
Now, as he struggled to pull a breath into lungs that felt as though they’d been torn to shreds, the thought repeated itself: I’ll never hear his voice again.
He caught the sob before it could escape his chest, but Gabriel stirred beside him. He was on his back, too, but turned slightly away from Jack, one hand resting on the bed between them and the other on his own stomach.
Rising From the Dust Page 21