Rising From the Dust

by Adrianna M Scovill

  Gabriel cleared his throat and managed a smile; he was barely holding back his tears, and his chest was burning. “I’ve always been wordy,” he joked.

  Daniel smiled in return. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he said.

  “I’m not—You didn’t,” Gabriel assured him. “I just…You caught me off guard, is all, I feel like I should’ve—”

  “You gave me what I needed, Mr. S,” Daniel interrupted. “I always appreciated it, but I appreciate it even more, now. If you leave this place, it’ll be a loss for future students, but you should go take the world by storm if that’s what you want. Get a play on Broadway, if anyone can do it, you can. We’ll all be cheering you on—opening night’ll be a sea of familiar faces carpooled in,” he laughed. He paused, and glanced at his husband as though for help.

  Cliff looked at Gabriel. “I was in a dark place when I met Danny,” he said, putting his arm around his husband’s shoulders. “And he was like a ray of light, this source of hope and optimism that sort of took over my life and made everything better. I wouldn’t be here without him. And I can see that you’re not sure, and I get that it must be hard to see the effect you have on people after they leave your classroom or this town, but I believed Danny when he said that you were the reason he was able to have so much hope about the world. So I guess I wouldn’t be here without you, Mr. Santiago,” Cliff said. He held out his hand, and Gabriel shook it again, automatically. “So, thank you.”

  “I…don’t know what to say,” Gabriel admitted, his voice thick with unshed tears.

  “That might be a first,” Natalie joked, coming up beside him with a smile. “Dan, it’s good to see you. Even if you do make me feel old.”

  “Mrs. Santiago—I know, I know, Natalie,” Daniel laughed, holding up a hand. “This is Cliff. I can’t thank you enough for inviting us, I wouldn’t want to’ve missed this.”

  “I’m so glad you could make it,” she answered. Her arm was brushing Gabriel’s, and he felt boxed in by her and Jack. It was not a bad feeling.

  “We have to get going,” Daniel said, once more looking at Gabriel. “Hopefully it won’t be so long, next time.”

  Gabriel reached out and clapped Daniel lightly on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you,” he said. “Take care of yourself.”

  “You, too,” Daniel answered. He nodded at Jack, and Gabriel nodded at Cliff, and the married couple turned to leave.

  Gabriel looked at Natalie. “You invited them here? Are you the reason there are so many former students here tonight? How many people did you invite?”

  “Oh, you know. Pretty much all of them,” she said with a smile.

  “So you knew. About the play.”

  Arnie walked up beside her. He seemed reluctant to interfere in their conversation, but was encouraged by Gabriel’s friendly smile. “I’m not quite as clueless as Alex and the others seem to think,” the gym teacher-cum-drama teacher said.

  Gabriel laughed. “It was nice of you to play along. They were probably relieved no one was throwing a wrench into their plans, and this was a very nice thing they did. And you did. Both of you.”

  “It was all Alex and the kids, believe me,” Arnie said. “All I did was stay out of the way.”

  “And keep Doug, and then Mike, out of their way, I imagine,” Gabriel answered, raising his eyebrows. He didn’t want Arnie to downplay the risk he’d taken upon himself by helping, even passively, the students pull off this change in program.

  “Are you okay?” Natalie asked.

  Gabriel chewed his lower lip for a moment before nodding. He couldn’t explain how raw his emotions felt, but she knew; she could read him. “I’m good,” he said quietly. He bent his head toward her, kissing her forehead.

  “There are a lot of people waiting to talk to you,” she said. “If you two want to sneak out, we can run interference.”

  He shook his head and drew a breath through his nose, letting it out slowly. “It’s nice to see old faces,” he answered. “I need to go talk to Eliza and Alex first, though, and then I’ll be back out here. I assume they’re still backstage?”

  “Yeah,” Arnie answered. “They’re waiting for you, actually. The whole club.”

  ***

  Jack grabbed Alex into a crushing hug as soon as they got backstage, and then Gabriel hugged the boy, telling him he’d talk to him later. For now, Gabriel needed to talk to Eliza and make sure she was alright. She was in the back of the room; Gabriel had seen Kathleen out in the gym and knew that she was waiting for her daughter, but Eliza was sitting alone by choice.

  Gabriel made his way through the students, congratulating and thanking each of them, until he reached Eliza. Jack told Gabriel that he and Alex would wait for him outside, and the rest of the students filed out, leaving Gabriel and Eliza alone. Eliza rose to her feet.

  She took a step toward him and hesitated. “Can I hug you?” she asked quietly, and Gabriel opened his arms, letting her step into his embrace.

  “You were brilliant,” he said.

  “None of us would be here without you,” she answered as she drew back. She hesitated again, chewing her lip and fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweater.

  “Sit, please, you must be tired after that,” he said, gesturing toward her chair.

  “In my condition,” she said with a small smile as she sat.

  Gabriel smiled in return, pulling over a folding chair to sit facing her. “Are you feeling alright?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Mr. S, I…I’m not sure about a lot of things. Maybe anything, really. When Alex brought us your play, he asked me if I would do it. I’ve never been lead in anything. It should’ve been Bucky or Becca. But when I read it…it was like someone had looked in my diary.” She paused, offering a little laugh. “Not that I have a diary,” she added. Gabriel waited, and after a few seconds she continued: “Being invisible isn’t always bad.”

  He shook his head slowly. “No,” he agreed.

  “I’m not sure I’m ready to let everyone see…me,” she said.

  “That’s okay.”

  “I’m not sure who I am.”

  “That’s alright, too,” he said.

  She smiled. “My mom has been really good,” she said. “She’s trying and I know she’ll help me however she can. And Alex has been…so great. And you, of course.” She sighed, putting a hand to her stomach. “I’m…going to keep the baby,” she said quietly. She fidgeted. “Do you…think that’s okay?” she asked.

  “Honey, you don’t need my opinion. I know you’ve thought it through.”

  “But I want to know…”

  “Yes, I think it’s okay. If that’s what you’ve decided, then I have absolute faith that you will love and support your child. And I hope you know that you have support.”

  She nodded.

  “I hope you’re going to stay in school. I know it won’t be easy.”

  “I’m going to do it, Mr. S. I think I can do it.”

  “I know you can do whatever you set your mind to, Eliza.” He hesitated. “Do you…Is there something else you’d like me to call you?” he asked.

  “I’ve never really felt connected to my name, you know?” she asked. “It always felt too, I don’t know, fancy, maybe. It never felt like me. But now I don’t know if I want to let it go. Alex has started calling me El and…I think I like that. At least until I figure things out.”

  “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, and you don’t have to answer now, but if you want me to change anything—pronouns, name, anything—you just have to tell me. Okay?”

  She nodded again. “I can feel a lot of changes already,” she said. “Because of the pregnancy. I don’t think I can know for sure what I feel until after the baby is born. Maybe people will think I’m stupid for not knowing, I’m sure it must seem…naïve, at the very least.”

  Gabriel shook his head. “Sometimes we need to be reminded that we have a right to feel what we feel. Sometimes we can lose sight of that. And
after being in the shadows for so long, it can be terrifying to step out into the light. But El, I promise you, it’s worth it. For the feeling of power over your own life, the sense of freedom, the pride in yourself. This is just the beginning for you. The start of greatness, I can feel it.”

  She laughed. “You make a pretty good cheerleader, you know,” she said.

  He shrugged and offered a crooked smile. “I do my best,” he said. He rubbed his palms on his thighs. “Alright, I should get going. I know your mom is waiting for you and I’ve got a lot of people to talk to before I can head home.”

  “Are you sure you don’t wanna sneak out the back?” she laughed.

  “No,” he said, getting to his feet and holding out a hand to help her up. “I’m ready.”

  “To step in the light?” she asked with a smile.

  “To let myself be seen,” he answered.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Gabriel wasn’t worried about meeting Jack’s family; Jack and Alex weren’t worried, and that was enough for Gabriel. Of course, he hoped to make a good impression, hoped that the Windsor clan would recognize how much he loved Jack, but he could do nothing but be himself.

  Because he did love Jack, and because Jack loved him, Gabriel believed that would be enough. With the exception of a few cousins, Gabriel was looking forward to meeting all of Jack’s family, whether it was this holiday or one of the hundreds to come.

  And he had Ben and Natalie—and Arnie—with him. It may seem unorthodox to strangers, but Gabriel wasn’t worried about that, either. They were all celebrating together in the McGintys’ home, as there was plenty of space to accommodate Gabriel’s small family and Jack’s much larger one, and it didn’t escape Gabriel’s notice that they had all come together—his family, and Jack’s, and Jeff’s—out of a respect for love.

  The introductions were a blur; Alex seemed to have a neverending stream of cousins, and Jack’s sisters and brothers-in-law were friendly but openly curious and watchful. Gabriel barely had time to breathe, but he smiled and made small talk and mentally repeated every name until he was sure he wouldn’t forget.

  Natalie was charming everyone, as expected, and the kids were following Ben and Alex around with hero-worship in their eyes. Ben showed off his best magic tricks, and Alex told the wide-eyed youngsters his best G-rated ghost stories.

  Alex had two older cousins, and Gabriel realized that one of them was actually his half-brother. Alex seemed to get along well with both older boys, and they joked around, but they didn’t want much to do with the younger kids. Alex, on the other hand, was great with the little ones. When he was designated to sit at the kids’ table for dinner, he didn’t complain about being too old, or ask why the older teens weren’t sentenced to the same fate.

  He did shoot his father the quickest of exasperated looks, however, and Jack smiled in commiseration. Gabriel wasn’t the only one who saw this exchange, and he watched as Ben—wine glass in tow—loaded up his table setting and moved his chair to sit across from Alex.

  “Mind if I join you guys?” he’d asked, and Gabriel felt a surge of love and pride. He’d met Natalie’s eyes, reading her thought clearly: we made him. He’d smiled at her, and then Jack was at his side, pressing a kiss to his temple.

  The wine was expensive and abundant, and the conversation boisterous, and the food delicious, and most of the adults had something of a buzz—and a few were quite tipsy—by the time they moved into the hall, and in front of the towering Christmas tree, for the gift exchange.

  Alex was the only person in the house who was related to John and Margaret, but they’d provided, in addition to a location for the party, presents for everyone. Everyone, from Jack’s nieces and nephews to Ben and Natalie and even Arnie. Gabriel had no doubt that Jack had helped in this regard. The McGintys were generous, but they hadn’t even remembered Jack’s birthday on their own. There was no chance that they knew the names of everyone in the house, let alone what they might want or need.

  That didn’t matter, though. Gabriel knew it must be unbelievably hard for them, celebrating the holidays without their son, but they seemed genuinely happy about the joy and life around them, and while they sat, watching the kids tearing into brightly-colored paper, Jack hovered near them with his wine. He’d been extra attentive, doting on them, and Gabriel loved him so much that it made his chest ache.

  When Gabriel opened his own present from John and Margaret, he looked up and caught Jack’s eyes. Jack was leaning against the wall near Margaret’s chair, and his lips curved when he saw the look on Gabriel’s face. He offered a little shrug: I told you they were generous.

  It looked as though Gabriel and Jack were going to be seeing a lot of Broadway shows in the upcoming year. And so would Natalie and Arnie, he realized, as he saw them opening a similar packet. Natalie looked up at Gabriel, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the stunned expression on her face.

  Ben was sitting at Gabriel’s side, looking bemused by the pile of presents accumulating at their feet. Alex and two of the younger kids were distributing the gifts, and Jack’s two younger sisters were gathering up the shreds of wrapping paper in black garbage bags. Gabriel didn’t imagine there would be much, if anything, left for the housekeeping staff to clean after the guests were gone if Jack’s family had any say.

  Gabriel hooked an arm around his son’s neck and pulled him into a one-armed hug, kissing his cheek, and Ben laughed, looking at him. “Merry Christmas, Dad,” he said.

  “Feliz Navidad, mijo,” Gabriel answered, unable to keep the emotion from his eyes or voice.

  Ben regarded him for a few seconds; the younger Santiago had flushed cheeks and bright eyes from the wine. “You’re happy, huh, Pop,” he said. It wasn’t a question, but Gabriel answered anyway.

  “Sí, estoy feliz, mi cielito,” he said, and Ben leaned toward him to kiss his forehead. “Are you happy, Benny?”

  Ben smiled at him. “I’m happy,” he answered. “But you’d better get opening your presents, they’re piling up.”

  Gabriel ruffled Ben’s hair, thinking back to all the Christmas mornings he and Natalie had been woken by their tousle-haired, eager son. “Alright,” he said, and Ben patted him on the back.

  Gabriel turned his attention to his presents and began opening them, doing his best to locate and make eye contact with each gifter to offer thanks. Most of the presents were generic—a tie, a pair of leather gloves, a bottle of wine, a cinnamon-scented candle—but Gabriel was touched by each one, because someone had taken the time to write his name on each package. He’d brought gifts of his own, nothing extravagant, but for the first time in his life he felt what it was like to be part of a large family.

  Natalie had opened her presents from him—a desk calendar and a bottle of perfume, two items that he’d given her every Christmas for over two decades—and for a minute they sat on opposite sides of the room, looking at each other. She’d initially thought it would be awkward and strange for her and Arnie to accompany him to a family dinner with Jack, but Gabriel could see now that she understood. She and Ben were his family, and it was only right that they should all be gathered here, like this, under one roof.

  Smiling and misty-eyed, he turned his attention back to his few remaining presents, grabbing one that he knew was from Jack because he recognized the wrapping paper. The package was soft and floppy, and Gabriel ran his finger under the seam, popping the tape. He caught sight of gray yarn, tightly knitted, with what appeared to be the black outline of an eye, and he glanced up to where Jack was standing.

  Jack, as always, seemed to feel his eyes and turned his head to meet Gabriel’s gaze. Jack’s blue eyes skimmed down to the package and widened in surprise—or perhaps alarm—before darting back up, and he shook his head.

  Gabriel raised his eyebrows in question.

  Jack mouthed two words: For later.

  Gabriel looked down, his curiosity piqued. How embarrassing could it be when it was made of yarn? He pulled at it a litt
le, trying to open it up without revealing it to the room. There was definitely an eye, and...He lifted a knitted tube, the end of which was pink, and his brain finally realized what he was seeing. He dropped it back down, but from somewhere in the room, one of Jack’s brothers-in-law called out.

  “What the hell is that, Gabe?”

  Gabriel started to reclose the paper, but his son had quick reflexes. Before Gabriel realized what was happening, Ben had plucked the package from his hands and shucked the paper. Gabriel made a swipe but Ben was already holding up the shorts, letting them unfold so that the whole room could see the eyes on the front, the pink ear flaps on the sides. The trunk hanging down the middle. The…hollow trunk…

  “What is that?” one of the kids asked.

  “An elephant!” another young voice called out.

  Ben was looking down at the shorts, and he snorted. Several of the adults laughed, but it wasn’t until Alex’s two older cousins began cackling that the laughter really started.

  “From Jack, I presume?” someone asked.

  Gabriel looked at Jack.

  Jack’s expression was apologetic, but his cheeks were dark enough that Gabriel could see his blush from a distance, and he suddenly realized that Jack was far more embarrassed than Gabriel was.

  “Is the trunk like a pocket?” one of the kids asked, peering at the shorts. “What’re you gonna put in there?”

  “The family jew—” one of the men started, but his wife quickly elbowed him in his ribs, cutting him off.

  “That’s a…long trunk, there,” Jack’s father remarked drily, and most of the room—with the exception of the perplexed kids—erupted into laughter. Looking at his son, he added, “I hope you remembered the rule to always measure twice?”