Love Only Once

by Love Only Once (lit)

  Nicholas paused with his hand on the closed door, Regina’s door. But he felt a strange pull coming from the nursery. The wet nurse wouldn’t like being disturbed, yet he suddenly had a powerful urge to enter that room instead of Regina’s. He hadn’t gotten a good long look at the boy earlier. What better time than now?

  Nicholas nudged the nursery door open. The nurse, Tess, was fast asleep in a cot against the wall. A small lamp glowed on a table next to a stuffed armchair. In that chair sat Regina feeding her son.

  It brought him up short. Ladies of quality did not suckle their children. It wasn’t done. She was in profile to him, her head bent to the child, softly humming. The fashionable short curls of the day framed her face, while the rest of her hair was long and gleaming, spilling over the back of the chair in midnight waves. She wore a long-sleeved sheer white robe, open, revealing a nightgown of the same material, pulled down on one side enough to bare one breast. The infant’s mouth was greedily working, and one small hand rested just above the nipple, as if holding the breast in place.

  Nicholas was mesmerized. Out of his depth, unfamiliar feelings assailed him, tender feelings, holding him spellbound. Even when she sensed his presence and looked up, he didn’t move.

  Their eyes met. For a long time, they simply stared at each other. She showed no surprise and no anger. He felt none of the old hostility. They seemed to touch each other without hands, a current passing between them that transcended their differences.

  Regina was the first to look away. “I’m sorry if he woke you.”

  Nicholas shook himself. “No, no, it doesn’t matter. I… didn’t expect you’d be here, though.” Then he asked shyly, “Couldn’t you locate a wet nurse for him?”

  Reggie smiled. “I never looked for one. When Tess told me my mother defied tradition and nursed me herself, I decided to do the same for Thomas. I haven’t regretted it for a moment.”

  “It’s rather confining for you, though, isn’t it?”

  “I have nothing to do, nowhere I want to go that would keep me away from Thomas for any length of time. Naturally I can’t make many calls, but that’s no hardship for me.”

  He had nothing to say. But he didn’t want to leave. “I’ve never seen a mother suckling her babe before. Do you mind?” he asked clumsily.

  “He’s your… no, I don’t mind,” she finished, keeping her eyes on the baby.

  He leaned against the door for a moment, studying her. Was the child his? She said he was. And every instinct of his own said he was. Then why was he stubbornly denying the truth? Because leaving a wife who had forced herself on him was one thing. But leaving a pregnant wife was something else again. True, she hadn’t told him. But his leaving was still, in view of the pregnancy she’d borne alone, contemptible. Damnation take it. She had put him in this position by keeping silent about her condition. How the devil was he to get out of it?

  Reggie turned the boy around to give him her other breast. Nicholas caught his breath as both creamy white globes were revealed to him in the moment before she covered one of them.

  He approached her slowly, drawn against his will, and didn’t stop until he stood before her chair. She looked up at him, but he didn’t trust himself to meet her eyes. It was all he could do to keep from touching her.

  He kept his eyes on the child, but that led his gaze to her breast, and to her open throat, and to her soft lips. What would she do if he kissed her? He bent over to find out.

  Nicholas heard her gasp just before his mouth took hers. He kept the kiss short and sweet, the lightest touch, ending it before she had a chance to turn away. He straightened, still without meeting her eyes.

  “He’s a beautiful baby, Regina.”

  It was several long moments before she replied, “I like to think so.”

  He smiled hesitantly. “I envy him at this moment.”

  “Why?”

  He looked directly into those dark, clear blue eyes. “You have to ask?”

  “You don’t want me, Nicholas. You made that quite clear before you left. Have you changed your mind?”

  He stiffened. She’d like him to beg, wouldn’t she? That would give her a chance to humiliate him. She had sworn she’d never forgive him and she probably wouldn’t. He didn’t blame her, but he was not going to make things worse. He turned and walked away without a word.

  Chapter 30

  HE was serious! He actually meant for them to pack everything that would go to Silverley and leave within the same day. Nicholas made his high-handed announcement at breakfast, having the unmitigated nerve to use the excuse that he could not remain in a house where he had no study. What could she say, she who had given him that excuse in a long-ago moment of pique? Infuriating man!

  Well, she wouldn’t go without Eleanor. All she needed was to be stuck in the country with two unfriendly people. No, Eleanor must come along. But she didn’t tell Nicholas this, she told Eleanor. Ellie refused at first, but Reggie persisted until she gave in.

  And so for the rest of the day they were all kept quite busy—except for Nicholas, who simply stood around looking satisfied with the upheaval he had caused. There was no time for Reggie to say any good-byes to her family. Quickly jotted notes had to suffice for that. But even with everyone pitching in to help— everyone except Nicholas—it was nearly evening before the last trunk was loaded onto the extra wagon that had been procured.

  Reggie was no longer speaking to the Viscount, but her annoyance with him ran much deeper than today’s nonsense. She was in fact disturbed over her encounter with him last night. Whatever Nicholas had been up to, he’d succeeded in making it nearly impossible for her to get back to sleep. It was not that he had kissed her. If she cared to be honest with herself, it was that he had done nothing beyond kissing.

  Therein lay her confusion. How could she still want him after everything he had done to her? But want him she did. She had seen him standing there in the doorway, his silk robe open nearly to the waist, his sun-streaked hair all tousled, an intense look in those honey-gold eyes, and she’d been jolted with a desire so strong it frightened her. Seeing him like that was enough to make her forget all the months of cursing him.

  Then what was she to do? It wasn’t as if she were going to forgive him. She wasn’t. She had no business thinking of him amorously.

  Eleanor and Tess and the baby rode in the larger coach with Reggie and Nicholas, while Meg, Harris, and Eleanor’s maid occupied the smaller coach. With three women near him, Thomas did not lack for soft bosoms to sleep against. He was a silent passenger most of the time, and the women conversed quietly now that they could relax. Nicholas made a point of appearing bored with their chatter. They in turn ignored him, Reggie to the extent that she didn’t hesitate to lower her dress and nurse her son when he began to fidget. Let him say something. Just let him.

  At this point a change came over Nicholas. He had been amused by his wife’s haughty air all day, and even his aunt’s frigid looks, for sweet-tempered Eleanor had never been able to stay angry with him for long. He was a little surprised that she was going to Silverley, for she hadn’t been there since his father’s death six years before. He supposed Eleanor felt Regina needed moral support, and this amused him while hurting him at the same time.

  Humor was only part of the maelstrom of his emotions, however. He must be depraved to be stirred by the simple act of Regina’s feeding the child, but he was stirred. A commiserating voice whispered in the back of his mind that he was being too hard on himself. He was forgetting that Regina had always had this effect on him.

  That realization did not help at all. Regina would shun his advances. And he would make a complete ass of himself by trying to woo his own wife, wouldn’t he? If they could share the same bedroom, the proximity might help. After all, she was a passionate woman. But the place they had just left and the one they were going to were both so large that they didn’t need to share a room.

  There was only one way he could ever share a room with her
, and that was through necessity, which wasn’t likely… or was it? By God, yes! There was one way, and he had almost missed the opportunity, for they were more than halfway to Silverley already. He ran the idea through his mind and concluded it just might work.

  Without further analyzing the plan, which would only bring to light possible flaws, Nicholas called out to the driver to stop at the next inn.

  “Is something wrong?” Eleanor asked.

  “Not at all, Aunt Ellie. I just realized I would prefer a hot meal tonight, rather than the cold fare we can expect at Silverley, arriving at this late hour.”

  “But it isn’t that late yet. Aren’t we almost there?” Reggie wanted to know.

  “Not quite, love. And I find I am absolutely ravenous. I can’t wait.”

  The inn they came to soon was a place where Nicholas was well known. He knew the proprietor well enough to tell the man exactly what he wanted. Now, he thought, if only luck would stick around for the rest of the night…

  Chapter 31

  REGGIE giggled as she made her way to the bed. Meg had left after giving her a thorough scolding as she helped her undress. Meg thought she was drunk. Well, of course she wasn’t. Eleanor was. That was funny, for Reggie had been obliged to help the older woman up to her room where her maid had scolded her, too. The cheek of servants these days.

  Eleanor had only consumed—what? a half-dozen glasses of that delicious wine the proprietor had been keeping just for them. He had told Nicholas that. Reggie drank just as much, and she was feeling quite wonderful, but she wasn’t foxed, no. Her tolerance was just greater than Eleanor’s.

  She plopped down on the bed, swayed, then righted herself. This wasn’t her spacious room at Silverley, but it would do for one night. Halfway through the meal Nicholas had told them to take their time, saying he had been thoughtless in his haste, his excuse being that he wasn’t used to traveling with such a large entourage. He’d realized how inconsiderate it would be to arrive at Silverley so late and without notice, for all the servants would have to be roused from their beds to prepare rooms, see to the horses, unload the baggage, and so forth. He had decided they could arrive in the morning, and so he secured rooms for them at the inn.

  Dinner was long and enjoyable, Nicholas putting himself out to make amends for the inconvenience he had caused them all. He was quite charming in fact and made his aunt laugh at his humorous anecdotes. Soon Reggie found herself laughing along with them. She hoped Meg and Tess and the other servants were enjoying themselves as much.

  Reggie yawned and reached to extinguish the lamp on the bedside table. Her hand went right past it and she giggled. Before she could manage a second attempt, the door opened and Nicholas stepped into the room.

  Reggie was more bemused than anything else when she saw him standing there. He didn’t apologize for his error. Was it an error? Why was he in her room?

  “Did you want something, Nicholas?”

  He smiled. A glance around the room showed him that one of her trunks had been brought up, but nothing of his had been unloaded from the coach. Harris had protested at the arrangements, especially when he was told he would be sleeping in the stable with the footmen to give truth to the story that the inn was too full to accommodate them all comfortably.

  Reggie frowned when he began to remove his coat. “What—what are you doing?”

  “Getting ready for bed,” he said casually.

  “But—”

  “Didn’t I tell you?” He frowned. “I was sure I mentioned it.”

  She seemed confused. “What didn’t you mention?”

  “Why, that there are only three rooms to be had here. My aunt and her maid have one. Your maid and the nurse have the other, with a safe bed made up there for Thomas. That left only this room.”

  He sat down on the opposite side of the bed and removed his boots. Reggie’s eyes were wide as she stared at his broad back.

  “You intend to sleep here?” This came out in a high-pitched voice. “Here?”

  “Where else would I sleep?” He tried to sound wounded.

  “But—”

  She got no further than that, for he swung around to face her, disturbing her by his closeness.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked. “We are married, you know. And I assure you, you can be perfectly safe in the same bed with me.”

  Did he have to remind her that he didn’t desire her any longer?

  “You don’t snore, do you?” she asked, just to be mean.

  “Me? Certainly not.”

  “Then I don’t suppose sharing a room for one night will matter too much. You will leave some clothes on, though, won’t you?”

  “I cannot abide constriction.”

  “Then I will turn the light off now, if you don’t mind,” she said.

  “So I don’t shock you with my nakedness? By all means.”

  Was that amusement in his voice? The cad. She would just have to ignore him.

  She caught the lamp with both hands this time—she wasn’t going to have him accusing her of being foxed—but then she had a terrible time finding the edge of the turned-down covers so she could scoot her feet under them. When that was finally managed, Nicholas had finished undressing and, with no trouble at all, stretched out under the covers at the same time she did. His weight dipped his side of the bed so much, Reggie had to grip the edge of the covers to keep from rolling into him. She lay, stiff as a board, trying not to touch him with any part of her.

  “Good night, wife.”

  Reggie frowned. “Good night, Nicholas.”

  Less than a minute later he was snoring. Reggie made a disgusted sound. Didn’t snore indeed. How was she supposed to sleep with this racket? She waited no more than another minute before shaking his shoulder.

  “Nicholas?”

  “Have a heart, love,” he mumbled. “Once was enough for tonight.”

  “Once… oh!” she gasped, startled to realize what he meant. He thought she was someone else, and that she wanted him to make love to her—again. The idea!

  She fell back on her pillow in a huff. A moment later he began to snore again, but she just gritted her teeth. After a few minutes, Nicholas rolled toward her, and his hand landed alarmingly near her breast. One leg fell across her thigh.

  It flashed through her mind that the chest pressing against her arm was naked, that the leg lying on top of her was naked that… oh, Lord, if she moved she might wake him. Yet this intimacy was bringing back feelings best forgotten, and she couldn’t sleep like this.

  Very gently she tried to lift his hand. His reaction was to grip her breast. Her eyes flew wide open. Her breathing quickened. And he slept on, blissfully unaware of what he was doing.

  Once again she tried to extricate herself, prying his fingers off her one at a time, slowly. When his hand was released, it moved away of its own accord, but not where she had intended. His hand slid slowly down her belly, across the mound between her legs, and all the way back up, stopping at her other breast. Just then, his knee moved enough to rest on her loins. The fingers caressed her breast.

  “Very… nice.” His warm breath blew against her cheek as he murmured in his sleep.

  The moan came from deep within her, surprising her and causing a deep blush. This was insane. He was sleeping! How could he make her feel like this when he was sleeping?

  It was the wine. It had to be, for she almost wished she were the man and he the woman, so she could turn him on his back, straddle him, and ease her growing ache.

  She had to risk waking him. She had to get him on his own side of the bed. “Nicholas?” she whispered. “Nicholas, you have to—”

  “Persistent, aren’t you, love?” His hand snaked up and around her neck, drawing her face to his. “Come then, if you insist.”

  Warm lips touched hers, softly at first, then passionately. The hand at her neck began to caress, softly, making her tingle all over.

  “Ah, love,” he murmured huskily as his lips trailed over her ch
eek to nibble an earlobe. “You should insist more often.”

  Reggie was overwhelmed with erotic delight. What did it matter if he wasn’t fully awake and didn’t know what he was doing? She curled a hand around his neck, exerting enough pressure to keep him close.

  Nicholas wished he could shout in triumph. Accepting his kiss had sealed her fate. His lips moved along her neck with tingling heat. Quickly, expertly, he unlaced her gown and, in one swift movement, whisked it over her head and aside.

  Reggie’s hand, yanked from his neck in the unrobing, fell back onto his shoulder. His muscles tensed where she touched him. She shivered with her own power. There was no turning back now. He was hers for the night, whether he knew it or not.

  Her fingers glided over his back. The skin was soft, warm. She kneaded gently, then harder, then gently again, taking pleasure just in being able to touch him again. It had been so terribly long. And oh, he was making her remember how it was the first time. His lips burned a searing line from her throat to her thighs. Nicholas was becoming intoxicated by the smell and taste of her. Her skin was as firm and as silky smooth as the night he had taken her virginity. Her body had made no change since the baby, except for the fullness of her breasts, and those he was almost afraid to touch, though he yearned to. But they were the territory of her baby now, and he did not want her thinking of the infant just then. He did not want her thinking at all.

  Reggie’s head moved from side to side, her pulse racing. If Nicholas did not quit the exquisite torture of his exploring fingers, she would soon be begging him.

  He must have read her thoughts, for his long body slid over her, the weight so welcome. Her legs raised and wrapped around his hips just as his warm flesh entered her, filled her, thrusting to her depths.

  His mouth closed over hers, smothering her cries of pleasure with fevered kisses. She met him thrust for thrust, her arms locked behind his head, fingers gripping his hair.

  The climax took them together to shuddering heights, wave after wave washing over them. Pleasure met and savored. Passion spent. The world receded on the same tide, and they slept, wrapped in each other’s arms.