She watched in shock as Faith ran from the room. Looking back at the tests, she realized Faith was the other positive. Didn’t she want to be pregnant?
Hope walked over to Joy after Faith left. “Who are the two?”
“Faith and me. I’m so sorry you’re not pregnant, Hope.”
Hope shrugged. She seemed to truly not care, which surprised Joy. “Maybe next month. And only one of us needs to have a baby on the way. You and Faith gave Chastity and me some breathing room.”
Joy smiled. “Well, I’ll go sit with the kiddos and make some more furniture.”
“Are you putting the castle up on eBay tonight?”
“I think I am. I’m so excited that it’s finally time!” Joy headed back to the room where the children napped and sat down in her usual chair, picking up her craft tote. She wanted desperately to tell Linda, but she knew Kolby needed to know first.
As soon as she was done with her nap shift, she hurried home, deciding to make a special meal. She knew his favorite meal was steak, so she took some steaks out to defrost, and scrubbed some potatoes clean. She’d make him steak, potatoes, and a salad, and he would be a happy man.
She daydreamed about how it would be when she told him. Sitting down together at dinner, she would take his hand in hers. Then she’d quietly give him the news of their child. “We’re having our first baby. Or babies. Whichever.”
He would smile and stand up, pulling her to her feet so he could hold her close. “A baby! Marrying you has made my life complete. I love you, Joy. You’ve truly brought joy into my world.”
He would sweep her into his arms and carry her to the bedroom, where they would make sweet love to one another, while he forgot all about his steak, because his passion for her would be all-consuming.
She sighed contentedly. She couldn’t wait to tell him!
When Kolby got in from work, he was exhausted. “You look tired.” It was all she could do not to blurt out her secret immediately.
He nodded. “It was a rough day. One of the heifers had trouble birthing her calf, so we had to call the vet. We can’t afford to lose even two cows at this point. Our future lies in making sure they all stay alive through the summer.” He yawned. “I’m going to bed right after supper.”
Joy smiled, putting his plate on the table in front of him. She sat down beside him with her own plate, reaching for a sip of water. She started to tell him as soon as he took his first bite, but she decided she’d wait. He was obviously tired and hungry. She’d tell him when they were finished with their meal.
Once their meal was done, she went to wash the dishes while he showered. Joy still hadn’t told him, but he could wait until after he was done in the bathroom.
She was waiting in bed for him when he left the shower. After he joined her, she snuggled close. “I have something to tell you.”
“Are the twins coming?” He knew she’d been working with her sisters trying to get them to join them in Wyoming.
“No, not the twins.” Her hand went to her belly. “I’m pregnant.”
“That’s nice.” He yawned widely, not really taking in her words. “Wait? What? You’re pregnant? Already?” He stared at her in shock. “We’re having a baby?”
Joy nodded, her whole face lit up. She was glad he was responding the way he was. Now, he just needed to tell her he loved her. “Happened fast, didn’t it?”
“Sure did. You just couldn’t keep your hands off me.” He shook his head at her, teasing laughter in his eyes. “I’m so happy!”
“Me too. I want this baby so much!”
“Now we’ll be able to keep the ranch for sure. Your sisters don’t even have to get pregnant if they don’t want to.” He yawned again, and it was so wide, he was certain his jaw had popped. Cradling her against him, he closed his eyes.
Joy watched him fall asleep, still waiting for the praise and the words of love. When they didn’t happen, she sighed and closed her eyes. He was just too tired. He’d tell her in the morning.
* * *
Joy walked to the big house the following day dejectedly. Kolby hadn’t told her he loved her. He’d said no words of love or praise. He’d simply gone to sleep. This morning, he’d asked if she was feeling sick, and she’d waited for the words, but again, they hadn’t happened.
Why hadn’t he told her? Maybe he was waiting for her to tell him first. That had to be it! She’d tell him at supper. Once he knew she loved him, surely he’d tell her. That was what he was waiting for.
True to her promise to herself, after supper that night, she sat with him while he watched a baseball game. She did some stitching on a new project, ignoring the television.
“I love you.” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, but she couldn’t help it. She needed the words, and obviously that was the only way she was going to get them.
Kolby looked over at her, a wariness entering his eyes. “You don’t have to say that.”
“But it’s true.”
“Thank you, then.” He turned back to the television, his heart aching for her. He wasn’t capable of love, and he hated that she seemed to think he was, despite his assurances that he wasn’t.
Joy stared at him in shock. She poured her heart out, and he said, “Thank you?” What kind of man did that?
Jumping up from the couch, she ran into their bathroom, locking the door and starting the shower. If he couldn’t come up with a better response than that, he didn’t deserve her love!
Kolby stared at the TV, knowing he’d said the wrong thing, but how could he say the right thing? He wouldn’t lie to her!
After her shower, Joy climbed into bed, wearing her oldest rattiest nightgown. She didn’t want him to touch her ever again. As far as she was concerned, the marriage was over.
Kolby found her that way when he went to bed an hour later. She’d obviously cried herself to sleep, and he wanted to apologize and make everything right. But how could he? He didn’t love her. There was no love left in him.
He watched her sleep for a minute before snapping off the light and closing his eyes. He had never hated himself quite as much as he did at that moment.
* * *
Joy got up the following morning and fixed Kolby’s breakfast as if nothing had happened. When he came into the kitchen to get his food, he thanked her for cooking and she curtly said, “You’re welcome.”
He watched her as he ate, noting that she was obviously still angry. He pulled his phone from his pocket and texted Karlan. “Trouble at home. Going to be late.”
As soon as she was finished eating, he caught her wrist and pulled her back to the bedroom. There was nothing in a new marriage that good sex couldn’t fix, right? He pushed her onto the bed and pulled off his clothes, moving down to lie beside her.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in her ear, knowing that hearing those words always made her happy.
When Joy didn’t respond, he looked at her face. There was no expression. None of the happiness that was always there. Just a blank look and eyes that were filled with tears.
“Joy, talk to me.”
“I don’t believe there’s anything left to say. I said everything that I needed to say last night. And you said, ‘Thank you.’ It’s my job as your wife to have sex with you when you need it, but don’t expect me to enjoy it.”
He gaped at her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, that I’ll do my duty as your wife, because I was raised to be a good wife. I will not be happy about it though.”
Kolby rolled off the bed and gathered his clothes, dressing quickly. “I would never force myself on you, Joy.”
“It’s not force if I agree.”
He closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Joy closed her eyes, waiting until she heard his footsteps leave the room. She didn’t even want to look at him.
When she heard the front door slam, Joy reached for her phone, punching in the number for Dr. Lachele.
“Hey the
re, Joy. What’s going on in your world?”
Joy let out a little sob in response. “You said he’d come around and fall in love with me. I told him I was pregnant, and he was happy about the baby, but he didn’t tell me he loved me. I figured he was waiting for me to say it first, so I said it last night. Do you want to know what he said?”
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. “What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Thank you.’ I poured my heart out, and told him exactly how I feel about him, and he thanked me!”
“Give him a little more time.”
“I’ve given him weeks. I’ve been a good wife. I cook for him. I clean for him. I’m always willing in bed. I’m carrying his child! And he thanked me. Sometimes the only purpose a man serves is target practice!”
“Sometimes that’s true. Here’s the deal though, Joy. You now have to go about your day, but you don’t have to do it with a smile on your face. You have every right to be angry, so you should be. You should shout. You should cry. Throw things at him if you need to!”
“But I’m Joy!” How could she possibly unleash the emotions Dr. Lachele was talking about? It was her job to remain joyful for those around her.
“I don’t want you to go to the daycare today,” Dr. Lachele said after a minute. “Borrow a car and go down to the water. You know how that calms you. You’ll see things more clearly when you get back.”
“Lot of good that’s going to do!” Joy yelled at the older woman.
It was a good thing she couldn’t see Dr. Lachele’s face, because the older woman was smiling.
* * *
Joy followed orders and texted Hope, telling her she not only wouldn’t be there, but she wanted to borrow her car. When she walked to the big house, Hope was playing with the children. Joy walked to her and held her hand out. “Keys.”
Hope dug for the keys in her pocket. “Are you all right, Joy?”
Joy looked at her sister, all of her anger piling up. “No, I’m not all right, but do you know what? That’s fine! I don’t always have to run around with a smile on my face. I’m allowed to not be happy. Did you know that? Did you know it’s not my job to keep everyone around me joyful?” She hissed the words at Hope, not wanting the children to hear. “And when you fight with the others from now on, I’m going to just let you do it. I don’t need to always jump in the middle and fix everything. It’s not my job!”
Hope stood staring after her sister as she strode off. The look of shock on her face would have made Joy laugh, if she had seen it.
Joy walked to Karlan and Hope’s house, getting behind the wheel of the Equinox. She knew she could take Kolby’s truck, but the louse had never bothered to teach her to drive a stick shift. Her dad had claimed girls were incapable of learning, but she didn’t believe that nonsense for a second.
She drove down to the river, climbing down the embankment to sit on the edge. All around her were flowers and the beauty of spring, and all she wanted to do was hit someone. She’d never hit anyone in her life, but she knew it would be gratifying.
As she sat, she cried. She dug up some of the grass on the bank of the river and threw it into the river. She wanted to kick and scream, but she kept it all inside.
She had no idea how long she was there. She had shut off all sound on her phone, refusing to deal with anyone. Why did she care if anyone worried about her? All they wanted from her was a vapid smile anyway. No one cared what was really going on in Joy Culpepper’s mind. Why would they?
* * *
Kolby went to his mom’s for lunch as usual. Most days Joy was already in the back with the babies, but he wanted to sit with her for a minute, and talk to her calmly. He knew she wouldn’t yell in front of the children.
“I’m going to take my lunch back and eat with Joy,” he announced.
Linda gave him a level look. “Joy didn’t come to work today.”
“She didn’t? Why not?”
“She’s mad about something,” Hope said. “She wouldn’t tell me what, but she’s furious. I’ve never in my life seen Joy angry before today.”
“You’ve never seen your sister angry? Don’t you think that’s odd?” Kolby asked.
“I don’t care if it’s odd or not. You made her angry, and now you need to fix it.”
Kolby sighed. “Do you know where she is?”
Hope shook her head. “She borrowed my car, and she took off in a huff. You need to go find her.”
“Are you sure? I think I know where she is, but maybe she needs to be alone for a while? So she can get over her anger.”
“I don’t know if she even knows how to get over anger. Since we were little, Mom told Joy that it was her job to always be joyous. And Joy believed her. Any time she felt any negative emotion, she’d just plaster a smile on her face and keep going. She’s not doing that this time, which is good, but I don’t know what you’d find if you went after her!”
Linda spoke up at that point. “Lachele was worried about her so she called me so someone could keep an eye on her. Lachele told me that Joy thinks the only thing you’re good for is target practice. If you go, take something soft she can throw at you. Might help.”
Kolby stared at his mother in disbelief. “You want me to give her ammunition against me?”
“Take marshmallows. I think eggs or tomatoes would make her feel better, because they’re better projectiles, but take something. You made her mad, so you get to make her happy.”
“You don’t even know what happened! Why are you taking her side against mine?”
“Because I know both of you. You could make a preacher take up drinking.”
He rolled his eyes. “Do you really think I need to take her something to throw at me?”
Linda nodded. “Stop at the store and get some tomatoes. She’s worth it.”
Kolby sighed, walking home quickly. He grabbed a towel and a few bottles of water, before making her a sandwich in case she hadn’t had lunch.
9
Stopping at the grocery store in town, he drove to the river, knowing that’s where she’d be.
He spotted Hope’s car immediately and knew he was in the right place. He shoved everything into a backpack, and walked the trail, trying to find his missing wife.
Finally, he spotted her, in almost the exact same spot where he’d asked her to marry him. He walked down the embankment, sitting beside her. “I was worried you hadn’t eaten.” He pulled out the sandwich he’d made, a bag of chips, and a bottle of water.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat. You’re carrying a baby.”
She glared at him, taking the food from him and forcing a few bites down. It tasted like sawdust.
“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. I never meant to.” She kept her face turned away from him, so he continued. “Mom said you wanted to use me for target practice.”
“Are you volunteering?” she asked, knowing Dr. Lachele must have said something to his mother. At first she was furious, and then she realized that the matchmaker had probably done it so Joy wouldn’t hurt herself.
He nodded. “I brought tomatoes.”
Joy blinked at him. “Are you serious? You’ll go be my target and let me throw tomatoes at you?”
“I will. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I know I have. I can let you throw tomatoes at me if it will make it so you can smile again.”
Joy contemplated for a moment. It wasn’t what she needed most, but it probably would make her feel better. “Are they rotten tomatoes?”
He made a face. “No, I just bought them at the grocery store in town. They’re ripe tomatoes.” He hoped she wouldn’t take him up on it, but he’d let her if she needed to.
“Give them to me.”
He pulled the package of tomatoes out of the bag and handed them to her. “Where do you want me?” he asked.
She pointed to a tree about ten feet away. “Stand in front of that.”
Kolby took a deep breath, wanting
to refuse, but he’d offered. He knew his Joy wouldn’t really hit him with the things anyway. He walked over and stood in front of the tree.
Joy peeled the cellophane off the package, and took the first tomato in her hand. It wasn’t quite mushy enough to suit her tastes, but she didn’t care at that moment. She threw it overhand, aiming for his face.
When she hit her target, she put her hand over her mouth in shock as he used the back of his hand to wipe the juice off his face. “Feel better?”
“A little.” She surprised even herself when she reached for the next one. And the next.
When Joy ran out of “ammunition,” she started looking around for something else to throw. Her sandwich was next, flying apart as it sailed toward him through the air. “You should have bought more tomatoes!”
Kolby stalked toward her, reaching down and opening the backpack. He removed the towel and the clean shirt he’d packed, wiping his face clean. “Feel better now?”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Only a little.”
“Can we talk now?” he asked, shrugging out of the shirt he was wearing and slipping the T-shirt over his head.
“Why? My feelings don’t matter to you at all!”
He frowned. “They matter to me a great deal. That’s why we had our talk about me never loving again before we married. Remember that talk?”
She turned her back on him, refusing to listen.
“Joy, I care about you a great deal. And not just because of the baby you’re carrying. I never wanted to hurt you.”
She spun around to glare at him. “Well, you did! When a girl says I love you, even if you can’t say it back, you don’t thank her! ‘I care for you.’ ‘You’re important to me!’ Either one of those would have been so much better!”
Cowboy's Conundrum (Culpepper Cowboys Book 3) Page 9