by Brie Paisley
Then she turns around and literally runs away from me.
Not even thinking about it, I take off after her because I know if she leaves, this will be the end.
And I can’t, I mean absolutely cannot, let that happen.
“Savannah!” I call after her, but she doesn’t stop until I finally catch up and grab her by the arm. “Please, just let me explain,” I beg.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” She yells back and jerks away from me. “How could you? How could you keep this from me?”
Hearing the anguish in her voice cuts me deeper than I thought her hateful words could. But I deserve it. I deserve her anger, wrath, and everything she can give. “I … I wanted to protect you. I swear I was goin’ to tell you, but—”
“But what?” she asks cutting me off. “Why the fuck would you keep this from me knowing how much I wanted this. You fucking knew, Caden. You knew how much this meant to me, and how I’ve literally been looking for my mother for years.”
“I know, Savannah. I know I should’ve told you sooner, but you have to listen to me.” Taking a deep breath, she’s quiet for a moment, and I take my chance. “I wanted to protect you from the truth because of your mother, the woman you claim you want to know is the worst person you could ever want to know. She nearly destroyed Shelby and Carter. So yeah. I fuckin’ lied and kept this from you because I wanted to save you from goin’ through the same shit Shelby did for most of her life.”
“No,” she says as she shakes her head. “That’s not a good enough excuse.”
“What do you want me to say? I know I fucked up, I know I should’ve told you, but I swear I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Then why, Caden? Why keep it from me?”
“Because.” I breathe out. Swallowing hard, I hope what I’m about to say will change her mind and let me make this up to her. “Because I love you. I love you so much that I kept something that could hurt you in the long run. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that, but I knew if you found out who your mother was, you would take off to find her and leave me here without you. Savannah, I fuckin’ love you, and I cannot bear it if you leave. So please, please just stay and let me fix this.” This is it. I’ve laid all my cards out on the table. Everything I just said is the truth, and she’ll ruin me if she walks away.
But I know I’ve lost her when she says, “You don’t lie and hurt the people you love.” Another tear falls down her face, and I glance away from her. Hearing someone walking up behind me, I turn to see Cason. Thinking he’s here to help me convince her to stay, I suck in a breath. But he doesn’t even look my way. He walks right past me, and I frown when Savannah asks him, “Can you please get me out of here?”
“Cason,” I call after him when he nods and starts to walk toward his truck. “Cason, please don’t fuckin’ do this.”
He quickly helps Savannah get inside his truck then he makes his way to me. I can feel his rage with our bond, and I square my shoulders when he stops inches away from me. “You did this, not me. I fuckin’ told you this would happen, and now look what you’ve fuckin’ done. Are you happy now? Are you glad you hurt not only Savvy but Shelby too? All because you couldn’t be a fuckin’ man and tell Savvy the truth.” He takes a deep breath, and I can only take the verbal bashing. “I’m takin’ her home so don’t fuckin’ bother tryin’ to talk your way out of this. I better not catch you anywhere near the apartment for a while.” He starts to walk away but thinks better of it. When he turns back, I feel my entire world coming down on me just from the look he’s giving me. “I hope you know I can’t fix this for you either, and it’s goin’ to take a lot for her to forgive you.”
When he turns to walk back to his truck, I curse under my breath. Everything he just said is spot on, and I can’t even be pissed at him for leaving with Savannah or for him clearly taking her side. Watching them as Cason drives away, I feel my heart breaking. It literally feels as if someone is ripping the fucker out, and it’s hard to breathe properly. Cason’s truck speeds down the road, and I stand out in the yard even though I can’t see it anymore. I don’t know how long I stand here just staring off into the distance before I finally decide to move. With my head hanging in defeat, I walk to the front porch and take a seat on the steps. Running both hands down my face, I don’t know why I let shit get this far. One stupid mistake has cost me everything, and I have no clue how to fix it. I don’t know how to get Savannah to listen to me or forgive me. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her, but it doesn’t even fucking matter now.
I’ve ruined it.
I’ve lost the one woman I’ve ever loved.
Cason was right. This shit blew up right in my face, and I can’t blame anyone for it. This is all on me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Hearing the front door close, I drop my hands and turn to see Shelby taking a seat beside me. She doesn’t look at me, and I wonder if she’s angry with me too. “So I apparently have a sister and had no idea.” Not knowing what to say, I gaze in the distance. Shelby is quiet for a while, and I don’t even know where to start apologizing to her. Not only did I keep this from Savannah, but I also kept it from Shelby. They both had every right to know, and I just selfishly withheld it from them both. “I know why you didn’t tell her,” Shelby says finally, and I jerk my gaze to her. She looks at me with understanding her eyes as she says, “I know you love her, Caden. I also know you wanted to protect her from my mother.” Turning away, I let my head drop. Even if Shelby understands, it still doesn’t make it right. “I hope you know even if I get why you kept this from me and Savannah, you still shouldn’t have lied or kept this from either of us. But,” she says with a sigh. “I do understand.”
“Thank you for understanding. It’s a lot more than Cas did.”
“Well can you blame him?” Frowning, I glance at her as she says, “He knew what would happen, and he didn’t want to see you or her hurt.”
Shaking my head, I look away because I know this already. But just knowing my own twin turned his back on me, then ran off with my girl, hurts more than I thought possible. “I don’t know what to do now, Shel.”
“Yes you do, Caden.” Snapping my gaze to her once more, she adds, “You win her back.”
My heart feels like it’s being torn into pieces.
I’ve never felt so much pain in my entire life. Not when my parents told me I was adopted. Not even when I broke my arm when I was ten. This pain is so much more than I can bear, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to move forward. How am I supposed to even wrap my mind around everything that’s happened? Finding out the one person I counted on lied to me and kept something from me, feels as if I’m being ripped apart from the inside out. I never once thought Caden would be the one to ultimately break my heart, but I’ve been proven wrong. Caden took my heart and tossed it out the fucking window then ran over it again and again.
I don’t even remember getting back to the apartment. The whole way there, all I could do was cry. Cason never spoke a word, and I was grateful. It’s not like I knew what to say anyway. Plus I can’t bear to look at him either. That’s the thing about leaving with the twin of someone that’s supposed to love you.
Love is nothing but a fucking lie.
Caden claims he loves me, but how can he even utter those words knowing what he’s done? How can someone say they love someone else and hurt them so much?
I don’t know what went through Caden’s mind when he decided to keep this from me, and just knowing he’s known for weeks makes me so damned angry at him. He’s known all along who my birth mother was and that I have a sister. A half-sister. In hindsight, I guess it makes sense why Shelby and I connected so quickly, and why I felt as if I’d known her all my life. But even with this new information, I can’t ignore how Caden has lied to me for weeks about it. If I had known, Shelby and I could’ve gotten closer. I could’ve spent time with her. Caden stole that right from me. He took away my choice to know Shelby on a different
level than just a friend. The big question is what do I do now? Honestly I’m such a mess, and I have no clue where to start. A part of me wants to say fuck this stupid town and run back home. But I know I won’t. Even if I’m hurting, I can’t just up and leave knowing I have a sister now. I want the chance to know her, really know her, and I can’t just skip out on that.
Running my hands through my hair, I will these stupid tears to stop falling. I’ve never cried so much in my life, and it seems I have an endless amount of tears. They refuse to stop, and I quickly wipe them away as they fall down my cheeks. Seeing Cason take a seat by me on the couch, I let out a heavy sigh. While I’m grateful that he got me away from Caden, I also feel like a terrible person for putting them in that position. I saw them arguing, and I could feel the anger rolling off Cason while he drove away. It wasn’t my intention to make them fight, but I needed to get away from Caden. From the hurt, he’s caused me. “I’m sorry I caused a rift between you and Caden.” I can’t look at him as I apologize, and I hope he knows I am sorry.
“There’s no need to apologize.” Cason lets out a huff before saying, “You have no reason to be sorry. Caden …” he stops for a moment, and I can hear the disappointment in his voice. “Caden is a fuckin’ idiot for keepin’ somethin’ like this from you. I warned him, but he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Looking down at my hands, I swallow hard before asking, “Why did he keep this from me? I just can’t understand why he would when he knew I’ve been searching for my mother for years.”
“Honestly I think he was scared.” Frowning, I glance at him for only a second before turning away. “I can’t say for sure, but I have a hunch he was afraid you would leave if he told you. I know you wanted to find out who your mother is, but I do know Tabitha,” his voice breaks and I can’t help but wonder why. Since getting to know Cason over the past few months, he hardly ever shows emotion. But when he uttered her name, it’s the most emotion I’ve heard from him, and I’m sure if I was looking at him I would see it too. “She’s not someone you want to know, Savvy.”
“Even still. He should’ve told me and let me decide. He took that away from me and then lied about it.”
“I know. I’m not sayin’ what he did was right, but in a way I do get it.”
Another tear rolls down my cheek as I whisper, “It just hurts you know?”
Shockingly, Cason scoots closer and wraps an arm around me. Taking his comfort, I bury my head on his chest and begin to cry again. “It’s goin’ to be alright, Savvy.” Hearing him say that only makes me cry harder because I don’t know how I’ll ever be alright again. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to forgive Caden for this. It’s one thing to lie to me and another to keep such a big secret from me, but it’s knowing that I love him and I trusted him. I gave him the power to hurt me and destroy my trust. But knowing I have Cason here to comfort me helps some. He’s like the brother I never had, and if I’m honest, I’ve fallen in love with the entire Harlow clan. Maybe that’s another reason why I’m so upset. How am I supposed to see them again knowing Caden and I may never get back to where we were? Sucking in a deep breath, I lean back and wipe my face again. “You got to stop with the tears alright? You’re makin’ me feel like shit because you keep cryin’.”
“I’m sorry,” I say with a broken voice. Glancing at him, my stomach clenches. It’s like I’m looking right at Caden even though I know it’s not him. “No offense, but it’s kind of hard to keep myself in check when I can’t bear to look at you.”
“Do you want me to put a paper bag over my head?”
Letting out a chuckle mixed with a sob, I ask, “Did you just make a joke?”
He raises an eyebrow and shrugs. “Yeah, I guess I did.” He smirks then shakes his head as if he’s lost in thought before saying, “For what it’s worth, he does love you.”
My eyes blur again with more tears, and I honestly claim, “If you love someone, you don’t hurt them or lie to them.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Savvy.” He pauses, and I wait for him to finish. “Love makes people do stupid shit, and it’s usually the ones we love that hurt us the most.”
Glancing away, I can’t deny he’s right. Love is such a fickle thing. It does make us do crazy things we never thought we would, and it also hurts that much more when the ones we love hurt us in return. Even with knowing this and agreeing with Cason, I still don’t know how to move on from this. The hurt is too real, raw, and only time will tell if I’ll be able to forgive Caden.
I honestly I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this.
The next morning, I find Cason in the kitchen drinking coffee. He never utters a word as he moves to the cabinet above him and hands me a mug. Taking it from him, I make myself a strong brew. “How did you sleep?” he asks.
Pressing the start button on the Keurig, I lean against the counter as it spits out coffee. “Like shit. I tossed and turned all night.” It was the worst sleep I’ve ever had, and I know it was from everything that went down last night. I just had so much on my mind that I couldn’t turn it off long enough to rest. “Did you get any rest?”
“Not really.”
Noticing my coffee is finished, I grab the cup and forgo adding anything. I need it to be as strong as possible today. Raising my mug, I say, “Thank God for coffee.”
Cason huffs out in response and gazes down in his mug like it holds all the answers to the world. He’s quiet for so long I almost forget he’s standing in the kitchen with me. “What are you plannin’ to do about this?” he asks, and I snap my gaze to him.
Not really knowing what to say, I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. A part of me wants to go back to Florida, but then again I want to talk to Shelby first. Plus I don’t want to up and leave you high and dry at the gym.” I refuse to think about Caden. I just … I can’t go there right now.
“Whatever you decide, you’ll always have a place to work at my gym. Don’t worry about that.” Hearing a knock at the door, Cason slowly sets his mug down as I wonder who is here. My stomach drops thinking it’s Caden, but why would he knock at his own apartment? When he glances at me, he says, “Here’s your chance to talk to Shelby.”
“You called her?” He only nods as he walks out of the kitchen, and I follow him toward the front door.
Holding onto my coffee mug tightly as he opens the door, Shelby walks inside and her eyes instantly find mine. I won’t lie. I’m nervous as hell about this. It’s one thing to think she and I are just friends, but now we both know we’re sisters. This is so out of my comfort zone, and I have no clue how to act, feel, or what to even think. “I’m goin’ to run some errands, but if y’all need anything just call.”
“Thanks, Cas,” Shelby says, and I let out a nervous sigh when he leaves. Setting my mug down on the coffee table, I turn to her wondering what to say. “So,” she starts. Glancing around the room, I wonder why it’s suddenly so awkward. It’s not like I haven’t talked to her before, and every time we’ve been around each other, it was easy to fall into conversation. “Am I the only one that’s a bit freaked out about this?”
Letting out a small laugh, I say, “No. I’m feeling it too.”
“I have to say, I’m still reelin’ about all this. I had no idea I had a sister.” She looks away, and I frown seeing the hurt in her eyes when she looks back up. “If I had known, I would’ve found you sooner.”
“It’s not your fault. No one knew but one person.”
“My, I mean our mother,” she adds. Technically Caleb and Caden knew, but if our mother hadn’t made me into a dirty little secret none of this would be happening. Nodding, all my words leave me once more, and I’m surprised when she walks over and wraps her arms around me. It takes me a few seconds before I return her hug because I wasn’t expecting it. “I’m sorry, Savannah. I wish I had known before.”
Pulling back, I notice tears forming in her eyes. “It’s okay, Shelby. I’m not mad at you or anything like that.
I know you had no idea.”
She wipes away a tear before it falls down her cheeks as she says, “It’s just so fucked up you know?” Taking her hand, I squeeze tightly letting her know I’m here. “My mother, shit sorry. Our mother. It’s goin’ to take a while to get used to sayin’ our.” She and I chuckle because I can only imagine how strange this is for her too. “It just seems like our mother just keeps messin’ with my life, and now she’s added you into the mix. It’s not fair, and I’m so pissed she didn’t tell me about you. All this time you’ve been missin’ from my life and I had no clue.”
I completely understand where she’s coming from. When I found out I was adopted, I was so consumed with finding my birth mother, and I never dreamed of having a sister out there just living her life. I had no clue this was in the plans for me. “It’s not fair, and I wish we could turn back time and get all the years that were stolen from us, but,” she gazes at me as I finish. “Now we have all the time in the world to be sisters, and trust me when I say, there won’t be anything stopping me from it.”
She smiles then claims, “I knew I liked you for a reason.” Grinning widely, I feel a rush of pride flow through me knowing I’ve made my sister happy. That’s still weird to think, but it’s the truth. “I’m glad I finally have the chance to know you, Savvy. Even though it didn’t come out the way it should’ve, I’m still glad to finally know.”
“Yeah, me too.” Looking away, I know she’s referring to Caden. My heart painfully clenches thinking about what he’s done and how badly he’s hurt me.
“Shit, I’m sorry. It’s too soon to bring that up.”
“It’s alright,” I honestly say. “I knew it was bound to come up sooner or later.”
She rubs my shoulder, and I appreciate her comforting touch. It is nice to know I have not only her now, but I have Cason here if I need to lean on them. “Do you want to talk about it?”