Lessons Learned

by Sydney Logan

Relief flowed through me as Lucas inched closer. His trembling hands found mine and pulled me close to his side.

  “I want you to go home, Miss Bray.”

  I forced my voice to remain strong. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He shook his head and lifted the gun close to his temple. My feet itched to move closer, but Lucas held me tight.

  “You know that kid in Memphis?” Matt asked, his voice dripping with despair. “I wonder if he felt like this. I wonder if he felt the hatred that I feel from almost everyone in this town. I wonder if he was relieved when that basketball player walked into the cafeteria and shot him right there in front of the rest of the students. I think I’d be relieved . . . to have it over. Done. No more guilt. No more hatred. No more pressure to be something I’m just . . . not.”

  “Matt, I couldn’t save him,” I whispered tearfully.

  “Maybe he wasn’t worth saving,” he said, his voice void of emotion. “I’m not.”

  Finally, he turned around. He didn’t seem surprised to see Lucas standing there. I tried to take a step closer, but Lucas’s arms tightened around me, holding me in place.

  “I have to help him.”

  Lucas closed his eyes in defeat, but he didn’t let me go. Instead, he took my hand and led me closer to the water.

  “Matt, please throw the gun in the water,” Lucas said softly.

  The boy tilted his head to the side.

  “You really love her, don’t you, Mr. Miller.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Then, I’m begging you. Please take her home.”

  “I can’t do that. She loves you, Matt. She’d never forgive me if I left you out here all alone.”

  “She can’t see this,” he whispered.

  “You’re right. She can’t.”

  Matt’s eyes flickered to mine, and for a few heart-stopping moments, I was back in that Memphis cafeteria. But this time, I wasn’t staring into the dead eyes of a high school senior. I was looking into the sweet eyes of a lost and desperate child.

  My child, just like this mother had said.

  “Matt, you are a kind and compassionate young man who is going to find his place in the world,” I murmured softly. “It’s so easy to believe the negativity, but you are a good person. You’re so good, and you are going to go to college, and do something really wonderful with your life. And you are going to invite me to your college graduation, and I’m going to sit with your mom, and we’re going to scream so loudly when they call your name.”

  At the mention of his mom, Matt’s haunted eyes flickered to life.

  “You are not weak. You are strong. So much stronger than this. This is not the answer.” My voice was just a whisper as I raised my hand. I felt Lucas stiffen next to me, but he stayed quiet while Matt gazed at my outstretched hand. “Please give me the gun.”

  Matt shook his head.

  “Tell me it’ll get better,” he begged softly, tears rolling down his cheeks.

  “It will get better,” I promised. “The only way it could get worse is if you pull that trigger. Please give me the gun, Matt.”

  Seconds. Minutes. Hours.

  I had no idea how much time passed as we stared at each other, until finally, he removed the gun from his temple.

  “I won’t give it to you, Miss Bray. I won’t let you touch it.”

  Turning around, Matt raised the gun into the air and swiftly tossed it into the muddy waters of the Sycamore River.

  Chapter 27

  “That was Lucas on the phone,” Aubrey said, handing me a cup of tea. “He’s on his way home.”

  I nodded, pulling my grandma’s blanket tighter around my shoulders and taking the mug in my hand. I couldn’t seem to get warm, no matter how many blankets I had wrapped around me.

  “Where’s Matt?”

  “At the hospital,” Aubrey replied. “He’s been admitted, but his mom is right by his side. Tommy and Lucas made sure she was allowed to stay.”

  “How is she?” It was such a stupid question. No doubt, the woman was a basket case.

  “She’s hopeful and very grateful to you.”

  I leaned my head back against the couch and closed my eyes, waiting impatiently for Lucas to get home. I needed his arms around me, but I’d insisted he take Matt to his mother and then follow them to the hospital. I’d begged to go, but Lucas had vehemently refused. Instead, he’d called our best friends, and Aubrey had driven me home.

  Now, she was driving me crazy.

  “We could look at some wedding dresses,” she offered, pointing toward the laptop on the coffee table. “Or invitations? Or maybe flowers? Have you thought about what kind of flowers you want? I assume wildflowers since you’re getting married at Sycamore Falls.”

  She was just trying to distract me. I knew this, and I appreciated it, but getting married at the falls was not an option anymore. It was no longer the most beautiful place on earth to me.

  We heard the kitchen door slam, and every muscle in my body relaxed when Lucas walked into the living room.

  “Hi,” I whispered.

  “Hey,” he replied tiredly, sitting down on the couch and instantly pulling me against his side. “Are you cold?”

  I nodded and snuggled close.

  “Is Tommy home?” Aubrey asked, and he nodded. “Then I should probably go. You’re okay?”

  “I’m okay. Thanks, Aubrey.”

  “Call me tomorrow?”

  I promised I would.

  After she left, Lucas and I stayed on the couch for what seemed like hours. I was finally warm and relaxed, and no matter how many times he asked if I was ready for bed, I just couldn’t make myself move.

  “How is he?”

  Lucas sighed softly and kissed my forehead.

  “He’s under seventy-two hour observation. It’s standard procedure, the doctor said.”

  I nodded. “What about Debbie?”

  “She’s very shaken up, but Bill arrived not long after Matt was admitted.”

  “Bill?”

  “Matt’s dad.”

  I stiffened.

  “I think it was the first time I’d ever seen a grown man cry. Finding out your son was that close to ending his life apparently put some things in perspective for Bill Stuart. I’m not sure Debbie will be able to forgive him, but she didn’t ask him to leave. When Tommy and I left, they were talking and holding hands,” Lucas said.

  I buried my face against his chest as he held me tighter.

  “When I saw Matt with the gun in his hand . . .” Lucas whispered, his voice aching. “All I could think about was getting you out of there.”

  “He never would have hurt me.”

  “I didn’t know that. You didn’t know that.”

  “I had to help him, Lucas.”

  “I know, and you did. You saved his life, Sarah.”

  Lucas pulled me into his lap and held me close, rocking me, and whispering the sweetest words against my ear. Overwhelmed with all of the emotion I’d been holding in for hours, I finally dissolved into tears.

  “We have company.”

  I finished flipping the pancakes before joining Lucas at the kitchen door. I squealed when I saw Matt and Debbie were making their way up the sidewalk.

  “I’ll finish breakfast,” Lucas said with a grin. “Go say hello.”

  I kissed his cheek and quickly rushed out the door, letting it slam behind me.

  It had been three weeks since that day at Sycamore Falls. Debbie had called with daily updates, but we hadn’t been allowed to visit. Matt needed time to concentrate on his recovery, his doctor had said. Taking one look at him as he walked up the steps, it was obvious the treatment was working. Matt’s eyes were bright and alive, and he looked healthier than he’d appeared in months.

  I didn’t even say hello. I simply rushed toward him, wrapping my arms around him, and hugging him tightly.

  He laughed. “Hey, Miss Bray.”

  “Hey,” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. I couldn�
��t stop smiling. “Are you hungry? We were just making pancakes.”

  Lucas appeared in the doorway, grinning at each of them.

  “We can’t stay,” Debbie replied softly. She nodded toward the car, and I saw Mr. Stuart sitting behind the steering wheel. He nodded, offering me a timid smile. “I just wanted to say goodbye, Miss Bray."

  “Goodbye?”

  He nodded, and Lucas invited Debbie inside while Matt and I sat on the porch swing.

  “This is a cool swing.”

  “Thanks. It was a gift from Lucas.”

  Sighing softly, he leaned back against the swing and began to push us gently.

  “We’re moving to Winslow. The doctor thinks it’s a good idea to distance myself from Sycamore Falls, at least for a while. Dad found a house close to the hospital, so I can continue seeing my therapist. He’s trying really hard, Miss Bray. He still isn’t happy with me, but I don’t expect him to be. I don’t need his acceptance. I just need my dad, you know?”

  I nodded.

  “Patrick dropped all the charges, so I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

  “He did?”

  “Yeah. He admitted to his attorney he’d been the one to bring the pipe, and I was just defending myself. He just wants to move on with his life, too. His dad is pissed, but Patrick’s eighteen. There’s nothing he can do.”

  It was the best news I’d heard in weeks.

  “What about high school?”

  “It’s all worked out. I’ll finish school there, and I’ll still graduate in May.” Matt smiled sheepishly. “I’ve been accepted to Winslow Community College.”

  I grinned. “That’s great!”

  “It’s just two years,” he explained, “then I’ll transfer to finish my teaching degree.”

  “You still want to teach?”

  He shrugged. “You’ve inspired me, Miss Bray, what can I say?”

  I couldn’t hide my smile.

  “You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had,” he said sincerely. “You made us think. You told us it was okay to think. To ask questions. To not settle. And you told us the world isn’t really much different from Sycamore Falls, which is something I never would have believed.” He paused and took a deep breath. “And you didn’t judge me. Even though I know you don’t approve of the way I’m living my life. You love me anyway. I’ll never forget that for as long as I live.”

  He grew quiet then, and I knew he was trying to find the words to say what was really on his mind. He wanted to apologize, and while it wasn’t necessary, I knew it was probably something he felt compelled to do.

  “That day at the river,” Matt whispered. “I want to apologize. I really think God brought you there to save me. He knew you and my mom would be the only two people who could talk me out of it, and she couldn’t have handled it. Thankfully, He knew you could. You’re the strongest person I know, Miss Bray.”

  I swallowed down the emotion that was bubbling in my throat.

  “There’s a little church in Winslow,” Matt continued. “It’s a really nice place. They don’t care if you’re black, white, gay, or straight. They’re just glad you’re there.”

  “It sounds like a great place.”

  “It is. You and Mr. Miller should visit sometime.”

  “I’m not sure where we’ll be after the school year ends,” I said. “We’re not coming back to Sycamore High next year.”

  He looked surprised. “Because of me?”

  “No, it has nothing to do with you.” I patted his hand reassuringly. “Sycamore Falls just isn’t the place for us.”

  Matt studied my face carefully. “What about your house?”

  “We’ll keep the house, and we’ll visit from time to time. We just want a fresh start for our new life.”

  “I understand.” Matt gazed out across the yard at the mountains in the distance. “You know, there are a lot of good things about Sycamore Falls.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well,” he said quietly, “in August, I always loved riding the merry-go-round at the county fair even though I’m way too old for it. Despite everything, I love the people in this town. I love that they smile and wave even if they don’t know your name. I love that I can sit on anybody’s porch and look across their yard, and all I can see are mountains. For seventeen years, I was happy here. I wasn’t content, but I was happy. It’s just not the place for me, either. Not right now.”

  It amazed me this young man could find something positive to say about a town that had treated him so harshly.

  “Come on, Miss Bray.” He grinned, nudging me with my shoulder. “There has to be something you like about Sycamore Falls.”

  I started with the obvious and easiest answer.

  “I love this house. It’s big and filled with memories, and it’s mine. I love that my grandma knew me better than I knew myself, because somehow, she realized I would want to come home someday . . . that I’d need to come home. She could have sold this house, but she gave it to me. She knew . . .”

  Suddenly, I remembered something Catherine Thomas had told me during my first trip to the grocery store. “Grace always said a young girl needs to spread her wings, but a young woman needs roots, as well.”

  “Roots and wings,” I whispered with a smile.

  “So we’re both flying away,” Matt said with a bright grin. “We’ll be back, though. Those Sycamore roots run deep, Miss Bray.”

  He hugged me tightly just as Debbie and Lucas walked back out onto the porch. Matt and I rose from the swing, and Lucas wrapped his arms around me.

  “That’s some rock on your left hand,” Matt announced, making us all laugh. “I want an invitation to your wedding.”

  “And we want an invitation to your college graduation.”

  “You got it.”

  I stepped away from Lucas, and was immediately enveloped in Debbie’s arms.

  “I can’t thank you enough,” she whispered against my ear. “Your mother would be so proud of the woman you’ve become. So proud.”

  Not trusting myself to speak, I smiled through my tears.

  Lucas’s arms found me once again, and he stood behind me, pulling me close to his chest, while we watched Matt and his mom walk hand-in-hand toward their car.

  “Don’t be nervous,” Lucas whispered, squeezing my hand as we pulled into the parking lot of Riverdale High School.

  “I’m not nervous.”

  I was such a liar. I was a complete wreck because I wanted this so badly.

  We wanted this so badly.

  Riverdale was a two-hour drive from Sycamore Falls. It was a college town with a population of nearly twenty thousand people. It was thriving, which was evident by the beautiful new high school that had just been built, which would be opening in August.

  It wasn’t a small town, but it wasn’t a large city, either.

  For us, it was perfect.

  Finding it had been a complete accident. While I was handling the wedding planning, Lucas had glued himself to his laptop, checking out real estate websites and searching for houses in our price range. We’d found the beautiful white house in Riverdale, complete with a wrap-around porch and a lovely view of the mountains.

  It was hard to escape the mountains.

  The house was perfect, with four bedrooms and stainless steel appliances in the kitchen. I was in love, but neither of us was eager to make an offer with unemployment looming. The realtor, sensing she was losing a sale, immediately told us about the new high school. We drove straight home and applied online. The very next day, we each received phone calls, requesting interviews.

  The stars were aligning.

  As long as I didn’t blow this interview.

  We walked hand-in-hand into the lobby of the high school. It still smelled of fresh paint, and construction workers were still milling around, putting last-minute touches along the baseboards and hanging pictures along the walls. It was only early May, but it looked very close to completion.

&nbs
p; The office was brightly lit and painted with a soft, mint green. The secretary smiled brightly at us, and then we both jumped when we heard our names.

  “You must be Lucas and Sarah.”

  We looked toward the principal’s office to see a woman standing in the doorway. She looked around my age, dressed casually with her hair in a ponytail.

  “Come in,” she said, smiling and waving us inside. Surprised, Lucas and I looked at each other. “I figure you’re a package deal, right? So, I might as well interview you both at the same time.”

  Relief flowed through me and we followed her into her office.

  “Please excuse the mess.” She picked up a stack of files, making a place for us to sit in the two chairs facing her cluttered desk. “We’re still trying to get things organized. I hear power drills in my sleep, I swear.”

  We laughed nervously and took our seats.

  Smiling brightly, she introduced herself. “I’m Phoebe Hamilton. I’ve lived in Riverdale all my life. I actually went to high school in the old building. That place has been around since my father had been a kid, if you can imagine. We needed a new school so badly.”

  “It’s a beautiful building,” Lucas said.

  “We’re very proud of it. The current principal is retiring at the end of this school year. He was my principal when I was in school, and I’ve been his assistant for a couple of years. Many people say I’m too young to lead my own school, but I’m ready to prove them wrong.”

  Phoebe took a deep breath and smiled widely.

  “This is probably the most unprofessional interview ever, but I don’t believe in intimidation. If you work here, we’re a team. I am on your side—always—as long as you love your kids and do your job.” She shuffled some papers on her desk. “This is why I was so excited to see your application, Sarah. Your reputation precedes you.”

  “Great,” I mumbled.

  Lucas reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.

  “It is great,” Phoebe said with a nod. “I knew your name sounded familiar, so I did some digging. The fact you’re still in the profession after what you encountered in Memphis proves to me you are exactly the kind of teacher I want in my school.”

  I sighed with relief. “Thank you.”