A Girl's Story

by Paloma Meir

  “I’m worried that Danny’s going to come over for breakfast. I don’t want to see him. I don’t know how to end it with him...”

  “Why would you do that? Oh, your Mom. Your Mom means well, but she has the maturity of Anthony. He loves you. Give him a chance.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m ending it. I’m not ready to do it right now. I don’t want to see him until I figure it out.”

  “Okay. I’ll go to the kitchen in case he shows up. Your mom and I will stop him from coming in... Zelda you aren’t going to push me away too?”

  “Could you just go and make sure that he doesn’t come in her because I don’t feel very good right now.” I said with an anger I hadn’t known I possessed, the benefit of having a dark soul. She ran out the door.

  I slept on and off all day. Carolina and my Mom came and went throughout the day. They brought me food I picked at, and water I couldn’t get enough of, my body trying to cleanse itself. Anthony didn’t come back to check on me so I assumed our jaunt to the tree lot was forgotten. I felt bad about that.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I went back to her house in the morning for Sunday brunch. They hadn’t specifically invited me but I hadn’t missed one since that first on her birthday weekend.

  I didn’t knock on the door this time. I opened it and walked in saying hello in a loud voice. Ms. Moreau came out from the kitchen, put her hand on my shoulder and led me back outside. She was calm and apologetic about the day before but firmly made me leave their house. I saw Carolina as she shut the door on my face. I decided they were nuts and went for a run knowing I would see her that tonight. I wouldn’t expect much because she was sick, but I would see her.

  ...

  Two days without her was more than I could take. I normally went over to her house around 11:30, but I couldn’t wait another minute. I snuck out at 11:00. My parents were still awake. I hoped they wouldn’t check on me. They never did, but there was always a first time.

  I ran full speed to her house. They were an early to bed family, so I didn’t worry about them still being awake. I tapped on the window. Nothing. I tapped again. There she stood, it was dark but I could see from her expression she wasn’t happy to see me. She said “what” in a way I had never heard her speak before.

  My poor girl wasn’t feeling well. She opened the window, got back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She usually turned on the lights. Nudity wasn’t nudity to her unless you could see it.

  “Are you okay? I missed you. I tried to call. I’ve had it with your mom and Carolina. You have the flu? That’s okay baby, I’ve had the vaccine.” I tried to stay upbeat. I took off my clothes.

  “I have an awful headache. Could you go home?”

  “Oh baby, let me rub your head. Do you have any Tiger Balm?” That’s why she was acting so strange. I would take care of her. I was built for that. I rubbed her neck.

  “Could you just go home? My head hurts and you’re making it worse. Go.”

  “I don’t get it. I want to help you, baby.

  “I’m not a baby. Stop infantilizing me.” She screamed. I didn’t understand what was going on. I had been wrong about her Mom and Carolina. My girl needed a lot of space when she wasn’t feeling well.

  “Shhhh, you’re going to wake your house up. I don’t know what’s going on but I’ll go home. I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I would come back when she felt better.

  I walked to her saying her name, my arms out to her to hug her before I left. The next words would be the last I heard from her for four months. I would deconstruct them a thousand times even though they were a meaningless insult.

  “You know what would be great Danny boy? If you took your Lacrosse stick and shoved it up your ass.” The words were said in an angry loud scream that carried across her house. The next thing I knew her parents were standing there, and the lights were on.

  I looked at Zelda. The right side of her face was a black bruise from her lips to her eyebrow. She had put an ointment on it, accentuating the swollenness. Her hair was gone. The blond mane that had been almost to her waist, cut off. It looked like someone had taken gardening shears to it. She ran to the bathroom, I heard the lock click.

  Everything was quick after that. I screamed to her, what happened? Her dad was angry. I didn’t care that I was naked. “What happened to Zelda?” I banged on the bathroom door asking. Her dad grabbed me, thrusting my clothes at me. I grabbed back at him for answers. He kept telling me to go. Her mother was calm, telling me Zelda had been in a car accident. That didn’t make sense. They told me yesterday that she had the flu. Her mother said it was concussion, she had never said it was the flu.

  I found myself on her porch, clothes in hand, the door shut on me. I got dressed and ran up the street to Carolina’s house. I didn’t know where her room was. I sat on the curb outside of her house, my world spinning around me. I sat there until the coyotes came out. I stood up, waved my arms, and they ran off. I walked home and looked up at Zelda’s house as I went by, all the lights were out.

  I walked into my house slamming the door, not caring about the noise I made. My dad came out into the hallway shaking his head,

  “Danny, Danny out to see Zelda?”

  “Yes and I don’t want to talk about it.”

  He followed me into my room.

  “I think we need to have “that” talk.”

  “No dad, we don’t.”

  “Danny sex is a big commitment. Precautions must be taken.”

  “I haven’t had sex with her, so don’t worry about it.”

  “You’ve been going to her house twice a week for months now.” I was shocked they knew. I thought that I had been stealth in my exits. He was my dad and unlike Zelda I had strong family ties. I told him the whole story with more detail than he probably needed to hear.

  “We raised you well. Good on you for not pushing her. You’re a good boy son.”

  “That’s it? I told you everything and that’s it? I’m a good boy? Zelda hates me, she looks close to dead and I’m a good boy? Thanks Dad.”

  “You’re kids. It’s your first fight. The two of you will be back together tomorrow. Have faith son. Your lovesick shiksa will be back.” He reached across my desk, took a pad of paper and a pencil and scribbled. “I am worried about her head. Car accident? She needs to see a neurologist. Give her parents this number. He’s the best at the Cedar’s.”

  “I don’t think her parents are going to want me around her anymore.”

  “Her dad’s French. He’ll get over it. Go and talk to him in the morning. It’ll be awkward for a while but you’re strong. Go to sleep son, everything will be better in the morning.”

  He went back to his room. I looked at my phone. It was 3:00 in the morning. I took the pad of paper and wrote her a letter, read it back, crumpled it and threw it away. Two more times until I got it right. Why hadn’t I written her a letter before? She loved reading. She had all those ideas about romantic love. I had been selfish. I would write her love notes from here on out, I promised myself. The sun came up. I jumped in the shower and headed back to her house.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I woke up the next morning cold and stiff from sleeping on my bathroom floor. I took my robe from the hook on the wall and put it on. The thick terrycloth warmed me up. I didn’t want to take a shower. One day going to school without bathing first would be fine. I went to my closet and looked for something to wear, pushing the thoughts of the night before out of mind. I was probably in trouble. I didn’t care.

  The colors of my wardrobe assaulted my sleepy eyes. This wouldn’t do at all. I had nothing to wear. I thought of my dad’s closet, baggy jeans and loose sweaters called to me. Did I want to confront them after what had happened? If I were going to get dressed, I would have to do that. Blah. I walked up the stairs to their room and hesitantly knocked on their door.

  “Come in.”

  “I don’t have anything to wear. Can I bo
rrow something from you Dad?"

  “That’s all you have to say after last night? How’s your eye?”

  “Yes and fine.”

  “Okay this is probably more your mother’s area of expertise... but Zelda. I know you two have strong feelings for each other but you’re too young. Both of you are too young.” He seemed embarrassed. I didn’t respond. He sighed.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to borrow something from your Mom?"

  “No thanks. I want something loose and cozy. It’s so cold out...”

  “Is this a new teen trend I should be aware of? Should I alert my designer’s to the changing styles? Girls wearing oversized masculine clothes?”

  “Yes.” I replied and worried my lie would financially bankrupt my family. I went to his closet and pulled out a pair of faded jeans and a loose black cashmere crew neck sweater. Perfect, I would be warm.

  Back in my room, I put the pants on. They were too big. I took the scissors and cut the bottoms and put on a crocodile belt to cinch the waist. The sweater was perfect just the right amount of slouch. I ran the brush through my hair. Awful, the layers accentuated my cheekbones. I thought of shaving my head but realized that would draw more attention to me. My hair was doomed to be pretty. I decided against brushing my teeth. The plaque was textural in my mouth. I swished mouthwash to rid myself of morning breath. Good enough was sometimes good enough.

  I grabbed the lunch Maria had packed for me knowing that I wouldn’t eat it as I walked outside to get my ride to school. Opening the front door, I saw Danny sitting on the porch. I continued on my way ignoring him.

  “Zelda I don’t know what’s going on. Are you okay?” I looked at his face, he hadn’t slept. I felt a stab of sympathy but walked on. He ran to me and handed me a letter.

  I looked down at it, the words “what’s real can’t die” caught my eye. I crumpled the letter and threw it at his feet. I continued walking to the waiting town car not wanting to turn around and become a pillar of salt.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I sat on her porch and waited for her to come outside. Noises came from the kitchen. I hoped it wasn’t her parents. I needed to see Zelda first before dealing that situation. She opened the door and almost stepped on me.

  “Zelda I don’t know what’s going on. Are you okay?”

  She was a mess. Her bruise was worse in the daylight and her hair barely brushed. She looked at me coldly, a flicker of warmth, then anger in her eyes. She walked away. I ran to her and handed her the note. She glanced at it, crumpled it and threw it to my feet. She got in the car that was waiting for her and drove away.

  I sat back down on her porch stunned. What had she been wearing? That may sound shallow but she used her clothes to communicate with the world. She wore giant jeans cut off at the bottom and an oversized sweater. She wouldn’t wear such a thing for comfort in the privacy of her home let alone out into the world. I put my head on my knees and fell asleep.

  I woke to a slap against the head. I looked up and standing above me were her parents.

  “Have you been sitting out here all night?”

  “No Mr. Moreau, I came by to see her, I didn’t sleep last night. I’m very sorry. It won’t happen again. I have respect your daughter...”

  “Don’t worry about it Danny. All is forgiven but don’t let it happen again. No more late night visits and keep your clothes on. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes Sir. Thank you it won’t happen again. May I ask what happened to Zelda? She won’t talk to me.” My eyes filled with tears. I held them back because I’m not the kind of guy that cries.

  He looked to his wife.

  “Carolina’s friend was driving them home from the beach. They swerved and hit a tree. Zelda wasn’t wearing her seat belt. She hit her head on the gearshift. She has a little concussion. She’s okay now.”

  “Mrs. Moreau the bruise is on the right side of her face. If her head hit the gearshift the bruise would be on the left.”

  None of this made sense. Zelda always wore her seatbelt.

  “I don’t know Danny. Her head twisted in the collision.”

  “Carolina’s okay though.”

  “Carolina was in the back wearing her seat belt.”

  That didn’t make sense either. Why would Zelda be sitting up front with John? I wasn’t going to ask any more questions Mrs. Moreau either didn’t know or wouldn’t tell me the truth.

  Carolina, I had to find her. She would tell me what happened.

  “Could you give me a ride to school? I missed my bus.”

  “It’s a little out of our way.” He looked down at me with a sad look on his face at me. “Sure Danny, get in the car.”

  “I almost forgot my dad gave me the phone number of a neurologist for Zelda.” I handed the paper to Mrs. Moreau. She put it in her purse without looking at it.

  They dropped me off in front of my school. It was lunchtime. I ran through the school looking for Carolina. I didn't know where the drama kids ate. They were by the auditorium, the last place I looked.

  “Come with me now.” I grabbed her arm and lifted her off the bench.

  We walked over to a tree far from the other kids. She looked frightened and didn’t say anything.

  “You are going to tell me what happened.”

  “Your caveman act may charm Zelda but it does nothing for me.” She rubbed her arm more out of shock than pain. I didn’t hurt girls. I ignored it.

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “We were driving home, the car hit a skid, we crashed into a tree. Zelda hit her head. It’s a bad bruise but she’s fine.” I looked at her closely. Zelda was in a car accident. I believed Carolina. The lack of sleep had me paranoid. Why would anyone lie about a car accident? I rubbed my eyes roughly with my fists, exhausted.

  “Why does she hate me?” It was hard for me to ask her this.

  “I’m sure she doesn’t hate you. Give her a few days.” She didn’t know what happened. I broke down and told her the story. I didn’t cry, but I had never before exposed myself that way to another person before. The strange thing was Carolina started crying. She was inconsolable. I hugged her, her little body shook. She couldn’t speak. The bell rang, and she calmed down.

  “I’m sorry Danny. Give her some space. She hit her head hard.” She started crying again. Why was this affecting her so much? She got up and walked to class.

  Chapter Twenty

  I zoned out at school, only coming to at lunchtime with Veronica and Theodora. They chatted about their weekend trying to draw me into their conversation, asking me about my eye and my outfit. I lied and told them the made up car accident story. I told them I had a headache. They forgave me my lackluster spirit. How long could I tell people I had a headache before someone took me to a neurologist? On the plus side, they liked my haircut, or maybe that was a minus.

  Days went by with me on autopilot. I wore the same outfit until my father, disgusted with my unwillingness to wear my own clothes brought me a pile of his old jeans and loose sweaters. I was thankful that he favored cashmere, so soft.

  Carolina came around often. I hated to be with her. She was overwhelmed with guilt and I didn’t have the energy to absolve her. It wasn’t her fault. I’m the one who drank that evil drink. From the little I remembered I knew I didn’t fight off Spider’s kiss. I led him on somehow. It was me. I was the bad one. Hearing her apologies bored me.

  She gave me regular Danny updates. I hated that more. Alone I didn’t think about him. I didn’t think about anything when I was alone. My mind went south with birds in this so very cold winter we were having. I tried not to be interested but was secretly happy that he was miserable without me. My joy at his unhappiness confirmed my inner sickness.

  He accosted her at school trying to get information. He wanted to know why my eye was blackened and my hair was chopped off. What had he done? He became frustrated with Carolina’s lack of answers and purposely avoided her. Thank God school was out for the holidays in t
he next few days.

  The silver lining to this pathetic mess was that Carolina and John now had a real relationship. Taking care of me had brought them together. Whoopie! I reminded her that I had promised to help them get together, which was a bitter ugly thing to say. If she hadn’t felt so guilty she would have laid into me and pointed out my hatefulness.

  School finally out, a much needed three week break. I looked forward to my absences being re-set. My three-week vacation would turn into four. I thought of asking my Mom if I could be home schooled but knew in my heart that being stuck in my house would be the end for me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I gave her space. It was hard, but I left her alone. I felt sick all the time. It was as if I had been in an accident. I skipped practice. For the last game of the semester, I sat out on the sidelines. We lost the game. Brendan was angry about that.

  I saw her walking down the road the day before school got out for the break. She walked by me as she had for years before, not looking at me, not even an arm wave. I continued watching her walk down the street. I knew she wouldn’t turn around but there was hope. Her bruise had faded, but her hair looked even worse. She had stopped brushing it, the back of it was one huge knot. For a flash I saw her on the bus as a little one. She wore the same outfit as she had the week before. The pants were wrinkled, and the sweater covered in lint. I wondered if she was brain-damaged.

  A couple days later it was my birthday, pretty meaningless without Zelda. I got my car, an Audi A4 My parents had gone all out. I pretended to be happy. I got in and headed down Sunset to the beach. I drove along the coast getting sadder and sadder. It felt like there was a hole in my chest. I was done with this. I made a U-turn and sped back to Zelda’s house. If she didn’t want to be with me I would figure something out, but this not knowing why was finished.