Why was I even there, all dolled up? So silly.
I had been early, but it must be seven by now?
The minutes were so long, but Adam, the real Adam, would never be late. He was never late.
A robotic server rolled up on roller-skate wheels. Its voice sounded just like Mila Kunis. “Can I take your order?”
“No thank you. I need a few minutes.”
The robot made a pirouette. “Certainly, ma’am.”
The next time it came back, John strode over.
“C’mon honey, let’s get off this flying junkyard.”
“But…”
His voice was gentle. “It’s been over an hour. Whoever he is, I don’t think he’s coming.”
Was it a ruse to steal our ship?
I wasn’t even aware of crying until John brushed a thumb over my cheek, drying a tear away. He slammed a strong arm around my shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Hon.”
I should have known better than getting my hopes up.
He led me away and it was a matter of minutes before I was back on the bridge, watching the station holding my almost husband disappear in the distance.
Why had he gone through the trouble of arranging a meeting if he didn’t intend to show up?
It didn’t matter.
“John, I love you.”
In a most complicated way.
He smiled. “I know. I love you too.”
I should count my blessings and he was definitely on top of the list.
*****
As days went by and turned into weeks, I did my best to forget the Adam lookalike.
It didn’t go well. My mind was like a dog unwilling to let go of a fine bone. Maybe he didn’t show up because something happened to him. Maybe we should have searched for him.
I couldn’t say that to John.
All these questions kept going around and around in my mind and every attempt at pushing them away failed.
Why would he work so hard to set up a meeting and not show up?
Who was he, really? Was there a plan behind all this? For all I knew there could be a warehouse filled with model Adam, a new one activating when something happened to its predecessor.
I didn’t have anything specific to do, nowhere I needed to be, and I was too restless to sit still.
John seemed to share my mood. He roamed around the corridors, cursed machinery that seemed to work just fine, opened bottles with mysterious alien liquors just to throw them out, and plotted courses as random as his temper.
We both needed to get a grip but there was no great hurry. We had the rest of our lives to get back on track, and it comforted me to have someone to go crazy with. Everything was okay as long as we lost our minds together.
John finally docked at a small, rugged-looking station, no more than fourteen stories tall.
“Time to fuel up.”
“What? You’re actually stopping long enough to leave the ship this time?”
He laughed. “Yeah. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I need to buy some stuff for us or we’ll get scurvy.”
It seemed implausible in a day and age when machines could print out anything from pizza to oranges, but even the replicators needed some raw material.
Leaving the ship to board one more station where Adam wouldn’t be, because he was dead, held less appeal than staying where I was.
Besides, deeming from the look of the place and my general luck I’d probably end up getting kidnapped and sold, and John would have to spend days or weeks tracking me down and coming to my rescue. Not a pleasant prospect for the future for either of us.
“I think I’ll stay here, if it’s the same to you.”
He nodded. “Probably for the best. Walk me off the ship?”
“Sure.”
Peeking into the long corridor outside justified my decision. The rusty walls with torn posters for liquor brands and strip clubs definitely didn’t point to a good environment for a woman with limited survival skills.
“Will you be alright?”
He looked amused. “Of course. I’m a pirate, remember?”
“Not really, you make an awful outlaw. You’re good at everything else, but not that.”
I’d never gotten around to asking what he did in his old life, before fleeing Adam’s mother and slipping over on the wrong side of the law. Had they made a living from cybernetic engineering?
As soon as the door closed behind him I imagined metallic feet clicking against the floor, sneaking up on me. With John around, the ship was perfect. On my own it was much too large and creepy.
Should I go to the bridge?
No, there wasn’t anything for me there.
I headed for the relative safety of my room, forcing myself not to run. When the lift stopped on my floor and the doors slid open I expected an entire horde of aliens to be waiting. Telling myself the fears didn’t make sense didn’t stop me from cowering in a corner in the elevator, just in case. Then, I ran the few steps to my door and made sure to lock it.
“Just until John comes back.”
Talking to myself didn’t make me feel any better. Once John returned I could cling to him until this bout of paranoia passed, but he could be gone for a while.
Each minute took on the length of an hour and I started to doubt he’d ever come back. Maybe something happened to him. I wasn’t the best choice for a rescue mission, but if he didn’t show up soon I’d have to go look for him.
I was pretty sure hours passed, and not just in my imagination. Just as I almost persuaded myself to leave my room, go on the station, and try to find him, a heavy hand knocked on the door.
“Alex, you in there?”
He was back, thank God. I had forgotten that I locked and ran over to open.
“Yeah, I’m here. I just got paranoid when you left.”
The scene outside made me stare. I squinted, but I still saw the same thing. Were there two of him?
“Brought you something. He insists on talking to you.”
It was the Adam imposter. How had he found us again? After John’s numerous and erratic course changes?
He said, “I apologize for missing our previous appointment. I was unavoidably detained.”
“How… Where… How did you find us?”
“May I come in?”
I sought out John’s eyes in a silent plea for advice and he shrugged. “I figured you need to hear him out and get closure and shit, but if you want me to I’ll throw him out.”
Closure and shit. He wasn’t as unfazed as he pretended to be.
I stepped to the side to let them in. Except for John’s perpetual stubble they were eerily alike, just like John and the real Adam had been. Same height, same build, same eyes… John was older, because he was human. Androids don't age.
If Adam had lived, he would have remained the same forever, but I would be wrinkly and gray one day. We had been able to do everything together except that.
Adam said, “Can I please have a moment with my wife?”
Same voice.
Same thing he would have said.
I looked at the floor. Strange how I never noticed all the rivets holding the metal together before. Building a spaceship must be a lot of work. Did they do that on a planet or in space?
Not relevant. I needed to focus.
Finding us again must have been almost impossible. He sure put a lot of energy into following us around, unless he planted a tracking device on the ship. No, John scanned the hull every time we took off.
If he wanted to harm me there would have been many opportunities, and I didn’t feel threatened. Sad and skeptical, yes, but not afraid.
I should hear him out.
John crossed his arms over his chest and lifted an eyebrow. I needed to make up my mind.
“It’s okay, I guess.”
He nodded. “Alright. But Alex, call me the second you need me. Do you want a gun?”
I shook my head and he scratched his chin, seemingly unc
ertain about his decision to bring an unknown element to my room.
“Do you want me to stay outside?”
“No, I think it will be okay. But thank you.”
Knowing him, he would probably wait in the corridor for a while anyway, just to make sure I wasn’t screaming for help.
Adam waited until the door closed behind John.
“I’m really sorry for standing you up. It was not my intention.”
“Who are you? Why do you keep following me? What do you want?”
He took a step towards me, and as much as my brain screamed moving away would be the smart thing to do, my feet were frozen in place. I tried to step back, but the treacherous legs refused to move.
“Alex, we’ve been through so much. I’ve had my best moments with you, and you've seen my worst. Don’t give up on me now.”
“You’re dead. Were dead. I mourned you. We buried you. Maybe I moved on.”
“Did you?”
His voice was mild, just like the real Adam’s would have been. He would have accepted my decision, wanting only the best for me.
“No. But I could have. You’ve been gone for a long time, and I’m not even sure you’re you.”
He stepped closer, almost into touching distance, and applied all his charm. If he had been on the Titanic the ship would have been okay, because even an iceberg would have had a hard time not being affected by the warm eyes and smile.
“What can I do to make you believe me?”
I crossed my arms, attempting to draw comfort from holding my own elbows.
It didn’t help.
“Tell me the truth. How did you survive?”
A part of me hoped he would grab me and hold me, maybe kiss me, but my reasoning self was relieved when he turned away. He went over to a shelf and poked his old Newton’s Cradle. The toy held a prominent spot.
He lifted the outer ball, dropped it, and watched the ball on the other end fly up.
“I always liked this thing, but I didn’t expect you to bring it.”
I shrugged, pretending indifference. “It reminds me of you.”
“I wasn’t so sure that would be a good thing.”
Time to change the subject, or break down in tears. “John radioed the Bell. They know Shuttle Twelve is missing, but they have no idea who has it. Your story doesn’t add up.”
It would be so sweet if this really was him, but how could I believe? How could I even hope? My body claimed touching him might bring clarity, but it was a bad idea. Dangerous.
He didn’t offer any explanations, and I released the flood of questions held at bay for so long. “How can you expect me to believe you? We saw you die. You’ve been gone for so long I’ve lost track of time. Then, you show up out of nowhere, claim you’ve been on the Bell all along, and no one there knows a thing about it. They think you’re dead too.”
“Well, someone knows.”
His interjection fueled my rage.
“I mourned you! If you were my Adam you would get that. I can’t turn trust on and off like a tap of water.”
Yelling at him didn’t help. My soul had turned into a sad and confused little thing that hid in a dark corner.
“Alex…” His voice was soft and sad. “I’ve told you the truth, or at least most of what I remember. I was on the Grendl, in the engine room, rigging the explosion. I knew I was going to die, but it was okay, because everyone else would be safe. You would be safe.”
It sounded like something he would say and do. He had gone there to protect me, and knowing he died for me had been one of the worst parts of all the past months.
“I set off the explosion and woke up weeks later in a maintenance closet with a cleaning robot for company. I had radiation damage and it took months to restructure my data and neural network. By the time I was able to even move my fingers you had already left the ship.”
“But… How did you get there? Why didn’t you talk to Anya or Blake?”
He gave a slight shrug. “Finding you seemed more important. The Bell is just a job.”
Just a job. My Adam would never have said that, unless he was malfunctioning.
“But who? How?”
“Alex, I came for you because I love you, but if you don’t want me anymore I understand. If you don’t want me around I’ll leave and you will never have to see me again.”
I should say something.
I had to say something, or he would go away and I would never know the truth. I might not be willing to take the leap of faith and believe him right now, but I wanted the chance for the future. If he left, I wouldn’t even have the chance to change my mind.
No words left my lips.
Adam waited a few more seconds before nodding. “Okay.”
By the time I managed to speak, the door had already closed behind him.
Chapter Eight
Adam was leaving, and he would never come back.
When he said never, it meant never. We might run into each other somewhere at some point in time, but it wouldn’t be the same.
This was my only chance.
Could I live with myself if I didn’t take it?
It’s a leap of faith.
My body finally moved, but when I entered the corridor he was nowhere in sight.
He would be going down, to get back to the station and his shuttle.
I should go down too.
The world had reduced to a slow-motion crawl and the few steps to the lifts seemed to take ten minutes. The wait for the lift to arrive stabbed at my soul.
We’ve done this before, in this very ship.
The situation wasn’t exactly the same as when the Bell balanced on the verge of a black hole and Adam headed into the void in an attempt to save it, but it was too close for comfort.
That time I saved the day and my marriage through betraying John and telling Adam the earth-shattering secret of John being his father. What could I do this time?
Nothing if I didn’t catch up with him.
When the lift finally opened to the bottom floor, the corridor gaped empty.
Was I too late?
Had he gone somewhere else?
A door at the other end slid shut.
“Adam!”
He couldn’t have heard me. I ran to catch up, but my shoe caught on the rough floor and I tumbled forward.
“Ow.”
Dammit. Always the klutz.
This way I’d never catch up, and dear lord my knee hurt.
“Alex, what are you doing?”
His voice was close, thank God.
“I’m trying to catch up with you.”
He came closer and crouched next to me. “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not.”
Now it wasn’t just my heart aching; it was my entire body.
He helped me sit up, just like the real Adam would.
“You’re the only one I know who can stumble on a flat floor.” His voice was so gentle. Loving.
“Yeah, well, a girl has to have some form of talent.”
“You underestimate yourself. You have many talents.”
I sighed and resisted an urge to lean against him.
“Do you remember Enoch? You jumped into the central shaft to save me.”
The big tunnel that went through all the floors of the Bell intimidated me when standing by the fence peeking up or down. I couldn’t fathom anyone jumping into it for my sake, but he had.
“I wanted to kill him. I never hated anyone before that day.”
Would someone who wasn’t the real him know this?
Adam got to his feet and offered his hand to pull me up. My knee throbbed, but held my weight. With any luck I’d be able to walk without limping.
“Are you really my Adam? My husband?”
“I am.”
He was close. How comforting it would be to lean my head against his chest, be held, and stop worrying. I reached to take his hand again, but thought better of it and let mine fall back to hang by my side.
“If you’re not my Adam, please stop toying with me. If you are, please stay and never leave me again.”
“I can’t promise that, but I promise to try.”
Good enough. He pulled me close and I didn’t struggle. My body believed him.
“Oh God I’ve missed you.”
A part of me still expected a trick and thought he would squeeze so hard I died, but a larger part gave in and relaxed in his arms. Holding on to him and burying my face against his chest felt nothing short of heavenly.
I didn’t realize I was crying until he ran a hand over my hair and rocked me gently from side to side. His voice comforted me.
“I promise I will do my best not to die again. I can’t promise it won’t happen, but I will try.”
*****
Going back through the corridors with Adam by my side gave a surreal feeling. So much had changed, but it felt like nothing bad ever happened.
Should I tell John he was staying? This became complicated quickly.
What if he thought he was Adam, but he really was a trap someone built? John and I weren’t all that interesting, but the Bell would be. Maybe someone expected us to bring him there, and when we arrived he would sabotage the ship.
It seemed a longwinded way to gain access to the Bell, but Adam reinstated would have credentials to the bridge. Who knew what might have happened to the Confederacy during all the months we were away.
Adam shook me out of my rambling thoughts through stopping outside my door and burying his hands in my hair.
“Can I… Can I please stay with you tonight?”
This was the first time since his return I saw true emotion on his face: agony.
How long had he been alone, struggling to heal, think, and to be able to move? How long had he searched for me and John, alone? Waited, hoped, and been rejected? He found his family and we ran away from him, over and over.
“Yes. Yes, you can.”
Whatever time it might be on the station, it was late ship-time. Adam took off his shoes and stretched out on the bed with all his clothes on.
I followed his example. Awkward, but better than being alone.
It still didn’t feel right.
Deadly Betrayal Page 5