NoRegretsColeNC

by Christina Cole

  But her smile quickly faded. She still had to deal with reality. Each day her money dwindled. Once her time came and she had a child to support, how would she manage? Virginia Quisenberry’s kindness and mercy could not endure forever. Already she had given Hattie so much and received so little in return. The gracious woman, for all her goodness, simply could not afford to dole out charity.

  The voice called again, growing closer now.

  Hattie stopped. A spring breeze rose up, ruffling the edges of her skirts. Confusion swirled around her as she glanced up and caught sight of him.

  Indeed. William Howard Morse, Jr. stood waving his hands at her, trying to catch her attention.

  “Willie?” She opened her mouth, spoke the name, but she wasn’t sure any sound actually came out. Too puzzled, too excited, too over-wrought, Hattie knew only one thing—she was about to faint. She prayed Willie would reach her in time to catch her when she fell.

  * * * *

  “You’re coming home, Hattie Mae.”

  Willie knelt in the soft grasses, gazing down at this beautiful young woman who had come to mean so much to him. When she’d swooned into his arms—a good sign, he thought— he’d carefully laid her out upon a gentle slope. Not an easy feat, to tell the truth. He loved seeing the changes in her body, yet found it awkward—and worrisome—to move her limbs about. Would his actions cause harm? Would he accidently hurt the baby? He clutched her hand in his, willing her to regain consciousness. A moment passed before her eyelids fluttered. Her breath shuddered, and she peered up at him yet didn’t speak a word.

  Thank God, he’d found her!

  One look at her drawn, pinched features, her pale complexion, and her ill-fitting garments, told Willie she needed him.

  He needed her more.

  Alert now, Hattie tugged her hands from his, then slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position. Her gray eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’d hoped for a warmer welcome.” He reached out and placed a hand at her cheek. “Aren’t you at least a little bit glad to see me? It’s been months, Hattie. Five months, to be exact.” Five terribly long months.

  “Yes, of course, I’m glad to see you.”

  “You don’t look very happy.”

  “I—” She shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. I have no idea why you’re here or—”

  “I came here to find you. And to bring you home,” he added. “As soon as you feel up to it, we’ll go to your boardinghouse, I’ll help you pack your belongings, and we’ll be on the next train to Denver.” He eyed her burgeoning form. “You are able to travel, aren’t you?”

  Willie wished he knew more about the process of having babies. The last thing he wanted to do was to place Hattie or their child in harm’s way.

  She swallowed and nodded. “I’m well enough, yes, but…” Her voice faded.

  “Listen,” he said, moving closer. He placed a hand to her cheek and stroked softly. “You’re coming home with me. We’re going to get married. And not just because we’re having a child. I love you, Hattie Mae Richards.”

  “Yes, but how did you find me?”

  Had she even been listening? For God’s sake, he’d just declared his love. He’d proposed to her, and she hadn’t even blinked.

  “Hattie, are you all right?” The blank, expressionless look in her gray eyes worried him. Maybe she was about to faint again.

  “I’m fine,” she snapped, “but you haven’t answered my question. How did you find me?”

  She hadn’t answered his question either, but Willie figured it was best not to press the point right then.

  “Virginia Quisenberry wrote to me.”

  “What?” Hattie’s eyes grew wide. “Why would she do such a thing?”

  “Because she cares about you, and she knows you’re hurting. She asked me to please come for you.”

  Hattie leaned back again, closed her eyes and rolled her head from side to side. “No, that’s not what this is all about. Why must she always be so thoughtful, Willie?” Her eyes popped open. “The truth is, it’s because she needs the room. She hasn’t got the heart to throw me out.”

  “That’s nonsense.”

  “I’ve been staying with her for weeks now, and I haven’t paid her a cent.”

  “She said she’d hired you as a companion.”

  “Yes, in a way, that’s true, I mean, I have been keeping her company, but that doesn’t change the facts. She’s got a room to rent, I’m sleeping in it, and she’s not making a bit of money. Little wonder she begged you to come and get me.”

  “Nobody had to beg me. I’ve been searching for you ever since you left Sunset.’

  “You have?”

  “I have, indeed.”

  “And now, you’ve found me.”

  He smiled. “I’ve found you, and I’m taking you home.” He lumbered to his feet, then bent down with outstretched hand. “Come along, Hattie. You’ve got a bit of packing to do.”

  * * * *

  Virginia Quisenberry had a festive table set for them upon their return. Earlier that afternoon, immediately upon his arrival in San Francisco, Willie had come to the boarding house. He’d met the kind-hearted woman, and she’d told him where he’d most likely find the girl he so eagerly sought. She’d said nothing about serving them dinner, however.

  Even though he wanted to be on the way back to Colorado as soon as possible, perhaps it would be best to take things slow. Hattie could no longer move about as easily as before, and she tired quickly. Several times during their walk home, they’d had to stop and rest.

  During their meal—Willie had never known how delicious fresh seafood could be—Hattie said little. She’d still not acknowledged his proposal, nor had she actually agreed to return home with him. He avoided mentioning either, fearful that she would reject him outright.

  “Mrs. Quisenberry seems very nice.”

  “She’s a dear. I only wish I had some way to repay her.”

  “I’m working,” Willie said quickly. “I’ll settle your accounts.”

  “You’ll do no such thing. I’ve made my own debts—”

  “And you have no way to pay them.”

  “It’s not your responsibility.”

  “I want to help you, Hattie.” Willie saw an opportunity. He wasn’t earning much, but he could offer her a bit of financial security, at least. More than she could provide for herself. It might be enough to convince her to throw her lot in with his.

  Tilting her head slightly, Hattie quirked an eyebrow. “Have you finished your studies, Willie?”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Have you taken your examination?”

  “Yes, I’ve done that, as well.” A truthful statement, although a bit misleading. “Before you ask, I passed the exam.”

  Her smile lit up the room, far more than the glowing candles Virginia Quisenberry had placed upon the table. It reminded him of the dream he’d had the night before he’d faced the committee.

  “I’m so happy for you, Willie. I knew you could do it.” She leaned forward. “Are you practicing now? Have you set up in Sunset?”

  He wished he could find a way to keep that happiness on her face forever. Of course, he had to confess the truth to her.

  “I don’t have my license.”

  “Oh, well, I’m sure it does take a little time to process, but it won’t be long, will it?”

  “My application was rejected.” He put down his fork. “I was denied the right to practice law because of my father’s corrupt activities.”

  “They can’t do that.”

  “Yes, they can.” He picked the fork up again, speared another succulent scallop, and brought it to his mouth.

  “That’s not right.”

  “No, it’s not right. I’m not even sure it’s legal, but they’re the ones making the rules, so they can do whatever they want.” His thoughts took a morose turn. “There’s another thing, too. My father wants to see me.”

  “You k
now where he is?”

  “He’s in Denver. He’s dying, Hattie.”

  “Are you going to see him?”

  “How can I? I know what he wants. He wants forgiveness.” Willie’s jaw tightened. “I have none.”

  Guilt rose up within him. He should visit his father, of course, but he had no idea how he could find the strength to do it.

  Hattie placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Willie.”

  Her touch, as always, comforted him. It soothed him. It gave him hope. Willie looked up. “Come with me, Hattie. Help me be strong enough to do the right thing.” He grabbed for her hand and held it fast. “I can’t do it alone. But if you’ll come with me, I’ll do it, I swear. I’ll go to my father, and I’ll do my best to forgive him.”

  Hattie drew her hand away and slowly rose from the chair. “Let me think about it, Willie. Come around tomorrow morning. I’ll give you my answer then.”

  * * * *

  Hattie awoke long before dawn. Her restlessness was due in part to the surprise of seeing Willie again, but owed more to her inability to find a comfortable sleeping position. Plus the constant trips to use the chamber pot. Plus the awful cramps in her legs.

  It wouldn’t be much longer now. Soon all these dreadful aches and pains would be no more than memories. Between now and then, she had so many things to do in preparation of the big event.

  When she heard Willie coming up the walk, Hattie waved to him from the upstairs window. Her sleepless night had given her plenty of opportunity to consider his request. Throughout those long hours of darkness, she’d examined it from every different point of view.

  So, he wanted another bargain with her, did he?

  As she slowly made her way down the staircase to greet him at the door, Hattie thought back to the little agreement they’d made when he’d first been hurt. Bribery, he’d called it. If he would behave himself and follow the doctor’s orders, she would conveniently forget to post the letter to his mother.

  The recollection brought a smile to her face.

  “You’re looking cheerful this morning,” Willie said when the door opened. He leaned forward and brushed a light kiss to her cheek. “Pleasant dreams?”

  “Actually, no.” Hattie’s smile faded. “I hardly slept a wink.”

  “Am I to blame?”

  “I suppose you are, in more ways than one, but it doesn’t matter. Let’s go into the parlor. I need to sit down. We can talk there.”

  “Yes, certainly. Is there something I can do for you? Something to make you more comfortable?”

  For a moment, Hattie let her thoughts run wild, quietly recalling so many things Willie had once done to her, the way he’d once touched her, kissed her, loved her. She sighed and shook her head.

  Willie followed her into the tiny parlor. They sat side by side on the loveseat. He took her hands.

  “Willie,” she began, “I’ve given a lot of thought to…the things you spoke about yesterday.”

  “Yes?”

  “Marriage is a very big commitment.”

  “I’m aware of that.”

  Hattie lowered her gaze. “I’m not sure you’re ready to make that commitment.”

  “I love you, Hattie. What more can I say? What more can I do?”

  She looked up again but said nothing. The moment held too many hopes, too many dreams, and too many emotions. “You wanted to strike a bargain with me yesterday. If I were willing to go back with you, you’d go to see your father. You went so far as to say that you’d do your best to forgive him.”

  “If you’ll come back, I will see him. Don’t you understand?” he asked, squeezing her hands. “You’re my strength, Hattie Richards. You’re everything good in my life, every hope, every dream. Please, say you’ll come back.”

  She pressed her lips together.

  You’re doing the right thing. Just say it.

  “No deal, Willie. I won’t make such a bargain with you.” She saw the pain in his face, the hurt in his eyes, and she quickly pulled her hand away from his, placing it now against his cheek. “Regardless of what you do, whether you go to see your father or not, I am coming with you.”

  He drew in a sharp breath. “But you said…”

  “I said I won’t bargain with you. If you choose to see your father, and I hope you will, it has to be your decision, not something you were obliged to do because it helped you gain something you wanted. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “And if I don’t go to see him, will you be disappointed in me?”

  “I’ll respect whatever choice you make.” Hattie rose. “My bags are packed. I’d like a little time to spend with Mrs. Quisenberry before we leave, if you don’t mind.”

  “Hattie, wait.” He jumped up and came after her as she waddled her way toward the door. “What about marriage? You’re just going to leave me hanging?”

  “For now, yes. It’s too much to think about. Give me a little time. Will you do that?”

  “I’ll try to be patient, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t be asking again. Very soon,” he added.

  “We’d better hurry so we don’t miss the train.”

  “I’ll get your bags while you say good-bye.”

  * * * *

  Holding tightly to Willie’s arm, Hattie cautiously boarded the first of several trains that would carry them home to Colorado. Traveling was virtually unheard of for a woman in her condition. Wrapped in a voluminous cloak Mrs. Quisenberry had furnished her, she hoped to avoid questioning stares and outright gawking.

  “Are you feeling all right?”

  She nodded. “I’m fine.”

  Throughout the journey, Willie remained close to her side, fiercely guarding and protecting her, and inquiring about her well-being every few minutes.

  The train rolled over the tracks, belching out smoke and thick clouds of steam. Greasy black soot soon covered Hattie’s cloak—and her face and hands as well. Willie fared no better. Loving him more than ever, she reached up and wiped a smudge from his face.

  “Before you ask again, I’m perfectly fine,” she assured him.

  All the while, she silently prayed that the long, uncomfortable ride would do no harm to her child. In much the same way Willie looked after her, she shielded the unborn baby, her hands both defending and hiding her bulging belly from view.

  The baby had not been squirming around so much lately, she’d noticed. A perfectly normal thing, Mrs. Quisenberry had assured her. Having borne nine children of her own, the woman should certainly know.

  Thinking now of the dear older woman she’d grown so close to, Hattie sighed deeply. How cruel children could be. Always too busy, or a bit under the weather, or maybe the distance between them was just too great to allow them to spend more time with their widowed mother.

  Nothing but pathetic excuses.

  Hattie pressed her hands to her abdomen as a slight twinge grabbed at her. Would her child someday turn away from her the way Mrs. Quisenberry’s children had done? The way Willie had turned away from his father?

  * * * *

  From San Francisco, they rode the Central Pacific line eastward, passing through Sacramento, then crossing into Nevada. Willie kept close watch on Hattie. She seemed to be bearing up well.

  The locomotive rolled onward. Truckee, Winnemucca, Carlin. Together he and Hattie noted the towns as their railcar rolled past. On to Promontory—where the golden spike had brought the east and west together slightly more than a decade before—and finally, nearly twenty-four hours after their trip had begun, they arrived in Ogden, Utah.

  Willie and Hattie rested there, spending a quiet night at the Union Station, a two-story wood-frame building beside the Weber River which marked the junction of the Central Pacific with the Union Pacific Railway.

  The following morning they boarded one of the Union Pacific’s most accommodating passenger trains and settled in for the next leg of their journey, riding in the comfort of a Palace Car. Thank the Lord for good men like Jake Walker w
ho’d generously loaned Willie money enough to assure Hattie’s comfort. Several of the other townsfolk had pitched in, too. Although they’d driven her away with their gossip and unkindness, in the end, Willie’s persistence had brought them around. People always liked a good love story, he guessed. Of course, they expected him to do right by her, and he would—as soon as she agreed.

  They crossed the state of Wyoming, and toward evening, the train pulled in to the depot at Cheyenne. Willie and Hattie disembarked once more and spent another quiet night at the station’s hotel facility. As much as Willie longed to spend time talking with Hattie, sharing his thoughts, and telling her over and over again of his love, they were both exhausted. Too worried to fall asleep, Willie spent the entire night watching Hattie’s fitful slumber.

  After washing up and eating a nourishing breakfast, Willie and Hattie made a connection with a passenger train on the Denver Pacific Railroad. They were nearly home.

  “Are we going to spend the night in Denver?” she asked. “Or are you wanting to make the drive on to Sunset?” The weariness in her voice told him what his answer must be.

  “We’ll stay in Denver.” He pushed aside nagging thoughts about his father. “My mother has a room at a hotel. She won’t mind if we join her.”

  Hattie blanched. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. You mother and I had words, Willie. I wasn’t very kind to her. I said some awful things.”

  “It’s all right, Hattie. She understands.”

  “Do you think she’ll forgive me?”

  “I’m sure of it,” he said quickly, then as Hattie’s question echoed in his head, Willie went silent. It was simple enough to offer assurances, but forgiveness did not come easily. His mother, of course, was far more gracious than he. She would forgive Hattie and would embrace her as part of their family.

  What remained to be seen was whether or not he could be noble enough to forgive his father. That’s what it came down to, he figured. Doing something because it was right. Forgiveness could be taken as a charitable act.