by Pamela Ann
Jesus. Fuck me to the moon and back, I thought the moment she bottomed out and I felt my dick pulse inside her. She was tight, so tight I had no idea if there was space to move around much, but God, was she wet for me.
She then started rocking on me; slowly at first, holding back emotions as I remained in my stubborn pose, not willing to touch her.
“Greyson,” she choked out before throwing her head back, riding me a little roughly now.
Olivia looked beyond fascinating riding me. I didn’t want to blink in fear that I would miss a single moment; a single delicious stroke that evoked the most beautiful expression on her face.
How the fuck do I get over her? I worried as I longingly stared at her, enjoying what pleasure my body could give her. It was pleasuring me, too… but my heart ached. Soothing it with sex, no matter how amazing she felt, didn’t measure up.
I was in pain. No matter how I tried to make it go away, it remained in my heart, digging a grave in there.
Even though I was hard—too hard for her—I knew I couldn’t make myself ejaculate. With my broken heart, it seemed that everything was broken, too, including my sex life.
Her body slowly started trembling. She was close to coming as she gradually moved forward and tried to catch my lips for a kiss, but I moved my head to the side, not needing fake assurances—fake, in the moment comfort.
When she came, I felt her body tighten even more around me, choking the life out of my shaft, draining me dry as she yelped out a scream. After her orgasm, she dropped on my chest, spent and exhausted. I wanted to say something smart, something to provoke the situation, but she got to me first.
“This is my goodbye to you,” she breathed out. “Thanks for the memories.” It didn’t take her a minute to get off me. She took her underwear as she hastily put her clothes on.
I sat there, contemplating and speechless.
Memories; I had a lot with her, however it wasn’t enough.
“Goodbye, Liv.” I love you.
She gave me a serious stare. “I’ll see you around.” With that, she retreated, leaving me emptier than before she had barged in here. How was it possible to feel this crippled inside?
Breaking my promise with her, I reached out for the snow that was glittering at me with hope, but who was I kidding? I was a damaged guy. I was never going to be good enough for her. Deep down, I knew that, so why was it hard to accept the fact? Why did I always try to persuade myself that there was hope for me? Because I was a fucking idiot, that’s why.
Chapter 30
Liv
“Are you sure it’s okay to go out?” I hissed, eyeing him like he made the craziest suggestion.
He grinned, all cocky and sexy. “I want to celebrate Christmas with you. Come on; let’s go.” He pulled against my hand, leading us out the door before reaching his car.
It was Christmas Eve and we had eaten dinner and watched a feel-good movie. I thought that, after our parents had retired, Grey and I would remain downstairs and watch a couple more holiday-themed films, but no, he had different plans in mind.
We drove around the canyons with his hand never letting mine go as he shifted gears. After ten minutes, I got the idea that he was going to bring me to his spot—the plateau.
Once we reached the place, we got out of the car. He then went to the boot of the car and pulled out a picnic basket, a blanket, and dozens of candles.
He somehow made it feel like we were back in the cabin, yet this time, with the stars gazing and twinkling upon us.
Greyson might not know it, but he was the most romantic guy I had ever met. His small or big gestures gave the same effect—embedding himself inside my heart.
That night we slowly devoured each other while we were covered with a thick blanket, surrounded with dimly lit candles and the scent of pinecones.
It was the best Christmas to date.
I woke up in tears.
I think the last time this had happened to me was when I was a little girl, asking my mom or dad for comfort when I’d had the most awful nightmare.
Tonight was different.
I hadn’t dreamt that goodbye I’d had with Greyson. It had happened. Inside, I was being killed slowly. How could I tell him that it was hard to be with him? So much was at stake. I just couldn’t risk it.
It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had never known such pain could be caused in saying goodbye to someone you cared so much about. After I had seen him using, I had thought the worst. I’d had an idea that he was doing it from time to time since a lot of the kids in our school did it, but I hadn’t seen him do it first-hand. To say that it had shocked me would be an understatement.
Greyson was a stubborn guy. He was known for it. Besides, he was old enough to know what he was doing to himself. If he thought that was acceptable, then I knew I had made the right decision in letting him go.
My mind approved, though my heart was weeping for him. It was the most exhausting combination to have when two of your functioning organs go against each other. Not to mention the emotional toll it was giving me.
That knowledge of believing that I had made the right decision was proved month after month.
We were graduating soon, but instead of studying for finals, most of the people in my year were partying like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t do it, though. There was too much to be done.
A lot of them had gone on weekend trips to Mexico, which had been Grey’s idea. Since it was only two hours away, they had done a couple of trips to celebrate the end of high school.
To me, it sounded like the most absurd thing. How the hell did they celebrate when they weren’t studying at all? Were they sure that they were going to get passable grades?
Every time I had seen him in school or at home, my heart would be stuck in my throat. His eyes remained sad, like he had been mourning that whole time. Apart from that, he was all smiles to the rest of the world, partying until the break of dawn.
From what I’d heard from Josie, who was always joining them in their craziness, he hadn’t been with anyone. Not Edith. Not Tiffany. But I knew how he was. Greyson didn’t need to broadcast his women. They were happy to be in the shadows, like how it had been with me.
I thought I had heard the last from Edith, but I apparently had been wrong. You see, the bitch texted me with a picture of a sleeping Greyson. It was only a facial picture, so I wasn’t sure if he had any clothing on, but it still provoked my mind.
Edith: Good that you finally know your place. He will always be mine. I guess I should thank your dad for being gay. I owe him one. Kisses.
She then ended the message with a grainy picture of a guy, who resembled my dad, dressed in a woman’s get-up.
Where had she gotten that picture? She’d always threatened me with it, but I’d thought she was joking…
As for dad being gay, I wasn’t sure about that. I’d had no idea how to bring the sensitive subject up to my mom, let alone my dad. All my life, there had been no clue or indication that he was.
I wouldn’t have cared either way. To me, he was my father; I loved him and that was all that mattered.
Maybe in time, I could open up to him, although for the time being, I was going to let bygones be bygones.
My family was safe from Edith’s attack. My mother was happy and secure in her relationship. As for the rest, I could deal with it head on.
The time to leave for my summer move to Sydney was upon me. I knew I was going to be greeted with cold weather once I got there, but it was the only bright light in my shadowed world right now. Even though my heart was heavy, at least there was something to look forward to.
I hated to admit it, however I slept thinking of Greyson every night. What had happened between us was something to be cherished. My memory of him was going be untainted. I wanted to keep it that way.
I hoped, whatever he was doing right now, that he was happy. Satisfied. Safe.
Chapter 31
Liv
The co
mmencement had just ended when the rest of my class began hollering, giddy that we’d finally passed this chapter of our lives. Some were simply grateful that they had managed to pass. Jet, who had remained on friendly terms with me, wasn’t so shy about that very fact himself.
Grey would acknowledge me with a nod, but never with words or a smile. I supposed it was progress.
Mom and Brett were hosting a graduation bash tonight at the house. I planned to celebrate with them for a little while since my flight was around midnight tonight.
Mom had begged me to book my ticket a little later, but honestly, I couldn’t stomach being in the same vicinity as Greyson any longer. I needed to runaway. I desperately needed new scenery to make me forget how empty my life had become without him in it.
After an hour or so, the house was flooded with people. The music was blaring and excitement rolled in waves.
Dressed in my white, fitted sundress, very little make-up and matching flat gladiator sandals, I made my way downstairs. I wasn’t trying to be sexy, sultry or any kind of other adjective that described most of the girls that were there. I just wanted to look decent—presentable—without being the show of the party. I wanted to leave without people noticing me. Apart from saying goodbye to Mom, Brett and Josie, I had no other close friendships here.
I remained in the background, making sure I didn’t make any eye contact with anyone. Greyson, on the other hand, became the spotlight of the party. He gave short speeches to his dad, thanking him for his undying support and love. He even thanked my mom for always being sweet and making their home a home. Mom of course was in tears, hugging him as if he were her own son.
Seeing how Mom was settling in with Brett and Greyson, I knew she was in great hands. She was happy and loved. I could leave without a single worry, without wondering if she would be lonely without company.
When the time came for me to go upstairs and gather my things, making sure I had everything I needed, I slid quietly out of the party, relieved that I was done putting up a good show of being okay.
Each foot that climbed the stairs towards my bedroom felt heavy, as if they had a ball and chains with them. Pasting on a fake smile—fake everything—was too exhausting for me.
Once I reached my door, I sagged against it before grasping the door handle to open it. This room, though I hadn’t stayed here for that long, would be missed dearly.
This place had become my refuge and even my home. I glanced towards the three pieces of luggage that were situated against the wall, all packed and ready to travel, as I moved past them towards the bay window, which overlooked the pool house. Maybe for the last time, I wanted to remember it; to see it before I left.
As expected, the place was packed with people from school going in and out of it as they partied along.
Sighing, I strode over to the bed before softly placing myself on it, knowing that I would really miss this place. The day after I got to Sydney, Liam wanted to take me out for lunch. I knew he probably had so many questions over my sudden withdrawal from him.
Liam… how is he anyway? I thought with guilt. I had thirty minutes before I left for the airport, and yet, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and reminisce about what had happened with my senior year.
There was a soft knock on the door, breaking my thought.
“Yes?” I said, half-sitting on my bed. If it was Mom telling me to double check if I had my passport out of the safe for the third time, I was going to pull my hair out. I loved my mom, but sometimes she could really be annoying.
I watched as the door opened and Greyson let himself in. He had his lips pressed together, looking as serious as a heart attack.
What had happened to the party animal who had been downstairs half an hour ago?
He quietly closed the door behind him before deciding to lean against it with his hands in his pockets. “So you’re leaving, huh?”
Story of the century. Why was he wasting time on small talk? Did he need a favor or something?
“I am. In about twenty minutes, in fact.” I was trying to play it off coolly, like having him there inside my room wasn’t giving me butterflies in my tummy, or the fact that he was bringing major nostalgia with him.
“I know.”
I stared at him, not knowing what to say next.
He let out a long, heavy sigh, as if he had a lot to say. His head dropped to the floor before he glanced back at me again. “I just want to say sorry about my behavior for the last few months. If I ever hurt you in any way, I hope you know that it was my way of coping from the pain from you—” He paused. “It hasn’t been easy.”
Really? I wouldn’t have guessed, I thought sarcastically.
“Don’t worry about it, Grey. The past will remain in the past.”
“Did I ever mean anything to you?”
I looked away. His fiery eyes intimidated me. My piled lies were intact and I didn’t need those eyes to come and search my soul.
“You did…” more than you’ll ever know, “but as I said earlier, the past will remain as is.” I didn’t want to dig up memories and old bones to pick. I was leaving.
He moved towards me. The bed dipped a little when he sat before me. His presence, being this close to him, and my body’s immediate response, terrified me.
“I haven’t stopped loving you, Olivia.”
Oh, fucking bull! He had been fucking around with all those women, even Edith!
“Stop feeding me shit, Grey. I think we’re both over that.”
He took another deep breath, as if to calm himself. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, doesn’t that count?”
“Bullshit. You’re fucking lying to me!” I didn’t appreciate that. What the fuck had he come up here for? To fuck with my head?
“It’s true—Jet can vouch for me.”
Jet would color the town red if he asked. The guy was his best friend. They stuck together through thick and thin. “He doesn’t count.” I let out an exasperated sound. “Really, Grey. I don’t need to hear any of this—it’s unnecessary.”
“Don’t leave. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t see you. Maybe we could try again, this time I won’t demand so much from you,” he rushed out. “I promise I’ll be satisfied with what you can give.”
Has he lost his mind? Besides, he had months to talk to me about this, but he never came around until the last minute.
Top that with Edith’s bullshit, and I knew the best thing to do was to leave. Sooner or later, Grey would get over me—if he was telling the truth about him being in pain for these past few months.
Staring into him, it almost blinded me, but I was headstrong and determined to cut to the chase.
“I will always cherish you, but I won’t stay because I don’t feel the same way,” I whispered, voice shaky. “I hope you understand that.”
“You really mean that?” His saddened voice, tore me apart.
It took effort to respond, but I did it anyway. “I do—with all of my heart.”
“I guess this was just as well. It’s better this way,” he murmured to himself, trying to comprehend things.
His words didn’t make sense to me, but I supposed to him, it was probably comforting to hear them.
With a grave expression, he moved towards me, kissing me on the cheek. “Have a safe flight, and forget that I ever existed in your life.”
He didn’t glance at me again.
“Grey?” His last words bothered me. A great deal. How could he say that? “Grey?” I called out to him just as he was opening the door, but he never looked back.
I was bereft and hell-bent on questions, but I knew if I chased after him, he might think I had changed my mind about Sydney. So I had to swallow my pride and follow his lead. Forget about him. I would try very fucking hard.
I wanted to shed tears, yet I didn’t even have time for that. It was time to leave for the airport and say goodbye to my old life.
After all, starting over in a country full of hot, eligible
men didn’t sound bad, did it? I’m sure I’m going to forget about Greyson Edwards in no time.
Chapter 32
Liv
“Liv is that you?” my dad called out the second I shut the front door.
“It’s me.” It was my second day here and I had just gotten back from my lunch with Liam. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and I won’t lie, it felt great. Nothing much had changed except that he was more toned than normal. He had become a gym rat apparently, so that dedication had paid off well.
Our lunch was pleasant for a little while, however after the main entrée was taken away, he came in for the hard drilling. Of course, since I owed him a great deal of explanation, I had to tell him the truth.
“If you were so crazy about him, then why leave LA at all?” he asked, as if the question was alien to him.
There were so many factors involved. Besides, I couldn’t really bring to light what my real reasoning was.
“It’s complicated,” I lamely said, avoiding his gaze.
“You love him,” he stated with no hesitation.
No, I didn’t. “I don’t think I do.” Why was I hesitating now? Fuck.
He gave an understanding smile. “Yes, you do, Olivia.” He took a moment, gazing to the side. “The heart doesn’t lie, you know.”
It didn’t, but I wasn’t going to look at what was held inside it. I simply couldn’t. Wouldn’t. It was too much.
His easy manner was always welcomed and I was grateful to have him here as a friend, but I was curious… “How have you been? Are you dating anyone?” Yeah, I wasn’t so subtle there. Liam was a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him.
His blue eyes sparkled as he shook his head, smiling. “Nah. Tried to date, but—you know—it’s been horrible. You can pin it down for a long hangover.”
Okay, I wasn’t going to delve into those words. It was only my second day here in Oz land, I needed a clear head.
“Well, I guess there’s nothing to being single, is there? I like it so far.”
“There’s still room for you at my place if you ever change your mind.”