by Pamela Ann
I was living with Dad since I didn’t want to complicate things with Liam. It was better that way.
“Thank you, but I think I’m okay for now.”
“Well, it’s there, just letting you know.”
My lunch with Liam went with a lot of read-between-the-lines messages. He liked me. Still. After what had happened.
I mean, I didn’t even like me after how I had treated him, yet his eyes spoke volumes, and they were telling me that he was waiting me out until I was ready to date again. Given time, maybe I would open that chapter again.
As of right that moment though, I was still reeling from his statement that I was in love with Greyson.
I wasn’t. I was sure of it.
***
My first month was a hard adjustment. Apart from the vast time difference, I had to acclimatize myself with the thinking that I wasn’t a visitor; I was a resident.
Of course I had Dad and Liam to take me around from time to time, however learning their railway and going about my way in the city was a fun experience.
Apart from school, I didn’t really have that many friends. It wasn’t because of lack of invitations from all these fun, amazing people. It was me. The problem stemmed from me not being able to connect; to step out of my comfort zone. Normally it would have been a trivial thing because I had always been up for something new to experience—most especially when I was living in a different country—but no, I was acting up for no fucking reason.
It didn’t surprise me that, as the days passed, I felt the depression settle in. At first, I was blaming it on homesickness, yet as the time went on, I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.
The main culprit was Greyson Edwards. He was tattooed in my brain. In my heart. Yes, I was fucking in love with him. What the hell had I been thinking lying to myself anyway? At least, if I had admitted it to myself, I could have had my conscience to console me, but now, it had become my enemy.
I had no one to vent to, either. My dad was so busy with work; I barely got a chance to eat dinner with him.
So I was always on my lonesome, thinking and rehashing about the future… and the past.
One Friday night, I gave in and decided to text Greyson.
Me: Hello. This is Olivia. How are things back home?
I sent the text before I had even managed to think it through because I knew if I hesitated, I wouldn’t send it. And I needed to hear from him, something.
Mom hadn’t been forthcoming with information, either. Well, I supposed if I had been fishing blatantly, she would’ve given in. Since I didn’t want to ask Josie about him, I was stuck with my thoughts.
I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t get a reply from him. His last words still haunted me. They had haunted me so badly that I was starting to have consistent dreams about him. Dreams of us, together, and in the end he would tell me to move on and forget about him. At times, we would be making love and he would whisper those words into my ear.
I wouldn’t exactly say I had a guilty conscience for pushing him away. I’d had to do what I had to do.
One of the main goals I had that year was to ask my father about his own love life, but time and time again, when I saw an opportunity, I cowered away from it. I thought then, if my father was ready to tell the world about his truth, then he would tell me.
At that point in my life, I knew I should deal with my own personal demons; the memories of Greyson, coming to life in my heart.
Chapter 33
Liv
Another month had passed and he hadn’t responded…
Chapter 34
Liv
Then another…
Chapter 35
Liv
And another…
Chapter 36
Liv
“Hey, Livvie! How’s my baby?” My mother’s voice shrilled the second I said “hello”.
I had been reading when she called so I had to place it to the side and focus on her call. Hearing from her always made me feel homesick, and the urge to ask how Greyson was doing was on the tip of my tongue.
“I’m good, Mom. What’s up?”
“Busy for this weekend. There’s so much going on. How’s school, hun? Are you back with Liam yet?”
She never failed to ask about Liam. I think she liked him a lot, too.
“Liam and I—well, we’re just friends for now.” Just as well, I wasn’t ready for anything else. “What’s happening this weekend?” I absentmindedly asked.
She paused, hesitating. When she spoke, the strain in her voice was palpable. “You know… things.”
“What things?”
She sighed into the phone. “I promised not to tell you, he said you weren’t involved,” she whispered as if it was a damn top secret.
My heart was beating rapidly, I felt faint with it. “How am I not involved? I don’t understand—”
“Sweetie…” she cooed, but I wasn’t having it. I needed to know. Now.
“Mom, please—what is it? You can’t bring this up now and not tell me,” I begged, sounding like a petulant kid, but I knew it was the only way to break through to her.
My mom took promises to heart. Seriously.
“I don’t know…” she trailed off, but it was obvious that she was thinking about it.
“Please—”
“You didn’t hear this from me, okay?” She sounded stern.
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Greyson’s getting married this weekend—well, in three days time.”
Huh? Did I hear that right? He’d just graduated from high school, enjoying his summer months before college in UCLA. What was my mom yapping about?
“I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me.”
I swallowed the house-sized lump in my throat. “To who?”
She paused before shattering my life into pieces. “To Edith.”
“What! Why the FUCK would he fucking marry her?” The words came out in a rush. The shock was numbing me, but the poisoning pain that was spreading all over my body made me feel ill at the same time.
Greyson wasn’t in love with her. In fact, he’d told me that he loved me less than six months ago. A guy can’t fall in love that quickly, could he? I doubted it.
“I don’t know,” she murmured, as if wondering that very same question herself. “All I know is that it’s happening—it came out of the blue, surprising both Brett and me, but Greyson’s not joking about this.”
All I know is that it’s happening. In three fucking days. And I just found out…
“Who made you promise not to tell me? Edith?” That bitch!!!
“Greyson.”
Tears pooled in my eyes. I was so livid and hysterical that my hand could barely grasp the phone in my hand because I was shaking so badly.
“I have to go—” I hung up the phone before curling up into a ball, crying like I had lost someone significant in my life.
Was that why he’d wanted me to forget him? So he could punish me in the cruelest way by marrying my archenemy? How the hell did I get over him when he was making a joke of everything that had ever happened to us?
No… Grey said he loved me…
When he’d said those words to me, I had known he meant them with his whole heart. Besides, he was too young to marry anyone; let alone marry a dirtbag like Edith.
I was going to get to the bottom of this, I decided without fear. Either way, seeing him get married would be a great way to kill all of my feelings for him.
That would put the nail in the coffin. Maybe only then, I could bury the past.
***
Bless my dad. When I broke down in front of him, explaining my heart troubles, the guy didn’t even bat an eyelash. He simply came and hugged me, whispering “Go get him back.”
With travel time and the time difference to take into account, I would arrive there the afternoon before the wedding. There was going to be a rehearsal dinner. I wondered what Grey and Edith would say if they saw me crashing th
eir party.
Whatever. I was going to, whether they protested or not. Bitch mode was on and no one was going to mess with me.
The long flight got me agitated. Question after question swirled in my brain. For the entire duration, I pondered what might’ve happened between Grey and Edith because for them to come up with the stupidest plan to get married was beyond me.
I basically booked the next flight out, draining most of my savings, however it was an emergency. Drastic measures, big time.
Mom had no idea that I was coming—well, here’s hoping that Dad hadn’t warned her of my arrival. I forgot to ask him about that. I was so all over the place that I had barely thought straight.
The moment I landed in LAX, I went straight to the taxi line and hopped into one, not wasting any precious time to get to the Edwards’ home.
The adrenaline rushing through me was making me feel like I was on drugs. I was on my toes; ready to bounce off the second the cab stopped.
Paying the driver, I almost did just that, but I had to stop to fish out my keys to enter the house. There were no cars in the driveway, but I was assuming they were parked in the garage. Opening the main house door, I let myself inside, getting the sinking feeling that no one was home.
“Mom?” I strolled towards the foyer, past the living room then to the kitchen. “Brett?”
I strode into the kitchen and was surprised to find that the French doors had been opened. Are they having a garden party? I thought as I slowly walked towards it, ready for the big surprise, but I was shocked to see Greyson standing over the pool area, looking down on the cool blue water, deep in thought.
My throat ran dry. I wanted to call out to him, yet I didn’t have the energy to. My system was possessed with fear and deep yearning after not seeing him for months. He looked good; way too good.
Grey…
His hair fell a little longer than his usual cut, giving his bad boy attitude and looks, another sexy edge.
How in the world did I convince myself that I wasn’t in love with him? I wondered stupidly.
I felt like I was intruding on his solitude, so I was about to walk away, giving another lingering look before leaving him in peace, however when I was about to turn around, his eyes lifted and caught mine.
We held on to each other’s gazes from across the distance, breaking my heart slowly, over and over again. When I couldn’t hold it any longer, I dropped my gaze before slowly walking away.
Tears fell off my face as I walked blindly towards my bedroom. I needed to regroup. I needed to think about why I had really come here. Did I come here to stop the wedding? No, of course not. Did I come here to help me forget about him? Yes… and no.
I wanted to see… him—see if he was truly happy. If this was what he wanted in life, then who was I to stop him? But for my own peace, I just needed to see it.
My bedroom door was steps away when I heard him call out my name. “Liv?”
My heart stopped functioning as I hastily wiped my tears away before spinning around to face him. “Hey—”
He nodded, noting the moisture in my eyes.
“You’re getting married.”
When he nodded for the second time, his eyes lingered on my face, caressing it with his gaze. “I am.”
“Why? I don’t understand?” I was shaking my head, not wanting to believe him.
He cleared his throat. “It’s hard to explain, but I owe her one.”
“Owe her what? Your entire future? You can’t just get married on a whim—that’s purely moronic!” I was getting frustrated, which I knew I had no right to be.
He remained silent before giving me a sad smile. “It’s good to see you, Liv.”
Was he leaving? “Wait—where’s Mom and Brett? Where are you going?” Please don’t leave… not yet.
“Laura had to do some last minute fittings, as did Dad.” He pressed his lips together, looking like he’d already made up his mind. “I have to go and clear my head.” He looked at me for the last time then disappeared into the hallway.
I didn’t even make it to my bed; I collapsed on the floor, crying like it was the end of the world. Maybe it was, for me anyway.
“I missed my chance. I missed my fucking chance,” I sobbed into the floor, feeling empty.
Chapter 37
Liv
My mother came in and found me in the same fetal position two hours later. She sat crisscrossed on the floor, gently placing my head on her lap as she stroked my hair, and I cried some more.
Without words, she comforted me—just like old times—but this time, she didn’t have any cure for my broken heart.
After an hour of silence, she finally offered me dinner, which I immediately declined. I needed some time alone. To cry some more and mourn.
My heart was broken and I doubted it would ever be whole again.
I was in bed, thinking and just crying… up until late at night, when someone knocked on my door.
"Oh my God! It's past midnight! Are you drunk?" I shrieked, not about the time, but at seeing him outside my bedroom door.
He gave me his signature smile. "A little." He paused, unsure. "Were you sleeping?"
I was thinking about you. It’s bad, really bad. "No, I was reading actually. Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be asleep so you won't be late tomorrow?" After the night I’d had, I knew my eyes were going to be puffy as marshmallows tomorrow.
"I don't know why I'm here, to be honest…" He looked in pain, confused. "I just know that I want to see you."
He was drunk. That’s all this was. Earlier, he had been so eager to leave… it was the alcohol talking for him now. "Grey! Go home and sleep."
When he was just silent, staring at me, I began getting nervous; merely being around him was making me dizzy.
Greyson stepped closer, almost kissing me. "Tell me not to get married tomorrow, Liv.”
I caught my breath, paralyzed at being close to him again. "Why would you want that? You're in love with Edith." He had to be. He was, after all, marrying her tomorrow. It was best to remember that.
His nose was on my cheek, so were his lips. "Am I? I don't know anymore. Seeing you again—it's fucking with me, Liv."
I was dying. I wanted him, but I knew I shouldn’t.
"I don't know what it is about you, but you never fail to take my breath away. From the second I saw you in third grade… to now." Grey came closer, brushing his lips against mine, ever so slightly. "I want you, Liv. Be with me."
Don’t do this, I begged silently. "You're getting married tomorrow!" If this was wrong, why did it feel so good?
"Tell me not to and I won't. There's nothing in this world that I want more than you. It's always been you—even if I didn't agree with it."
"Go home." Back to Edith.
He kissed my cheek, his nose caressing me. "I love you, Liv," Grey whispered, parting from me, walking away with his head down. “I’m still so fucking in love with you.”
I wanted to tell him how I felt, yet that would be too selfish. My being here alone was selfish enough. “Goodnight, Grey.”
“Goodnight?” He sounded in disbelief.
“Get some sleep,” I pressed on, but his face turned angry. He was almost red with it.
“You’re right. This was a waste of time,” he shot the words out, leaving again. I hoped that, this time, it was for good. For both our sakes.
***
I didn’t’ sleep well that night. I decided during the wee hours of the morning that I didn’t want to see him marry her. That it was best to leave what we had before in the past.
I was just barely out of the shower at seven thirty in the morning when I found him sitting on my bed. Dressed in the same clothes he’d worn last night.
He looked disheveled and tired.
With only my robe wrapped around my body, I stared at him wide-eyed. “You’re here.” Again.
He had his hand in his pocked before he stood up, slowly walking towards me. "Here." He handed
me something. "It’s kept me safe all this time. I thought if I held on to it that it would bring you back to me, but I don’t want to do that anymore. No matter how much I prayed, it never worked. So here is your lucky charm. I hope this still brings good luck for you."
It was the token I had given him in the closet during spin the bottle.
"You've kept this after all these years?" I had it in my palm, cradling it as my finger traced the back of the threaded bracelet.
"It was the only thing I had of you. I held on to it thinking and believing that your promise held the power to bring you back to me." He paused while tears pooled in my eyes once more. "So I'm giving it back. I don't think it's right to hang on to it, knowing it was never going to happen."
He truly was saying goodbye to me now. There was no mistaking it.
“Thank you for bringing it back to me.” I wiped a tear that rolled down my face. “Grey…” I looked up to him, raw and pure with pain.
He looked torn, wretched. “Is it too late?” he whispered.
“I don’t know.” Should I be selfish and keep him to myself? If I did, could I handle the consequences?
He cupped my cheeks and I relished in his touch. God, I missed him. “If there is a chance, tell me. I can still back out—I’ll explain to Edith, I’m sure she’ll understand.”
Would she? Could I take this chance with him?
“How long will it take you to convince her?” I whispered back to him, hopeful.
“She’s here doing her make-up and hair right now—or maybe she might be in church doing all that. I’m not sure, but since the church is right in between us, do you want to meet me there in an hour?” He was smiling down at me, kissing me before I got to respond to his suggestion.
His kiss revived me. It was what I needed to snap me out of my trance. To come back to him.
In a flash, he left with a winning, happy smile. I was smiling, too, as I dressed up to meet him in an hour’s time.
Twenty minutes later, someone was ringing the doorbell.
Was I surprised to see that Edith’s mother, Margaret, was standing outside the door? No. In fact, I had expected it, but not from the mother, from her daughter.